A Man Attracted to Me Sexually…Again…

It’s been a long time since this has happened. Years, in fact. I’ve known this man for a brief period and we have established a friendship–a good one. Hmmm…

This is a bit dicey. Actually, what I am going to say next; this may be a bit dicey too?

Women are (or can be) very emotional. Men? Well, sure. They can be too but in my experience in terms of “sex” and sexual attraction and relationships? Not the same. I don’t like to make generalisations but…?

Sorry. This may sound terrible but women are so much more emotional than men. However, as a caveat, I will admit that I am extremely more emotional when it comes to sexual or romantic relationships (as a woman?)

So I went out to dinner with my friend. Whom I am apparently his object of attraction. This was not “news.” There is a “history,” if you will. He is…well, a bit of a “high performer.” I won’t say “Type A.” Do you know where I am going?

Maybe not.

Basically, he needs a good spanking…

PA can do that. We both know that. Not that BDSM involves sex. No. However, he’s really…oh…fuck. Yes, “fuck.” Yes, he’d really like to “go the distance.” But he knows that PA is gay and she’d never sleep with him.

I’m no stranger to the BDSM “Scene.” Many reasons for that…long story…but ultimately I fell into it by accident. Nonetheless, I was an observer at the clubs but it is still a part of me. Yes, oooh…aaah…PA has a penchant for BDSM! Shall we all fall over and die???

I am really a submissive. That is when (gee, I wish?) I am with a woman but I can and also be a “switch.” Also with a woman. I will Dominate her. That thrills me as well.

With a man? It can depend upon certain factors and again…everything always needs to be negotiated. The Cardinal Rules are: Safe, Sane and Consensual.

However, I’ve always found men are so easy…

Example. To start? This might work.

“Get down on your knees you pathetic piece of shit!”

Oh, boy!

BOY.

Why can’t I find a girl to play with me like this?

All Over the Map!

Okay, I’ll try not to be too scattery-schamattery ADD here but this day (so far?) has been just a little unbearable.  Maybe the post will be okay but my brain certainly feels like it’s going through a blender!

So everything’s been rather disastrous except perhaps for my sleep. I spent a long time there. I think I ventured all the way through Dante’s real “Laugh-It-Up” Classic, you know? I’m Dante’s “Lucky Number Seven.” No, really. It’s the only place that I fit! If you don’t know all the Circles, Terraces and Spheres, you can read them all here.

So, yes. My Circle of Hell is “Suicide” being all mental. No other “crime” would I really do. A lot of things throughout are all based on the Seven Deadly Sins. Wee PA is a good girl. Anyway, I haven’t obviously killed myself as here I sit typing at my keyboard so I managed to skip along to Purgatory. My lovely Terrace there is also the seventh. This is a no brainer. Lustful, gay PA has to be basically “Baptised by Fire!”

Get this from the wiki link. Also, the other Terraces are based upon the Seven Deadly Sins so ‘Geez Louise…lusty PA really gets “burned” bad!

The lustful are purged by burning in an immense wall of flames (Cantos XXV through XXVII). All of those who committed sexual sins, both heterosexual and homosexual, are purified by the fire. Excessive sexual desire misdirects one’s love from God and this terrace is meant to correct that. In addition, perhaps because all sin has its roots in misguided love, every soul who has completed his penance on the lower six cornices must pass through the wall of flame before ascending to the Earthly Paradise.

I guess I did okay because when I woke up, I felt fairly well rested.  The Seventh Sphere of Heaven through which I must have passed to wake up represents Saturn.  Saturn apart from the information in the wiki link also astrologically rules Depression.  Sorry for taking your work out of context a bit there, Dante.

This is also neato to play with as PA is an atheist.  Nonetheless…she’s not all “Crazy Athiest.”  Hey, if you Christians are right (and PAs sister is a believer) and there is a god…great! She’ll still be saved, anyway!

Alright, up I get, take my meds and decide to actually do my dishes since I do not have to go out today.  WTF?!

