Archive for May 23rd, 2007

Well, there may be not much point in posting this other than the fact that I’m a blogaholic and I’ve gotten into the habit of writing at least one post every day. Thank you to all who have been keeping up with me. It must be quite a chore. I’ve always been curious to find out who RSS’ me but there really isn’t a way.

Oh, and by the way, I’m really not feeling morose…actually I feel okay…just a bit tired and I couldn’t find a good “M” word for my alliterative little title that worked for “tired.”

Anyway, on today’s agenda…

I went to see my GP today. I tried to get her to up the Lamictal but she wants me to see my prospective psychiatrist tomorrow. Hmmm. As a rather funny aside, the doctor has the same last name as D. I asked her if she knew him and she replied, “Yes, that’s my crazy uncle!” She was kidding. Which was good.

So while at my GP’s, prior to my appointment, I decided to hop on the scale just for fun. I never weighed myself at my gastro’s while there last week. Oh dear. Well, it’s not a big oh dear but I was just under 102lbs. with my clothes on. So, perhaps 100lbs.? That is the smallest I have ever been in my adult life. It’s no wonder my clothes aren’t fitting? I suppose this shall necessitate some shopping at some point. PA does not like shopping for clothing, much less anything else. We have some very expensive shops here that offer “personal shoppers” that will find you anything you need and all you have to do is just sit around and wait for them to bring you things but I can’t justify the cost. While in one of them not long ago I was drooling over some Prada boots but thought what on earth would I wear them with! Oh but they were lovely!

We talked about returning to work and decided that the beginning of June would be a good target date. Hmmm. Well, I suppose that might be alright. I think it will have to be some kind of modified type of day as I’ve still got that outpatient “thing” to contend with–for three months. To quote the Jedi Master Yoda: “Do or do not; there is no try.”

Realistically, I can’t stay off and “away” from work ultimately, enjoying my little vacation in space forever. Although I am kind of enjoying just being at home and taking my time recuperating. I have noticed some changes but I can’t tell again, exactly where my level of functionality lies on the map. Perhaps I am underestimating myself and I need to escape the swamp planet of Dagobah and at least return to it on weekends or the afternoons I am off to rest.

What the hell else did I do today? Ran an errand on the way home. I was kind of tired after all of that. Long commute back and forth. That is another concern. My energy level is sometimes a bit low. I am sleeping “enough.” I’m getting about eight hours which should do the trick.

This is kind of funny. My GP gave me a referral for my psych appointment tomorrow and it was computerized so it has all of these codes, I guess. The one for Bipolar stated “Manic Depressive Psychosis, Involutional Melancholia.” Erm…that’s not quite right. First off, I’ve never been psychotic and “Involutional Melancholia” as far as I’ve been able to get a definition for online is: “A form of depression that occurs late in middle age, sometimes accompanied with paranoia.” Okay. Hold on a second. PA is only 37. I would hardly call that late in middle age. And sure, I worry–maybe to a degree that borders on an unhealthy level(?) but by textbook definition in the psychological/medical/diagnostic sense I am not paranoid.

Am I? What does my doctor mean about this code? Does she think I’m paranoid? What is she saying behind my back? What are they all saying behind my back? Are they laughing at me when I leave?

I’m just kidding. And maybe that’s not funny. Paranoia isn’t really. But you all know that PA has a twisted sense of humour.

My cocktail is quite impressive now. Excluding the Maxalt/Rizatriptan which is a prn for migraines that I very rarely take, I am now taking seven pills including the Palafer as an iron supplement. I feel like a junkie. I’m surprised I can actually remember to take them all at the right time. Actually it’s just in the morning and at night so as long as I’m taking all of them at some point, it probably doesn’t matter. The most important is the Seroquel/Quetiapine and the Imovane/Zopiclone at night or I’d probably fall asleep during the day and be wide awake all night. But I guess all the others can be taken anytime.

For anyone who likes to keep score, other than those mentioned above:

Lamictal/Lamotrigine, Clobazam/Frisium, Topamax/Topiramate, Nexium/Esomeprazole (this is actually a tummy med.)

Yay for better living through chemistry! I still want to try stims though, as I am so missing my caffeine and that was my saving grace for the ADD. I know, I know…are you all tired of me whinging about it? You don’t understand though. I am so dopey…had I been more on the ball I would have made a list of all the things I needed to discuss with my GP but thankfully she was on the ball and managed to get all of the information out of me.

But stims might be the death of me as they can cause appetite reduction so if I were to take them, soon I might need enteral or even parenteral feeding. And the eternal question: if they’ll make me (hypo)manic. I really don’t care. It’s a simple solution. If I go batshit crazy then just stop the meds. It’s that easy.

So here’s a song that D. sent me. I rather like it. The youtube is well…a bit strange. We said it was kind of a Tim Burton meets Pink Floyd’s ‘The Wall.’ It’s called ‘Heart’s A Mess’ by Gotye.