True, you will never shut my Anime/Manga/Graphic Novel little yap! However, while being laid up the last few days from <sarcasm>warm, tasty, post-“ick”tal© goodness</sarcasm> I have had more opportunity to indulge in my childlike, immature (do I have to use that last word?) behaviour.

I spent some time watching our cable network’s Cartoon Channel, and I found something I really like.  Some of you may have already heard of it, but if not, let me fill you in.  It’s called “Johnny Test.”  It was making me laugh.  It’s also geeky, as well as funny.  For example, the word “Isotope” was mentioned in one episode I watched.  Yep.  That would appeal to me!

I’m going to have to toss you a link.  I’m still traipsing through post-“ick”tal© territory and in a bit of a fog.  Plus, the show’s website can give you a more succinct and better description of the characters.

I seriously urge you to read the above.  It is brief and explains it brushstroke, so you’ll know enough.  Well, okay.  If you don’t read it and because I like it so much…  Basically, Johnny is the younger brother of two twin sisters who are uber smart scientists.  They even wear little, white, lab coats and have rockin’, funky glasses! Johnny is always more than willing to have them do something to him–although, with his own ulterior motives! Just for (more) shits and giggles, he wears a black T-shirt with a radiation symbol on it.

There are other characters to add to the mix, of course.  Read the link! Go to Wiki (although Spoiler Alert!)

Another episode I saw yesterday was based around a Horror Movie showing in a theatre.  If you watched the movie, your face would actually become temporarily twisted by the end of it.  It would be all bent out of shape due to how absolutely frightening it was!!!

O.o   8-#   %-)   (.\|/.)   @-|   @?@

I only ever use the first emoticon.  Otherwise, I don’t use them at all.  So, there are some other ones, but only out of dire necessity.  All to display the impact of: “The Horror Movie Contorted Faces!”

I’ve found a good TouYube for you to enjoy, as well.  Please watch.

Johnny Test – Johnny’s Big Snow Job

That’s the closest term I could come up with and it may be more to do with the self, but perhaps this guy took it one step further? And definitely way too far???

Huh? Good grief!

Girl Bitten at ‘New Moon’ Screening.

This occurred in Michigan, by the way.  Norton Shores is a part of it. The story has just come out now, so pretty tough to check the “Urban Legend” business.  I can’t find anything so…

I shouldn’t even be on baby MacBook right now, but I need to gripe.  What the HELL is wrong with me? I am completely, cognitively impaired, totally nauseous and dizzy, I have somewhat of a headache, and a bit of photophobia.  Anxious…  Maybe take a Valium? Tinnitus but that’s been a lifelong condition anyway.  Still, them bells sure are ringin’!

These are basically some of my post-“ick”tal© signs.  Although the Tinnitus doesn’t show up? At least I don’t think so? I’m too out of it to think.

Did I have a nocturnal seizure? It is possible.  I went to see Non-Arsey Neuro once before and I felt all weird.  Sick and out in space.  My legs were really sore and I was having trouble walking.  Gee, motor seizure in the night? We both agreed some possibility of nocturnal activity there! It wasn’t like I was running some marathon the day before.

I actually did manage to catch myself having a nocturnal seizure once.  I couldn’t believe it! I woke up and my eyes were fluttering like a butterfly having a seizure.  Believe it or not, I was actually thrilled to have that happen! How on earth does one know they’re having a damn nocturnal seizure? You’re asleep! Well, at least I’ve always been–if I’ve had one–lest waking up in soaked sheets because I’ve pissed the bed.  That was due to side effects from meds though, yet still “unconfirmed.”

So, there was that one that I “confirmed.”  The problem is, I sleep alone.  No one’s with me to let me know.  Or at least when someone has been around, either they’ve been been slumbering away too heavily or I haven’t been seizing enough to notice or even at all.

Okay, going back to bed now.  Maybe I’ll try and “think” about only that.  Being in bed forever with my upcoming VEEG.  And how they probably won’t catch a nocturnal seizure, either.

As I’ve said to a couple of people recently, I can remember this exact day three years ago and well, here I am today, but:

“…the rest is just a blur…” *laughing*

No, the last three years are kind of hazy regarding this blog.  In a lot of ways, I can’t believe it’s still here! I suppose doing Blog 365 helped it along during 2008, although I didn’t find that a difficult task at all, really.

In looking back through any “haze,” I will say that this blog has changed somewhat, but that can be the nature of blogging.  It was always meant to have a psych/mental illness/whatever you want to say there, angle.  Beyond that? Well, certainly more.