My Ding Dong Landlord was here yesterday to do some work on the hot water tank and hey! Guess what? I have no hot water.  That’s right! So, no dishes, no showering…well, unless I decide to boil litres and litres of hot water to do both.  I’m sorry.  I do not pay this much rent to go “camping” in my flat.  I can at least do laundry as I wash everything in cold water.  I called and of course have not heard anything back.

Just in case for some reason he showed up *PA almost laughs out loud* I decided I should get into “Disaster Recovery Mode” and do a bit of cleaning.  At least nothing involving hot water.  So, I swept up the floors.  Good god.  It was like moving into a new flat where the prior tenant was the biggest slob on the planet.  But boy! Am I glad that I did! On my way down to toss some laundry in, I thought…’Oh yes, I should do the steps leading to the washer and dryer.’

*gasp*

I found this little spider who had laid some eggs under one of them!!! OMG!!! That’s just what I need! Some kind of arachnoid infestation! NOTE: PA is rather arachnophobic.  Sorry, mommy.  You are your babies are going! Trash bag immediately tossed out the door!

NOTE TO PA: Clean your damn flat on a more timely basis from now on!

Well, on one good note, I got my business cards in the mail today so I’m all ready to start handing them out to people like it’s one big poker game. *sigh*

*PA ponders everything else she’s got to do and thinks…what next?*

ADD Mushbrain.

Networking and More?

LATER EDIT: It was so late when I got home so I just tossed this up but it definitely gets a bit more graphic in the comment section! So, warning! Try not to get too scared if you read further! Profanity and sex talk!

This is taking away from what I wanted to write about regarding what happened on Friday. I can’t help it. This is just too much. I don’t know if this falls under the “Only In The Life of PA Files” or not.

So, in my job trials and tribulations (and this probably isn’t news to anyone in the professional world) things have changed. It is all about “Networking.” Well, how about “Networking” with…an…ahem…attractive…ahem…drunken…executive…?

Oh, dear.

Well, to begin, PA was not drunk (but she sure ended up at the end of the night–she bloody well needed to be!)

It all started innocently enough, as they say. Talking with a woman…she was there with her husband. Fine. She says I am beautiful. Sure. I’m wearing a ball cap, jeans etc… You get the picture. She was very attractive. I told her the same.

We were both rather insecure about the compliments but she seemed more mental about it than I was. Perhaps because of the alcohol? I later found out from her husband that she is, quote: “All over the place.” Hmmm…mental case?

Regardless. We somehow ended up talking about work and how I was made redundant, what she does and her company and how she was looking for someone and what I did/can do etc… She said she would interview me immediately even though I said I was still trying to put a decent resume together after being out of the job market for so many years. She said she didn’t care after hearing about what I could do.

I even went a step further that may not be “acceptable” and asked about salary and benefits. Wow. Okay. Pretty good.

So I grabbed some paper (we were in a bar for fucking sake) and gave her all of my contact information. Thankfully, since she was rather wrecked, it ended up in her husband’s pocket. He was definitely sober and we talked about it. He said he would talk to her about it later and…? Well, I guess I shall wait for a call? I said to him that there was no rush as I had some things coming up with my job training/sessions so I would be busy, however, I was definitely interested.

There was a bit of a concern on my part about the commute, though. He said she works from this hour to this hour…what if you want to share a ride with her? Oh…did I forget to mention that they live a block or so away from me? Yes…we live on the same street!

Oh…and she also deals with a client that we both know from my…sorta, kinda…ex-employer…

Small world.

Now, this is where things get fucked. To keep it brief, I’m gay, some sex talk, I kissed a potential employer?

Again, only in the world of PA?

EDIT: Oh, the talk… *rolls eyes* I kept trying to tone it down and saying well, we’ll talk about that AFTER the interview and should I get hired…?

Sorry, What Was That? Huh? Okay, That Last YouTube and the “Woman” Post I Was on the Fence About

Sorry for the title of that last post, everyone. A bit cryptic about the lyrics of the song? It probably doesn’t even make sense.

Isn’t a bitch when life turns around and bites you in the ass? Well, not really turns around and bites your ass but maybe nips at your heels a bit?

