I seem to have picked up some new readers and I don’t know what they’ve read, how much they “know” about me etc. So, I thought this might be of help. Hey, it may still help some people that have been reading me for who knows how long!
1. What is one thing currently within arm’s reach right now?
Wow. The bed/office/closet/pharmacy is getting out of control again! So, let’s go with a hand held flashlight. No batteries required. Just wind it up. Excellent for me wandering around at night, stumbling all over, and not falling flat on my face with each step I take.
2. What is (one of) your favourite book(s) you own?
How can I even ask myself and answer that?! Alright, it was given to me by my friend P. It’s a hard cover and about 2″ wide and 12″ in length! It has (I believe) everything Shakespeare ever wrote.
3. What is something you cannot do?
Make balloon animals. Actually, I can’t even blow up a balloon! I have no idea why. I try to push hard and blow, blow, blow but pfft. There goes my future of ever being a clown. Except for using my “natural abilities” to still do it in life.
4. What is the scariest, most frightening thing, you have ever seen?
ME!!! Well, let’s not discount it!
I have severe arachnophobia, and while lying in bed reading, waiting for my sleep meds to kick in…AHHHHHHH!!! I saw quite the sizeable spider crawling around on top of my duvet. I caught it in a tissue, and stomped all it over almost 50 times it to make sure it was dead. I was terrified to go to sleep for the rest of the night.
5. Have you ever met anyone famous? If not, would you like to?
I wouldn’t know anyone famous, even if they walked right up to me and punched me in the face. However, after my nose stopped bleeding, I might realize who they were. If so, I’d probably ask them for an autograph. Then, I’d ask if I could them back in their face.
Actually, I have met one famous person. Peter Murphy, post-Bauhaus. Very quiet and polite. Inquiring body types want to know? Yes! He IS that skinny!
6. What is your favourite Aspie Stim Toy?
Awww, come on! This is just like the book one! I will go with newest acquisition. It stands on a base where there is the battery component. Two AAs. What stands there? It’s like this crazy, heavy, obelisk but still flat on top. It’s clear with all of these sea creatures cut/engraved inside. They’re really tiny, though.
The base has several different LEDs that change colour. Then they shoot them all through the obelisk thingy!
Right now I have it on top of a bookshelf that is fairly high to the ceiling. WHOO HOO! Even more groovy since the light bounces off both the ceiling and the walls.
7. Standard or Automatic Transmission?
Oh, standard for sure! More fun, I’ve even speed shifted a few times. For those that don’t know, basically, shift into a higher gear without using the clutch and timing only. Otherwise, no clutch? Grind your gears terribly.
Also, you have more control so you can (at times vs. other cars) go faster. Moreover, you want control? If your “stuck” in a mess of something, by shifting back/forth, in/out…you may get yourself out of a bad spot. No promises, and it may take a lot of time and patience.
An automatic may be useless or worse! Keep spinning your wheels and you’ve now dug yourself deeper into the snow, mucky-slippy-hole or whatever. I’ve done it. Trust me. Every car I’ve owned has been a standard–until I got my last–a Volvo. *misses Volvo*
Nonetheless, this is all kind of a moot point for me. With MY epilepsy, I’ll never be able to drive a car for the rest of my life! Well, maybe those “Bumper Car” things at amusement parks. But I don’t even like them anyway!
8. Coke or Pepsi?
Are you kidding me? Coke all the way! It’s a stimulant, so it would be awesome for my ADD! Rather expensive to keep using it though. If I bought it, I’d probably get busted by an undercover…oh…you mean…
I don’t drink pop except gingerale when tummy’s not happy. Fizzy water is nice too (with a slice or wedge of lime, always!)
9. What really gets under your skin and makes you extremely annoyed?
People with no manners! Get your head out of your ass and think about being kind and decent to other people. It’s not as difficult as you think. Oh, wait. Your head is up your ass. If you ever pull it out so I can tell you how easy it is, you won’t hear me because your ears are completely packed with shit!
10. What is your most prized possession?
I’m not really into material possessions. I heard this one expression from someone years ago: “If you break it or lose it and can’t afford to replace it? Don’t buy it.” *smirks*
My most “prized possessions” are gifts that people have given me. I’m sentimental. Someone giving me a gift, is simply a gift itself. Just the thought about doing it means so much to me. It doesn’t even matter what the gift is! I could be out with someone and they could be scribbling on a matchbook cover. Then, they want to give it to me. Thank you!
