Not a Good Start to My Day

I had a dream this morning. After said dream, I really could not get out of bed and slept for several more…hours? Rarely do I remember my dreams and if so, they are hazy afterward but this is the gist of it with a bit of a preamble.

Most of you know I did not finish my B.A. (aka Bugger All.) I have made several attempts at some form of Post Secondary education and all have been disastrous due to my mentalness. The best I ever did was attempt number two. I feel this is a shortcoming. I do wish I did finish it even though…Bugger All? I could have gone on to a M.A.? A Ph.D? *sigh*

So yes, Bipolar and ADD in full swing and I just dropped out! I was so wingy. I didn’t find uni. all that difficult. Bipolar makes you almost superhuman in some pursuits and in many cases, I really didn’t work that hard and achieved good marks–a couple of A+ finals that made me laugh. Also, even funnier, I went to a couple of final exams completely pissed drunk. With one of them, my final mark actually increased to the next tier.

I was untreated at the time and no symptoms of Depression. In fact, even though Bipolar and ADD can be so similar, in the beginning, the Bipolar was winning the race but in the end, perhaps, the ADD (and the combined) Bipolar impulsivity just sealed the deal.

I sold basically all of my textbooks back to the uni. bookstore for poor students like me. You could buy them second hand. I threw out all of my papers (ouch!) I still miss them to this day.

So on to the dream. A real downer and pretty odd?

I was where I am now (or slightly into the future.) Pathetic, jobless and needing to live with my parents. NOTE: the plural. My mother and non-bio dad were still together. That is definitely an “odd” part! We were driving home from “somewhere,” past all of these palatial estates to this dilapidated shack we lived in. I swear, it was a cross between “Deliverance” and “Little House on the Prairie.”

I don’t know. I guess that’s it? At least from what I can remember? I suppose there really is no need for any “Dream Interpretation,” here. It’s fairly obvious.

So, after not wanting to get up at all and face “the real world,” I realised I must. Normal routine. Meds, make a tea, sit outside (thankfully, the rain had stopped.) Light a cigarette and try to not think about how awful I was feeling. All of the sudden I start to gag. Oh, fuck. Here we go…anxiety is peaking. I finish my tea and put the kettle on to make another. While waiting for the water to boil, I dash to the bathroom to pop a Valium. Certainly needed!

So much for the Vomit Trauma. As soon as I took my Valium, up comes everything, right into the sink. Charming. I immediately took another Valium as I feared I lost the one I just tossed down my throat. Off goes the kettle and maybe another tea later?

Alright. A nice hot shower to try and wash off all of the shittiness I feel. Who cares about my hair, brush it back into a ponytail and shove it under a ball cap. When I get out of the shower, I hear this continual beeping noise. My smoke detector is sounding like a hypomanic sparrow. *sigh* The battery needs to be changed? But bugger! I’m so short and I don’t have any kind of ladder! I grab my ottoman. Nope. There’s a counter nearby. Let’s jump on that. It works. Barely. The “Test” button makes it now been like a full on manic sparrow but…fuck, whatever. The back is like Fort Knox but I eventually get it open. As suspected, it’s a 9 Volt which of course I do not have. Who stocks 9 Volt batteries in their homes these days?

I toss it on the counter–hoping silently in my idiotic state I somehow don’t burn my flat down (and subsequently the rest of the house.)

I should be out running errands but I wanted to write this post as it may help by “puking things out.” *PA rolls eyes* I need to do some work to try and find a job but obviously I feel like hell.

Laundry. There’s an ongoing “goal.” It’s simple enough as it really does itself.

Another ongoing goal? I still haven’t made my bed. No. I have definitely beaten my own record on the Nutcase Bed Poll for sure! The last time I checked (see right sidebar) the total votes were at 30?

Come on, PA Mushy-Head. Just do something! Besides your damn laundry, that is.

The Devil in the Bottle Part II

PA, YOU STUPID FUCK.

Oh, I’m paying for it now.

Mood = ↓

I’ve even been contemplating cutting! Oh, for joy!

I’m trying to ascertain if I had a bit of mood cycling, winginess over the last 24 hours but does it really matter? For here is where I sit. Stuck. Last night is over. Still, I was either pretty ADD hyper or Bipolar hypomanic. My energy levels just seemed way out of range. Hell, I could have been both! I’m not kidding. Let’s hear it for the fun of comorbidities. However, now that I’ve plummeted…? Ugh.