This year? Oh, my! It has been rather ugly messy.  That’s due to my life being rather ugly.  I have no problem with abandoning any strikethrough, as to that statement! So, I’m sorry for a lot of you having to deal with that! I know I’m still having people read me as I can “see” you with my Stats, but not a lot of commenting going on.  That’s fair.  What on earth do you say to a bunch of repetitive complaining and whining about the same things?! *rolls eyes*

Still, I would like to thank you all, old readers and new.  You keep this blog alive.

I seem to be focussing a bit more on Blip.fm streaming songs, than doing it on my own blog these days.  Not that I’m using Blip that often.  I don’t really want to go all crazy with it.  I see a lot of other “Blippers” uploading songs at a near manic pace! I can’t even follow the (so far) few folks that I’ve added as “Favourites.”  There are only a few since I’ve just started using it.

Most of the time, I have enough problems keeping up with my blog alone, not to mention jumping on Twitter and engaging with people in that arena.  That can be pretty hairy! Also, there is still trying to communicate with people via other avenues.  And gee…personal things that…well, should carry some kind of weight, as opposed to me just screwin’ around? Yeah.

So, let’s get back to MP3 of the Moment, shall we?

Now, although I did just Blip this the other night (now how is that for being “Blippy?”) Blippy in my head. I even said that on Twitter after I Blipped this song! Clearly, I need help.

Anyway, I really love this one.  It makes me feel all “melty and mushy and gooey” inside. *laughing* I’ll give you a head’s up and some background as to what it is, if you don’t already know.  Does that make sense? Am I letting too much of the cat out of the bag or the whole puss altogether? I’m so confused.  I think this further proves how much I do need help.  However, I also think I do need to give the puss free reign, as the song needs a bit of explanation.

If you’re not familiar with the composer, and/or never watched the series “Twin Peaks” by David Lynch, this is a variation of the theme song for the show.  Lynch used Badalamenti exclusively for just about everything? I think he’s an awesome composer, and his music is beautiful.  The variation? Lyrics were added.  The voice? Julee Cruise.  She performed other tracks as well.  I find this one haunting, so sweet, and all about love… *PA gets all melty and mushy and gooey*

*laughing*

“Falling” by Angelo Badalamenti

I am so lucky.  I seriously am.  I really think they have gone above and beyond “Customer Service,” this time.

Because I am still not working, I am on a stoopid guvmunt plan where I need to pay out of pocket for my meds.  As you can imagine, this is rather painful when you are on a limited income.  Especially since I take so many “pressies” from Big Pharma in attempt to keep my head from falling off my shoulders.  That can also be rather painful and quite a feat, as well.  I suppose one (semi-)good thing is that because I take so many bloomin’ meds, and they are so bloomin’ expensive, I eventually…eventually…manage to get them for free.

However, it does take a while.  You see, some stoopid guvmunt drone, in the basement of a building somewhere, sits and pretends they know how to do arithmetic calculations.  The plan then, generously bestows upon me a “deductible.”  Once I surpass that? I’m home “free.”

Now, first my awesome pharmacy always spots me extra pills if/when I get “stoopid” myself, and forget to go for my refills until I am out. Or, they do this if they don’t have enough in stock.  I suspect that a lot of other pharmacies might do this also, but maybe not.  Some could be total meanies.

Today? Oh, my god! I desperately needed my Seroquel/Quetiapine (that of course, I never refilled until I was completely out of them.)  If I don’t have my Seroquel/Quetiapine, I will never sleep again for the rest of my natural born life.  Had I been “unnaturally” born, I wouldn’t be a chronic insomniac, or have any of my other redonculous, mental “issues.”

I went in with only a certain amount of cash on hand.  I really didn’t want to touch my bank account, because it was a significant amount of cash so…well, let’s use it for this specific purpose.  It was why I was hanging on to it.  It was the fee for my next “Head-Shoulder Management Course.”  Thus, some negotiations were required.

My Concerta/Extended Release Methylphenidate was also getting low, but I wasn’t out of it.  That could wait until later, but if we could squeeze that through the door, great.  Well, wouldn’t you know it? The doorway was just, that too narrow! *PA pinches thumb and forefinger really close together*

Guess what they did.  This time, they spotted me the money! They gave me meds without paying!!! Well, perhaps “on loan” is a better way of putting it.  I feel like a barfly that spends too much time in a pub, being a regular.  Although, I suppose it could be quite similar? With the number of times I’m running into the place, filling scripts for this and that…  I’m on a first name basis with the pharmacists, always yapping away about something!

So, I guess you can call me a “drugfly,” now?

Ugh.  I’m still waiting for the Tea Faeries to alight upon my shoulders, with blessings of sweet caffeine relief, but to no avail…  Yes, I was up very early this morning (after staying up a little late?) for another EEG!

