All Over the Map!

Okay, I’ll try not to be too scattery-schamattery ADD here but this day (so far?) has been just a little unbearable.  Maybe the post will be okay but my brain certainly feels like it’s going through a blender!

So everything’s been rather disastrous except perhaps for my sleep. I spent a long time there. I think I ventured all the way through Dante’s real “Laugh-It-Up” Classic, you know? I’m Dante’s “Lucky Number Seven.” No, really. It’s the only place that I fit! If you don’t know all the Circles, Terraces and Spheres, you can read them all here.

So, yes. My Circle of Hell is “Suicide” being all mental. No other “crime” would I really do. A lot of things throughout are all based on the Seven Deadly Sins. Wee PA is a good girl. Anyway, I haven’t obviously killed myself as here I sit typing at my keyboard so I managed to skip along to Purgatory. My lovely Terrace there is also the seventh. This is a no brainer. Lustful, gay PA has to be basically “Baptised by Fire!”

Get this from the wiki link. Also, the other Terraces are based upon the Seven Deadly Sins so ‘Geez Louise…lusty PA really gets “burned” bad!

The lustful are purged by burning in an immense wall of flames (Cantos XXV through XXVII). All of those who committed sexual sins, both heterosexual and homosexual, are purified by the fire. Excessive sexual desire misdirects one’s love from God and this terrace is meant to correct that. In addition, perhaps because all sin has its roots in misguided love, every soul who has completed his penance on the lower six cornices must pass through the wall of flame before ascending to the Earthly Paradise.

I guess I did okay because when I woke up, I felt fairly well rested.  The Seventh Sphere of Heaven through which I must have passed to wake up represents Saturn.  Saturn apart from the information in the wiki link also astrologically rules Depression.  Sorry for taking your work out of context a bit there, Dante.

This is also neato to play with as PA is an atheist.  Nonetheless…she’s not all “Crazy Athiest.”  Hey, if you Christians are right (and PAs sister is a believer) and there is a god…great! She’ll still be saved, anyway!

Alright, up I get, take my meds and decide to actually do my dishes since I do not have to go out today.  WTF?!

My Ding Dong Landlord was here yesterday to do some work on the hot water tank and hey! Guess what? I have no hot water.  That’s right! So, no dishes, no showering…well, unless I decide to boil litres and litres of hot water to do both.  I’m sorry.  I do not pay this much rent to go “camping” in my flat.  I can at least do laundry as I wash everything in cold water.  I called and of course have not heard anything back.

Just in case for some reason he showed up *PA almost laughs out loud* I decided I should get into “Disaster Recovery Mode” and do a bit of cleaning.  At least nothing involving hot water.  So, I swept up the floors.  Good god.  It was like moving into a new flat where the prior tenant was the biggest slob on the planet.  But boy! Am I glad that I did! On my way down to toss some laundry in, I thought…’Oh yes, I should do the steps leading to the washer and dryer.’

*gasp*

I found this little spider who had laid some eggs under one of them!!! OMG!!! That’s just what I need! Some kind of arachnoid infestation! NOTE: PA is rather arachnophobic.  Sorry, mommy.  You are your babies are going! Trash bag immediately tossed out the door!

NOTE TO PA: Clean your damn flat on a more timely basis from now on!

Well, on one good note, I got my business cards in the mail today so I’m all ready to start handing them out to people like it’s one big poker game. *sigh*

*PA ponders everything else she’s got to do and thinks…what next?*

ADD Mushbrain.

Now It’s Time…

I remember in a comment to sodajerk, I said that I would know(?) when it was time to make a move? A move?

I feel like I’m sitting in the middle of a chess match, staring at the board, completely not knowing my next “move.” The little clock beside me with my button is still ticking. In fact, my opponent has long left the table…what…an hour ago? I think I’m just about ready to leave the table too! Forget it. One more move and then I am leaving the table. I lift a lowly pawn and move it just one step ahead to another tiny square. That’s me. The pawn. I get up and walk away.

