Archive for the ‘Neat Neuro Stuff’ Category
I’m surprised I’m actually writing this right now. I did the dishes and it basically sapped me of all energy. I can’t find my brain. If it’s still in my head, it may start seeping out my ears at any moment. But I’m restless. I can’t find my brain. I’m restless. I can’t find my brain. I’m…
I think the only way I can actually pull off writing this is by being a total med geek. However, after this? I might need a Valium to settle down this RESTLESSNESS!!!
First, no DT activity. So my theory about my meds helping me getting over that and even helping me get through this could be right? How many people in detox take all of my meds! This is all going to be “theoretical.” But look out for up-regulation PA! Does anyone have some GABA for sale? Read on…
For those of you who missed my rather “excited” Tweets last night, I got shot like a rocket into a Bipolar hypomanic spree. Thank god it was euphoric.
Anyway, what’s happening is that there are basically five big neurotransmitters involved, as far as my withdrawal. These would be: GABA, Glutamate, Norepinephrine, Dopamine and Serotonin. Downregulation means this: they had raised my tolerance, but now that I’ve quit drinking, GABA has taken a huge nosedive!
Then, we have up-regulation. That’s what was going on to raise the tolerance too. However, while I’m in this state, they’re all still in up-regulation mode. Situation normal (more or less?) This ties into your sympathetic nervous system being a wreck, it leads the parade of neurotoxicity…but hey! You’ll be alright!
This would precisely (well, theoretically) explain my Bipolar Euphoric Trip to the Moon last night. I’ve got too much Serotonin in my system right now and I can’t take Antidepressants regarding my Bipolar.
I’m not sure if anyone’s noticed but there’s been a little bit of talk around here about being an addict (me=alcohol.) That was on Twitter. Then I mentioned it to a commenter here. I apologized if I made the person upset, but I call things as I see them. The proof is in the pint: I just said I am an addict as well.
*takes deep breath and exhales*
Speaking of deep breathing and exhaling. I need a cigarette. I can’t believe this. All of it. Day #2!
Okay. First the medical. I have read about this before, but based upon what is happening to me now, does it apply? Semantic debates. Alcohol Allergy vs. Alcohol Intolerance. Well, call it what you will, but as far as I’m bloody concerned, it’s the same damn thing!
Never before. When I drink alcohol, and not even much, I become unbelievably sick. No. Really, really sick. And it happens while I am drinking. It’s now progressing to drinking even smaller amounts. Obviously, I have to stop? It’s like someone managed to slip some Antabuse (aka Disulfiram) into me behind my back!
Three nights ago, I had only two bottles of beer in my fridge. I decided it was time to do it. While I drank them, I wrote notes all along the way. I want to post them all on my blog. It will have to be in a series. Lots of writing.
Now, today. A lot of shit can go on when you’re trying to quit drinking, but I think I’m probably going though another Typical Absence Status Epileptics round. That can make things harder to discern. But this? NOT Typical Absence Status Epilepticus.
I had a good dinner last night, had breakfast today, as I’m trying to get my body back in shape. I felt fine. I was not prepared for this at all.
Oh, dear god! I’ve actually got Delirium tremens. My hands are shaking (or maybe a bit less now–I’ll get to that.) Shortly afterward, holy shit. Another “never before!” How do I explain this? I couldn’t bear being in my skin! The feeling of being in my skin! AHHH!!! Let me out! I can’t stand it!!!
I held on to my bottle of Valium for about five minutes until I finally slapped myself (not literally) and said (not out loud) “This is why you’ve been prescribed them dummy! For anxiety! Take a fucking Valium!” I’m still pretty freaky. You also treat people quitting booze with benzos anyway!
A bit all over here, but the DTs can mess with your heart. I’m okay. Resting bpm not throwing me into Tach. Maybe that’s the Valium calming me down a bit. And my hands too. They’re not so shaky anymore.
Finally, as I mentioned with my hands up there? All of my friggin’ meds may actually help me with this!!! More medical mumbo jumbo about cellular up-regulation and downregulation, but my Anticonvulsants (and my Atypical Antipsychotic) are involved with the neurochemistry. That could “homeostate” me faster (sorry, I wanted to make up a word.)
