So I hope “all y’all” aren’t getting sick of my blogging about the psych ward. Sorry previous incarnation of PA there…no she doesn’t think she’s from some part of the US where that term is prominent; she actually thinks she’s from the UK. 

I guess that’s about all that’s going on right now and I don’t know if I have the brain power to blog about anything else or the time as sometimes I have to “share” this little toy that we nutters all play with.  Yes, PA always shares her toys.  Except her MacBook.

But who knows? The Seroquel might turn me into (more of) a blithering idiot and I might not be able to blog at all for a bit? Doubtful.  I’m a junkie.  I’ll just perhaps make no sense.  Or less sense.

I had this great song that’s really appropriate and as I can’t stream music over here at WP, I was going to post a YouTube clip but there’s a version of Flash on this piece of junk where I sit typing that’s too old.  So I started monkeying and tried to download a newer version of it and I can’t.  First, I kept getting broken images on the screen and when I downloaded Firefox and tried to do it via that, I got an error about not having Administrative Priviledges–but I can’t see that having anything to do with anything.  It’s the machine.  I had to download the Firefox App. to the Desktop and not even to the HDD!

I’m tempted to post the clip anyway but I just can’t without viewing it first.  That would be irresponsible blogging! Like I don’t do enough of that already?

*ponders*

So I finally heard from my sister.  Apologies abound but at least we are now in contact.  Better late than never? I suppose she can’t help it.  Well, maybe she can.  I don’t know.  She avoids the phone like I do if a number isn’t recognized but at least I pick up my messages.  I just blame everything we do on how badly our parents screwed us up, over, backwards, sideways and twice on Sundays.

Things are actually going a bit better here.  I’m engaging more with some of the other crazies.  I’ve dragged myself to “group” a couple of times.  Once to “Music Therapy” where a guy just brought in a bunch of CDs and if we liked a song, we were to pick it, he’d play it and we could all talk about it.  There was at least one CD that had a particular favourite of mine that makes me think of Bipolar so that was appropriate.  Some of the CDs were pathetically generic though so, not to sound like a music snob but I got bored.  I did kind of get a chance to geek out and talk about music though.  That was yesterday.

Today was a CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) Group.  That was a little rough and extremely anxiety provoking.  I still worked hard at opening my mouth–much more difficult than talking about music though! They even gave homework! I am to pick a “mood” and then chart all the actions I do in three hour blocks and then rate my chosen mood on a scale.  Dear me.  Then it is to be reviewed next week.  Ha…if I show up? No, I should probably go…

…guilt, guilt, guilt…

I’ve never done CBT and because I’m such a screw up and spend so much time in my head and being so reactionary maybe it might help?

So do you want to know the songs? *smiles deviously*


  1. The songs!!!

    If its a windows PC you do need to be logged on as admin to install anything. Bamboozle someone into doing it for you. Tell them about security holes in older versions of flash, and that firefox is far safer than explorer and protects against trojans.

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  2. was losing it

    well yeah, i am kinda curious about the songs. really enjoy your blog, life is hard. but somehow i find encouragement, reading your posts…our lives seem to parallel in so many ways (and yet completely different) …or maybe its just in my mind whatever it seems to be helping, i wish you strength, peace and hope a stranger-friend (maybe not really stranger but probably at least as strange as) please keep blogging nonsense or technical its usually a good read

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  3. Hi gloomy, yes it’s Windoze (see, I’m really sounding like a Mac Head now?) but I kind of can’t be bothered. I don’t know if any of the nurses are that interested or technical? I mean, it’s taken me FIVE DAYS and the bloody kitchen still can’t get me my Ensure! I can’t believe I’m actually begging for it anyway. I got one with dinner last night but nothing with breakfast this morning. If I can’t get that do you think I can get Flash?

    Hi was losing it, thank you so much for your very kind comment. Wow. I really appreciate it. I’m curious as a “losing it” came by I think and I’m wondering if it was you and now things have improved and you are no longer losing it? Or maybe I’m just being silly and imagining things.

    I’m glad you find value in my posts. Sometimes I think it’s all just ridiculous babbling but I always said that if just one person finds anything meaningful in what I’ve ever written then this blog has been a success. You’ve made that happen (and well, I suppose others have too) but you’ve just given me a very good reminder that this blog is not completely useless. And I find it interesting (always) when people find parallels between anything that I have gone through and what they have gone through themsleves. Or enjoy my attempts at the “technical.”

    You’ve really made me feel better by your comment. Again thank you.

    Okay, now for the “The Songs.”

    For therapy, I chose “Half a World Away” by R.E.M.–makes me think of being Bipolar and some of the *places* I’ve been because of it.

    For the blog and where I am right now (in a psych ward) it was “Black-Eyed” by Placebo. Now I’m not completely as down on myself as that song states but I can identify with it. And with all the references to the disorders–just perfect.

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  4. was losing it

    it is me, not your imagination, things are somewhat better at least at this hour…who knows about the next… my song would be unwell-matchbox 20 and thank-you, im always paranoid about being one of those annoying lurkers bloggers are always bitchin about and thats really not my intent

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  5. SJK

    CBT can be a bit wierd at first,or at least it was for me.i am a kinda private person,and givin this stranger a whole lot of very personal info about myself was abit of a struggle.i was lucky,i think that my psychologit seemed to be somebody i could talk easily to.
    the homework was a bit odd,and it was strange to keep a diary of ma moods ,ma sleep patterns and any cutting.

    i had about 15,i think ,sessions andalthough a wee bit sceptical at first,i think it did help me long term.
    i can identify the various different types of negative thinkin,i cannot always catch them before they become a bigger oroblem,but i am better equiped than i was before i didit.

    give it a go as best you can,you may get summat out ofit,you may not.
    worth a try though,or at least that is wot i told maself.

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  6. Hi was losing it, well, it looks like I’m not “losing it” haha. I’m glad to hear you are feeling a bit better. At least for the hour? It all starts with, perhaps, just feeling better in small increments. That’s what I am telling myself now anyway.

    And no, I don’t care about lurkers! And I would never “bitch” about anyone reading my blog. I mean, I know people read this blog but do not comment and that is fine, however, I really do appreciate comments as they are feedback and a) it helps to know that I actually am being read and heard and b) I think it may provide a forum for further thoughts, discussion etc… Again, that’s if I’m writing anything remotely intelligent?

    Hello SJK, thanks for your valuable and personal comments on CBT. I am always interested in others’ personal experiences regarding meds, therapy–anything to do with psych/neuro/head “stuff.” I do value the scientific research that is out there but anecdotal evidence is also very important and the “scientists” and physicians must listen to the patients. Absolutely.

    Thank you for your words of encouragement.

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  7. Hi u r all nuts. True, you are right. I should probably try and get a life but I’m really not sure where I could. You see, they don’t exactly sell them in stores or anything. So, unfortunately, I guess I am left with the one that I’ve got.

    I was going to spam you but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Since you loaded your url (even though it’s no doubt bogus) it really is just too funny. It will probably bring me spammus maximus but even if you are a real and caring commenter, I always respond to my commenters. It is the respectful thing to do–at least I feel that way as a blogger.

    So thank you for your advice. Actually, I do keep searching for “a life.” Yes, there are ups and downs…but that is life, right?

    Thanks, though…I’ll keep trying.

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