Funny. I can’t even remember how to play chess now. Non-bio dad taught PA how to play when she was very young. When she was about 11 or 12, she had two other boys in her class and instead of playing with the other kids during “recess” or short breaks from class, PA and her other two male cohorts would climb atop this wooden…well, climby thing and PA would pull out this chess set non-bio dad had given her and she would play with them.

Yes. PA was born a geek. I should try and learn to play again?

This is not like when I was in hospital a little over a year ago. Then, I had my job and I could take all the time I needed in order to get well. Now, I can’t afford to take my time. Everything…everything is time sensitive.

“Time sensitive.” Don’t you love that expression? And all the rest of “Business Speak” or “Corporate Lingo” or whatever the hell you call it? Oh, some of it makes me laugh so hard. But, “Time Sensitive…” Isn’t everything in the world sensitive?! But things are really “Time Sensitive” for PA right now!

It’s been a little over a month, so has the mourning period passed? Perhaps. Or at least the worst of it.

I did a lot of thinking yesterday. That last post I put up…a weekend blowout? Well, it was. I got piss-faced wasted Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. Yes, all three. A full-on, weekend bender. And then, there have been two cuttings since all of this went down. Okay. The fucking mourning period IS OVER. Even if I am sitting here writing this up in a pub having a pint or two. But it’s a celebratory? Because I’m moving on?

I also spent all of today thinking of what I am going to do. Several things. As simultaneously as I can. I am still scared completely out of my wits and I know that will not change throughout this entire process but that does not mean that I can continue to sit and rot away in my flat living in that fear. The fear will not go away no matter what I do and I have to DO what I have to DO. The longer I put things off (and I am the worst procrastinator on the planet) things will not change. And this is something that I really can not afford to let sit–for too long–or too much longer.

I had to make a very important phone call today. Something to get the ball rolling although I have no idea where the hell the ball is going to go. If I’m going to kick it out into the middle of the street and it will get run over by a car? If I’ll pump it up with air but it will hit a nail and totally deflate? Then, maybe I’ll buy a new ball and it will have a hole in it and deflate too?

I’m seeing Merlin #1 tomorrow so I’m quite sure that will help. Maybe he can “inflate” me so I won’t have to worry about “my balls” *PA laughs* Or even all of my plates spinning in the air.

I emailed a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while and he called me back so we talked. He lives in a bit of a posh area and it’s funny as they have a second hand store nearby. Due to that fact, all the “richies” drop off the clothes they get sick of after two weeks and you can find some awesome stuff there!

I don’t know if they’re even in business anymore but years ago, I got this immaculate Ports International, charcoal gray, double breasted jacket for…what? $6CDN?!?! I mean, come on! So, we’re going to get together and go “shopping!” There’s also another decent second hand place near me. My neighbourhood isn’t exactly “posh” but certainly quite decent.

I went out today and bought a whole whack of garbage bags to clean my closet of shit that doesn’t fit me anymore. I’ll only hang on to the schmatte that I love dearly.

Oh, yes. I also stopped by to visit my hair stylist. We had a little chat about just what we could do. I am always so hesitant to try something new! When I do…it just doesn’t turn out! He didn’t have any customers at the time so we discussed his thoughts about my face, my glasses (even though I could still revert back to contacts but I didn’t bother mentioning this.) I also told him I look terrible with bangs so they were automatically out! He agreed…no…no bangs…wouldn’t suit.

He suggested something but I am so terrible visually. I’ll have to get him to explain again but I trust him. I’ll have to? Well, I guess I don’t have to. We could just do the same thing as I’ve always done but no, I really want something different.

And no. We’re not getting rid of my gray. I’m sticking to my guns, my credo, ever since it started coming in in my middle to late 20s. My appointment is on Thursday afternoon *laughing*

So, considering this is all about time, I will leave you with some John Milton. I hope this isn’t too long and hasn’t been for you to read but this poem I feel is perfect for this post.