Fine, I’m on Biphentin as a stimulant for my ADD, but really. Three ACs plus one AP can beat that. I sound like I’m playing Poker with all of my meds.
So that’s where I sit right now. This has taken a long time to compose. Should go. Not feeling so great. This is harder than I thought it would be. Way more. For some reason.
Thanks for reading everyone,
PA
Neuro lowered my Clobazam from 100mg to 80mg. Right now this is the first “test drive” for the Typical Absence Status Epilepticus. I can only work it out every two weeks. Because that’s when it rears its ugly head.
I don’t want to blog about being sick anymore but I’m going crazy. I’ve been hiding it. Of course. Keep wearing that sane face.
I’ve been scratching my head for the last while like there are bugs all over it. Scrape, Scrape, Scrape…
Nightmares. I’ve also cried daily since this first test go ’round. My Asperger’s has exploded! My brain is screaming. ”Where did that other 20mg go!!!”
Med changes are always (or can be) insane but this is a “Special Case.” Very. I’m on/off. Feeling alright but then pretty crappy.
And this is bad. Very bad and I know it. It’s like those bugs on my head.
The only way I can deal with all of the shit in my head is to drink. I know.
My functionality is so messed up, I actually questioned when going out, am I craving alcohol? No, no. I don’t…never have…
At least only that one minor seizure. It’s just psychologically and emotionally things are way, way out of control. Oh, and other physical ickiness. Goes with the territory.
As always, open and honest posts on PAs wee blog.
Fuck me. I’m like Amy. ”Rehab.” But no. Even though I am an alcoholic, not nearly as heavy a drinker like I used to be years and years ago. And that is NOT denial. I’ve cut way down. WAY down, and not every day etc. But now? “What time is it? Time to go to the pub.” Where I AM functional. Oddly, ironically, I have no clue. Neurologically in a very odd way? Theories of my own there.
So, I’m in a state right now. Clearly. I am now pulling at hair.
This won’t last. It can’t. Unfortunately, and not the best way, the only way I can get my stupid brain to shut up is have a few drinks. Basically, daily. Not my intention. Not in the least.
We have a bit of a situation on our hands, everyone. It is a bit complicated. It has been going for a long time and finally tonight, there has been some serious, or at least, very confusing seizure behaviour. However, since so much time has elapsed, the events of tonight may just make things more confusing for wee PA.
She is terrified of going anywhere near her blog. And yet, there is a huge conflict in her mind, as she knows she has people out there that she feels she must reach out to–as they are reaching out to her. It is her duty and responsibility. However, being terrified and then confronted with a sense of duty and responsibility does not do her well. I will not go into further details about her health, her diagnoses. Why the prior is happening. You might find it on her blog. There are no secrets here. This is just how PA operates.
She is so desperately tired of talking about her health. She is so angry about it. She wants to try and say more; more about anything. That is another reason for being so afraid to blog. Not the same things over and over. She feels that, based upon all of it, she has lost long time friends–over and over.
I am desperately trying to get her words out on her behalf, but it is so difficult. She had a seizure tonight and for years, this was a sign–excessive drooling. As far as tonight, I do not believe “excessive” is the proper word. I think “uncontrollable” would fit better. Her legs went as well. Too much overload and thus, too much fear to come near her blog, even though she wants to–despite so much conflict still.
She does sometimes show up on Twitter, but it is intermittent and she knows it is also something she feels she can’t control.
Oh, dear. I am trying so hard to make my wee PA not sound like some kind of “victim.” A victim of her health, both body and mind, or some other kind of one, well beyond pathos.
I am still trying my utmost to take care of her. That is all I do. All I am meant to do. Although tonight, the best I could do was help her keep leaning forward to let the drool from her ongoing seizures hit the restaurant floor. She was running out of tissues.
Now I must check how much milk is in the fridge for her GERD that is like a volcano right now. Plus, I should try and find her at least something gentle to try and eat.
None of you know Melissa. You don’t know Jason either. Or Amelia.
Jason was from my coma. He visually appeared and we did “talk.” Symbolically for him, a feeling of my own voice in my head for me. He was about 8-years-old. I’ve suffered retrograde and anterograde amnesia surrounding the whole event, but when I came out of my coma, apparently he was all I’d talk about for hours or even days!
