Archive for April 14th, 2007


Well, here I sit in my new “abode” and I’ve found that I must be relatively close to a wifi hotspot. Yes, we actually have free wifi where I live in and around the city (for now..) But it’s tenuous and I had to be persistent in finding a network (and I don’t understand these Mac(?) networks that ask you for passwords–what’s that all about?)

Anyway, today was obviously very stressful. Even last night was bad. It was like, the last night in the old place, with my…”partner…ex-partner..whatever” and it hurt. I purposefully packed up my MacBook early just to spend the evening with her when she came home. Well, I didn’t quite pack it up but closed it and quit fiddling with it. I figured, lots of time for doing that when I go.

When I went to bed, oh boy…again, last time in the place. I’ve never felt particularly attached to my living spaces but this was different. This was the only the second time I had lived with someone and it was since I was 18/19 years old. That time, it was with a boyfriend and I was so young. Otherwise, I have always lived alone.

This morning, oh heavens, I was a wreck. I awoke to again feeling suicidal and was crying. I got up and dressed, had my tea and we disassembled the bed. Pretty much the very last thing to do. The movers showed up on time and I was crying while they were there–not in front of them of course. Ex-partner told me to just try and get through this and I could cry all I wanted to later. I spent a large portion of the time engaging in rocking back and forth the entire morning, stimming basically.

Moving chaos: ex-partner’s new bed arrived while my movers were trying to cart stuff out. Uh-huh. One of my movers cut himself somehow and started bleeding all over my new kitchen (which is filthy anyway but still.) They did not have a First Aid Kit, I could not find the one in ex-partner’s car…okay, firstly is he alright, secondly please do not bleed all over my things! He somehow jury rigged a bandage out of I do not know what and packing tape. I think other than that no major catastrophes but as always, several items scratched and damaged. Oh well, as I’ve always said about material possessions: “If you can’t afford to lose it or break it–don’t buy it.”

So several hours later after it was all done, I picked up a few things and some food for ex-partner and I. There were some more breakables and such back at the old place including the cat! So we quickly ate, loaded up the car and drove back across the city. Ex-partner started crying now. I think she will miss the cat more than she will miss me? That is hard and I felt terrible. I feel terrible about it all.

Ex-partner came and helped me rearrange pretty much everything I had initially set up as I am completely spatially challenged. Good grief I have quite a bit more room now and the entire place well, pretty much makes more sense in terms of layout? I really suck at setting up furniture! I mean, this place is a little bizarre anyway but…well, it’s small so small flats are always bizarre in one way or another. Ex-partner didn’t think it was that bad of a space but where we lived…well, it was quite a lot nicer.

And of course, I forgot some things there. Going to try and sort that out tomorrow. I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t forget something.

We hugged when she left. I’m not even sure I can remember the last time we hugged.