On Time by John Milton

Fly envious Time, till thou run out thy race,
Call on the lazy leaden-stepping hours,
Whose speed is but the heavy Plummet’s pace;
And glut thy self with what thy womb devours,
Which is no more than what is false and vain,
And merely mortal dross;
So little is our loss,
So little is thy gain.
For when as each thing bad thou hast entomb’d,
And last of all, thy greedy self consum’d,
Then long Eternity shall greet our bliss
With an individual kiss;
And Joy shall overtake us as a flood,
When every thing that is sincerely good
And perfectly divine,
With Truth, and Peace, and Love shall ever shine
About the supreme Throne
Of him, t’whose happy-making sight alone,
When once our heav’nly-guided soul shall climb,
Then all this Earthy grossness quit,
Attir’d with Stars, we shall for ever sit,
Triumphing over Death, and Chance, and thee O Time.

A Really Nice Story

Just to counter the “Rageiness” of the last post…and I’m so dusted from looking at my damn submission (yes, still doing it now!) I’ve decided to write another post. I don’t even know if I’m being consistent in my spelling of “Rageiness” or “Raginess” or “Rageyness” or whatever because, again, my submission is making me cross-eyed at this point. I think it might be done now?

Oh, PA you are truly redonculous!

Also, my free wifi is kicking butt tonight again so why not? That means I’m not at home, people–I do have my own Internet connection there… But tonight! It’s just as fast as at home! And I’m not in a “hot spot” (aka a designated provider.) I’m just getting a floaty signal? Macs can basically pick them up automatically if they are around–at least where I live. But it’s so fast now! This is bizarre!

Anyway, I was outside, taking a break at work today and talking with a man while we were having a cigarette. OMG, my grammar! Does that make it sound like we were sharing one? I can’t tell as I am waaaay beyond properly understanding grammar. Either way, no, we weren’t. I only share cigarettes with people I know *laughing*

Oh, holy hell…I don’t think I can write anything anymore I’m so gonzo. Anyway…

Someone had been placing breadcrumbs or something on a bench for these little birds that “live” around our building and I always wondered who it was. It was him. And they were actually crunched up crackers.

I said to him, “Oh, so it’s you that has been doing that!”

We had a discussion about the cute little birds and he told me that they were sparrows (I didn’t know–I know very little about practically all fauna on this planet.) He then proceeded to tell me how much he loves sparrows.

Apparently, some time ago, his son found a wee sparrow that had fallen out of a tree, lost all of its feathers and was unbelievably skinny. So he brought it home and they fed it (he didn’t tell me what) and nursed it back to full health. They then called the folks that look after animals here–all sorts from adopting out kitties, puppies and bunnies… They also look after some wildlife. They told the man and his son that they couldn’t take the sparrow, nor could the man and his son release it as basically, it had now been domesticated and it would never survive.

Well, this is true. If you take a wild animal out of its natural environment and domesticate it, you can’t pull a “Return To Sender!”

So they hung on to their little sparrow (they still have it) and apparently the little birdie is really affectionate and happy and just the most amazing pet! I have never heard of anyone having a sparrow as a pet!

Just hearing this story today…wow…what can you say when you hear a story like that from someone?

Awesome!

Beaten Into Submission

I do not know if am largely suffering from “Comma Trauma” or am really just becoming completely drained from “Comma Drama.”

Note: for the second expression you need to sound like you are from Britain. Even better if you have a really posh sounding accent!

I am still working on my writing submission. Yes, everyone…arsey PA has not yet sent it to the prospective Publisher *laughing* Not that she has any chance of it getting published anyway *rolls eyes* Still, the clock is ticking and time is running out!

Ever since the weekend, I have been agonizing over one phrase. That is correct. However, I don’t think this is particularly odd amongst writers (not that I am…ahem…a writer.)

No. It is not odd. It is merely, shall we say, extremely painful. Although, it did provide a short hiatus from Comma,Trauma,Drama,,,,, I think I now have “the phrase” right.

