Archive for May 22nd, 2007

So basically I was on the right track, I mean caffeine is a stimulant so sure, it’s going to work on Dopamine receptors, right? But the thing is there are five subtypes (and two proposed others?) and I know/knew that Seroquel hits the D2 subtype so how in fact does caffeine work and where does it in fact, tickle your brain? Guess where. D2…as far as I can tell. But it makes sense. Same place as any other stimulant drug hits. D2 is your “happy place!” D2 is where you party in your brain!

There are some non-CNS Dopamine subtype receptors as well and I found this kind of interesting: D1, D2, D4 and D5 (apparently little D2’s quite busy–actually they all are–just doing different things.) D1 plays a large role co-ordinating smooth muscle and blood vessels and D4 in cardiac function (i.e. specifically in the atria.)

Now what about little D3? No mention of it yet. The D3 subtype has been identified in the “islands of Calleja” and the “nucleus accumbens.” Ooh yeah! Now we’re talking! These are parts of the brain actually deal in olfactory sensation or your ability to smell things (islands of Calleja.) The latter (nucleus accumbens) is thought to play a role in reward, pleasure and addiction. Hey, nucleus accumbens…we need to have a talk.

So what the hell does all this mean for me, my caffeine problem and Seroquel? Well, Seroquel binds “loosely” as opposed to “tightly” than the older types of Antipsychotics. All of the newer or Atypical ones do. What this generally means is that you experience less side effects and the effect of having less Dopamine blocked is reduced. So theoretically, on my small 50mg…I should have more Dopamine available and more receptor affinity when I wake up in the morning?

In the comment section somewhere in another post…oh what the hell was I talking about…something along the lines of perhaps even this very topic because it’s driving me nuts, I was trying to work out the drug clearance rate through my system etc… I still don’t understand why on earth caffeine is not waking me up like it used to. And I’m not really feeling the Seroquel hangover anymore either.

Why, oh why can’t caffeine maybe hit little D3? Seroquel doesn’t block it and it also seems like a little “party place” as apparently any stimulant drug has always increased Dopamine in the nucleus accumbens. *sigh* Oh well, maybe a good question for my new psychiatrist this week and perhaps he’ll be amenable to putting me on stims–legal ones that is?

Ah well…almost time to take my Seroquel. I suppose we could even junk it and see if I’d be okay just going back to the straight and simple Imovane. Will someone just give me my own medical license and prescription pad, please? I think I’d like to just figure this all out myself!

Postscript: The majority of this courtesy of The Almighty Wikipedia–I’m not that smart *grin*

PA apologizes in advance. She’s used the “Alice” metaphor or example/analogy before. And actually PA doesn’t look anything like Alice nor would she ever dress like her. But that is of no relevance to this post. Neither is the fact that she “met” a very smart man online who felt that Lewis Carroll must have had epilepsy as his books were just far too tripped out not to have had it. This man had epilepsy plus a whole whack of other mental fun stuff.

Anyway, she made it. After six hours of sleep. She started to doze off in the early afternoon which is a true treasure for someone who has difficulty napping during the day. She was rudely awakened by her mobile phone when they arrived–late as usual. This is her mother’s “fault.” Or pattern. Or ritual. She has some OCD tendencies. But probably not enough to warrant a diagnosis. Just enough to make her bloody, fucking annoying. And by no means does PA mean any disrespect to anyone who has OCD–this is simply borne out of years as a child dealing with so much crap with Mom. Interestingly enough, it was “no holds barred” with PA (but she’ll get to that) and she even told her that she felt her mother had some OCD tendencies and her mother didn’t argue. Well, she called them something else but not really in severe protest. Hmmm.

So PA was basically non-verbal in the car. Offering the perfunctory grunt here or there whenever someone said something that necessitated a response from her. Upon arrival, she opened the fridge to see what was on offer. Oh joy! There was beer (and wine!) Now she didn’t necessarily need some “hair of the dog” as she’d only had two drinks the night before. She wasn’t hungover, she was simply tired and again, the tea just doesn’t seem to be doing it for her. She can’t figure out why. (Mental Note: must remember to do some research…does caffeine hit dopamine receptors and are hers being so blocked by the Seroquel even in its small dose?) The biphasic response of alcohol does act as a big stimulant for PA–it’s waking her up more than caffeine these days. Better not start drinking it first thing in the morning…

