Archive for April 20th, 2007

A fellow blogger who is going through some rough times mentioned in a recent post that his feelings, moods were transient. Now I won’t link to the post in question because it is a personal post and for some reason, well, I just don’t feel comfortable doing that. Even though the information is out there in “the public domain” of the internet…well, somehow doing it bothers me because of the personal detail. Maybe I don’t have issue if the blogger writes a non-personal post or if it may be of interest about a certain issue.

Anyway, I am always in admiration of someone who can admit this in the throes of mood hell. That it is just temporary. I need to remind myself of this at the moment, too. Maybe some other bloggers out there can also heed this gentle message? I know that life is always full of change and for those of us with Bipolar, it can and is the nature of the beast in terms of our moods. The same can be said for Depressive episodes, other mental illnesses. But with Bipolar it is particularly cyclical in nature.

Yesterday, my therapist again told me that I am going to need more “time.” Gah. Yes, this I know but I am impatient, impulsive and I just keep saying and feeling like a child, “When?!” I am trying to remember the last time I felt well and she asked me to recount it. I couldn’t. I told her that I knew it was depression being all-consuming and it sucks you in and doesn’t make you see things correctly but…well, it still didn’t help.

My issues with “lack of identity” came up as well and she said that for sure, I would be struggling with this as I was “losing” some vital parts of my identity right now. I had lost my identity as a partnered person, I had lost my identity as to where I lived and my life there. I was essentially “re-inventing” myself. These were big stressors.

Here are a list of a few more:

    Death of a loved one
    Divorce / separation
    Injury/illness ( self / family )
    Marriage/ engagement
    Loss of job
    Sexual Problems
    Change in financial status
    Change of job / work
    Mortgage or loan
    Foreclosure of mortgage/loan
    Change in responsibilities
    Moving house
    Minor violations of the law

So in the last year or so, out of those 18, I’ve had about 10 of those occur and a few of them are happening right now. All have caused me varying but serious degrees of stress.

Time…time…give it time…

Time is a very strange concept. I’ve always been intrigued by it. I’m the sort of person who always needs to wear a wristwatch. Time escapes me–badly. I know it is a hallmark of ADD and I used to be better but I really need to be kept on my toes. And apart from that, I’ve always had a keen interest in watches. I’ve always been fascinated by them and loved the “style” of them. I’ve often been tempted to take them apart to see and watch (haha) how they work but I know I’d never be able to put them back together again properly.

I don’t wear a lot of jewelry, if any at all but I’ve always enjoyed expensive watches. Not that I’ve ever owned ultra-expensive timepieces. I’ve had a few that were moderately pricey when I decided to splurge a little bit but no Rolexes, Movados or Tag Heuers on this girl’s arms. Although I wouldn’t say no to a nice gift *grin*

But it’s not just me that’s been fascinated or enthralled with time. Humans have always “needed” it. Here’s a link that tells all sorts of things about the history of time and clocks and such. I apologize for the fifth link on the page as it keeps “timing” out and I can’t get it to load but simply because of the plethora of information I wanted to post this particular web page. Maybe by the “time” I publish this post it will indeed load but I’ve been writing this for hours so I’m not convinced.

I’ve also been intrigued by time travel, partly because I’m a bit of a sci-fi geek and I also wish there were so many things I could change in my life. But since it would go against the Prime Directive it has always caused me great moral dilemma. But I’m not talking about mass civilization destruction! I am merely talking about my own tiny life! How much harm would that do? I know that there might be rippling effects to other humans but really! I can’t seeing it being all that serious! But who’s to say…?

I did find this that amused me, however…perhaps time travel will never be possible as this man has briefly written.

And speaking of time…wow, I’d better get some work done! Time has escaped me yet again.