I’ve just taken my sleep meds and it’s ridiculously early. Don’t know what to do with myself (except keep screaming in my head what an absolute asshole I am.) I know, I know…maybe a lot of you reading out there might be joining in as the chorus?

I’ve also got good old “Mercyfuck” by Mary Prankster ringing away as a non-stop earworm as well. It’s a great one when you feel you’ve completely screwed everything all to hell and the world totally blows. It must surely hold the world’s record for someone singing/saying, “Fuck” the most times in any single song. No…Mary says, “Fuck” a lot in it. It’s a great song, though. I’d actually listen to it but it would just make me more depressed.

There’s no point. I mean, “fuck,” I’ve got it memorised anyway!

I could write more but it’s all rather muddled and pointless at the moment. And yes…comments pending. One of Anna’s is a bit longer so I would like to be clear for that.

Good Fortune on a Bench!

Before I begin with my little story (that gave me a good laugh), I will say that opposed to yesterday, I really gave the boots to both myself and the work that I needed to get done. I spent at least five to six hours working straight (minus a couple of tea breaks sitting outside) completing all the stuff that I meant to do over the weekend.

Still. So much more to do. At least I got caught up on what I was supposed to do. There’s at least one more thing that I need to do before tomorrow. Answer some rather pointed questions before I meet with one of the coaches at “Fix Me Up” tomorrow. I started to make a list of answers before I just said, “Fix ME Up” and strolled down to the pub where I currently am right now. Awww, come on guys! After ramming it for several hours straight, I deserve just a bit of beer as a reward? Right? Huh?

So, I’m kickin’ it with my iPod on and typin’ and bouncin’ like a wee ADD freakzoid because…erm…yeah. I very well and rightly so got into hyperfocus mode and I’m still, jolly well there! No, you should see me. You should see my typical ADD “bouncy leg.” People must be thinking WTF?!?!?! PA.No.Care

Alright, on with the story. Has everyone out there heard of Double Bubble chewing gum? According to the wiki link it’s sold in 50 countries so I think most of you know it?

Anyway, I was out one evening and I saw…well? If you are familiar with it, you should know about its comic strip history? I espied…oh, a Double Bubble comic “stuck” to a bench.  And NO, it wasn’t stuck to the bench with a piece of Double Bubble.

I immediately recognised it and it took me right back to childhood.  I mean, talk about marketing! Get the kids to buy your shitty gum (and believe me it was shitty–and probably still is) by adding a little surprise inside! So, I picked it up and I swear to god…it was just perfect for me after the “shitty” day I had!

The character, “Pud,” who came along in 1950 after a couple of the originals, was sitting at his computer.  He was on the phone calling: “Tech Support.”  What was he saying?

“Tech Support? My computer has a WEDGIE!”

On his screen were all of these squiggly lines that ran from corner to corner and were pinched in the middle! Oh, hahaha! Geeky PA sure got a giggle.  But it gets better in how it cheered her up.  It was almost like a “Fortune Cookie.”  There was a little message underneath the cartoon.  It said…

“Your Double Bubble Fortune: A Smile A Day Keeps Worry Away.”

Well, I will tell you that it certainly gave me a smile that day! I still have it.  I’m keeping it.  Especially now since I’ve made a post about it. *laughing*

Just Need to Vent

I could skip writing this post for today as I tossed up the last one after midnight so that’s my daily quota for Blog365. But bugger me all to hell I am so bloody ticked off! We still have no hot water. It’s been two days now. It’s got me so riled up I can not concentrate on anything else. I finally broke down and washed my dishes in the ice cold (and scrubbed them really hard!)

I heard from the upstairs tenant earlier today (after she had called our landlord.) I had called them again with no response. She received an email and found out that they are in the U.S. for a wedding. As a result, we were to call the electrician who was there on Wednesday who possibly(?) “forgot” or “accidentally” didn’t turn the hot water back on after doing his work?

Oh, come on! She said she’d get back to me. I have heard nothing. Maybe she will talk to me when she gets back from work. Maybe she knows nothing? Does she know when they are coming back from the U.S.?

The work was done in another tenant’s flat and I haven’t seen him for a few days. Has he gone away? Well, that’s a wee conundrum, isn’t it? For how shall incompetent electrician gain access if incompetent landlord is not here with a set of keys?

