Your Liver is both a Recycling Bin and a Garbage Dump.  When you put everything into you, it all swirls around, various organs wake up or go to sleep, but your Liver basically has insomnia.

It works non-stop.  If there’s anything left that’s good from what you stuffed in you, cool! We’ll clean that up and chuck it back into you, fresh blood added, no charge!

Blech.  What was THAT?

This is the Garbage Dump Situation.  Too much Toxic Waste and your Liver.  Well? Who on earth has internal HAZMAT Suits for all of their organs!

It appears, mine might be more of a Garbage Dump right now.  Maybe? Not worthy of HAZMAT though.

I have a whack of bloods to do.  And one “serum.”  A, B, C…serum! There are no types of blood screenings for Hepatitis C.

Yes, Sweetie GP is thorough! Either that, or my Liver is a massive Garbage Dump and I’m really sick.


It all started with an elevated enzyme but which one? I don’t know.  One nurse in the office wasn’t available to go over all the results and give me all the levels of anything off.

I know it’s related to alcohol.  Mostly.  20+ years of “Drink Any Man Under the Table Bipolar” has done that to me.  I wish it hadn’t.

And please don’t blame me for blaming it for blaming me.  Bipolar does many awful things.  Things where you have no control when not treated.  So I say, under certain circumstances, “Blame The Beast.”

But not all of them.

I can’t believe all of the other enzymes she’s ordered that she’s never done with me before.  There are basic ones that are always done with just standard Physical Exams.  But…

Still, here I sit.  Still drinking.  Right now, actually.

It’s hard being an addict.

And yet, she could tell me I have three months to live and I’d be fine with that.  Enough time to get my affairs in order, work with her for what I wanted and needed…and have her there.

I’m not afraid of death.  It surrounds me. 

Forever wanting to work in the Funeral Industry, working in an HIV/AIDS Hospice, pursuing a career in Medicine as a Palliative Nurse.

Attempting suicide and ending up in a coma for three days.  I still wonder if I did clinically die before being fully intubated and put on a respirator.  The records are too spotty to tell.  I should have been dead.

Why do I feel so scared now?

Is it because I had complete control over death in all of those situations?

Is it now because I’m staring at a piece of paper I don’t understand?

Is it a piece of paper that could lead to a place where I have no control?

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Yes.  People come and go online.  I’ve seen it for all the years I’ve been Blogging and later on Twitter. 

I don’t use FB or anything else.  Maybe later I’ll sign up for other things? Maybe I have some other things that require accounts now? Maybe I just can’t remember?

But what I do remember is HIM.  I just looked at it and I’m tearing up.  Those tears are now falling and I’m crying.

I know where he geographically went–after we met. 

Just because I’m “Anonymous” doesn’t mean I meet and get to know people off-blog.  It depends.

Some people know pieces of my information, and the closer I get to others, they will have all of my information.  Full name, address, telephone number, personal email account.  Is there anything else? Well, if there is, they’ve got it!

A lot (or all) comes in handy when I get a chance to meet other Bloggers.  This would also apply to the people I’ve developed the same degree of closeness on Twitter.

Oh! Oh! Oh! If you feel comfortable enough meeting other Bloggers etc. DO IT!

I’ve met several of my Blogging Pals and it’s absolutely fantastic! I NEVER turn down the opportunity.

How many? Let me think.  Five? One lives relatively close to me so we meet up regularly.  A second one was the same but moved.  Still, he comes “home” so we try to connect then.

And don’t forget the cameras!

We talked about Blogging before my now gone friend came over.  That was since I was more “Anonymous” than I am now.  I was rather reticent. 

Yes, over time through friends making accidental mentions (truly hilarious because of being friends!) Me tossing things to the wind for readership.  Well?

The general population still wouldn’t be able to find me unless it was by accident?

But he was SO excited!!! He was from overseas and just couldn’t contain himself.  How could I say no? But One Condition.

He was a Scot.  I knew he could get me the real thing.  I NEEDED IT!!!

I’m looking at it now.  That’s what made me want to write this.  I took it off the…because I had to take IT off and put IT away…

Let’s put this in for the Anime and Manga Folks. 

If I didn’t have it, on a windy day running to school, it would raise too high, and boys noses would bleed.

In other words, my kilt.  And it actually did fly up so high on windy days, you could see my “lingerie.” Yes.  Pretty things under the kilt for wind.

Anyone’s noses bleeding yet?

He asked me what kind I wanted.  Knowing nothing of actual Scottish Kilt Pins, I just said, ” You Decide!”