So I just put up that song because I’ve been thinking to myself a little of some “reminiscences.” As such, I have come to the Grand Conclusion that:

“Women: can’t live with ‘em; can’t live without ‘em.”

Maybe Bill would agree with his song?

This might sound a bit of an odd statement for PA to make as she is, in fact, a woman but for at least the first portion…well, believe me, there are many a day when I can not live with myself!

So the first portion of this post title? It’s kind of like the majority of all of my relationships with women–sort of a “Who’s on First, What’s on Second…?” deal. Bill’s lyrics? Leave the young thing alone? That could/would/should be me? Except not so “young” anymore? “You, know, you know….leave it alone PA!” You’re fucking older and wiser!

Sure.

Shall I dare continue? This is leading me in the direction of a post that I wasn’t sure I wanted to write. I don’t know about any other bloggers out there but when PA gets tired (and she is very tired today) her blogging becomes more open and vulnerable. She may toss up some things that she may not normally write about?

Alright. However, bear in mind that I am tired so this may not be written as well as it could have been at another time.

There are two types of women that PA is attracted to. And also, traits and characteristics are not mutually exclusive here.

The first is the type of woman that seems to possess many accomplishments that PA wishes she had achieved. All of the types of things that PA felt that she might have been able to do with her life? Things that she may have been capable of? Also, this type of woman can usually do things that PA can not do. They usually possess some kind of talent. PA has no special talent or ability in any field. PA does not wish to say that she places this type of woman on a pedestal like an idol but…well, PA can be prone to extremes.

Still, this type of woman almost seems to be so…powerful in the way they “have it all together!” Maybe in the way that they “have it all?” We all know not to judge a book by its cover, the grass is always greener, all of that stuff but these women are just so not like PA. They are usually ultra-professionals, they can juggle a million balls in the air at the same time, they are brilliant and successful. These women are also (generally) not mentally ill.

Then there are the crazies. Now, the nutcases can also be professional, successful, brilliant, talented…all of that. We know that mental illness does not discriminate. However, with the loonies, PA becomes the rescuer. She wants to save them and help them so much!

Now, with the first type of woman, is PA looking to be “rescued?” Bloody hell, get me away from Freud! Or maybe it’s just my childhood (that I had to take care of my mommy so there was no mommy for me?) Dammit! That’s early Freud with repressed thoughts and feelings!!! Nail banged squarely on PAs head re: both types of women???

A scary thought for any women out there wishing to date PA, perhaps.

So, back to the head case women, like PA. There’s an automatic bond there. A mutual understanding right from the get go. That can be very significant. It can also be and/or become really fucked. Because when you get two lunatics together in a relationship, it can turn into a veritable powder keg of emotional psychosis. Trust me. Been there, done that…self harmed over it.

Gabriel… over at …salted lithium wrote a post about Relationships: Crazy+Crazy=Insanity=Relationship Death(?) (my wording.)  This was a while back but I can’t remember the exact post, where and when it was written so here’s a link to the site in general.

It was a discussion of sorts as to whether it was possible that these relationships would work. Could they survive? My comment was that, again, from past experience rather difficult? Maybe they would not survive? However, I would not rule out the chance if I really fell for a woman who was mentally ill.

My post is more personal, however.

Oh, and before I proceed, physical attractiveness is an imperative for both of these types of women. Sorry, that may sound shallow but let’s be truthful here.

So based upon the two types of women that intoxicate (toxicate?) me so much, I often question whether or not I will have a successful relationship or a partner ever again in my life. I feel on the one hand, with the uber-successful, “Wonder Woman” type, I will not measure up. They will be looking for a woman of the same calibre. With another crazy (who may be similarly uber-successful) it may be the same thing.  She may be looking for another “Wonder Woman” but even if she did want to be with me, would it turn into “Mentalness Circus Maximus?” And I’m not simply speaking of the chariot racing done in ancient Rome!