I receive emails from “A Word A Day” (see my sidebar under “Diversions.”) It can be kind of fun. Occasionally, I might even know the word! But not often as that’s sort of the idea, correct? They tend to have themes for the week and this week’s is 14-letter words.

One of them so far has been: tintinnabulate!

Oooh! Isn’t that a goodie! It means basically to ring. Like a bell. Well good, bloody god my submission sure is making my head tintinnabulate–like nothing else! It’s been tintinnabulating like crazy over the last little while!

Yes, some fun words, indeed. I’ve sent some to my blog address as I receive them at my work address and have thought about how they could prove useful for some posts. But wow…not so good for any of my submissions! I’d be the “Queen of Purple Prose!”

Still, such florid writing can be fun. I’m sure a few or many of you may have heard of the notorious Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest? That is the Wiki link but here is the one to the actual contest site. I really should enter that one next time around.

So, I guess I should look at it just one more time and then send it off? Oh, I could edit something to death! Again, probably nothing that odd for anyone who writes.

It really is starting to get a little out of hand. I’m really tired today, however! I brought MacBook into work with me to (again…) reread it but it was so busy, I never got a chance! All I really feel like doing is going home and crawling back into bed.

I’m not making excuses. I swear. This whole thing is actually starting to grate on my nerves. Maybe I should just not look at it and email it straight away to the Publishing House the minute I get home *PA laughs maniacally*

Oh, no. That would not be good. I have to look at it more. I really, really do. Yes, I do.

Can anyone out there hear my head starting to tintinnabulate like crazy again?

The Antigua Diaries - Part Four

All links to prior entries can be accessed at the end of this post.

Day Three 98/03/18 1410hrs

It has started raining again. Just a brief shower lasting only a couple of minutes. Very refreshing.

I have contacted E.¹ We will be going out tonight. He suggested staying in English Harbour which isn’t really what I had wanted to do but I’m sure we’ll have fun anyway.

I went to Nelson’s Dockyard briefly for more money. I wanted to take some more pictures but V.² (the man I met earlier) followed me, I think. I told him I had wanted a boat tour of the area. He gladly obliged. Since he was free and seemed eager to please, I took him up on his offer then and there, Nelson’s Dockyard temporarily forgotten.

We tooted around in the motorboat, small outboard engine, low horsepower. He took me for a long ride. I wonder if it was longer than he should have! In total, about 45 minutes.

We left our/Nelson’s area and veered far off into the ocean, ending up in Falmouth Harbour. Upon our return, we hit some pretty rough waves…my ass is so sore! I even fell off my seat and onto the floor of the boat! Thankfully he didn’t lose me!

I tried to take some nice shots. It was kind of hard considering the size of the boat and that we were out in somewhat of a small craft warning.

My chauffeur (or helmsman, I suppose) is very sweet, polite, funny and intelligent. He is 29 years old (edit: I was 28 at this time.) On our tour, he showed me his home from the water’s edge and his favourite place to go snorkeling. He also showed me a great place to sit upon the rocks and fish.

He is teased constantly when we are together. His peers tell him to, “Be careful!” and “Take it easy!” and the like. An older woman asked him in a thick and heavy accent (edit: i.e. local Antiguan to the island, not all carried accents to that degree) if I was his girlfriend.³ He just laughed and said he didn’t care what other people said or thought. I like him. He’s cute.

¹ - This is kind of interesting. E. was a Canadian ex-pat living in Antigua that someone I knew from work, used to work with him. He said he would contact him, let him know I was coming over and when I got there, “just give him a call!” Okay…

Now, in Part Two, do you recall one word I used to describe Antigua for ex-pats? It was “Rich.” At the time, E. was the CEO of what is now The Largest Accounting Firm In.The.World. Well the CEO of the Antiguan branch, of course. And don’t bother trying to Google him–he’s no longer there.

So…erm…yes. I am to contact a wealthy CEO when I arrive who is just as much a total stranger to me as I am to him.

² - V. worked at the resort/timeshare and was responsible for various duties.

³ - She was only kidding! She knew I was a tourist/guest of the resort! The local Antiguans were absolutely lovely and so friendly!