11. You’re rumoured to be a “hat person.” Which one is your favourite?
Oh, I love them all. Although, for some reason, I always end up wearing my black beret. Or this cute little corduroy one. I have a Greek Sailor’s Hat. Wear that one more often? They’re all still black, though!
I do have a “Raspberry Beret.” Official Canadian Forces from a certain period in history. I just don’t have anything to pin on the front! If I could find something, I’d wear that more.
12. What’s missing in your life that you think would make it better?
*silence*
I’m definitely not up to writing a long, serious, not-even-serious, I-sound-like-I’m-on-LSD-post. However, now that I finally have home Stinkernet, I can stream a new song! Although, I’m so tired, even doing this will be laborious. Even though it’s ridiculously simple.
I’m actually dumping the CD (and song) into iTunes now. I was just listening to it. I thought it was there! I don’t know about the rest of you people, but I’ve noticed after giving a CD another listen after years or something, you’ll say, “Oh, my what? That’s awesome! How come I didn’t like that before?“
Bizarre. Okay, moving on to server ftp… Now I have to bugger with it…names…give it a test drive and there it is! Nope. It broke. Okay, let’s try and rebuild it. Righty-o! Just a server drop, actually.
“Silence (Above & Beyond 21st Century Remix)” by Delerium — Sarah McLachlan Vox. Scream it Sarah!
Hi kids.
I’ve finally got my Internet set up back at home. It’s ALL totally Wi-Fi.
When tech dude finished hacking into the Matrix, I was surprised to find that I now have two choices. I can still use my previous network set up on my router. Kinda duh, as I was expecting the same set up from them as before. Plug everything in, and you’ve got miniature, daisy chain, spaghetti. Not so. Since they gave me a wireless one, I can use it as another, wee PA, network too!
I was reluctant, of course. I don’t trust ISPs, and even worse, dumb, tech people! He didn’t even give me the chance, to give their router my own security password!
Anyway, the point of having two allows me to see which one is faster. Then, Bob’s your uncle, someone else in your family, someone you know or once met, or… Well, at least he’s a palindrome.
So, that’s been tackled. And so have I.
Did I tell you that I figured out my lovely Typical Absence Status Epilepticus can actually bring on some positively, fabbo Todd’s paresis? Why, yes! It definitely can!
ASIDE: For those of you who don’t know, TASE is an epileptic syndrome I have that is a form of Non-convulsive Status Epilepticus. I can keep seizing for a week or so (it lasts long for me) and nobody can tell. Not even me. That’s because you can’t see me seizing! I just feel disgustingly ill.
Continuing, I told Non-Arsey Neuro that it just HAD to make sense. Because I’m sitting here (yes, right now as I am typing) merrily seizing away. I wasn’t feeling so great earlier. Not at all! I was just lying in bed and watching television. But right before tech dude came, I completely fell apart (almost literally.)
My legs could barely support me at all, my brain blew up in terms of any possible thinking or just…well, anything! I’m waiting on a possible, mood explosion, at any moment. Is that coming down the tracks, as well? I can guarantee you did not want to see me last night. Or maybe you did because I really needed help. TOTAL (ASPIE) MELTDOWN. I wrote “(ASPIE)” because it’s sometimes hard to disseminate my Asperger’s behaviour with everything else going completely haywire.
So. Now I can get online with no problems. Well, except for being sick. However, I am here at home, so I’ll be getting back to all you hopefully a lot sooner. It will be easier because I couldn’t leave the house for days on end. Although, there still is the issue of baby MacBook needing repairs. That might have to wait anyway, as I don’t think I can afford it now.
Thank you all,
PA
Going to resty, resty now. Writing this has taken me hours!
Rx: Cane required at all times. Dimenhydrinate prn every 4hrs. max. 100mg or 50mg in divided dose. Diazepam prn 5mg max. twice daily.
I’m actually outside when I should be suffering horribly in bed from the Typical Absence Status Epileptics. But I’m out. Getting the free Wi-Fi at the cafe. How is this possible? According to the date/s, I’m right in the thick of it.
My head is still a mess with cognitive impairment, concentration, all of that stuff. My body isn’t so pretty either. The nausea is continuing, ditto headaches, blah, blah…
But my moods. I can handle feeling like a total space case (even though it’s really, really bad.) I can deal with the bodily malfunctions. But my moods. They have caused me the most ugly, painful, words cannot describe, problems.
For the last few days, I seem to be pretty stable. Almost just like that. I went from 24hrs of sheer hell when I totally shit all over a fellow blogger (gotta love it when I do that!) We’re still working on repairing the damage. Then, the next day, it was like I was a totally different person.