Let’s just say the whole thing started off with a bang.  Literally.  The hospital’s revolving door’s windows were VERY clean! You know, the door that moves slooowwwlllyyy, so people in wheelchairs and such can get through safely?

What about the safety of ambulatory PA? I walked right into one of those lovely, shiny, clean windows! Or doors?

SPAZ O.o

No, I’m not kidding!!! I did a total face plant into one of the windows! I’m surprised I didn’t break my glasses! This has to be the kraziest, klutziest move I have EVER made!!! *laughing so hard* May I please blame it on sleep deprivation? Please??? And in case you’re worried, I didn’t hurt any body parts. Well, I guess only my dignity–or what little was left after the door took most of it away.

The EEG itself? Unremarkable? Although, maybe a few differences from the past.

I had less electrodes.  Only 26 this time whereas before, I have had upwards of 30. However, the cords for these ones were rainbow colours! W00t! I was in a chair that tilted backward, as well.  Before I have always been lying down.

The tech. was really nice.  Of course, I geeked out with her.  I had to “de-stim” prior to my “stillness,” and she asked if I was okay. I told her about the Asperger’s and how I had to do the same thing with my last MRI.  She thought that must have been incredibly difficult–me having to remain so still for so long.  I assumed she was referring to me having to “de-stim” myself, and get any funky body movements out of the way in order to try and remain purposefully immobile.  If so, I thought that was incredibly awesome and caring on her part! I will repeat this again for the nth time: I have always had my best medical experiences with my testing technicians! They are always SO happy, helpful and kind!

We talked about Asperger’s and all of my other brain insanity.  That also tied in to the listing of all my meds.  She seemed quite “interested,” there.  Or, “impressed?” “Shocked?” “Curious?” Ah, who knows? I was tired!

My EEG will actually show my brain laughing.  It will.  The tech. left for a bit, and I was to remain resting and keep my eyes closed (yes you just rest with your eyes closed; not a complicated procedure.)  So, off my silly, little head went and…ooop! Funny things started to enter it! I started to laugh and laugh! Then I said in my mind: “Stop laughing!” Well, that just makes it all the worse, right?! Wee PA gets rather punchy when she’s tired.  Things that are already funny become even more funny.  Or, things that aren’t funny at all become a total riot!

One more thing of, perhaps, “serious” interest, may be an occurrence during the “infamous strobe!” Usually my eyes just get a bit twitchy (they’re closed), but whose wouldn’t! This time, I got the same surge of panic that I have felt, before my WORST Simple Partial Motor Seizures.  The tech. asked me if I was alright.  I think my face was contorting in fear, even though my eyes were still shut.  I said I was, in maybe some kind of whimpering voice? She asked me if I wanted to stop.  I said no, and then spat out something along the lines of: “…aura…fear…had it before…”

I told her about it when we were done, and even that I can not stand using the word, “aura.”  I prefer the fact that an “aura” is, in fact, a Simple Partial Seizure.  The words just shot out of me as the strobe was flashing.

Anyway, not sure if that means anything at all.  I don’t know if it will show any epileptiform activity or differing wave patterns. Nonetheless, still something interesting to stick in my brain’s back pocket.

I’m going to have some more tea now.  Maybe the Faeries will still show up? If I’m lucky? I probably should wash my gluey, gummy head, too.  Maybe later.  Or if the Tea Faeries actually arrive, maybe they’ll be extra kind and do me that favour, as well as waking me up?

I’m going to try and keep this as succinct as possible, so you won’t start (yawning and), fall asleep!

I’ve been noticing for a while on Twitter, that when people express themselves, they tend to change their writing styles to that of whom they meet and Follow.  Certain acronyms, emoticons, abbreviations…all of these things get used by people, whereas they never were before.  I’ve even done it! I find that very intriguing and it reminded me of something about myself.  However, I’m going to confuse you a bit.  Or make you think.  I like to do both. *laughing*

We all know the age old concept of yawning being “contagious,” but no one knows why.  Long, long ago (and it’s still being hauled out), is the chimpanzee example as a proposed model.  I’m not even going to bother mentioning it here.  This Post is going to be purely human-based.

So, any news on us? Well! It seems some people have lots to say since I’ve last looked into it.  And bloody hell! Just like anything else that is theoretical? *PA crosses eyes* Get your eyes ready! Although, I’m not going to overload you with links.  I promise.  Also, get your ears ready as I’m going to do some “Asperger’s/Spectrum Bitching!”  Just a touch, but I’ve bitched about this point before.