The Antigua Diaries - Part One

The Antigua Diaries - Part Two

The Antigua Diaries - Part Three

The Antigua Diaries - Part Three

All links to prior entries can be accessed at the end of this post.

Note: you may find some of my edits in this one entertaining?

Day Three 98/03/18 0820hrs

Unfortunately things got a bit busy last night. That didn’t allow for any writing.

After we got back from crowded, hot, sticky St. John’s we popped back into the ocean for a luxurious cool down. A strange thing happened when we did. It actually started to rain rather hard. All around us was sun and blue sky and yet a large, slightly, dark grey cloud loomed above us with a shower. I was touched by a fish, too!

The rain continued for a bit. It rained quite heavily late last night. That combined with the lizards and tree frogs caused quite a peaceful discord.

There was a party for members of the club at Colombo’s (edit: this was the name of the bar at the timeshare) last night. We were supplied with one free drink! I didn’t really speak to anyone and haven’t really desired to. I probably won’t (edit: I had to think a bit why I wrote this and it was probably because most of the people there were older with children. I may have found them rather boring and pretentious, perhaps, as this was a timeshare for wealthy people.)

I shared a cab ride (and flight too, I suppose) with a nice family from (edit: location and names deleted.) They didn’t have much to say (edit: and bloody well, neither did I! I hate talking to strangers on flights!) I find (for obvious reasons) I do not have much in common with the other guests (edit: see above. Did my age really have anything to do with it…? Maybe it was because I was “feeling especially gay” *laughing*–see Part Two–maybe there was still some of my residual shyness coming through but nope…I was in my Bipolar (hypo)manic days. The Major Crash hadn’t hit yet so I was not depressed. I was possibly bored because there was no one to party with…ah…could be…later entries?)

I did meet one interesting woman. V. who works in the bar here. She’s from England (edit for humour: now you see people!!! This has been an ongoing theme in my life FOREVER!!!) and has lived here for 13 years. C. (edit: the father) immediately suggested I should speak to her when I arrived. Apparently C. said she was looking at me as I walked away from the bar wearing one of my spandex jumpsuits (edit: C. and I met in the Fetish/SM scene…we brought some of our fun clothes with us! Again, why to Antigua? Why not?!) We smiled at each other and maybe even flirted. I chose to stay in the bar that night a little bit later… (edit: you see? Bipolar hypersexuality, perhaps? PA’s trying to get lucky…yeah, baby!)

V. and I talked for about two hours. A few others came and went but we always seemed to keep smiling at each other. I’m such an awful flirt. Oh well, it’s not like I’ll ever see her again. I’m not sure if she’s straight or bi. She seems quite open as she did not flinch when I told her I was gay and into the Fetish/SM scene. Let’s hear it for shock value again! (edit: OMG. Can you believe that paragraph? More Bipolar? What do we have here? Some grandiosity? Gee…I wonder?)

I returned back to the cottage around 2300. Everyone else had gone to bed. I climbed into bed with M. Thank god he’s a sound sleeper. However, I was very quiet.

The kids are still persistently inquisitive but I don’t mind. I just supply them with fairly honest answers and they seem to accept what I have to say. M. is so unique (edit: I know. Crap grammar. You can’t modify unique.) Well, they all are. Still, he’s a pretty sensitive little guy.

I awoke yesterday morning to feel his large, brown eyes penetrating me. I haven’t woken up to that in a while! He said to me with such, sweet incredulity: “I thought you were going to sleep forever!” It was only after 0800hrs.

Today was even earlier, around 0700hrs. Weary after my bar exploits. I didn’t have that much to drink (edit: bullshit PA. I think I keep repeating this throughout the entries but since I was so crazy I’m sure I was drinking like a fish while there!) However, the heat and fresh ocean air tends to debilitate one but in a rather pleasurable way.