There were (and are) still some “residual” mood problems. I can get a bit teary at points. That’s a clue to stay away from anything that might be potentially triggery. Otherwise, no living hell (or dying in hell.) No roller coaster of any mood or mind state you could ever imagine. All that you could imagine which would change within minutes–or less.
I’m only at approximately three weeks of the increase to 100mg of my Clobazam. I was a bit concerned at first, as my sickness window began with only two and a half weeks. Maybe a better trial with more of it in my system?
I have to wait and give it more time with the whole catamenial period/ovulation business. That’s the problem.
Maybe it is at least doing something? Anything? Aspie PA does love her round numbers (100mg) so could this be enough to let me function again? Hey, even enough to move further forward?
No seizures to report yet either. Well, maybe some ANS temperature dysregulation (you can get hot/cold/hot/cold…) That’s nothing, though! Compared to the motor, full body, explosions?
I’m still really tired, though, so I’ll keep this brief. Closing time, anyway.
And yes. Don’t tell my meds! If we do and they are working, they might form some kind of mutiny, a rebellion, who knows! Let’s just let them keep doing whatever it is they’re doing. I think that’s the best plan.
Is it possible to be fuming, almost to the point where people are ready to reach for fire extinguishers, yet paranoid at the same time? Welcome to my world.
In the beginning…no, I’m not going to give you biblical quotes. There may be too much profanity within this post. Although, what can profanity do now?
THE DAMAGE HAS BEEN DONE.
Actually, there’s enough profanity in the first post of the saga.
Then, we moved on to the second post of the saga. Here, things definitely got a lot worse and quite frightening.
Now, here we are, sitting at the top of an apogee in terror (and let’s not forget that fiery anger too, right?) However, it may not really be an apogee. Or, it actually is, and I’ll just never slide back down.
Within that second post, I went to use my computer later in the day with no Internet. My entire Desktop was in complete disarray, and I had two lovely, black bars running vertically up and down on each side. Wow! I can hold baby MacBook almost upside down and I get a wonderful look at horrific chaos as a film in widescreen!
Now, the damage. So far, it’s only my display and I’m praying nothing more. No matter what I do, how many changes I make (or try) it’s irreparable. IT’S FUCKED. I’ll never get things back to normal. The motherfucking (there’s some profanity!) Data Stick has nuked baby MacBook’s Hard Disk (or part thereof.)
I made it down to my preferred Mac shop and the guy couldn’t fix anything either. Christ! Even typing up this post is all screwed! It’s gone so far as to view my blog in FF as all itty bitty??? And yet, my gmail is fine. Reading my blog itself looks alright.
As soon as I can, I’m heading straight to my ISPs shop and tell them to shove their Data Sticks right up their stupid, fat asses. Then, have them each drink a bottle of castor oil, and shit them out for their other customers!
I’ve got a good line on another ISP. I’ll probably go with them. The guy in the Mac shop highly recommended them. However, first? I need to pick up some cases of castor oil.
Pure fun.
“A League Of Notions” by Al Stewart
Hey kids. My Internet problems have reached epic proportions. I REFUSE to use my Data Stick from my current provider anymore. Things have gone from bad to worse. And I mean worse.
The very first thing I will be doing is visiting a Mac shop. I went to this one before, and they were very good. They are small and not like the bigger “Authorized Apple Dealers.” In fact, when I was there several years ago, they said hang on to your receipt. We’ll give you 50% off… I can’t remember, but if something’s wrong, 50% off anything is great!
There’s also my battery problem that is outstanding. Hmmm. Well, whatever. My battery takes a back seat to this!
I wrote this post earlier when I was already pretty pissed off. I didn’t even get into all of the problems in it. There were too many!
Initially, they were mostly just annoying (endless hangs, multiple refreshes, slow…slow…slow…) Then it just kept sinking further into technology hell.
Dropping connections altogether, completely non-functional with gmail (gmail?) period. Even to the point of losing information within emails. I had to copy everything to paste it later, as things wouldn’t save as a draft properly! At least later I found out that my phone caught all the drafts! However, not so convenient to use your phone when you’ve got a lengthy email to send!
I have NEVER seen so many spinning beach balls in my life. Before using the Data Stick? No problems. It would get to points where I would have to first, restart baby MacBook. Then, I had to shutdown baby MacBook! Every single thing would freeze. No choice but to hold down the damn power button and pray. I couldn’t even Force Quit anything running! HI BEACH BALL!!!
