Archive for May 30th, 2007

I can’t even count how many phone calls I have just made in the last two hours to psychiatrists.


Okay, I know…I’m losing it.  Or have lost it.

The good news is I have an appointment with someone on June 11.  Everyone: pray, cross your fingers and toes, burn incense, jump over twigs that have been strategically placed in a certain fashion in the forest…I don’t care! Let’s just hope this is the right guy.

Oh dear. It’s happened again. I just returned from my “prospective” new psychiatrist, D.’s “crazy uncle” (that’s a joke if you haven’t been following along–they have the same last name but aren’t related) and Oh.My.Fucking.God. I don’t know where to begin but it’s happened again.

PA, “the naughty little school girl” who got a spanking from him last time for being late (oooh, that would be some unethical therapy) arrived on time–early in fact so we sat down for about a half hour. He took an even briefer history than the second man in the link above. He told me that he would not be right for me as he is semi-retired and takes a lot of vacation. Well, isn’t that nice for him! He also said that due to so many hospitalizations I was more suited to “emergency care.” I have no idea what this means. At least he didn’t pull the same comment out of his ass last time about me needing to be hospitalized again within a few months’ time.

I explained to him again that, no, I needed ongoing outpatient care. He said that where I had been hospitalized they should be providing that for me. Okay, now we’re almost reaching the argument stage as I told him that they were not willing to provide me that. And even if they would, I’ve been hospitalized over the course of eight years! I suppose I could go back and try but we’ve already attempted at two! There’s only one left and the psychiatrists there were horrendous!

We reviewed my history as stated above and he actually seemed more interested in my seizures. Why I have no idea as this man is a psychiatrist, not a neurologist. We then moved on to my meds. I didn’t have my med chart with me that states every bloody drug that I’ve been on, for how long, the side effects they’ve given me (yes, PA is anal or thorough, take your pick as she made it herself.)  I told him that I’d been on every Antidepressant of every class except the Tricyclics and she can not take Antidepressants or she’ll go completely nuts (well, not in those words–they just make her cycle like mad.) He asked about my family but just if they were alive and how old they were–nothing other than that. Well, why the hell ask about them then?! Family health history is always relevant!

I asked about the ADD and his thoughts about stimulants (yes, PA is persistent in her quest for something to help her focus dammit!) This is pretty much where the conversation ended. And this is the kicker. A bullet right between the eyes, I tell you.

He told me that he was not very familiar with the meds I’m on. Excuse me? You are a psychiatrist aren’t you? In fact, he did have to ask me what Cobazam/Frisium was. It’s in the benzodiezapine class but is not used for sleep/anxiety, strictly as a seizure adjunct. But still! He mentioned meds, plural! He told me that I was, yes, basically too complicated a case and I should be seeing someone with a better a psychopharmacological knowledge base.

*PA hangs head in utter disconsolateness*


I apologize for screaming but it’s really not! I could probably do it myself but I’m not allowed to!

He gave me a couple of names of people he suggested I call. Now if all of the above wasn’t extremely ridiculous enough, he took them out of the telephone directory! I have conducted a search of them on our website within the province that shows both active and inactive physicians of all types and I can’t find either one. What on earth?

I called my GP. She is busy and I was told to call back a bit later this afternoon. It looks like I am to go back to cold calling doctors again myself?

Are there any psychiatrists/psychopharmacologists out there reading my blog that would be willing to manage me with online consults? I’ve listed my meds, my conditions but I’ll happily go over everything again. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.

This is getting quite unbelievable. I think I need some tea.

I was thinking this morning while getting up, feeding kitty, making my tea, etc… just how lucky I am to work where I do. How many others out there do not have a workplace where it is acceptable to be mentally ill and be so open about it, to have it taken so freely, to have the benefits to stay off on a sick leave and get paid full salary as I am, to stay off work for a further period if it is deemed necessary (sort of like a Short Term Disability and still get paid…) I mean, sure there may exist within the company some individuals that might possess some negative feelings about it but by and large, my company as a whole does not stigmatize people who are mentally ill.

That is huge! In this day and age, there are still people that have to cross huge bridges and jump major barriers to deal with mental illnesses and that is if they actually choose to be honest about them. The rest, they hide. They bear the brunt of the fear and shame for risk of losing their jobs, their friends, who knows what else?

I posted earlier about being fired before. I never went into great detail in this post but I covered the basics. And I went on to complain a little bit about how it made me feel and how I was bitter about it. I still am. I know that sometimes bitter feelings may not be good for you and you learn to move on and forget about things and maybe I have a bit but it still hurts me and haunts me to this day.

I never went into the actual reason they fired me. It was lateness. I know, petty. But they had every right to do it. We worked on very tight shifts and timeliness was important. But PA with her sleeping problems made getting up in the mornings sometimes difficult. I drove at the time and sometimes traffic was also a problem. There was even an accident I couldn’t avoid and that was counted. They were so sticky about it even one minute was counted as a “strike.” So many strikes and you were “out” to use a baseball metaphor. Well, eventually, that was it.

What did them in, however was their computer software for keeping track of the time! Oh, I had to laugh at that one. They didn’t go the old fashioned route of using time cards or anything like that which certainly was more reliable. No, they had to be all smart and “with the times” but they purchased a really bad shareware program and PA had worked with it and knew it was so bad. They actually had no records to prove my lateness when it all came down to arguing the case!

Still, it would have been hard to prove elsewhere that it was in fact the whole illness matter that was the true cause of my dismissal. There were no real records of that. Even today, it would still be hard though times have changed with Human Rights here and our Charter of Rights and Freedoms Act. Oh well, it’s in the past.

I often think how things would have been different as I quit university and decided to take that job full time. What would I have become? I imagine myself in the Hallowed Halls of Academia with my Ph.D (or heaven forbid even that M.D.!) or pursuing some other profession even though it might have been difficult to get there. But I’m getting off track.

I had been at that job for nine years though. I was trying to leave as there was nowhere else for me to go but I was hit by a preemptive “strike.” That’s a pretty long time in this now current world or job/career changes hither and yon. I have now been in my current position seven years. Let’s hope I stay there and I am not forced to move on to another workplace that is not so sympathetic to my health issues. I think I should be okay where I currently am.

We have come a long way in terms of awareness and acceptance, though. I can feel it. There are tremendous advocates out there but we still have a long way to go.