I wore my kilt (and it was windy!)  He chose the most traditional.  A Thistle.  He was about 6’3 and I’m barely 5’2.  However, I had heels on. *laughing*

He bent down and put it on.  He was so gentle.  It almost seemed like some ceremony of sorts. *shakes head*

We continued to talk of all things over drinks until it was time to go.  I hopped in a taxi and he walked back to his hotel–after loads of hugs and kisses.

Where did he go? Where is he now?

CODA: I brought my Digital SLR
Camara but its battery died! I hopped off my barstool and sprinted across the street to get a Disposable.  He was agog at how fast I could run in my heels.

Men are funny sometimes.

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Useless Post but just for the point of whining and my closing Signature.

Spent couple hours writing. CRRRAAASSSHHH!!!

It didn’t save it as a Draft.  It even booted me out and made me log in again.

I’m also tired because the woman above me caused a flood in my Unit.  I woke up to rain in my kitchen in the very early hours of the morning.

That’s just another thing to bitch about so why not toss it in here.

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No doubt my readers from The Country of Scotland, The Gaelic, and Former People Lounging on Hadrian’s Wall, will know this expression.  This is due to its historical origin of these people’s Geographical Location.

Granted, that is purely anecdotal evidence from an old, Scottish Gentleman I know.  I have yet to find any Peer Reviewed Studies.

Also, there is a high probability it is known by the People of Great Britain, England, Wales and the Republic of Ireland.

And maybe some others.  Like me.  I live in Canada.  And I love what this means.


Well, now? *raises eyebrows*  That young lady sounded a little bit upset, didn’t she?

Using the expression might not make someone go totally mental, but what it means is this.  Although I did use it from a woman’s point of view.

Euphemism (or even literally?) to get on your bike and fall off your seat.  Then hit the VERY HARD metal crossbar, and crush your balls SO MUCH TO HELL.

To the point they are barely recognizable.

Any and everyone? Please chime in if I’ve got it wrong here.

I bring all these shenanigans up because I might be able to stop saying, “Get On Yer Bike!” to myself.  There’s no way I can go cycling now, and might not EVER be able to for the rest of my life.

But I accepted that.  Like so many other things that I probably won’t be able to do for the rest of my life.  It made me sad, mad, threw me into serious states of Depression, but I made it out.

There’s a chance I can no longer say that phrase anymore.  Maybe.  Recumbent Bikes.

A neighbour on my floor rides every day like nuts.  He seems almost like a Pro! He knows my health problems and immediately said I could do it with all of the types, what would be best for me.

So however you want to do it, “Get On Yer Bike!

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It took me a while to figure this out. 

If you feel like something is wrong with your health, have a diagnosis where you need help because things are a bit unstable.  What should you ALWAYS do?

Track things! Get a calendar, mark things down like a journal and monitor every and all changes! It doesn’t matter how small.

There were so many variables that took me so long.  The largest being my head such a disaster.  Head injuries can, to whatever degree, turn you into a wreck.  I still have both retrograde and anterograde amnesia from one.

A few episodes happened when I was discharged, but I didn’t clue in to write down dates.  They also just resolved with time.  Not a lot of time either.  Maybe two hours at most, and they were hardly as intense as before.

Everyone was still so focussed on a stroke at first, waiting for me to get my MRI, see its results…  That was going to take a month or more

Recently, I had two other episodes. They were one day after the other.  I certainly need to journal or track that!

The second one wouldn’t resolve after five hours, and was almost as bad as the one that sent me to hospital originally in July.

I finally broke down and went to hospital as I just couldn’t stand it anymore.  Yes, I am a VERY stubborn patient.  Don’t be like me!

I hadn’t thrown up like the first time, but guess how the Paramedics found me? Hunched down down on my knees with my head hung over the the toilet bowl. 

They gave me this traveling vomit bag.  It wasn’t completely a bag though.  It had a cardboard “box” at the top.  It was shaped like a Chinese Food Take Away Carton.

No offense to my Asian readers, here.  I mean it.  However, I couldn’t hold back from making a joke to one Paramedic and say, “This is what they give you when you have too much Chinese Food and it makes you sick.”

I was taken to a different hospital. Now, to treat the symptoms and “make me more comfortable” even though I was dying in pain.  Are you kidding me? 

Although, I actually passed out.  Are you seriously kidding me?

IV Fluids.  Standard.  IV Toradol which is an anti-nauseant.  I’ve had it before and it’s made me feel nice and floaty, but never knocked me out! Are you curiously kidding me?