I cannot tell you how many times I nuked the software for it, reinstalled, took the SIM card out. In the midst, verify/repair baby MacBook’s Disk. Hell! I even went through all Permissions! I can’t read or understand any of what it said, but…
THIS.WAS.THE.WORST.
TRIGGER ALERT FOR ALL MAC USERS:
I later turned on baby MacBook to do something else and was not connected to the Internet at all. When I logged on, what did I see? O_o All the folders on my Desktop (and I had a lot of them) were completely scattered in disarray! They were all on top of each other. You couldn’t even read the names of some. I didn’t move or even blink for a very long time.
Oh, but that wasn’t all. What’s up with my screen? Why are there two black bars running up and down each side? At that point, I wanted to scream in horror!!!
“WHAT HAS THIS THING DONE???”
I tried to fix things as best I could. I am FAR from a techie. I searched for ages, vowing to find any other piece of shit to delete, apart from the basic software required for the Data Stick. I did find something. I have no idea how.
Things still aren’t right though. Again, more Disk Utility…how many times have I…?
So basically, I have no clue when I’ll be here. Heh. That’s usually my state of mind in life anyway. *wry grin*
Seriously. I’m zipping along with the free Wi-Fi a block away from my place. I’m going to have to find a new provider. Also, I can’t get out every day. I’m still sick! My phone’s fine. I’ll see all of you there. You just may not be able to see me back.
Well, somehow I can connect to the Internet today when I actually had NO connection yesterday. Just when I felt like I had enough energy to tackle a few things online…nope! Now, I’m up and running (so far) but I have to dash out to an appt. soon. So I’ll try to at least get this up quickly. Uber-importante? Then I’ll try and get back to other people.
Last night, there was a documentary on television about individuals who had lost their twins. It was also about fraternal twins. I’ve always had this “feeling” I was a frat. I had no clue, but thank my beautiful friend P. who found out about it a few days ago and told me. Oh, I’m so happy he told me and I saw it (and kind of not?) Ouch.
No, happy. It wasn’t just about a twin that died later in life, but a twin that died in utero!!! That’s my situation!!! They are now trying to do more research about it, as hardly any has been done! It’s been totally neglected. Ouch again! And a bad pun.
I tried to contact my mother to tape it as my VCR is all messed up. I have so many pieces of electronics tethered and daisy chained all over to everything, and now this Digital Cable Box! I’ve never even tried to tape anything with it anyway, so it could be incapable period. I can’t record a DVD on either my regular or All Region one. *rolls eyes* Since I had no Internet, I couldn’t even look up anything about it either!
I tried to take notes with my broken brain as I watched. However, some people were not speaking in English so there were subtitles. Great.
Read, try to think, then look down at paper with a pen. Although, now you’ve just forgotten what the point was altogether. Improvise? Guess? Oh, crap! The person’s still talking! You’ve missed more of the subtitles! Time to do this all over again!
I did catch a couple of very important names (but missed another!) One was a writer to do with it all, I think. It stated the title of the documentary beside her name. The other? Oh, this Dr./Professor who has done so much research into all of this!
Now that I have Internet access, I am Googling these two women. Ouch for the third time.
My appt. today should be just joyful, cute baby kittens, and a really festive occasion! Ah, I’m in therapy, folks. That’s another post I’ve been meaning to write! *head desk 45 times then moves on to walls* Partly this Internet (beyond) fiasco, but much more than partly–me being too sick.
So, that’s that. Unbelievable. I NEVER would have found out what I’m learning if I didn’t see that show. As ouchie as it may be, that’s where therapy comes in. It’s biggest purpose is to deal with our “ouchies.” But with me, I was thinking of my particular case. How will this work out with all my comorbidities in some of what was said? Ouch #4!
I don’t know what to say right now but simple facts? Lots of seizures and lots of ironic seizures.
Seizing before, during, and after being picked up for Accessible Transit. You’d think that would be enough. Nope.
I seized two days ago, right before I was going to open the door to one of my doctor’s building.
Today?
Whoa. A bit of seizing while being driven on Accessible Transit. Then a bit of worsening seizing in the office of Non-Arsey Neuro’s before my appt. Then, I DARE YOU!!! I began to feel a couple of small, myoclonic jerks in my right leg. This has been a very serious problem over the last while.
I DARE YOU LEGS. AFTER ALL OF THIS???
It was a dare I knew I’d lose. Whether I dared my legs to seize or not to seize. And the way my legs have been seizing lately, the intensity of the motor movement? I knew I was in for it. I was cooked.