The only relationships that I’ve ever had that have lasted for any recognisable duration have been with the…I don’t know…”in-betweeners?” They haven’t really been mental, they haven’t been uber-successful, they haven’t had any special abilities or talents…I haven’t been physically attracted to them. The only one good thing is that at least they put up with me being a total nutbar and that does take a special person. When someone is prone to Bipolar flip outs and roller coaster rides, ADD spasticness, self harm, self medication…gee, what the hell else am I capable of? I guess my seizures and migraines aren’t such a big deal. They are pretty much under control anyway and don’t make me go off the deep end. Okay, lately there’s been a bit of bizarre increase in moodiness with my migraines but that is neither here, nor there. I am not involved with anyone at the moment, right?

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. No, really. I have. It’s been an ongoing pattern in my life–such strong attractions to women that are either terribly unattainable or terribly not good for me and cause me so much strife and pain. The former women leave me heartbroken and the latter women just end up being very unhealthy for me.  Well, in the end they both cause me pain? But still…both are so potent and I can’t help it. I can’t just say, “No! Don’t be attracted!”

I understand we can’t help being attracted to whomever that may just saunter past. Those that may cross our paths, enter our lives but shit, you know? Again, you would think I would have learned something from all of this! Some way to hold back? Some way to put on the brakes and indeed, say, “No!”

The only thing I can say, ‘no’ to is the fact that I can’t say, “No!”

Things To Do

So I got up today and said, “To hell with it. You’ve got to start making some kind of list or something…whatever.” This is in no particular order, of course. I don’t know if it’s in any order. Some of it may completely make no sense but still, they may be at least “options?” Or something? God, I wish ex-partner was still around. She was always so good at organising me.

And for shits and giggles, I’ve turned on the “Possibly Related Posts” thingie or whatever as I want to see how that is…ahem…progressing. No doubt with this list if it’s still all wacky and FUBAR there might be some, shall we say, “interesting” results? When I just turned it on now, I could only see it activate for my…wait a minute…

It’s quite random. Perhaps as much as the list you are about to read? Links are not showing up for all of my posts, some of the links are merely links to my older posts (I don’t give a shit about that–read my archives all you want) but some are to–yes, of course–totally unrelated blogs/posts! Actually, one was a mental health blog. Okay. Fine. Of the few that I checked, only two had the “thingie” turned on. Or at least for the post that had the link on my blog?

Forget it. They are totally UNrelated… I couldn’t for the life of me think why the people would come here. Or others from there to here. Or from Pluto to my blog. Vulcan, yes. My home planet does come and visit me but these other “random” bloggers? And…ugh…I’ve gone over this…why the hell would I send people there! I do not have the time to check them out, read them as it looks like I am basically “endorsing” them. At least to a new reader? Someone who doesn’t know from WP or a blogger not using WP?!?!?!

Oh, feck it. My blood is starting to boil all over about this business again. As some people have said on the WP fora, perhaps a way to see the Possibly Related Links beforehand and then decide? Still, isn’t that a lot of work to check out the other person’s blog? I don’t care if there are links back to MY posts but it’s just so…GRRR!

Okay, this is going to be a loooong post with My List:

Things To Do

1. Kill the dog upstairs who is barking incessantly. No! I love animals! Kill the contractors working on the house next door who is making the dog bark incessantly.
2. Buy an XL package of Depends™ as I almost lost something tremendously valuable today. Let’s hear it for the good ol’ ADD! And that would be an XL package. I would need size XS.
3. And speaking of pooping my pants (okay, which I am not doing…) Laundry. Which I am doing.
4. Clean my flat (an ongoing “until hell freezes over” task.)
5. Keep eating (also an ongoing “until hell freezes over” task.)
6. Sort through my email. Oh…I am petrified daily to log on to my accounts due to the volume of items from work. How does one accumulate so much?! Well, from not owning a home computer for years! One could not afford one. One could only afford baby MacBook v.1 just recently. Then, it got destroyed and one had to buy baby MacBook v.2
7. Drink lots of tea. Wait, I already do that. Does that still count? Sure, why not.
8. Sort out my closet and find old clothes to donate to Goodwill or some other place in preparation for new “femme” clothes or other ones that will fit me.
9. Get a haircut in preparation for interviews–or sooner? *shrug*
10. Go shopping for clothes. Hmmm… I can not stand shopping. Bring someone along with? Filmmaker? She’s good with clothes but a bit bonkers and might drive me crazy. Our tastes might be different too. Ex-partner? I think she despises shopping but maybe not to the same degree as I do? Plus, I have a couple of ideas where to start. Perhaps drag someone else out along when getting desperate.
11. Mail some financial blahbbity-blah form that should have been done months and months ago. At least my taxes are done…
12. Ah, yes…clothes. Wear my scrubs a lot. I am today. They make me happy.
13. When I go see gastro man for my next appt., ask him for a pair of his as he said he would give me some since I am such a Scrubs Slut.
14. Say “Scrubs Slut” in an evil voice over and over again as it sounds like “Redrum” from ‘The Shining.’
15. Try to remember to work very hard on my Dysgraphia in preparation for any work forms that need to be filled out (note: mine is basically the “Dyslexic” form although I am not Dyslexic–I just screw it all up, get this and that bass-ackwards, it’s messy if I’m under pressure…) It’s common in people with Tourette’s, AD(H)D and those on the Autistic Spectrum.
16. Unpack work items…ugh.
17. Update resume…ugh.
18. Find some placement agencies/headhunters (now, that makes my head ache.)
19. Stop drinking (oh…just a bit…?) *PA makes unimpressed face*
20. I found some weird courses offered up in a local rag…check them out (and subsequently find they are all inappropriate?)
21. People have suggested some job prospects. Check them out, what else is on the market and then sink further into depression?
22. Email and/or call outstanding people to tell them WTF is going on.
23. Totally tweak my iTunes library as a lot of stuff stinks and some more things can be added? That’s way overdue.
24. Reinstall some software that I didn’t do right the first time. That’s way, way overdue.
25. Call P. I met from hospital as he suggested we get together last weekend. He never called me. He hasn’t been well as (well…he told me) but we always play telephone tag and when there is a long time in between, it’s usually because one of us is having some kind of hard time.
26. I found a T-shirt design contest, however, see above software install issue. I have absolutely no design skills anyway but maybe I can come up with something crap and because it’s crap, it will win. This is because a “Crap Is In” motto is behind the whole thing…in their heads…so that’s the ploy and it will sell.
27. Wash my sheets and fix my bed. Or beat my own record in my own “Nutcase Bed Poll” on my sidebar. Honestly, I think I’ve already beaten my own record.
28. Blow everything in my bank account, renounce all worldly possessions, run away to some small, foreign country and meditate atop a mountain for the rest of my life.
29. Think of things I can sell in my flat to make some money.
30. Take up my mother’s offer stay at her place, promptly buy a gun and then shoot myself before actually moving in.
31. Tell Escher to “Piss off!” as he is continually calling me. Sometimes he leaves messages and sometimes he doesn’t. When he does, he always says, “You don’t have to call me back or anything…” He drives me nuts with his Passive-aggressive bullshit. Even if he doesn’t know he’s doing it. Not to mention, my life is hell right now. So is his but other people are giving me space. Just because he has this “pie in the sky, we are cosmic-meant-to-be-in-this-world-together-idea,” we are not joined at the hip. Nor are we “partners” as much as he might like us to be. I am sorry. I am gay; you are a man. /Escher rant
32. Keep taking my Valium/Diazepam.

I know. Quite a list and I’m sure it’s not all encompassing *wry grin*

Fuck Me…(And No She Didn’t And I Didn’t Fuck Her)

OMG. What a bizarre blast from the past. I was out last night and this woman approached me.

“Hi, how are you? You don’t remember who I am, do you?” *PA politely pauses* I replied with my stock response.

“I’m sorry. I usually have to do this five or 10 times to get it right. What’s your name again?”

“J.” *PA pauses again* Only longer. Fucking brain cranking away! Oh, wait!