Well, “Melissa” did appear vocally (in my head) when I was taking the evil Depakene to initially attempt treating the Typical Absence Status Epilepticus. She was a child then, but is now 19.
Amelia is 6-years-old and showed up a little while ago when I was emailing someone about a seizure I just had. Amelia called them (as I was just writing) what I had called them as a child when I had them at her age.
Then, I began to write like her in the email. My handwriting changed to that of a child’s as well when I was writing all of this in my notes.
Then, Melissa showed up. Again. Dangerous. Ominous. Predatory. Violent. I knew it was her. Before, when she spoke in my head, she was a brutal, extremely angry child, and beyond condescending. She also held great disdain for me!
After Amelia was set aside, it was time for a “confrontation” with Melissa’s presence all over me. I felt like I was physically doing battle. My entire body was aching, and in so much pain. Then it stopped.
More to the story, but Melissa said I would finish grieving: 19. I don’t think days! 19 months?
Now, like Jason, it is basically a form of telepathic and intuitive form of communication. There are no “voices” I can hear in my head from them, per se. Sort of. It’s complicated.
I have tried and tried to get Jason back so many times and it hurts so much. Nothing. I have questioned if he was my lost twin I “met” while in my coma.
Melissa and Amelia? Unpredictable. Well, Amelia is only six! Not to mention Melissa is her protector. Interestingly enough, after all the fighting, Melissa is my “protector” too. I asked about the age change and she replied that she had to figure out if I was a strong enough and suitable host.
Perhaps that’s why Melissa doesn’t show up too much. She’s protecting me. She did say one time when I was fuelled with questions, that it was “enough.” It was too much (for me) right now. Then she was gone.
Due to factors of my mother’s miscarriage, I’m wondering if I may in fact be a multiple Womb Twin Survivor! Ugh.
I keep questioning myself, thinking I’m totally insane, and asking Melissa to prove she and Amelia actually exist! Melissa says it doesn’t work that way. It’s not like they’re evil demons that will turn me into Linda Blair or start throwing things across the room.
Regardless. 19. 19. 19.
VERY IMPORTANT: If anyone who is remotely under the DID umbrella of diagnoses and/or has PTSD (as well) I’d really like to hear from you. I haven’t picked up any Womb Twin Survivors (yet?)
Wait. Oh, boy.
I was thinking all along while writing this, Melissa wanted me to do it. I went to the bathroom, pondering the idea, and BANG! Melissa said she’s my protector, so who is this that almost hit me like a brick? And then told me, “You’ll never get what you want, you know.”
Bully.
I told him since I was in the bathroom, why don’t we (old school) “take it outside.” I went for a cigarette. Of course, more questions. Me back to going out of my mind, thinking I’m just putting my own words into some delusion in my head.
He said, “You couldn’t put any more words into my mouth, because I have more than enough for you.” And why the bullying? He said he’d do it just because it’s fun.
Melissa? Did you make me write this somehow? “No,” she sighed. “Bruce” did.
POSTSCRIPT: I can see all of the aforementioned very clearly in my mind. I can describe exactly what they look like. Bruce? Not quite yet? He’s around my age though. I know that. Dressed like a “tough guy.” Dark hair. Hefty build but not overweight.
Further, I have never had any delusions or hallucinations before in my life.
Oh, all of you insane wonderful INSANE people that have started following my blog, giving me a “Like” on my posts etc. I’m just trying to get around to checking you out now, but I’m facing an avalanche!
I’m Bookmarking your Blogs when I see what wonderful things you toss off (sorry, had to write that for my new UK readers!)
I’m also trying to find out if you’re on Twitter so I can follow you. I’ve got a lot of work to do. A lot. Perhaps a decade or so to do it all? Maybe a bit less.
Still, thanks to all of you. It means so much that there are so many of you out there who want to read my…
Things that I type that are worth much more less than piss and puke.
xo
So, here’s the deal with this rather fun adventure. More “adventure/s” to come?
I’m feeling selfish and guilty about a lot of fucking things right now. Things that are important to me (this blog included.) Yes, yes, my health comes first, but try explaining that to my head. My brain doesn’t work that way–even though my body ends up convincing it that it does–because my body just gives up. Period. But I am on the mend. I think?
I went back to hospital, called Emergency Services as I was getting sicker. Back into Isolation!