Some other thing strung up and pumped into me.  I can’t remember what it was so maybe that doped me.  Are you illegally killing me?

Finally some Steroid. It was shot in liquid form, into my mouth via a syringe.  Are you weirdly killing me?

It was for “Rebound Pain” over 72 hours.  Okay.  Now you are RIDICULOUSLY AND STUPIDLY KILLING ME!

This is the best hospital in our city.  I want to go there ALL the time.  It’s only that they didn’t know the history (now irrelevant) and how to treat me properly (now irrelevant.)

Although, I will be going back to an EYE CLINIC they have there.  Yes, Clinic.  Not just some Dr. Who Knows.  I think even a Neuro Opthamologist.  Awesome!

Does anyone out there remember my TASE? Typical Absence Status Epilepticus? If you don’t, you can search for the Horror Show on the rest of my Blog.

It was catamenial.  That means, to do with your Menstrual Cycle and even days surrounding it.  I was lucky enough to have ditto for Ovulation.

Well, now I’m having the same with migraines.  I’m on my period now and those two one day after another? That second one where I had to go back to hospital?

Nothing has cleared up yet.

With this now in mind, I can EASILY track all the others from dates of my cycles.

This is a disaster.  More than.  Sweetie GP has been on vacation for the month of August.  I have an appointment soon.  She’ll probably agree with me:


No kidding.  I have to stop getting my period! Moreover, I won’t even bring my anemia and how bad that is into all of this.

Also, Non-Arsey Neuro is going to call me as he’s away for a bit now too.  Stupid Summer Vacations! *laughing*

I will be suffering for a long time.  None of this will be resolved anytime soon.

I have to try for some kind of stopgap.  My Triptans can’t handle this.  I’m going to ask him about Ergotamines.  They might be VERY good for this in terms of how they work.  The dose schedule, no contraindications or med interactions for me.

Another neat thing about some is they can ease menstrual flow.  But I don’t know if that would happen for me at too high a dose.

There is a specific Ergot derivative to do this actually! It’s called “Ergometrine.”  However, it’s not used to treat migraines

So, that’s that. 

I think this needs to be handled ASAP.  If these migraines are bad enough to give a stroke presentation, and they will continue to happen on a regular basis? What (else) might they be doing to my brain?

I already have so many comorbidities.  Right now I’m living in a perpetual state of a very significant TBI. One that already affects so much of my daily functioning. 

It also does bring out features of my other comorbidities now that I think of it.  Absolutely.

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Please refer to Post written directly after this one.

Well, I still don’t know what to say about Girlie Intern.  I was crying uncontrollably on the phone because that’s just what happens. 

Losing control of your emotions, that is.  Although not always over the phone.  It’s a strange feeling.  A bloody, fucking, awful feeling.

I had actually been crying all day long.  Under non-TBI conditions, I wouldn’t have cried discussing a confusing medical issue.  I wouldn’t be crying the whole day…


Somewhere through a half a box of tissues, I realized something familiar.  Oh, this feels like a TOTAL Aspie Meltdown!!!

There’s also another comparison.  You can feel frustrated and REALLY agitated.  So you can end up stimming all over. 

Well, I pretty much actually do it having Asperger’s.  Non-Spectrum-non-NT and NT folks? You might get a taste of our stimmy behaviour and not even know it!

Girlie Intern was actually pretty empathetic when I banged my Ace on the table.

“Have you ever worked with patients who have had really bad TBI’s?”  I don’t think it was much of an Ace considering I was bawling all over.

She had and understood that I had a total setback today.  And I mean TOTAL, TOTAL, TOTAL!!!!!!!

Oh, dear.  I am serious though.  I feel like I was just discharged from hospital yesterday.  And so it goes with TBI’s and/or head injuries that may just need some time to heal.  Or others that are more serious requiring some kind of intervention for healing.


This Post needs some intervention for healing, because I’m just rambling with half a head holding a broken compass.


WHOO HOO!!! *laughter all around my apartment*

So anydoodle, Girlie Intern confirmed it was the right Doctor who was to order it. 

However, points for me who tipped her off to the Neurological portions of the MRI and I didn’t think it was right.  She said it was good I was paying attention!


She’s going to confirm that everything is right, other areas should be done? Etc.

She still wants my bloods.  Before our appointment in five days.  When I can’t get out on my own.  While there’s also a weekend in the middle there.

BUT… she also said and knows the whole roller coaster of head injuries and a TBI that’s pretty heavy duty like mine.  Thus, the only option she had for me was rest, rest, rest.