As far as G. (edit: eldest girl) and V. (edit: youngest girl) go, they’re a lot more hyper. V. is absolutely brilliant. She is amazingly perceptive and asks a lot of probing questions. She was very interested in this book so I explained what I was doing. We had a wonderful talk about poetry and I taught her some examples (Haiku and Rhyming Couplet.)

G. is more troublesome. A bit of an instigator but C. can get her back down to earth. All in all, they’re okay and I’m getting used to our “little family” and my questionable role as a possible surrogate mother.

The Antigua Diaries - Part One

The Antigua Diaries - Part Two

Now I Was Just Thinkin’ That I Suck…Do I? Maybe Someone Out There Doesn’t Think So

Note: this is really about my blog. However, since I write it, by extension is it a reflection upon me? Therefore, do I need to take it upon my variably strong or weak shoulders, dependent upon the weather, what day it is, what time it is, “why the fuck did I run out of honey for my tea” kind of day it is!

You get it.

I have noticed that I have not been receiving comments on my blog lately–well, one yesterday? Okay. People do have lives. Probably much more interesting ones than mine? Something to ponder but not for too long. My stats? A small decline but I have said before that I am not a Stats Whore. I don’t care! It’s fun to look at the numbers as they increase but really.

This piqued my interest when I came home and promised (yet again) to have a relaxing night and stay away from my MacBook, do something else as a diversion for a change!

So in looking at my stats…oh, and why the bloody hell won’t WordPress allow you to see all of the Referrers? Sure, not on the main page but why not let you look them all up in a list? Unless I’m stupid or I’m just on the .com domain and not the .org and they have a fancy trick where you can do it there.

Anyway, back to the the stats. I found that I had been picked up by this curious animal called GlobalComment. I am under the blogs page. I don’t quite know what this means but if you read their “About” page (I won’t do anymore linkage except for one!) well…they kind of make you sound…well, certainly more important than I think I am!

Another blogger I know that I just haven’t had enough damn time to invest in reading, and trying to get to know is Natalia Antonova! She is apparently the editor of GlobalComment? I just sent her a message as to how/why/wtf/don’t you think it’s embarrassing/I do…that I ended up there!

Anyway, I’m not due for another post yet but this was pretty funny. With me talking so much about writing lately and I show up on basically a “Writer’s Blog!”

Okay…I need to go lie down. Actually, I’m hungry. I need to go have something to eat and then lie down. And sleep.

And dream of writing *laughing*

Getting My Bio Together…And Calling And Old Friend For “Permission” *laughing*

It’s funny the things you forget over the years. Well, not really if you’re PA. Bad memory all around and it doesn’t have to necessarily do with years!

While on vacation I looked up some ideas and sample bios for unpublished writers for my next submission. They’re asking for one up front. I mentioned before that I basically only knew what to put in the first sentence (and then completely degraded myself for not being published and having terrible writing.)

Well, the first thing I had forgotten was that I co-led a writing group several years ago and I am basically still a member of it–even if it’s now only in virtual form. I could still go back to attend the group sessions at any time but I once saw my ex-partner before ex-partner (that latter I always talk about) respond. Not good. Ex-partner before ex-partner became a bit “stalkerish” so obviously I want nothing to do with her. I do not know if she attends the groups but I’m not taking any chances.

Alright. Something good to mention there.

Now the friend. Heh. I met her many years ago. 12 years? She’s a filmmaker. Was? Regardless, she is no longer working as one. Still, when I met her she was in the industry working on a film. I “helped” her. To what degree exactly I’m not sure, but she did give me a film credit in the closing under “Research.” That’s pretty cool. Let’s toss that in.

I called her today just to ask her if I could mention it. I mean, it’s the polite thing to do, right? Almost like asking if you can use someone as a reference on a job resume–not that they’ll be confirming my bio? I haven’t spoken to her in a few years but she called me right back today!

Interesting…

*PA reflects upon the entire history of relationship*

Don’t worry. She’s getting there–to a degree anyway–12 years is a lot to cover.