Again, my water problem is consuming me.

*PA pads off to take a Valium*

Which she should have done a while ago.

I can’t concentrate on anything else. I don’t understand why this is. Is it some kind of bizarre “reverse hyperfocus” of ADD? No, PA gets hyperfocused on things she finds enjoyable and interesting. This is more like some kind of anxious obsession! Waiting…waiting…waiting… And as the time passes the worse it gets!

So, indeed, I have decided to make yesterday and today my “weekend.” I have accomplished virtually nothing re: my job work. I must get on the ball and right back into to it tomorrow and on Sunday. And on…Monday…and on…

I’m still so unmotivated and just…blah that really, all I want to do is lie in bed and completely zone out.

Or perhaps ponder how long of a prison sentence I would get for homicide? Slaying my landlord? Or some idiot electrician? Maybe both? I am completely bonkers so I could probably swing my time in a cushy mental institution.

Hey, it sure would eliminate the stress of trying to find a job.

Hang on. I just lost power for a second. Hold up. Someone’s knocking at my door.

Okay, my sentence has just been reduced to a single homicide, not a double.

We have hot water! W00t! The electrician came and fixed us all up in a couple of minutes. As it turned out, he wasn’t incompetent; our breaker panel was. Now all we have to do is wait a bit for everything to heat up and let’s hope we all don’t jump into the shower at the same time as we’ll drain the supply and end up freezing to death anyway. *PA rolls eyes*

EDIT: What’s up with my Valium? Why do I all of the sudden feel way more relaxed than I normally do when I take it? Maybe the combination of it and the fact that I now have hot water has put me so at ease, I’m kinda floatin’ on a cloud baby… That’s all good though. I’ve had too much stress going on anyway lately.

More Blogging Scoopery

I really didn’t know how to title this. Honestly. I made a post recently about a couple of “larger” sites that had “picked me up.” If you didn’t read it, one I found by a referral and one contacted me. I linked to both in the post. I also made a statement that I would not “endorse” such sites, as I felt people should find resources they felt suitable that could help them in their own way; to their own benefit. Who am I to say that: “This is a site for you to view!” I am not qualified to make such statements.

Which leads me to my first point, perhaps the most obvious. If you haven’t noticed yet, there is a new widget on my left sidebar. I needed to put the widget on my blog for the RSS. I was contacted by these folks and they weren’t like the other larger sites with all the M.D.s, Ph.D’s and all of that.

No. This was… Well, I don’t want to call it a “novel” site. Considering they chose to make me a feature blogger I do not wish to diminish them. However, it is not a medical/health/etc… type of site.

As per what I wrote above regarding the widget, it’s a free space to hang out and be anonymous like me and spill your guts. Which ain’t so bad. That’s what I do.

So there are “regular” bloggers and then there are others like me that are classified under “Related Blogs.” These are the ones that are chosen by these cats that run the place.

The navigation is kind of hither and yon but I’m not expert…this is all a bit redundant anyway. I mean, if you’ve found me then you really don’t need to go there to find me. I just wanted to again… say, WTF about how I am spread all around the blogosphere. I am wee and nuffink. And yes, in case you were wondering about the widget.

Also…it’s all about Depression. I should ask them about my comorbidities, don’t you think? I have a lot going on in my head. I’m not just depressed. I mean, I’m “multi-spastic!” Maybe some or their readers could benefit from that?

As far as the other, this has got me scratching my head, big time. I have no clue who these guys are but it’s almost verbatim to the mentalhelp.net No, I’m not kidding. Right down to the business about my “mature language and not being suitable…” Fair enough…blogroll me with a caveat but I’m still not going to FUCKING censor myself. *laughing*

This site is Devereux. I can honestly say I have no idea what they are about. Really. They seem to advocate for children. Or young adults. Okay, that’s cool. I can relate to anyone. I don’t care if you’re four or 80. Still, I was very surprised to find myself here. I am on the ADHD and Bipolar blog page.

So…

Uh…

And there is one more still in the works. I’m still in contact with the M.D. and they’re supposedly launching in a month.

WTF?

I am not this important.

All Over the Map!

Okay, I’ll try not to be too scattery-schamattery ADD here but this day (so far?) has been just a little unbearable.  Maybe the post will be okay but my brain certainly feels like it’s going through a blender!