There were other things I had neglected to tell them. More falls I didn’t mention (one that resulted in some urinary incontinence as I was going to the bathroom in the night!) Massive memory loss, as well. Feelings of Neuropathy (damage to nerves in certain places of the brain.)
I had numbness and tingling in my face from my nose down to my chin. Then, one night, some in my left forearm that went from numbness to pain. More pain? Tendons can just “pop” or get damaged in other ways. I was in pain with certain joints. A lot of issues besides, but some weren’t even mentioned under the “Extremely Rare” category. Well, that’s me!
When I got home from hospital from the first Isolation round, I took a fall on the floor and had no idea how it happened. I was putting on jammies, unpacking, taking my meds, getting ready for bed. The next thing, I found my kitchen step stool opened when it was closed, and me lying on the floor below it. No clue, no memory, nothing. Can you say concussion?
Because I had a bit of a bump on my bean and some bruising around one of my eyes. But glasses area good thing! They have been for me, as mine are very solid. They’ve absorbed the impact of my falls first, before my head has! *laughing* No, I’m serious!
Anyway, back to what is/was “wrong” with me. Side effects of the medication prescribed. Which could very well be true. On my long list of problems, there were some under the “Rare” category. This drug is like, I don’t know! Some kind of missile, to kill whatever is killing you. That said, because it made me so sick, recovery time could be very slow.
However, I never received an actual “diagnosis!” What the hell made me so sick in the first place, and what happened? What’s going on with my body?
From what it treats, I don’t think I had the most serious two: plague and anthrax. Nobody is dropping like flies all over the place, and I don’t think I dispelled one of largest Urban Myths when I went to pick up my mail a few weeks ago. So, perhaps an extremely intense, over-the-top, near-death Pneumonia? Which it does treat–but you must have to be pretty bad off to have them give it to you?
I hate to complain folks but I’ve been bedridden in some way since LAST JUNE. I’m getting a little tired (bad pun) of this. I know it seems counterintuitive for me to post, rather than do Twitter stuff and comments. Throwing up posts and writing like this is easier. The others require more thought. My brain tends to run out of steam. I want to do things correctly. If that makes any sense. Because I want to make sense!
Since I am basically immobile, my mom and her husband picked me up. Her husband has cancer so he’s up and down. But kind of up right now to make the trip. A bit of a drive to my place. Oh, this is priceless. I got a hysterical call from my mother saying she “She needed me!” just as I was about to call Emergency Services. Well, not what I needed to hear at the time but I can understand.
I think she’s keeping me captive here too. She wants me around as it’s a nice break from her own insanity. I guess being here is okay. I don’t know how I feel about it really.
I’ve said this before. I’ve never had a mother because she was so mentally ill. I had to parent my parents. A soon I became an adult, I said, “Fuck it!” and got outta dodge.
I now have a mother. After never having one.
It’s been that way since this last year and a half. I don’t know if being so sick trumps my PTSD while staying here or not. I’m also sitting in another in another room listening to the both of them talk…overstimulation? I don’t know what to do.
OH.NO. Unexpected visitors just arrived. This day might be blown, we still have to do more things, I didn’t bring enough Clobazam. *hangs head and now longs for peace and quiet*
I guess you could say I made a full 36hrs. or a bit more (you must count sleep!) without a cigarette. However, something seemed terribly odd. I just wrote it off. I was stubborn. I’d quit cold turkey before, and each time, no problems at all.
That something “terribly odd” turned into something that didn’t make sense. Then, something was wrong. Then, something felt wrong!
Somewhere in the back of my warped head, I had reservations about quitting cold turkey before I even did it. Now, I think I have very good reasons to actually start smoking again!
I already new this about trying to quit anything that is potentially addictive (or just plain is!) That gem is, you never do it at the same time you are trying to quit something else! Well, I was okay there. I wasn’t trying to stop anything else.
Wait a minute. Rule broken?
What am I “quitting” right now? Or better said, What did I “quit” a year ago? And by quit, cold turkey as well–by force!
My Clobazam/Frisium for my Typical Absence Status Epilepticus. And on that front, how are we doing there? We’re still making titrations, some improvement with each one, but I’m not well enough yet. I’m still having seizures, psychological disturbances etc.