Another thing I wanted to ask about that might be semi-bogus (but pad that bio!) is that one night (perhaps after a bottle of wine and maybe some pot) she whipped out a portion of her script and asked me to have a look. She was always very supportive of my writing and said that it was not her strong suit at all, being more visually inclined. I think I may have reviewed some continuity issues, maybe a bit of dialogue but definitely grammar, basic structure etc…!

I also tore apart her website both in terms of design (even though I’m not great in that area) but, again, definitely all of the writing. I went through it with a fine-toothed comb! Of course, this was much to the chagrin of her website creator/designer. I had met him prior to that and when I saw him again after the suggestions I had made, I received quite a chilly reception.

However, my filmmaker friend absolutely loved the work I did. He was getting paid and I wasn’t, though. Because of that, there may have been some disagreement and I don’t know if any of the changes I suggested were ever implemented. Again, I can’t remember! Perhaps some were.

Anyway, we spoke on the phone today and she was all for it! Say whatever the hell I wanted to about my involvement in the film *laughing* She also was happy to hear that I was writing again and sending out submissions–and she again told me that I was such a great writer. We caught up a bit and I made the offer for her to call me if she wanted to get together in the (near) future.

Okay, now for the personal stuff. I don’t know if this “helped” her film or not (doubtful–it’s a joke, people) but we sort of became a bit *sigh*…romantically, emotionally, sexually entangled? Well, at least I sure did! Oh god, I fell in love with her. And she’s not gay. I guess you could say that she was somewhat bisexual…well…”briefly?” And with me? And only with me. And very briefly.

I’m such a dope, too. I mean, I really don’t know when women are interested in me. They practically have to walk across the room and start making out with me! No, really! For all the flirting that PA does, she really can not perceive it when it is directed back at her unless it is extremely, blatantly obvious.

And speaking of poor perception, PA found out about this several years later from a mutual friend of both hers and this woman’s. She was absolutely stunned! Hats off to her filmmaker friend! Little PA was seduced and she didn’t even know it! Oh, I told you…I can be very dimwitted in the romance department!

I was invited to a party she was having and yes, of course, I was attracted to her. I’m quite sure she knew that. Well, obviously she did! I stayed until the very end after everyone left because I was completely entranced, also in the midst of Bipolar (hypo)mania land and well…all of the sudden…how did I end up in her bed?! And it wasn’t like I hadn’t slept with women before or hadn’t had any relationships with them!

So yes. Years later PA was told from their mutual friend that crazy filmmaker friend had actually asked him: “Do you think if I invite PA to the party she’d sleep with me?”

BWAH-HA-HA! I laughed so hard. He was like, “I don’t know!” And yes, they both knew I was gay.

However, it really wasn’t all fun and games. No, unrequited love is never fun. On the contrary, it is quite painful. She also had a very…how shall I say it? Let’s just leave it at “a harsh side?” My love for her carried on for a long time as well. She is extremely beautiful and charismatic. Ugh. Those days were sheer torture!

Ah well, PA never shuts a door, burns a bridge and all of that. After speaking to her today (and such a rapid response!) I am quite sure we will be back in touch. Another odd thing that might ensure that: she always wanted to stay in contact with me and spend time together when I was single or in between relationships. When I was with someone, she’d disappear. She knows that PA and ex-partner broke up…

*PA shakes head*

The Antigua Diaries - Part Two

All links to prior entries can be accessed at the end of this post.

Day Two 98/03/17 1730hrs

- Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

We went into St. John’s today. Lots to see. The markets were fairly crowded but no “pressure sales” which was quite a relief. The shuttle was taken, yet again, to Nelson’s Dockyard and then a “bus” to St. John’s. The vehicle was a large, new van-type that seated app. 20-30 people with fold down aisle seats. The drivers here are crazy!

They have one new highway which is paved nicely but some of the other roads are dirt (reddish brown) and very bumpy! I wanted to take some pictures of the landscape but it was just too crowded.

The woman who cashed my Traveller’s Cheque may be coming to Canada in November. She wanted to know where (edit: location) was. I gladly told her as much as I could in a scant few minutes across a bank counter.