So everything’s been rather disastrous except perhaps for my sleep. I spent a long time there. I think I ventured all the way through Dante’s real “Laugh-It-Up” Classic, you know? I’m Dante’s “Lucky Number Seven.” No, really. It’s the only place that I fit! If you don’t know all the Circles, Terraces and Spheres, you can read them all here.

So, yes. My Circle of Hell is “Suicide” being all mental. No other “crime” would I really do. A lot of things throughout are all based on the Seven Deadly Sins. Wee PA is a good girl. Anyway, I haven’t obviously killed myself as here I sit typing at my keyboard so I managed to skip along to Purgatory. My lovely Terrace there is also the seventh. This is a no brainer. Lustful, gay PA has to be basically “Baptised by Fire!”

Get this from the wiki link. Also, the other Terraces are based upon the Seven Deadly Sins so ‘Geez Louise…lusty PA really gets “burned” bad!

The lustful are purged by burning in an immense wall of flames (Cantos XXV through XXVII). All of those who committed sexual sins, both heterosexual and homosexual, are purified by the fire. Excessive sexual desire misdirects one’s love from God and this terrace is meant to correct that. In addition, perhaps because all sin has its roots in misguided love, every soul who has completed his penance on the lower six cornices must pass through the wall of flame before ascending to the Earthly Paradise.

I guess I did okay because when I woke up, I felt fairly well rested.  The Seventh Sphere of Heaven through which I must have passed to wake up represents Saturn.  Saturn apart from the information in the wiki link also astrologically rules Depression.  Sorry for taking your work out of context a bit there, Dante.

This is also neato to play with as PA is an atheist.  Nonetheless…she’s not all “Crazy Athiest.”  Hey, if you Christians are right (and PAs sister is a believer) and there is a god…great! She’ll still be saved, anyway!

Alright, up I get, take my meds and decide to actually do my dishes since I do not have to go out today.  WTF?!

My Ding Dong Landlord was here yesterday to do some work on the hot water tank and hey! Guess what? I have no hot water.  That’s right! So, no dishes, no showering…well, unless I decide to boil litres and litres of hot water to do both.  I’m sorry.  I do not pay this much rent to go “camping” in my flat.  I can at least do laundry as I wash everything in cold water.  I called and of course have not heard anything back.

Just in case for some reason he showed up *PA almost laughs out loud* I decided I should get into “Disaster Recovery Mode” and do a bit of cleaning.  At least nothing involving hot water.  So, I swept up the floors.  Good god.  It was like moving into a new flat where the prior tenant was the biggest slob on the planet.  But boy! Am I glad that I did! On my way down to toss some laundry in, I thought…’Oh yes, I should do the steps leading to the washer and dryer.’

*gasp*

I found this little spider who had laid some eggs under one of them!!! OMG!!! That’s just what I need! Some kind of arachnoid infestation! NOTE: PA is rather arachnophobic.  Sorry, mommy.  You are your babies are going! Trash bag immediately tossed out the door!

NOTE TO PA: Clean your damn flat on a more timely basis from now on!

Well, on one good note, I got my business cards in the mail today so I’m all ready to start handing them out to people like it’s one big poker game. *sigh*

*PA ponders everything else she’s got to do and thinks…what next?*

ADD Mushbrain.

How Many Plates Can You Spin…

…before CRASH!

Not to worry. No, serious “crashy-crashy.” I am quite certain that I will be spinning many more in the future, they will all fall to the floor and there will be shards of china everywhere.

Fuck me, though. It’s 2330hrs my time, and I can’t even decide if I want to make this my post. I have a half hour to both write it and decide. I actually have some better posts to write. Perhaps?

Really, all my posts debatably suck. Or undebatably. Or non-debatably. Or just plain suck, no matter.

So, yes. No “crashy-crashy.” That’s because I barely spun anything today!!! OMG.

You know, I am so productive (relative term?) during the week but everything seems to fall apart during the weekends. I don’t know why that is. I could just say it is “pure exhaustion,” (now how many times have I typed that–or in various forms–on my blog recently?)

Is it the lack of “structure” in going to “Fix Me Up” and then a wee trail off into ADD Land when I am left to my own devices? I mean, sure I’m still living in ADD Land despite my blessed Biphentin. It gives me an edge but it’s not a surefire way to keep me completely on the mental straight and narrow (and I don’t mean 100% of course…no one is…not even NTs.)