For all I know, my brain could be sitting there with a grim face saying, “Man, it’s been a year and I just can’t kick this Clobazam habit. I really must have been addicted to that stuff.” Yeah! My brain’s so screwy, it thinks I’m trying to get rid of it, because it damn near killed me going off it, and I still don’t have enough of it back!
I made that reference to something feeling wrong. I’m now on Day 7 of one of my TASE intervals. I’ve already had some seizure activity with this every-two-week spin around the dance floor. The problem was, I was feeling just fine until I stopped smoking. Day 6 and today threw me back so far, it was like the days of surviving things months ago! *winces*
Still, I refused to believe. I carried on. I just thought things symptomatic from quitting smoking right off the bat. Either that, or damn! What on earth is going on with my TASE?
Now sure, you could say, “Okay, PA. Right…you’re just making excuses for your symptoms. You’re just sick because you’re not on the right dose of meds yet! You just want to smoke!” Say it all you want.
I think this gives me all the ammo I need to start up again. It has to do with the receptors in your brain for nicotine and epilepsy. Yes, peer reviewed studies I read so not a lot of bunk. Also some anecdotal from message boards to see what other folks with epilepsy did when quitting (as advised by their neuros.)
It’s about the desensitization of those receptors. People with epilepsy have a massively higher rate for those receptors to become desensitized due to the receptor itself and especially one binding site that covers so much territory! There’s lots more about other receptors, loads of studies of this in particular re: genetically, inherited epilepsy, but forget all of that.
The point is, it can even get to the point of lowering your seizure threshold so goddamn low, you can start having seizures! HEEELLLOOO…I’M ALREADY HAVING SEIZURES!!!
Which may then logically follow, that if it was lowering my threshold enough, it would only make sense that my Typical Absence Status Epilepticus got worse! It’s a form of Non-convulsive Status Epilepticus, so I’m already seizing all over the place–you just can’t see it, and it makes my brain and body go completely mad!
So, what have I done? When I got up this morning, I went to a store to get a small packet of cigarettes. Time to do a bit of experimentation.
The jury’s still out, but a verdict may be coming soon. I was in hell yesterday and today, earlier. Things may be starting to clear. Slowly. Because I took a really hard brain bashing.
Irrespective of the jury and that case. My overall medical one is closed–for now.
Cigarettes and so much more are drugs. They’re just not medically prescribed! So, as far as my brain is concerned, just like any other head med, a slow discontinuation required. Handle with care. Another item on the table for discussion with Sweetie GP.
POSTSCRIPT: This has taken me all day. So, still kind of slow but also very tired, still in TASE anyway. But not as crazy vs. incapacitated like before.
PRE-RAMBLE: This is long, but if you can manage to get through it, I got a massive shock at the end of writing it. Everything just came to me as I was continuing and thinking. I’m not sure what you’ll think, but it was a total “Do I need a Valium?” revelation for me. I’m almost started to cry. I took the Valium.
Chop-chop, kiddies! We’ve got an anniversary (actually two!) to celebrate! Granted, the first is an approximate one.
The last day I could actually walk. It must have been Friday, May 27, 2011. I recall an appt. with Sweetie GP and she gave me a script for some Clobazam/Frisium. Anybody see where I’m going with this?
When I got back to my home area, I must have walked a main artery of the city (a block or so from where I live) for well over an hour. I hit every pharmacy I saw, to see if they had any of the drug, due to the suppliers not being able to get it to pharmacies. I think one pharmacy said they had TWO PILLS left.
Okay. Cold turkey it is then.
Well, today deserves a great, big, huge, wonderful and colourful, fireworks display. All on the earth should be able to gape in awe when they witness it. Because after three days cold turkey, that’s exactly what my entire body and brain looked like. Although arguably, less attractive.
June 01, 2011. I’ve blogged so much about it, I won’t go into the all the details here. Plus, it’s also been a year now! I don’t know who or what to wish “Happy Anniversary!”
Now that it’s been a year, I’m up to 100mg from my prior dose of 60mg. That’s been a long haul, and there have been some improvements with each subsequent titration. Yet, I’m still messy. Just “less” messy?