Now, before I proceed, I don’t know how many of you were reading my blog back in June but these two posts I wrote might refresh your memories as well? Here is the first and here is the second. I wrote them both pretty much in the wee hours of the morning for reasons that are sort of explained. And bear in mind that I was still (more or less) freshly out of hospital that spring so I was still pretty spinny and wowie, wowie in the partying department.  The posts are kind of amusing even though I was so exhausted and well…I was kind of harsh on the whole “Straight Women Who Are Curious To Sleep With Another Woman/PA” issue.  I’ve just had some very bad experiences there.  I’d probably do it again *laughing*

So, yes…in strolls this woman who I hadn’t seen in almost a year that gave me a hellish night with virtually no sleep.  She was there with the same friend/ex-boyfriend as she lives out of town and must have been visiting for the weekend.  We talked for a bit.  I wondered for a moment if there might be a “repeater?” Would she end up wanting to come home with me last night?

No, she didn’t as they decided to move on and drink somewhere else.  I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.  I mean, the previous result was a disaster but I think it was more due to her being absolutely, shitfaced, plastered.  I wonder how drunk they got last night? Not to mention my flat is a disaster itself.  But I’m quite sure it was then too–indeed.  And if it the whole event was as bad as before, I just would have ended up sleeping in my chair (or staying up all night playing with baby MacBook as I did then too.)  Actually, I did write in one of the links above that I got a few winks in bed.  Basically it was on the very edge of it as she was taking up the entire thing! Ugh.

So yes…how strange! As they left she gave me a little kiss.  Nothing too significant, however.  I suspect it was because she wasn’t as drunk as she was before? I’m not quite sure, however.  She did make a little joke earlier about coming home with me…  Hmmm…

Merlin #1 And Two REALLY Hot Women

I went to see Merlin #1 today. I wanted to hug him. Is it permissible to hug your psychiatrist? Recall that my GP gently placed her hand on my back when I saw her and I looked like I was on death’s door when she guided me into the examining room to talk.

Anyway, I don’t think any of my medical team would mind if I hugged them. Certainly right now? Except neuro and I would never want to hug him anyway!

So we talked about the med adjustments of course. Then we got into my…erm…you see? I can’t even express… My “thinking ability?” My “cognitive processes?” Basically just how the fuck I was functioning in my head?!

Yeah. Good one, Merlin #1.

Let’s just say it ain’t that great. There is a reason for this. Well, apart from the obvious! But there is a more obvious reason why I am not thinking well. Tomorrow and probably the day after (as I really don’t know how long it will take) I have to clean up/out my computer at work and take home all of my personal items. What is a decent analogy? Someone has died, you are still grieving and now you have to go to the funeral?

I mean, tomorrow it is all over. I mean, that’s it. It’s done. Over. Goodbye. For the last little while, I have been at home, trying to “deal,” cycling, adjusting meds… Now I REALLY have to say goodbye.

So I puked it all out at our appt. today. Which was actually kind of good, I guess. PA is quite averse to “talk therapy.” She doesn’t do it well. So, perhaps, this might have opened a door? And Merlin #1 was so good. He said because of all the stress I would have to face this week we’re getting you straight in next Monday.

Bless. Again, may I hug you Merlin #1? My GP also wanted an immediate call after the appt. so I said let’s just do it while I’m here in case she wants to talk to both of us! She wasn’t available so he left a message and she can call him back. If she wants to check in with me, she knows where to find me.

Okay, on to the “REALLY Hot Women!” *laughing* I was walking to my appt. and I saw this woman (well, there were two of them) but one was wearing the most amazing stockings! They had these black rectangles and in between they were divided by what you would call “nude” in colour. Holy fuck! They were so wicked. But then…her shoes! OMG. Now, PA doesn’t have a shoe fetish like a lot of other women out there but these shoes…fucking sexy shoes!!! She had a coat on but I was like…what’s underneath that coat??? And then, it’s like, what’s underneath that?!?!?!

“Hi, Honey. Care to come home with me after my psychiatrist’s appointment?” *laughing so hard*

I cast her a little sideways glance as I walked past. Oh, PA…you fucking, incorrigible flirt! Maybe I should have told Merlin #1 that at least that degree of my thought processes were still functional?

The other woman that she was with was actually more attractive but had more “regular” stockings on. And more conservative shoes. Still…prettier.

“Want to come home, too?”

PA’s not into threesomes…no. But for these two women? An exception? Uh huh.