They make some rum here and in Barbados called Mount Gay…too funny…going to have to pick some up for sure. (Edit: now either I wasn’t much of a rum consumer then and didn’t know it was already available in Canada or it wasn’t back then? Probably the former?)

Speaking of which, everyone seems to like the Freedom Rings, especially the kids (edit: also known as “Pride Rings.” Rainbow colours on a chain that you wear around your neck if you do not already know. Why the hell I was wearing them in Antigua, I have no idea! I guess I was feeling especially gay! Also, I was still in my seven year long stint of non-stop (hypo)mania so I was Living Pretty Large! *laughing*)

Even in one of the more expensive jewellery stores¹ one of the ladies thought they were just so great.

¹ - I’ll just mention this straight up if you’ve never been to Antigua. One word for any ex-pats living there (or some people travelling there?) Rich. A strange pre-arrangement for me to meet a Canadian ex-pat while I was there…wow. It’s coming…

The Antigua Diaries - Part One

Rambly, Whatever Post

Well, after that rather long one from yesterday time to give my readers a break? It didn’t get any comments and so far only three views! *laughing*

EDIT: I just got a response *PA almost falls off bed, laughing even more at her timing and the irony or life*

Blogging (well, writing one) kills me sometimes regarding what you post and the subsequent responses you receive.  This has always been the case for me: I write a post that I think is just mahhhvelous (or I just really enjoy it) and no responses.  Also, possibly very few views as well.  Now, don’t think this is some pitiful cry to go read it, make a comment, whatever.  I don’t care.  A fellow blogger once told me who has me RSS’ed that he will look at my posts, and if they are either too long and/or they don’t appeal to him…pfft.

That’s okay.  I can handle that.

Speaking of writing, I’ve spent pretty much all of my afternoon drinking tea and working on my next submission.  All I’ve really done is put it into digital form as I wrote it longhand.  It hit word length (I wasn’t worried–it was between 1,000 and 2,000–that’s a large target!) but it still needs to be edited, proofed etc…  And I still need to figure out how the hell to write my “bio!”  That will be harder than writing the piece itself!

I wonder about “submissions.”  I’ve never been published before so I think about how “stringent” the publishers really are.  I mean, if your grammar isn’t spot on are you given the heave ho? Like something as simple as a misplaced comma?

Of course if you’re completely all over the place with run on sentences and it’s all garbbled and and a reallypiece of trash, totally incomprehsensible and you’ve got speling mistaks and noone can understand what you’re saying, plus you’ve got continuity issues and it just gives everyone a headache all around, well that is totally understandable in my books, I mean, I wouldn’t publish a sub,ission if I got one like that even if it was just a tiny little thing and I was a nobody indepandant publisher that no one had ever heard of and there was no honnorrarium given out because I really wasn’t making any money off my product, it was just an oporrtunity for first time writers to get published and a way for me to get my nam out as a publisher, do you see what I mean about writing, it’s a really tought thing to try and do really we,, right?

I can’t decide if I shall keep hacking away at it.  Once I get going I can really get going sometimes.  One of the upsides of AD(H)D hyperfocusing.  I need to cook dinner, though.  One of the downsides of AD(H)D hyperfocusing.  I forget things like eating.

Laundry…yes, I know.  How thrilling to hear that I am doing my laundry.  Why do I have so much laundry to do? I could have sworn I did it last weekend! And there is no way I wore that many clothes in one week! It’s not like I went to work every day and then had some (semi-)formal gala to attend in the evening each night.  And it’s not like I’m laundering (semi-)formal clothing *PA laughs outrageously*

All of the clothes are done and next up are my bed linens.  I’m tired of doing laundry! I’m tired, period. Bed linens tomorrow?

*PA frowns*

Well really, being on vacation for a week is just like one huge long weekend anyway.  I need to do more cleaning around my flat, though.  It looks like a bomb hit it.  Uh…PA? When does it not?

Alright, boring post over.  See you tomorrow.