That long haul as well. It took so long for the suppliers to get sorted. There are three generics available for this drug. My pharmacy and I were constantly keeping tabs on all of them. They’d all say a date, then it would get pushed back. This went on forever. This made me do a bit of a “naughty.” However, excuse me but: I’M RATHER DESPERATE AND MY ENTIRE HEALTH IS AT STAKE HERE–PHYSICAL, PSYCHOLOGICAL AND EMOTIONAL!!!
“Double Doctoring.” That’s the naughty. I even had them writing up scripts for different pharmacies where I had any chance of getting the drug. Well, they considered it an emergency so screw it!
I was talking to my friend P. yesterday about how I’ve progressed, yet I can’t remain “here.” I’m not sure if the seizures have reduced, markedly. But just for physical, argument’s sake, if I was only left with managing seizures during the times when I have to face the Typical Absence Status Epilepticus? And remember, folks. This is a syndrome. It’s with me for life.
So. Say we can try to get the seizures down, but I know to possibly expect them. Be prepared. Alright. I laugh in the face of that! There’s a hell of lot more going on than seizures alone! My moods, my psychological state.
P. and I both agreed that it would be medically negligent to let those aspects continue on. The moods that can alter themselves within a minute or less! They can do it completely to my surprise! Some are so…completely foreign and terrifying. My psychological state? I can’t function. Period.
These are extremes, and as I have said so before, things aren’t always like this. Although, how about sending a mad, crazed text to P. after we parted last night about going to hospital, but both hospital and my own apartment are prisons! That was just part of it. We agreed to sleep on it, check me today. I’m at home by the way, I did not go to hospital. However, does that give you an idea how out of control I can, and more frighteningly, could get?
Because here are two examples. They both happened before the cold turkey business, but maybe Non-Arsey Neuro hadn’t quite gotten where we needed to be. I was thinking of it before starting this, dates, changes in the medication, how many hospitalizations have I had? The answer is nine and I added it to my “About” Page.
Number eight was easy. I figured it out myself. The barrage of emotions from the TASE made me panic and have the paramedics wheel me off. I had to straighten it out with my inpatient Psychiatrist, but he was a smart and an amazing physician. When I got him there, it was a huge AHA! Then we worked on what to do with me. Even still. The TASE can make me so fucked up emotionally, I’ll go nuts and do what in the…?!
Number nine. This is the worst hospitalization I’ve ever had. Huge understatement. I had to check the dates for this one. *snap!* It was within one of the two ranges when I’m going through the TASE hell. If you don’t know what happened, I OD’d and spent three days in the ICU. So, that just adds another layer to so many on the list as to why? Does anybody have some LEGO™ building blocks?
Both of these times were before I lost the drug. However, they fit a pattern that already exists. Wait a minute. *freezes and stares*
I wasn’t on the mend at all!!!
The Typical Absence Status Epilepticus wasn’t even on the radar! That’s because when I was in hospital for number eight, I figured out the entire pattern, its cause, everything! That’s why I was using Wonder Cane for the entire two months I was there! This was during dates through November to December, 2010.
We tried Depakene for two weeks when I was discharged, but it was horrific! It made me sicker than I already was, it gave me seizures and so much more. Not to mention, if it was giving me noticeable seizures, it may have been making the TASE worse! So, we went with the Clobazam which I was already on, and had been for years.
Then, hospitalization number nine that fell a month and some after number eight. January 2011. I wasn’t exactly(!) being treated for the Typical Absence Status Epilepticus. It was sometime in February when we finally made the increase to 60mg.
After so much damage already done.
Holy shit. *shaking*
To me, from this angle, everything looks like a disastrous Neurological and Psychological train wreck! I can’t believe it!
Ongoing periods of variable emotional instability due to a condition you have. A medication that seriously impacted your physical and mental health over its trial dose. Then, not being treated after all, for the above condition, when you originally thought you were.
Within such a short period of time. And with too much intensity regarding cause and effect during that time.
I don’t know if I want to play LEGO™ or not anymore.
I just looked up and saw the deadbolt to my back door open (again!) It leads to my patio. I’ve been madly running around to see if anything has been moved in my unit; anything has been changed. At least when I looked outside, I didn’t see any crumpled up balls of paper from my notepad strewn around everywhere!
Does anyone remember those two nights, back to back last summer? The second night, where I was screaming profane, verbal automatisms my neighbour thought two people above him were having a huge fight? Two Complex Partials in a row? After that, I duct taped both doors of my unit to lock myself inside at night. Does that jar your memory?