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I got my notification for the MRI I’ve been waiting for, like 10 years? <gross sarcasm because I'm SO pissed off>

What do I see?


What does THAT mean? It means I sure as hell hope and not hope they got me mixed up with another patient.

Not hope? Because it will be wrong but I’ll have to get the right one ordered and wait all over again.

Hope? As above, a patient mix up but only on paper.  Then things can just proceed “as planned.”

It’s not like I’m tired enough having a massive TBI right now.  One that was initially considered a stroke. 

One that could be a stroke or not.  Or perhaps something else, but we need an MRI to try and get an injured part to say: “Smile for the camera!”

So what does that IAC business mean that has now set me on fire? It stands for “Internal Auditory Canal.”  What does that have to do with?


Aw, come on! I never had any problems with hearing before, during, and after what happened.  I still don’t! It even looks for these quite rare tumors called “acoustic neuromas.”

*bangs TBI head on table*


This is out of our known Universe! Nobody even examined my hearing in hospital!

I’d roll my eyes like banging my head on the table but that might send me back to hospital.

Speaking of, and this isn’t funny, I had two similar episodes now that I’ve been home for a month.  Well, one was minor.  The other one left me shaking on my bed, totally confused if I really should go back to hospital.

But I could still heeeeaaaarrrr!!!!

Sweetie GP is away too.  So I also have to call a backup she’s got that’s new.  Not her regular, and in fact, seems like a pushy Intern.

Nothing against any of you other Interns out there! Residents too!

Although some of you Attendings? *raises eyebrows*

So an important telephone to Intern tomorrow.  Maybe I can use her to my advantage. 

She seems to be, sort of, have this air about her to show and prove how much of a rising Star she is. 

Okay, Girlie.  I can hear you.  I’d like you to listen LOUD AND CLEAR about this.

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“If it looks like a…if it quacks or whatever sound…if it…”

How many people out there have had experience(s) with strokes? Have even had one themselves? I’m finally getting around to writing about this.  Wraparound sunglasses that wraparound my glasses too!

Most convenient and necessary.  I’ve also had to really increase the View on babyMacAir.  The letters looked like ants on a page.

Also, not for Photophobia.  To me, that seems rather odd.

The sunglasses and a fabric eyeshade that allows virtually no light, are used for use and recovery of too much use! Sometimes I don’t, or won’t know how much I’ve used my eyes the day before.  I’ll only find out by the degree of headache I have?

I’m getting one now as I woke up well before sunset when I’d rather be still sleeping or fine with being up now.  Although I’d rather keep the post-TBI (and definitely mine!) out of this Post.

So I was at home watching TV (or it was on) and looking at something on my mobile.  I wasn’t doing anything special and WHAM! I was seeing so many versions of everything, it was like I couldn’t see.  Quadruple Vision?

NOTE: Before you go any further into seizure thinking, hang on for the rest I have to tell you.  Also, I have never even been close to having a photogenic seizure.  Also again, if you don’t know, strokes can happen instantly to anyone–babies to the elderly.


I am probably one of the hugest Emetephobes on the planet. Emetephobia means fear of throwing up.  Mine came from my mother, who cared only about anything in the house becoming soiled.

Heaven forbid you have a sick child who might barf–on a kitchen floor that wasn’t even carpeted! So fear was instilled.  Now I have to become violently ill to throw up.  Extremely sick or something wrong.  Well, the latter implies the former.

Sorry.  (Possibly) Stroke Me can’t think very well right now.

Then, I felt it coming.  Oh, god.  Oh, GOD!!!

How many of us have had THAT experience? *laughing*

Trying to run to the bathroom when you just know you’re going to toss your cookies! No bowls, buckets.  

No cheeks either.  It has to remain in your stomach.  If it comes up to fill your cheeks? You’ll have an unbelievable geyser all over the room–and be thankful your mother wasn’t mine.

So, after Crazy Vision I started to sweat.  A lot.  But that calmed down when I got really weak and tried to avoid a geyser.  I made it to the bathroom.

The weakness was not bilateral.  But “Stroke Bilateral Weakness” is a bunch hooey! Depending upon what’s going on and where, you can be weak all over!

I didn’t know how weak I was, what side, all of me, but I do know it was too far to crawl back to my bed to call 911 (or 999 in certain countries.)  People, my living is pretty small.

Nonetheless, bathroom closest to hallway to knock on neighbour’s door.  Crawl across hallway, throw up again.  This time some blood in it.  Not occult, although a fair sized chunk of either blood or tissue that was tan-like in colour.  That is for any Professionals out there?

