Archive for April 16th, 2007


So now that I’m all hooked up (even though I’m still connecting to some weird network, signal strength is low but at least it’s fast and working?) I thought I’d check my work account and see how things are piling up there.

Now before I had left, I replied to a note that had been sent out from a friend. Now this friend and I don’t keep in contact all that much but well, we’re “friendly” and we know all about each other personally so are we friends, aquaintances? I don’t know. I waffle with the terms in a temporal sense with this person simply because we do not spend a lot of time together. She is also very hard to get to know. Whereas I tend to spew all sorts of things to whomever will listen–this person notwithstanding. She is a good person, a kind person and I like her. Otherwise, I wouldn’t bother talking to her at all!

So she had sent me an email wondering if I (or anyone else–I’m assuming it was a mass email) would like to accompany her to go and see Rufus Wainright. I was away having my scopes done when it arrived but when I was back in the office, I said certainly. I also figured I had better give her an update. So I did. My health, my relationship–the whole shebang! Now we’ve always told each other what’s been going on in each others’ lives, our thoughts about things and we have gotten a bit closer over the last little while. But I haven’t heard a thing! And no, she’s not away–I didn’t get an out of office message.

And furthermore, I haven’t heard a thing from anyone else as far as my friends go! The only person I’ve spoken to about all of this is fucking ex-partner (if you can believe that!) and my therapist and I suppose my GP.

Am I being unreasonable? Do my friends really suck? Do I really suck? I haven’t mentioned the break up to my parents because they are of absolutely no use anyway (my father and I aren’t really speaking at the moment so there’s no point; my mother is off in la-la land) but I did tell my sister. I haven’t heard anything from her either. She does not live near me but an email would be nice? Perhaps?

I’m trying not to start getting angry or hurt over this. I’m trying to just let it go as always…just deal with things myself. I’ll make the gestures, overtures as always and initiate contact with everyone, no matter how much energy it takes when I feel like it, I suppose. Then if it keeps falling on deaf ears…well, I don’t know what to say.


Alright, everyone’s going to have put up with me moaning about my “new living space” for a while, I guess. That’s all that’s going on. I should maybe follow the lead of some other bloggers out there and write about other things but fuck it.

So at least I made it out of the damn place today–apart from going outside to have cigarettes (Edit: shit, forgot to buy cigarettes!)

Yes, I bought groceries! I have food! Or at least a bit of food. When I last lived in this area, the closest grocery store in the vicinity delivered! Yes…oh joy! It was wonderful. I could merrily shop away and a wonderful old(er)–as in retired–man would take me to my door, carry my things in and it was all very pleasant. Well, apparently they stopped that last November. There is another semi-decent store…they are both rather small and truly, the one further away is probably better but it’s a much longer walk.

So damn. I need A CART. I find one at a nearby hardware store and the young man graciously assembled it. I told him I needed to shop right away. I also picked up a couple of things I needed while there. Less room for food though.

So off I went, feeling like a feeble old lady. Oh but I didn’t know the half of it yet. Now I haven’t had a lung capacity test in a few years but the last time I did, I fared quite well for a smoker. And really, I’m not a heavy smoker. But crap, my new place is on a bit of an incline and pushing that damn cart up the stupid hill was rather tiring? And let’s not forget, I’m still bloody anemic and underweight (well, almost.)

And it’s going to be bloody awful in the winter. Winter?! HA! My god, it still is winter here! If this isn’t the worst April on record then I am surprised. Okay, well perhaps not a Canadian winter but it’s basically a UK winter. It sucks and I got stuck in the rain coming home too.

I know, wah, wah is me.

The irony is that I’m not even eating anyway so why bother buying food? That’s a little stupid, however as I do need to eat. PA can not live on meds, tea and iron supplements alone! There is an online service here in the city that does deliver. They’ve been around for a while. Perhaps for larger “shipments” I shall have to resort to them?

At least “The Cable Guy” came today and no he didn’t want to be my obsessive, stalker best friend like Jim Carrey. He just went about his business, didn’t make a mess (like it would make a difference) so now I am Speedy Gonzales on the internet again!

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