It’s actually better if I’m standing up when this happens, if you can believe it. Lean against something, cane in hand, then I can see if it’s going to affect the rest of my body and how. In the waiting room, I was sitting down. In a rather uncomfortable plastic chair.
Well, my legs didn’t let me down! Sorry about that. Bad, bad epilepsy joke there. First, the right, then not so much the left. Then up it rose (as it usually does these days.) God, that chair! My hip was killing me, but what about the wall?
I was going so hard I kept banging the damn chair against the wall! Several doctors work there and I think one is a Pediatrician. This woman was there with her kid, and if I had a chance, I just may have caught what seemed like an expression of sheer horror on her face. Charming.
Well, the obvious outcome of the appt. was to increase the Clobazam from 80mg to 100mg per day. We talked about other things obviously, as he almost carried me into his office. The first thing I did was ask him for some water as I thought a Valium would be good right about now!
Also, I confirmed it. I caught it. I’ve had the first Absence Seizure that I’ve ever known of (you lose consciousness.) That loss of consciousness is so brief, it can go undetected in so many people. The “test” if you’ve “lost time?” Were you daydreaming or not? I was not!
I was thinking of something, and then just “popped” back into…the world…from…? And I couldn’t even remember what I was even thinking about. It wasn’t my DP/DR as it comes in and out gradually. This was like I entirely disappeared from the world and at some point, came back, knew where I was but had no idea how I got there or where I had been before.
Well, better scoot. I think the Todd’s paresis is coming on. Legs definitely heavy. Oh, yeah.
No, I was! Make a decent post? That was after I could move. I think it took about two hours. Maybe longer?
I wasn’t completely paralyzed. But Todd’s paresis can be a weakening to any degree, right up to complete paralysis. It occurs in the area of the body affected after a seizure. I’ve been all the way from some minor loss of motor control for a short period, right up to total paralysis for a few hours.
But I was gonna write a post. I have ideas for them. Even a good one after what happened today?
Another seizure while waiting for the Accessible Transit to arrive! That’s TWO TIMES now. I do not want this to become a pattern. I mean, what gives?
It was a full body explosion, too! I was really going! Hence the Todd’s being pretty bad. Coming home, I was walking so slowly, my feet were all twisted inward, my legs were so heavy, you could hear my footsteps as stomps!
So, inside, lie down on the bed, dope myself up, try not to think and relax (some good music for that?) But I found it SO hard to move! Then, I thought, let’s try to make that post. Wow! I could actually sit up! The Todd’s was affecting me from the neck down, but as it descended it got worse. My legs were a mess. Now, shall we try crawling walking to the bathroom? I was consuming immense quantities of water as Gravol can really dehydrate you.
So here I am, making a post about not making the post I was going to post, because of what prevented that post from being posted. Just so you know, the post that should have been posted and not have been replaced by this post, was about how my epilepsy has affected me. And no. Not how it makes me sick. About my life.
And no. It probably wouldn’t have been written in ridiculous run on sentences, interspersed with others of only a few words. I’m just doing that here because I think it’s funny. You may not.
But it took me over an hour to respond to two people. At least that must mean my vision is coming back somewhat? However, the Todd’s is still hanging on! My walking is pretty disastrous.
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The Backing and Forthing
Track the Twit(ter…)
Psych Central 2009 Top 10 Bipolar Blogs
Who Wants to Buy This Blog?
My blog is worth $22,581.60.
How much is your blog worth?
Whoops! You guys lost your chance at a real bargain in buying my blog!
Its value has now shot up from a measly few dollars to $22,581.60!
However, it's still on the market if anyone wants it. Just email me.
Currently Reading (Bless My Stims!)
Too many things at once. My ADD is running full throttle.
However...
Dr. PA Available For Consultations:
patientanonymous (at) gmail (dot) com
NOTE: This other side of her ego may get back to you as well:
Hi. I'm Aspie Penguin. I do my hardest to take care of PA. She doesn't always do so well on her own.
You can reach me at her email above, or I have my own: aspiepenguin (at) gmail (dot) com
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This describes some explanation because PA is a woman, and the female blogger badge was pink.
1. She cannot stand colour used for gender distinction. Therefore, this badge is to be used in protest.
2. The pink one was lacking "aesthetic" qualities.
3. Blue looks better in her side bar, anyway!
There are some more award badges down there.
I had completely forgotten who gave them to me. Bad PA.
Amazingly, I managed to figure out most. The appropriate "Thank You" hovers are there.