I had an appt. yesterday. The temperatures have dropped massively (thank you weather for the migraine last night–and one that’s coming on now!!!) *runs to get a triptan*
Continuing… Did I poke my head out to check the weather? I tried to run through everything I was doing while getting dressed. No. If I had, I would have dressed warmer, as I was freezing when I finally did go outside! Nevertheless, I always lock it!
Since it was so cold, I turned the heat up last night. However, since it was so hot inside, I removed my pyjama top, socks, and just slept in the bottoms and a T-shirt. Going outside with no socks, when having a Complex Partial seizure in this weather??? I am always unconscious when I have them, I think I have a pretty high pain threshold, but that would be EXTREME!
Then, I found something. Oh, dear. NO! NO! NO!
Certain things must be in order in my life. This is due to the Asperger’s. Ironically, I can have a whack of possessions in complete disarray and all over the place, courtesy of my ADD. I love my comorbidities. They make managing my life just so much FUN!
What did I find that was “out of place?” My winter boots. How did I know?
My footwear is always organized, placed straight, even, and also in a left/right position. Just like your feet. If there are any laces hanging out, they are tucked into the shoe, boot etc… Prior to last night, my boots were in this position as I hadn’t worn them in a while. What did they look like when I found them?
Bloody, hell. No longer straight, organized and all of the above. Basically, sideways or diagonal on the mat. I also take my footwear off in a certain way, if I’m just using my heels to sort of kick or push them off. I take my right off first, then my left off after. Most certainly these days, with the epilepsy issues. My right leg is the weakest. The Simple partial motor seizures nail it more than my left.
My brain’s slightly “unbalanced.” Sorry. Bad epilepsy joke.
Well, the boots were not in the correct position as to how I would take them off. They were reversed. They were also remaining in a position that looked like someone had just taken them off–heel to toe. Crap. I would never have them just sit there like that! It would drive my positively bonkers! It also explains why my feet didn’t get frostbite?
I have a “theory” regarding Complex Partial seizures. If they happen in an environment you already know, even if unconscious, you can still be “aware.” It’s like me putting on my boots to go outside. It’s also similar as to why I didn’t leap over my patio, that’s about 2-3 storeys above the ground. However, this is only a “theory.” It could be a load of garbage.
So, I’m DEFINITELY NOT saying that people shouldn’t be kept safe, and away from any possible dangers–even if they ARE familiar with any surroundings. Just gently guide them away from anything potentially, or certainly injurious. Also, remember that just about everyone who has a Complex Partial is unconscious. They won’t respond to anything. Except perhaps one thing.
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER provoke them in any way!!! Push, shove, grab, scream…anything that can cause a stir with them. People with Complex Partials (and people with epilepsy period) can very sadly be perceived as a person drunk, on drugs etc… But someone having a Complex Partial is not violent. Yet, they can become so if provoked. It happened to me once when unconscious and after I heard what I’d done? I wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there forever!
The Backing and Forthing
Track the Twit(ter…)
Psych Central 2009 Top 10 Bipolar Blogs
Who Wants to Buy This Blog?
My blog is worth $22,581.60.
How much is your blog worth?
Whoops! You guys lost your chance at a real bargain in buying my blog!
Its value has now shot up from a measly few dollars to $22,581.60!
However, it's still on the market if anyone wants it. Just email me.
Currently Reading (Bless My Stims!)
Too many things at once. My ADD is running full throttle.
However...
Dr. PA Available For Consultations:
patientanonymous (at) gmail (dot) com
NOTE: This other side of her ego may get back to you as well:
Hi. I'm Aspie Penguin. I do my hardest to take care of PA. She doesn't always do so well on her own.
You can reach me at her email above, or I have my own: aspiepenguin (at) gmail (dot) com
-
This describes some explanation because PA is a woman, and the female blogger badge was pink.
1. She cannot stand colour used for gender distinction. Therefore, this badge is to be used in protest.
2. The pink one was lacking "aesthetic" qualities.
3. Blue looks better in her side bar, anyway!
There are some more award badges down there.
I had completely forgotten who gave them to me. Bad PA.
Amazingly, I managed to figure out most. The appropriate "Thank You" hovers are there.
