Archive for April 8th, 2007

Alright, this needs some explaining, I know. Especially if you haven’t been keeping up with the comments of some of my recent posts. And beware, you’re about to be a victim of drive by “Drunken Blogging” just to make things all the better. I’ve only had a couple of drinks so it shouldn’t be that bloody a shooting–but just so you know. And seeing as I’m moving out and will be on my own soon…be on the look out…there may be more to come.

So last night I was watching Blow on TV. All I could think about was getting my hands on some cocaine. I know. What is that all about? And if you’ve seen the movie, the moral of the story is that cocaine is bad, it ruins your life and all of that. Well, I’ve done coke, it hasn’t ruined my life–I guess I’m a “recreational” drug user. And it was a long time ago. I’m still not saying it’s smart I’m just saying I had an incredible urge to snort some and could barely sit still throughout the movie. Even through the pot scenes–I would have settled for that!

I’ve never been a big drug user. Alcohol has always been my “drug of choice” but all of the sudden, I feel a very strong urge for “illicit substances.” This is kind of a red flag but nonetheless. And yes, my moods are a bit messed up at the moment. No surprise that this blog is reflective of that.

So gloomferret and I started taking what might normally be an email conversation offline and “on blog” and things just went from there. You can follow them all if you’re interested and there’s actually more than just “Supermodel” talk but it’s up to you…

It started off as a serious post ranting about my day but got completely tangential. I revealed to him how much weight I had lost and we talked about my appearance and the drug use and my desire to do coke and voila! We decided (sort of?) that I was or could be a Supermodel in the making!

I had the starvation thing going on (not completely by choice mind you) the fact that someone out there might find me remotely attractive and surely with enough makeup, some fancy hair work and even some good PhotoShop it just might work! Granted it might be limited to pictures only. I’m too short to do runway.

I’m still not convinced. I really don’t think I’m “pretty” enough. Who knows, maybe with some huge makeover I might look like something resembling gorgeous but a “Supermodel?” And let’s not forget that I’m 37. Although because of my size and stature I still look like I’m a lot younger?

Anyway, here’s the only YouTube that immediately pops into mind and it’s incredibly predictable. But it does take me back to my days at the gay (men’s) bars years ago. Back when dancing was actually fun(ny.)

Back To Whining

What a fucking exercise in futility!

Alright, so I slept like shit, I finally downed some tea and dragged my sorry ass out of the house. I forgot things I needed of course–but I didn’t need them anyway so the point is moot. I decided to go over to the new apartment. I loaded up ex-partner’s car with the bulk of my clothes. Wow. I have a fair amount of clothes. I dress like a bum anyway all the time now. Well, I’ll dress up if I need to but usually I can’t be bothered. I found things I haven’t worn in years. Unbelievable. I tried to remember the size of the closet and in a moment of panic wondered if they’d all fit (plus the others that I haven’t brought yet.) Sod it.

What I had forgotten to bring were a few things to try and clean the kitchen and possibly the bathroom as they sorely need it. The last tenant actually left half eaten food from some restaurant in a take out container in the fridge! Good grief! I also brought some heavier items like a giant bag of cat food and a case of canned stuff for my boy.

So I get there to see what the painters had done. Or not done. I will be living inside an egg. It’s rather “white.” Oh well, that’s not so bad. It beats the other hellish colours and going back inside an ovum might be somewhat soothing, somehow, for this bird-brained freak, PA.

So everything managed to fit inside the closet which was a relief but I can tell that the painting isn’t done as all their stuff is still strewn about. It’s got to get finished by next Saturday. Which means I can’t clean anything but that’s okay because I forgot all my stuff anyway. But that’s alright because with the car, I had planned to do some shopping to pick up some things that I needed and cleaning supplies were on the list (another thing I forgot was a notebook to make a list.) *smacks self silly*

I start driving around and find a store.  It’s not the one I’m looking for but it will do. It’s closed–Easter Sunday. That never occurred to me. That’s stupid, I think, I need stuff! I think of a better store that might be open but I can’t, for the life of me, remember where it is. Now this happens often. I used to know my city so well. I don’t own a car anymore so that’s part of it but Fried Brain Syndrome is the other half of the equation. I drive around for what seems like an eternity and have an epiphany! I remember! I finally find it only to see that it’s gone. Well, the building is still there but the store has apparently closed, disappeared, whatever.

I did manage to pick up a 30lb. bag of cat litter (oh, what’s that…a little less than three times my weight now–last checked in at 106lbs?) It would have been a bitch to pick up on my own without the car. I’m strong but lugging it a fair distance would be ridiculous. I need to invest in a good, strong shopping cart. I also got a new scratching post for kitty too.

So yeah. That’s what I did in three bloody hours.

Oh yeah, and I just about forgot my keys when I left. Ex-partner may have been just a teensy bit concerned about me having the car? She just reminded me to concentrate behind the wheel. I’m actually a good driver. Really.