The red is just a tear somewhere? Or part of…  Occult is bad, although that is for other organs–not specifically my brain.  If it were, only an embolism would be capable of destroying things all over.  That said, I could or would be dead right now? This happened on July 21, 2005

Okay, on with the rest of the show.

My voice and speaking ability.  Total mess! The woman could hardly understand me to figure out to call 911.  The Paramedics couldn’t understand me because they asked if she lived in my place.  No. But she’s trying to find what they needed.

Mumbly, mumbly, mumbly! How many hours until I could speak again? I have no clue.  Also, post-TBI but have no memory of dealing with Doctor in ER.  Have the notes and I laughed out loud at how I was acting and what I was saying.

I couldn’t even tell him what brought me there! I was going on about prior medical problems that were totally irrelevant.  I clearly had no cognitive capacity to engage in conversation about anything! And again, what brought me there!

I had to wait for a bed on the medical floor.  I don’t know how long.

Oh, yes.  The worst of it all is I wanted to rip out everything from my eye sockets from the pain! I was in so much PAIN!!! Rip every piece of tissue out of those sockets until there are only black holes left!!!

This is getting pretty long.  I’ll save the hospital stuff.  I’m getting really tired too.  I need to rest.  All I do, but I finally have my MRI Scheduled! I hope they find something.

Not to sound whiny but it’s not pleasant.  Housebound, alone, feeling sick…yeah, okay.  Whatever.  A lot of others have it a lot worse and they’re really happy.  I should shut my yap!

Tell me what you think my readers.  I won’t tell you the number of other people that have told me what.

CODA: 20+ years of First Aid and CPR Training might have really helped me here.  If I didn’t know any better, I could have just slept it off, see how I feel in the morning.  How about you feel nothing because you’re dead.  Whether you had a stroke or not.

Everyone, if you EVER feel sick or off and you don’t know what it is. But something feels wrong.  Listen to your body and not your head!

And go straight to the ER.


Which is a good thing and a bad thing.  It’s easier to type now (still slowly) but I can use WordPress better.  Terrible on my phone.

However, all the new people I Followed on Twitter? I have to go find their Blogs and put them in my file with everyone else’s. That will be a lot of work.

Then we need to talk about this whole, “Me Having a Stroke” or whatever etc. issues.

And the bright light of a computer.  Even set on the lowest possible end for brightness? It’s still making my eyes, and radiating, ocular area of my head, scream like you could hear from this Post–what country where you live is irrelevant.  My screaming will be equally loud across the globe.


Dammit! I should have used all of that FOR writing the Post about the stroke crap! Oh, well.

When you have a head injury, no matter what type, you’re a little off you’re game.  Or sometimes A LOT.

Which is where I am now.  I sometimes don’t know if I’ve used my eyes too much the day before.  That’s when I wake up wanting to scratch my eyeballs out of my head (but we’ll get to that later.  It’s not so bad now.

I forgot I bought a pair of wraparound sunglasses that fit over my glasses so a very good solution when I need to do things requiring light.  Then, long periods of the black blindfold just eyes closed.

I need some tea now.  Wake up a bit and put the groovy shades on because it’s a lovely summer day.  Too bad I can’t enjoy it! Brief and very safe walking with the cane.  Maybe I could sit outside on my patio but I always try to read!

That is MASSIVE eye work! Even “looking around?” And it’s not photophobia.  That’s the weird thing.  Dark, and protective vision for pain, but not for brightness.

There’s something wrong with my head.  I’ve even got it on paper when I was admitted that an MRI was to be done for a stroke.

Okay, in a really messed up way, you know some of what’s going on? Next, I’ll try and run you through everything that happened.  It’s Classic Stroke Behaviour.  Or something like it.

See ya.

Well, stroke or no, I’m typing on my mobile like I’ve never seen one before.  That’s probably why I keep having to charge it five times a day.

I’m serious.  V…e…r…y…s…l  Yeah, you guys get it.  It’s tiring too.  Well, everything is but you guys get the typing thing too.

There was talk about a stroke initially.  Right between my Doctor and me.  She stated it looked like.  Read my mind.

Who knows until we get that MRI! At Sweetie GP’s waiting to get picked up.  She’s going to push the hospital and say a big “WTF!!!” to them.

Now I’m going to pull out a bunch of papers sent to my Neuro.  Despite how sick I am, there might be a lot of sickanger going on.  I’ll be totally pissed off to see documents filled with errors.

Must rest eyes.  Darkness forthwith.

Thank you for reading. Do you feel ill now?

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