Archive for April 26th, 2007

I’m tired.  I’m not sleeping well.  Despite my hypnotic.  My anxiety levels have increased and I seem to have developed some slight feelings of agoraphobia and being “institutionalized.”  This has never happened before when I have been in the hospital. 

I went out yesterday afternoon and walked to the end of the property and just sort of looked at “the real world” hurtling by and it kind of freaked me out.  I couldn’t venture into it and just finished my cigarette and came straight back into the building.  God, even today when outside this morning I heard a gull laughing maniacally.  Even the birds are crazy here.

My floor isn’t bad, actually.  I am on the Mood and Anxiety Floor.  Everyone here is pretty calm and no one is screaming or freaking out so that is good.  It is quiet except when someone is blasting the TV too loud.  Then I just leave and go hide in my room.  My roomate is nice.  She is smart and doing a PhD. in Biochemistry and working on Alzheimers.  *sigh*…oh, why haven’t I even finished my BA.

She’s leaving tomorrow so who knows who will be sharing my room next.

I have found a couple of books to try and read.  One is entitled Anthropology and Art: Readings in Cross-Cultural Aesthetics and is a collection of essays by again, various smart people from the Hallowed Halls of Academia.  No doubt someone’s old university reading material.  That one may have to wait.  A little heavy.

I have also found a copy of Joshua Then and Now by Mordechai Richler. You can link to the book also in Wiki further down the page if you wish to read what it’s basically about. I’ve just started it but found one kind of interesting quote that was told to Joshua as a young boy from his uncle when he was getting into trouble.

“Life is a river we poor mortails sail on.  Now you can drift with the current, ending up in the weeds of malcontent with the rest of the flotsam.  Or dear Joshua, you can paddle your own canoe right through the storms of temptation into the ocean of plenty.”

They upped my Lamictal to 50mg.  Yay.