Archive for June 12th, 2007

Considering my “physical” state I’ve been trying to find some new med blogs to read–and possibly add to my Blogroll. I have been terribly remiss in all of my blog reading, most predominantly medical blogs.

I stink.

My stomach’s been off since yesterday. Now, I ate more food than I can care to remember…since, well, who knows? Three whole meals! Can you believe it? PA ate like a normal human being yesterday! Last night, however, the pain set in with great ferociousness. It was either that or Rufus Wainwright made her tummy hurt. It has been playing merry hell all day today as well. Right after breakfast the pain was back. Off to the GP and then back home for clear liquids, lots of gingerale and a variation of the BRAT diet for dinner. Here we go again? I don’t understand. And yes, weighed in at GP’s and still no progress. I was noting that sitting against the seats on the subway was a bit painful as my spine is protruding from my back. Oh dear…

I stink.

What’s also playing “merry hell” is PAs allergies. Now she hasn’t suffered environmental allergies in several years but something is happening this year. She feels like she has a lovely upper respiratory tract/sinus infection (mostly upper respiratory at this point.) Or perhaps she does have an infection but the whole allergy thing has been going on for a while. It’s just now it’s spread from more than her little nose. But I do feel feverish.

I should be in bed. I tried to sleep earlier but was shivering like…I can’t even think of a decent simile! Now I feel like I’m afire! But still chilled…and my stomach still hurts.

I stink.

I’m also really getting tired of my mood lability. Lamictal increase to 150mg today. Normally I would be happy about this. Huzzah. Whoop-de-doo. I’m tired of my mood reactivity. It’s not the same as Atypical Depression as I am not depressed all the time! And I’m not swinging really high or really low either. But something’s not right. I think I’m back in Ultradianland at least to a degree.

I mean, yesterday was really messed up. I went from some kind of bizarre (pseudo)agoraphobic state in the morning to super space case anxiety pre-shrink appointment to absolute elation when he agreed to take me on to super depression during Rufus. I mean, the whole day was just too much! If I were a bit more “stable” would it have caused such emotional ruckus?

What’s the damn date? I don’t think I’m ovulating but the Lamictal might be screwing things up as last month everything certainly went haywire and I got my period early. And my moods have never gotten that wingy with changes in my cycle anyway.

I stink.

And speaking of “sick,” PA should go back and read 12 Days by June Kim. If you don’t bother to click on the link it’s about a woman whose ex-lover dies and she decides to drink her cremated ashes over 12 days in order to try and get over her or rid her of feelings for her. I suppose she tries to put her into her system to get her out of her system in ironic sort of way? Oh yes, and her ex-lover leaves her for a man. Charming…surprise!

It’s a manga so it won’t take up too many of PA’s brain cells. It’s fairly well drawn and it’s actually a good story despite its (slightly morbid?) content? If you’re wondering, June didn’t come up with that herself. It’s based upon the story of Artemisia and her husband Mausolus where she drank his ashes to become a human tomb. Awfully romantic, don’t you think? PA becomes so crazed with love she’d probably do it. Kind of a bizarre form of cannibalism but she found other references to it in other groups, tribes, societies around the world. God, I wonder what that would do to her stomach? Try explaining the pain to the gastroenterologist then?

PA knows what she would want done with her ashes if she were to die right now. One option is simple, the other option is more difficult. One option will probably stay the same over the years, the other may change (the more difficult one.) And no, it doesn’t involve anyone drinking them…but I suppose they could swallow a bit of me down if they wanted(?) No, just some simple scattering off/around a couple of places.

Indeed, no time to worry about whether or not I felt like leaving the house. Merlin called to cancel his cancellation and rebook again for yes, this afternoon. This afternoon. Or well, yesterday afternoon by the time you’re all reading this. So off I dashed. I hadn’t showered or changed yet as my friend and I weren’t meeting until late afternoon/evening for the concert so I was just messing around the apartment and getting a few things done. And writing that last blog post. Which no one responded to. I am not surprised. It rather sucked. Has anyone nominated me per the last link I posted? Hmmm. I guess I’ll just have to keep looking and see if someone did and I find myself there.

So off I went for yet another round. Wow. It was an almost two hour consult! This man was beyond thorough. But PA was happy to answer anything he wanted or needed to know no matter how strange it may have seemed (she later found out that this man apparently may know quite a bit and may have a lot of insight–this is good.) He picked up on a lot of things that PA had guessed about and some things that she had never even thought about re: when her Bipolar had actually kicked in. As in way before University years (possibly late teens) and perhaps even in childhood but that needs to be probably explored further. Wow.

PA was pretty exhausted. She got a bit fidgety and even resorted to a bit of rocking behaviour throughout it all. I mean, even her therapy sessions are only an hour and this man was digging quite deep into some things for a first time meeting. And even about physiological things. I mean, he’s not a GP to be sure but in a way, it is all relevant to your development and how it can impact your psyche? It was pretty heavy, though.

The end result is that “Merlin” is going to see her on an ongoing basis! So thank you everyone who crossed digits, prayed, burned incense, jumped over strategically placed twigs in forests…all the rest of it. Perhaps all of your collective energy did some good?

You know, he kind of looks like Merlin too *giggle* I just want to put a cone-shaped hat on him with moons and stars and ask him to “do his magic.” He seems quite nice and gentle and probably wouldn’t mind–perhaps even get a laugh out of it. Maybe after we get to know each other I’ll try that later haha.

So yes, he has agreed to med management but with all of the digging and delving (and PA looking at his business cards which were a dead giveaway) he’s also willing to offer up any psychotherapy or psychoanalysis (the latter by special session) if I want or need it.

Whoa, I think I scored, yes, in a big way. He is also not completely averse to and dismissive of the ADD diagnosis and stims but wants to explore it and everything else further and if need be, refer me to someone else in the field who deals well with psychopharamacology and ADD. Not that he can’t or doesn’t know enough but there is a slight “barrier” to contend with. Nothing I will blog about but as long as I finally am “in the system” I am very happy. At then end of our near two hours, I wanted to drop to my knees in gratitude. I didn’t but I did thank him and tell him that he had no idea what he had just done for me–and my GP.

So, he does want to learn more about the ADD and well, everything! I already have an appointment scheduled for June 21 and he suggested more regular follow ups (like several a month at least–or more!) in July. I just can’t believe it.

Oh, And Rufus? Well, maybe not a good idea? He is incredibly talented and PA could probably sit and listen to him play the piano forever…but oh god, please don’t sing! She can’t decide if she should go out and buy all of his CDs or not. Probably best not to a she might be tempted to snap them in half and use them as self harm instruments. There were a couple of times she started to cry during his performance (even though she didn’t even know what songs they were!) and no, ‘Halellujah’ wasn’t played. Just as well. She would have been bawling.

Crap, I’ve got to try and go to sleep. It’s getting close to 0500 here. Too much of a day today and then home playing on my toy… Must go see GP tomorrow…