It kind of makes me think…maybe I should femme myself up again. I did a bit before. Years ago. I used to work with a woman and we had a bit of a fling. At the time I used to wear very short skirts and drop a lot pens and shit like that, bend over and such. It was kind of a joke since we were already fooling around but still.

No make up though. I don’t really like the feel of it on my face. PA has been told that she doesn’t need it. I guess that is a compliment? Regardless, now that I’m skinny as all hell, maybe I should get some short skirts, tight fitting clothes and yes…femme myself out to the hilt. What do you think?

*PA laughing so hard again*

And if I do…I’ve got to find those fucking stockings…they were so cool!

Oh…this might be too much but PA also prefers garter belts. Was that more than you needed to hear? They are sexier, yes, but also more comfortable!

OMG…I think those women just did something to me! No, between me going out of my mind, them being so fucking gorgeous, me…well, not really needing to get laid but me really needing to get a job??? FUCK.

Again, what do you think? Makeover? Totally femme myself out again? Better chances?

Oh my fucking god. I sound like I’m my own pimp. I wonder what my own take is? My per centage? I’m pretty sure I won’t beat the shit out of myself, though. *laughing*

Nice Afternoon

I met up with ex-partner this afternoon.  Primarily to do my taxes.  Actually, it was kind of funny as she found a bunch of stuff that was mine that I had left there when I moved out.  Huh.  Okay.  I’m sort of wondering if there are more things hidden or maybe even sitting out, right in plain sight.  Probably?

While there, I tried to get her broken printer up and running (I swear to bloody hell, who is not having computer problems these days?) It’s a piece of shite and it’s just dead.  She told me in utter frustration that she had given up all hope as far as the crappy Dell desktop we bought and is going to buy a Mac *laughing*  I had been urging her to do this for some time.  I just gave her a sly look and told her not to spill anything on it!

So we decided to go for brunch.  A belated birthday celebration.  Thank you, ex-partner…  Again…so blessed to have maintained the friendship after the bust up.  Now that is love in my books.

We caught up on all the gossip (okay, news) in mostly her world but it was my world for a while too.  Some gossip (okay, news) in my world as well.  Lots of laughs all around but some real shockers also! However, because we know and understand each other so well (and all of the other people) it was just a constant, babbling brook, peppered with lots of:

“Oh yeah!” “Oh, my god!” “Are you kidding?” “Oh, I know…!” “Oh, absolutely!” “HA! THAT is TOO funny!”

Yes, you get the picture…

I’m not sure when we’re going to see each other again.  She has a lot of business travel plans coming up over the next month.  So…probably not until May.  Kind of a drag but well…not much I can do.  I’ll take what I can get.

Hey! After I Become A Man, I’ve Got A Great Excuse To Commit Adultery!

Oh, I just found this but no doubt all the media pundits/bloggers have been all over it since it happened.

Prologue: “Dr.” Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is more of a fucking whackjob than I could EVER be!

This may not be news to any of you out there.

Whoo boy.

Here we have the first lovely clip that ran on the Today show where our…I don’t even know what to call her…gets into a bit of a “theory” about perhaps why Spitzer/Shitzer went astray. You see, it was all Silda’s fault…well, so some people are interpreting it *PA rolls eyes* Regardless, whenever a man does go astray: it is the woman’s fault.

Oh, fuck. Make that that WIFE’S fault. I’ve got to find a name for her…okay…”Useless Tit.” Useless Tit would never approve of anything other than a God-Sanctioned-Hetero-Union. I should have said, “Wife.”

But the above clip gets kind of funky and it turns into a weird sort of clusterfuck (now Useless Tit would never approve of that!) There is this other panel of “experts” (including Jim McGreevey’s ex-wife Dina Matos…) and well, you’ll just have to watch it yourself. Not to mention, Useless Tit gets a little Freudian on you re: men learning their first connections to heterosexual relationships from Mommy…thus, if Wifey doesn’t nurture them, everything goes to hell in a brothel, right?

