Archive for April 22nd, 2007

Okay, so I’m still unpacking and this was my Newton’s Cradle:


I’ve been trying to untangle Newton’s balls but alas…it’s hopeless. Although it does have a certain appeal to it now..all completely messed up and in some bizarre hanging globular clump.

Oh well, I guess I shall have to buy another for my fix of shiny objects and fun noises…

I’ve thought about getting a tattoo about three times in my life. All of these times I was (hypo)manic. What stopped me the first two times was I could never figure out what on earth I would like permanently inked upon my body.

The third time, I got a little bit more creative and decided to design something in Sanskrit. It was the translation of the meaning of my name and my cat’s name (I had given her a name in Sanskrit) and she had just died. I even went to the tattoo shop, spoke to the artist, had agreed to have him draw it up but then, for some reason, I changed my mind. I’m actually kind of glad I did. Not that I have a problem with tattoos. I just really don’t think they’re for me.

But in light of recent events, I’m thinking I should place one of these on my forehead.

First we have this:


Or, a slight variation since I am so medically disordered, if we wish to get a little more specific:


I grew up in a small town where they refined Uranium. A lot of the local “Green” people hated it and were always vowing to have the refinery torn down. Of course it never was. We were nicknamed “The Little Town That Glows.” Yes, how sweet. So maybe that’s what’s wrong with me. If that is the case, we could go with this:


Or, if none of you like any of the above, we can simply go with something very generic:


So please let me know your favourite/s.

Okay, I’m a wreck…I just woke up, had a rather fitful night and well, this is my last day of “vacation” and I have to go back to work tomorrow. The “real world.” My supposed “real life.” I’ve been thinking about this all week and it will either be good for me, or my brain will simply pack it’s own bags and go on its own vacation and I will either have to go inpatient or on Short Term Disability. I am still not doing well.

I swear, this week has been surreal. Between the move, bizarre pub madness, stress piled upon stress, the depression and fighting “evil thoughts,” it seems I’ve now been “propositioned” by my ex-boyfriend and his girlfriend.

She actually brought it up, not him apparently so it’s not the “all men are pigs” theory–and my ex-boyfriend is actually a decent guy–remember, he/they were the ones who took me home after Friday night’s incident but it was pretty much his doing.

So, I found this out late last night when he called me and woke me up. I had called him earlier in the day to say thank you for getting me home safely and well, “sorry” for ruining what was otherwise a pleasant evening? Even though it wasn’t really my fault. But I’m the sort of person that apologizes for everything anyway.

Erm…so yes. Quite an interesting phone call to wake up to. I mean, we talked about other things but well…that was certainly a biggie. I wasn’t particularly surprised because of the events of the prior evening, let’s just say but I was rather surprised to have them flung back at me rather quickly and rather, shall we say…so bluntly? Well, I’m about as blunt as a mallet to the cranium so really, I suppose I’m getting a dose of my own medicine.

I simply said that I didn’t know. And thank you and I was flattered. I mean…we sort of discussed things and it would be social and caring and gentle and we would all spend time together. It’s not like I would be some plaything and get messed around with and then tossed out the door on my ass. I mean, I know my ex-boyfriend and for all his bizarre behaviour (I suspect extreme ADD) he is a kind and gentle soul.

But oh dear. What did I do? Did I turn on that “manic charm” again? I mean, I’m not *really* feeling that (hypo)manic but pour a few drinks into me and I become this little fireball of yes, (hypo)manic energy. Or I can…and I guess I did and well…oh dear. I think because of my current state of mind, the drinking has exacerbated the cycling and it’s just mental ping pong.

Anyway, it seems I have bewitched my ex-boyfriend’s lover. Actually, there’s no “seem” about it. I fucking did and I know it. I’m just being modest because PA doesn’t like to think she is actually capable of doing such things. And well, she usually isn’t! At least not when she really wants to! Or when it’s a proper situation or like, a “proper” relationship!


Ex-boyfriend wants to meet this afternoon to hang out. Girlfriend won’t be there. I just want to stay in bed and hide under the duvet all day.

Well, as oft been said, my life is never boring.

EDIT: Not going to see ex-boyfriend today…only other “social plans” are to see the other gent if he calls to give him back his ring.  Maybe he won’t and I can be just left alone.