No, everything still seems to fall apart on the weekends. I just can’t seem to get *sigh*…well, wow…a lot of stuff…

And you would think it would be easier, right? I have more time. I don’t have any appointments so I can make better use of my time. Ding! Ding! Ding!

Oh, wait. Did I mention something about ADD up there earlier? Erm…yes. There’s this little “thing” about AD(H)D called “organisation.” Or perhaps better put: “DIS-organisation.”  *PA laughs uproariously* Indeed. It is true. And I have always required stability, routine etc… to help me stay on as much of an even mental keel as possible.

And speaking of being disorganisied…

It’s almost end of day/night and I am now just signing on to my blog. I haven’t even looked at my comments yet!

Sincere apologies.

I think I am supposed to be going to “that media event” tomorrow night that I mentioned earlier but everything is still up in the air. I don’t have my business cards yet. Shit. They are on order now. I am so tired, I really don’t want to go and don’t feel like, “Networking.” I’m not even sure if it would work because that type of thing would probably be appropriate at the “Afterparty” and I don’t know if I’m going to that. Plus, the next day is Merlin #1 and then “Fix Me Up,” followed by two more days of “Fix Me Up” and then who knows what?

Going out tomorrow to this event will be complete sensory overload and possibly (HA! Possibly???) a long night…ugh. Then next week?

I’ll wait for a call from G. tomorrow as she has the passes and when we’ll head down, how etc… Whatever she has planned? If I don’t hear a call, I won’t worry.

Merlin #1, Fix Me Up DEADlines and Bed…?

Okay. I really need to hit the sack. And erm…eat. My tummy is talking. So first the latter and then the former.

This is a very boring post–update, Blog365 sake…whatever?

I went to see Merlin #1 today. Yack, yack, yack… It was all about me and “Fix Me Up.” I have to admit, I was extremely scattered and very ADD during our appt. I mean, I did something that I hadn’t done since I had been released from hospital and just started seeing him!

I grabbed something off a table in his office and started “inspecting” it and sort of…’ohhh…hmmm…’

Get this. I’m sorry but you tell me if you think this is AD(H)D fuckuppery?

Merlin #1 just looked at me for a few moments quizzically as I rotated the object around in my hands. It was a carved, wooden bird. I set it down gently back on the table. Merlin #1 said nothing.

“I thought it was plush,” I announced.

Merlin #1 still said nothing. I looked around. I saw some some kind of teddy bear or something (Merlin #1 has a massive office.)

I shouted out: “That’s plush! That bear over there! That bear over there is plush!”

Okay? PA’s keyed up a bit?

Anyway, I went to “Fix Me Up” afterward. I worked for four hours non-stop last night trying to craft up a first draft of my resume. OMG. So, yes. Go to “Fix Me Up” to print off copies as I don’t have a printer at home etc… Oh dear.

I do not profess to be a writer but no matter, we are all our own worst critics in what we do? I was still editing my resume late into the evening tonight! I will now need to go into “Fix Me Up” earlier to print it off etc… tomorrow!

So yesterday I joked about my deadline or my DEADline which would be…well? Immediately, down to the wire…you get it. I said in “true writer’s fashion,” (or some similar), that would be where I would end up. Alright. I’m sort of halfway. I worked clockwise…well, you be the judge but technologically speaking, I DEADlined it, for sure.

Nighty, night…

I Could Say Several Things, Pick the Most Useless

Well.  Busy day.  Sunny, warm.  Very nice.  Went outside and read (!)

Tried to work.

I feel dejected but am trying to suppress those feelings.

I am not feeling as physically sick today (so I could go outside) but I hope I don’t have a “relapse” tomorrow.

Something personal is bothering me but I am trying not to go into “Cognitive Distortion Land” as I have enough on my plate already.  And basically Cognitive Distortions are just fucked up illusions when you’re all psycho-mental, going out of your mind, insecure, stressed out or having a “fill-in-the-blank-attack.”

I don’t want to go there with this situation.

I want to believe and trust that it is okay.  It is alright and secure.  That it “was the way it was.”  And even if it blows sky fucking high, then I can deal with it.  Because it was just like the ones that happened before and even though they blew sky high, somehow I managed.

However.  This is not the time for something in my life to blow sky high on top of everything else.  Hence, not wanting to even tread near lovely “Cognitive Distortion Land.”  It’s like a massive thought process of “Let Sleeping Dogs Lie.”  And try not to let your patience unravel in the process.

