I Think I’m Dying (aka) Adrenaline Crash…
Oh dear. What’s happening? I feel really sick. No, like gastroinstestinally–same–well, no. Quite nauseous. But the rest of me. I can barely explain it. I got enough sleep. Took my regular meds. But…despite someone needing to pass me a drool cup, it’s like I’ve been slipped some of the evil Dilantin/Phenytoin (if you don’t know what that is, it’s a pretty old school Anticonvulsant that turns you into more than a complete idiot than the newer ones…nasty, nasty, nasty!)
I can barely squeak out this post but here’s a simple link about Adrenaline and Cortisol. Basically, I’m pretty sure that the cortisol is still running high (as it probably has been for years!) I’ve never doubted the role that cortisol plays with Depression and other things… I think last night’s adrenaline rush has since brought me leaping off that tall building I was referring to. I’m still falling and hoping that there’s a net below?
I’ve been an adrenaline junkie for so many years due to the Bipolar and ADD that there’s been a rush and a fall so often and that throws the cortisol out of whack and everything just gets bungled up over and over again. PA’s slowed down a bit over the years but it’s hard to teach an old mind and an old body new tricks?
I don’t feel mentally “Depressed” but very confused (like I’ve suddenly become developmentally delayed) anxious and nervous…completely out of it as I can’t even find more words…physically exhausted.
Don’t worry, though, fearless readers! I shall be fine…!
God, I have to be. Going back to work tomorrow…
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There are some more award badges down there.
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July 2, 2007 at 6:07 pm
You don’t think perhaps that the anxiety of going back to work has anything to do with it?
July 2, 2007 at 6:23 pm
Hey darkentries, oh, I’m sure it does…I think there are a whole host of other factors as well. That’s why I was kind of going for the whole adrenaline/cortisol model and just blowing it up/expanding it to reflect my entire life.
But on a smaller scale, I have been under a lot of stress lately and work has again been only one factor. I’ve been engaging in a lot of stupid, up/down behaviour recently and even though I haven’t necessarily been taking any really serious risks, I have been…well…pretty stupid.
But it’s again, built upon both the stress model and the “fight or flight” kind of thing. Adrenaline can make you feel scared, all flipped out panicky or it can make you feel–woo hoo…this is awesome! So with all of my drinking and all of that, small adrenaline rush? Possible.
And with last night’s big adventure…well, think about it. Going over to a stranger’s house…engaging in well…what happened , being both excited and nervous at the same time beforehand (major fight or flight!) and then actually doing it (woo hoo this is awesome!) Well, that’s adrenaline in spades wrapped up in a nice little package with a bow!
Nonetheless, I have dragged myself off the bed and away from the computer and have actually *gasp* cooked dinner (it’s in the oven and will be ready soon!) So even though it’s not more adrenaline I’m pumping into my system at least I’m not lying here like a pseudo-corpse awaiting the Grim Reaper.
July 2, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Hey PA:) I hope you going back to work helps out a little bit. Sometimes when I am off for a bit, I look forward to going back, but once I’m there I think “wtf was I thinking?” Hehe!
Anyways, sorry haven’t been around for a bit. Going through some stuff at home, but I still lurk around at work from time to time. Been a bit depressed myself and questioning going to see a counselor.
I meant to write you and thank you for that post you did for me a few weeks back:) You’re a doll!
July 2, 2007 at 6:48 pm
Hey Nicole, thanks. I think it will with some structure so I won’t be at loose ends so much but I am expecting to be a bit tired out–we’ll see. Perhaps I will surprise myself and be alright?
That’s funny about taking time off. When I take vacation, if I just do something at home it’s no problem going back but if I travel…oh, it can be exhausting. It’s like you need a vacation from your vacation!
I hope you’re alright? Listen, I want you to email me if you want to talk about anything, okay? I’m serious. I know it’s personal stuff and we don’t even know each other ;) but if you’re starting to show some signs/symptoms of Depression then I might be able to offer some assistance? Or at least an ear?
Hey, no problem about “building” that post for you. Quite a while back on my Blogger blog something came up and I made a joke about the fact that “I’ll do requests” or along that line. Basically, if someone wants me to write something about/for them etc… I’ll do it as I need all the inspiration to blog I can get.
Maybe not so much these days as I’m still “The Mad Blogger” but at least doing something else for other people takes the focus off me…maybe?
July 2, 2007 at 9:44 pm
I see I’m not the only one who was thinking perhaps it was the anxiety about going back to work that was playing in with this. Still, I’d also keep an eye on it. If anyone knows when their body chemistry is mucking about, it would be you!
You’ll figure it out. I’ll be interested to hear (read) how your first day back went :)
July 2, 2007 at 10:30 pm
Thanks Amanda, my science knowledge isn’t as great as others’ out there but it’s not too shabby. It’s amazing what you can do with a little bit of reading, research and interest, I suppose, if it’s up your alley. Everyone has there “thing.” But again, I’m no genius! I do tend to try and monitor what’s going on inside me and then apply it to what science I know, however. It certainly makes medical appointments more fun hehe.
Speaking of which, I am almost ready to strangle my gastroenterologist. Not that it is his fault mind you but I just prepared myself a rather decent dinner this evening (the first time I’ve actually cooked since I moved in here) and I am in so much pain it is just not fair! Not that it was a huge effort of a nine course meal but…(insert frustrating gesture of choice here.)
Yes, I suppose I could blog about my first day back but it might be a terribly boring read. I will be glued to my computer and chair all morning, guzzling down tea to try and stay focused and then probably come home and collapse in a heap of exhaustion (and hopefully not forget to run the errands I need to do.)
Voila! Post composed!
No, there might be some more excitement than that but I doubt it?