Cognitive Distortions and Being Vague on My Blog

June 8, 2008 in Blogging, Cranky, Facts About Patient Anonymous, Health, Patient Advocacy, Therapy, You Decide

On my last post, Brigitte left a comment re: the Cognitive Distortions I was having/feeling and how I was being vague about the details. Let’s see what I can do about this.

As far as being vague on my blog, I responded back that I have done this before, perhaps even purposely. If not purposely, I may have just been rambling (although I didn’t mention this in the comment to her.) As far as doing it in a purposeful manner, I mentioned getting into the five W’s and the H. Now, I don’t always have to do that but I have in the past a fair bit. To do that in some situations, it would lead to revealing far too much. Even though this blog is highly personal, there are some things that will never be revealed on it.

By extension, getting into the five W’s and the H would (or could?) threaten anonymity. This also was not mentioned in the comment but I think it makes sense.

I have found my list of Cognitive Distortions from hospital so we can go through what was going on, if you wish. Interestingly enough, I tend to have a pattern. I tend to feel the same ones. Also, I think we all are well aware of the stress I am under trying to work on getting it together to try and prepare for and gain employment. No doubt that is a huge stressor and stressors like anything else can be a trigger and colour our perception(s.)

I also think logically, it not only colours the perception of the stressor itself but of other things in our lives? Everything is connected in your thought processes. It is not like you can just box everything up in little parcels and stick them away and that is that–no matter how much we wish we could.

In reading some of these verbatim, they could certainly apply to my job situation, no doubt. Others? Well, they could apply to any situation in your life.

NOTE: these are all taken from D. Burns, ‘Feeling Good Handbook,’ 1999©

And, these are mine, typically; also applicable to last night in varying degrees. There also may have been some “spillover” to the job stress as well, as mentioned above.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking: You see things in black and white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
2. Overgeneralization: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern.
3. Mental Filter: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively, so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolours the entire beaker of water.
4. Jumping to Conclusions: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusion. There are two subcategories to this: Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that somebody is reacting negatively to you and you don’t bother to check this out. The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact.
5. Magnification/Minimization: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other individuals imperfections.) This is also called the “binocular trick.” NOTE: I only apply this to myself, not others.
6. Catastrophizing: You attribute extreme and horrible consequences to the outcome of events. A turn down for a date means a life of utter isolation. Making a mistake at work means being fired for incompetence and never getting another job.
7. Emotional Reasoning: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
8. “Should” Statements: You try to motivate yourself with “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts” as if you need to be whipped or punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct “should” statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment. NOTE: I do not direct these statements toward others.

Now, I managed to tick off eight out of 11 on the list. There was one more that I didn’t add but I do it all the time. I don’t know if it is so much of a Cognitive Distortion all the time or me just being “The Queen of Guilt” and also using a lot of self deprecation on my blog. Perhaps all three. It’s basically seeing a negative event as indicative of a characteristic of yourself or taking responsibility for things that were not your doing. I don’t really do the latter.

Oh, and there is also one about Labeling and Mislabeling where you don’t describe your error but degrade yourself. Or conversely, if someone behaves in a way that you don’t like–you do it to them. Again, I don’t do that. PA doesn’t call people nasty names. She will call herself nasty names when she screws up, though.

So maybe if you want go all the way, there are two more. Nine of 11? God, I sound like a Borg. A Cognitively Distorted Borg. *PA rolls eyes* Resistance is futile to your bloody brain.

In waiting for my sleep meds to hit, beloved Tallis playing and lying in my bed…trying to think… Just what the hell, you know? I did try to slow myself the fuck down–do a wee bit of CBT on myself–and this post is getting long enough so I won’t get into the therapy aspect of it.

So, while passing the time, come, sleep come… I started to cry a bit. I just thought, ‘What are you thinking?’ No, really. With a lot of that stuff up there, it’s based upon the “unknown.” Maybe that is why I chose to use the word “illusion” before, even if it wasn’t quite right? At this point in my life, there are SO many unknowns and I feel like I simply can’t deal with having more! I know that there will always be unknowns, of course! I’m not that daft!

Alright. So, maybe I can wrap this up with a tidy little bow in case anyone else is as confused as Brigitte was. A combination of trying to cope and deal with the anxiety that lies before me with my professional life and as far as the personal? I am looking for stability and support. It has been there in the past and I wish for it to come back. I sure do need it now. Perhaps it all got muddled when I wrote it and it didn’t come out properly?