So keep busy.  And not go insane in the process.

Huh…maybe that was…post wise…

…kinda not “useless?”

Sometimes, I think my entire blog is “useless.”

Good grief.

I should sleep.  Or eat.  Or watch “useless” television.

But no more reading.  You should be impressed by how much reading that little ADD, PA did.  No, really.

Laters.

Puking and Schmoozing Last Friday

So I went to go see Merlin #1 last Friday. I puked my guts out and told him how stressed I was about all of the job “Fix Me Up” stuff and the place itself. Actually, I puked before I left for my appointment. I was outside having some tea and didn’t even get through half of my cuppa.   Then, it all came right up. I puked before I left for my appointment with him the week before as well but that was breakfast that came up. I forgot to tell him then but I mentioned it all last Friday.

I blogged before that I have what I call: Vomit Trauma. Not to toot my own horn, but it has some interesting links that state my little moniker is actually somewhat of a “recognised term.”  The post garnered a few comments and some discussion. You may wish to have a read–or not? Nonetheless, me letting it all go and barfing away is extremely rare. Or it used to be? I have noticed that I am now gagging like hell all the time when I am stressed out. That’s a real blast, as well. But now that I’m actually to the point of letting the gag reflex go and starting to heave up everything regularly when getting worked up over something?

That’s fucked. That’s stress.

As soon as I left and got on public transit, I popped a Valium/Diazepam.  No kidding?

We talked.  What is/was there to do? I told him that I was drinking more than I should as well because of the stress.  Why not admit it? It further elaborates just how messed up I am about everything.  Beyond that, how’s my sleep? Fine, I guess.  Even if it’s fitful and restless, I am getting enough to wake up and be functional enough.  Do I still have a decent supply of Valium.  Yep.

After that, I decided to push myself and go to “Fix Me Up Job Place” and familiarise myself with the surroundings a bit more and do some work there.  On the first day not knowing what to expect, I wore a business suit.  After last Friday (I wore another one) I will now definitely keep wearing them! Get ready for this!

So, sane face on, I met a few more people and wanted to personally thank one facilitator whose book I received.  I located him, shook his hand and did so.  We had a chat about how I was finding things there, my impressions and such.  Of course I said it was great, fantastic, I was loving it…all of that.  He asked how long I would be there that afternoon and mentioned they were having someone in for a meeting (someone from a corporation I later surmised.)  He jokingly asked if I would mind coming to meet the person, introduce myself and say how much I was enjoying things and my thoughts! I told him, sure.  That wouldn’t be a problem.

He was rather taken aback for a moment.  He asked if it wouldn’t be putting me on the spot.  I told him that no, it wouldn’t be at all! I am comfortable with public speaking (as long as I am familiar with the material) and certainly meeting someone and offering my opinions and/or experiences is fine.

I saw the first woman I met there and mentioned to her that I believed I was going to meet the person coming in for the session.  She just sort of looked at me strangely.

A short time later, the facilitator came by, gave me a little wave and off we all went.  There were several people from “Fix Me Up” present and I kind of got the picture that this was…something…as a few people were rushing around quite a bit before I got my little wave.

So off I go, I was introduced, everyone’s grinning, I chatted a bit and then they went off to their meeting.  I went off to finish what I was doing.  At that point, I decided to proceed further, try to start selling myself to “Fix Me Up.”  I offered myself to them if they were hiring, I spoke to another man there about a little of my past experience and he promptly asked me for my resume for future prospects.  After the meeting was over, everyone was bouncing around eating chocolates so they’re giving me some too…  I was thanked so much for what I did…

*sigh*

I’m going in for most of this week.  I feel bad as I have neglected some work that I wanted to do regarding all of my job searching business that I should have done this weekend.  However, I shall try to kick it into (a) high(er) gear tomorrow? I’m just feeling somewhat mental, still overwhelmed and scared shitless and definitely having a hard time getting my shit together (come on, PA!)

Perhaps having that experience last Friday may help with the anxiety over it as well but I am feeling uneasy (again) about going in tomorrow.  Maybe it’s because of “sexy, possibly want to sleep with me, possible job offer woman” I met over the weekend.  I should just put that one out of my mind? Although it really is just so out there and off the wall.  And also with them living on my street? Shall I bump into them? That is a definite possibility.