So of course, she immediately opened a bottle. And then she went for a smoke. Now her mother has never approved of this but she has always gently expressed it. This time, nothing. Not a word. She even said PA could smoke around her (PA was standing at a distance to be polite.) What the…?! She asked where to put her butt and her mom’s husband said just throw it on the ground and he’d sweep it/them up later. Erm…okay…

So then things really got rolling. PA got a little smashed and just started talking about whatever. Oh, she didn’t care. She talked about being Bipolar and her bloody mother actually said, she shit thee not that she in fact was Bipolar too and that she has such a hard time dealing with the highs and the lows of the mood changes. PA told her that she completely understood. She also got into the aspect of the fact that she knew her parents were swingers and she knew all about that and how it was hard for her mother but her mother sort of said that sometimes it wasn’t due to the hypersexuality (PA bringing forth of the term.)

PA’s like, holy fuck, oh my god, what is happening at this point?

So, PA decided to go for the jugular. PA told her that when she was young, it was very hard for her to take care of her mother. She also said that when her mother was so delusional and thought that she was the Second Coming of Christ it was so hard for her as a child. Her mother said that she was sorry and that things were just coming out wrong because everything was so jumbled in her head.

Hmmm. Well, PA is still not sure of Mommy’s mental state but she does know that having this talk may have cleared some things up? At least she said a whole lot of shit that she never thought she ever would in her entire life!

She also talked about Mommy’s plan to rework the entire world’s economy but that didn’t go anywhere. Nope. She’s clinging to that one tenaciously. PA told her that no one is going to buy into it. No one! But alas, it’s her “dream.” PA hasn’t seen it in years since the “first draft” and it truly is a form of brilliant madness. But again…it’s futile and will never work.

And oh yes, a little bit more about PA’s birth father and it seems that Mommy has now fully accepted (PA believes) that he is in fact her biological father. No more of this wavering back and forth. So maybe that is some more headway. And another nice thing. She said if PA’s anxiety ever got to be too much, call any time, day or night and they would take off the machine (they screen their calls) and she would be happy to talk to PA and help her through whatever was going on.

When PA finally ends up seeing her, her therapist is going to shit herself.

D. now reads my blog!

While talking on the phone the other night, I told D. that I had a blog. I told her I wrote a post entitled, Why Can’t I Believe In God?” and we discussed Richard Dawkins’ book The God Delusion and how she wanted to read it. I told her how another blogger had sent me a copy and I said I had the copy at work and would get it when I returned.

I also told her how you could find my blog; just Google the post. I said this in jest. Ex-partner had never wanted to read my blog. First, she felt it was an invasion of privacy and second, she simply had no interest. It never even occurred to me that D. would be at all interested in my blog!

The first thing out of D.’s mouth was: “You shouldn’t have told me that!”

Now it’s debatable who is more of a computer junkie, D. or PA. We’re both Mac fanatics too, did I mention that? I simply thought, who the hell would be interested (again, just like when I set up this damn thing) in my insane, incoherent ramblings? Well, apparently D.

So far she is diligently working her way through each and every post and reading them all. I can’t believe it! That’s devotion(?) She is also enjoying them and has complemented me on this crazy little crevice of the internet.

We did talk about her doing this, however, and was it a bad thing? Was it an invasion of privacy? She was very concerned about that and me. Would it change what I wrote or how I wrote? Well…I didn’t know. I mean, PA has always said she would never, ever censor herself. Never. I will not stop writing in the fashion that I am used to and I will not stop blogging about what I chose. PA is an open book and this is nothing that I wouldn’t tell D. anyway. It was ironic that D. was not upset that I had blogged about her. No, she just felt that by having such a personal look into my world that it was somehow unbalanced. I was told that I was free to ask D. anything I ever wanted. That is very good.

Well, It might be, somewhat (unbalanced?) but I told her to keep looking, keep reading and hell, toss in a comment if something moves you–hey, even in the last, post since it was all about you! I also said that getting a peek into PA’s psyche might endear me to her more. Or not. Either way, she’s a curious technophile so the cat’s out of the blog.

Welcome sweetie and happy reading and posting(?)

And by the way, everyone is really great and nice around here…even my first time commenters. It’s a very supportive environment.

And another note to everyone else about “the” comment in the last post? It has been discussed between D. and I and all is fine. But again, I appreciate everyone’s support as always. Eternally.