As always, The Almighty Wiki is a great place to start.  Have a look here for some Proposed Causes and Contagion.  Now, what I found rather exciting is the references based upon the bean! How could I have not?! It actually brought back a forgotten remnant.  One theory is that yawning is caused by certain neurotransmitters like…? You guessed it! Those that affect us to try and keep us all mellow when we go mental with our “Happy Pills.”  Or, just the ones that exist in our heads, regardless.  I remember yawning so much when I was taking Effexor/Venlafaxine! No, I really did!

There are many other “Proposed Causes,” but I will not go further.  Let’s move on to some “Contagion.”  In the same vein as well, to keep things relatively on track for where I wish to go, more “brain stuff.” I also do not want to start yawning, and go to sleep myself! This is where I’m about to get into my “Asperger’s/Spectrum Bitching,” as well.  However, I think I can curtail it a bit, via confusion! Imagine that? Confusion serving a purpose?! Well, wonders never cease!

One idea about contagious yawning in the above link, is that it may have something to do with Mirror neurons in the brain.  I have mentioned them here, but not within the context of this Post.  Okay, here comes the “Asperger’s/Spectrum Bitching!” Also within that link (and so much more out there on the Internet), is this garbage about those on the Spectrum not doing the “Yawn Contagion Thing.”  This is because it has so much to do with empathy. Oh, here we go again…  Do not get me started with this fucking, empathy bullshit, yet another time!!! People on the Spectrum can experience empathy whether they goddamn well contagiously yawn or anything else!!!

Ahem.

So, then.  About these Mirror neurons.  Within this link, the folks at Wiki may have done some roundabout, funky, semi-twisty, confusatory business.  This may curtail my “Asperger’s/Spectrum Bitching.”  It states there, that: However the connection between mirror neuron dysfunction and autism remains speculative and it is unlikely that mirror neurons are related to many of the important characteristics of autism.^[3]

HA! Everyone, go ahead and kiss my little, Aspie Ass! *laughing*

In closing, I’m going to leave you with something personal that has also made me think.  This is more about me being an Aspie and contagious behaviour.  I’ve noticed that when people laugh, I tend to laugh as well, right after they do.  I do it after them immediately, even when I don’t find anything funny–especially when I don’t find anything funny.  That’s the whole point.  For example, in a movie theatre.  Is it a “social cue,” thing? Is it a “contagious,” thing? I tend to think it’s the former but I’m not sure…

I also yawn a lot in movie theatres, and when I leave them.  I always find them cold.  That’s another theory for why we yawn: body temperature regulation. *grins*

That Post Title is actually a lie.  If you’re not already familiar with PTSD, or you don’t have it, flashbacks always do “Flash Back” in one form or another.  That’s just the nature of PTSD.  You never know when flashbacks will hit, what they’ll be like, what to expect…  But I’ll bet you my last dollar that they’ll happen at some point!

I never “believed” I had PTSD, but that’s another discussion for another time.  Suffice it to say for now, I thought enough was already “wrong” with me.

However, let us proceed with my Flashback Story, shall we?

The other night while I was having dinner (yes, eternally shooting for the stars in the self care department), the most bizarre and…  I don’t quite know what to use as a second adjective, here.  Frightening, to be sure.  Horrifying? Terrifying? Because, the the thing is, I was so “out of my element,” I couldn’t quite exactly tell how afraid I was.

Ahhh…  PTSD’s Flashback’s good ol’ best buddy.  Dissociation! That’s another thing that you can pretty much gamble on showing up.  You can get a kind of “spacey,” or “floaty” feeling.  Sometimes, you might even blank out completely! As a result of any degree of dissociation, you may also lose time and/or events during the present, and the event you are remembering (and perhaps reliving), from your past.

When I was eating my dinner, I looked up to see what time it was.  It was around the time when I normally would have been leaving my job that I lost in April of 2008 (I was laid off, as were others.)  I stopped.  Full stop.  I fact, I froze completely.  I remained as still as a statue, not even staring at the time anymore.

I thought about my job (ex-job), and couldn’t remember a thing! I looked back at the clock.  I traced, in my head, logically what I would be doing, right at that moment.  I would be leaving the building.  Then, I would be taking transit home.  Then I…

But I couldn’t remember performing those acts! There was nothing even remotely visceral happening! And further, within that moment, so much lost in thinking of all else regarding my job functions, too!

I felt like I had complete amnesia! Or a very, very severe case of it! I still can’t find the right adjective to describe the amount of fear experiencing that flashback instilled in me.

Welcome to a taste of PTSD–again, if you’re unfamiliar with it or don’t have it.

Let me leave you with one other thing that happened recently.  I had another flashback.  Something I had completely forgotten that even occurred to me! When was that…? What? Dissociation again! Memory…? It was extremely upsetting (weak adjective!) and blew my mind in more ways than one!

It will also never be written about here.  I try to be very careful about material that may trigger my readers!