And you know? I thought I heard in a clip that Useless Tit had some advice for the Spitzer daughters (I won’t call them Shitzers.) Did Useless Tit say the same thing about them with Daddy? That they, and all other little girls, develop their heterosexual learnings from their fathers? I may have been hallucinating after listening to this shit for so long, however.

Either way, good fucking lord. Oops. Useless Tit wouldn’t want me taking “The Lord (Hallelujah!)’s” name in vain now, would she?

In the second clip here that ran on Fox, Useless Tit tries to do some weird ass back pedalling garbage like she’s getting all Freudian on herself and trying to masturbate her id, super-ego and ego all at the same time. Useless Tit tried to pull the same useless (tit) stunt later on Today but look out! In this clip, Useless Tit starts whipping out actual diagnoses for philanderers! No. I am not kidding. And how that all factors into the fucking around, the relationships and “Wifey’s” role.

Still, if I ever do become a man, I guess I’ve got my excuse all rolled up tightly thanks to Useless Tit. I just have to get married and say my wife is a complete dud, won’t fuck me like I want or do anything like I want! Then I’ll be off the hook and be able to screw as many other women as I’d like!

Unreal.

Now, I really think I need a drink. Or several.

Ah…and obviously the question that needs to be asked here is, what if the husband is not fulfilling his “dutiful” role? Can his “wife” go out and find some guy and bang his brains out senseless? Or even better, Useless Tit? Can she go find a woman and do it with her!!!

A Short Week And A Gender Change?

It’s good that it’s a short week work wise. Yes, it’s Good Friday tomorrow. A few other “good” things? I actually cooked last night–sort of. Nothing fancy. I can’t recall when I’ve made anything really special in years. Still, I had taken out some fish to defrost so I needed to do something with it.

It is good that I seem to be doing a decent job of beating off this virus with a relatively large stick? With as much strength as I can muster? After my dinner last night, I watched a bit of television, took my meds and then promptly went beddy bye and passed out.

I want to feel better by Saturday as I have a date with the Easter Bunny *laughing* No, it’s just another “do” with the woman at the end of the street. She invited a gang of us over for Thanksgiving and Christmas last year and it’s time to do it all over again for this holiday! I can not believe how generous she is! It’s a lot of fun and even though it’s a small group, it usually becomes a royal piss up as the night carries on…oh, dear.

Burn the virus out of my system with alcohol? And no, I’m not categorizing this one under self medication!

Anything “bad?” I woke up in pain this morning! Not that significant, but enough to remind me of the “good” days before I saw gastro-man when things didn’t bother me so much. Taking my morning dose of Nexium/Esomeprazole would usually help on those “good” days. Now? I’m still kind of in pain.

Are my hormones still keeping me in gastro grief? Has the pain symptom come back?

I feel like the cat running away from my gastro problems that are masquerading as Pepe Le Pew: “Le sigh…le…sigh…le pant…le pant…”

Oh, some of these really were so funny: “…eh..I am a creamy puff, no…?”

Actually, instead of a cat I think I’d rather be a man. Operating under the assumption that all of this is hormonally influenced, this would be the perfect solution. Yes, let us dispense with all of this menstruation business! I have never been happy with it–even since day one! I’m not talking about gender reassignment, either. No, that is too complicated, it takes too much time, too much money and it wouldn’t turn out how I would like it to be. I want it to happen just like that *PA snaps fingers*

Apart from the obvious physical modifications, there would need to be more. I would need to be taller. I’m just barely 5′2″ so what woman would want to be with someone that short? Well, perhaps some wouldn’t mind but most might? And yes, definitely more weight gain if I was taller! Let us also dispense with my head maladies? Sure, why not! I could still be a mental case but if we’re going for a full makeover–let’s do it! And of course attractive but that is relative. Nonetheless, I want to be good looking.

Ah, women. No, I wouldn’t want to be a gay man. I would still vehemently lust after women. Plus, the fact that I was a woman previously would mean that I’d be awesome in bed. Oh, I’d be a killer!

And all the best women are straight *laughing* That’s kind of a joke about women and gay men…oh, it’s shame all the best ones are gay and all of that…

Oh well. No chance of PA becoming a man, I suppose. Just keep on monitoring my tummy.

“Le sigh.”