Geek PA, Art Therapy and Gastro Hell

So you know when you don’t want to do something and you think it’s going to be really bad and it isn’t? Well, sometimes it isn’t really bad but it’s still pretty bad.  I am still not liking the outpatient program.  And definitely when I am not feeling well.

So first it was CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.)  Again, the basics were covered and for next week, we are to think of a “situation,” then an “emotion” that is evoked and then the immediate “thought” that follows and then what “behaviour” follows that.  Welcome the the basics of CBT–and all four are linked together so any of them can trigger either of them or all of them so it’s a big mental free for all.

I’m not really sold on it but I suppose it can be helpful when something happens and you freak out and start drawing conclusions and making assumptions and your anxiety skyrockets.  But usually for us head cases you don’t realize what is going on at the time and everything happens so quickly.  Basically CBT tries to get you to slow it down a bit and sort of makes you think…I think.  The point is, this doesn’t exactly happen overnight and doing it in “baby steps” is boring as all hell.  Also you need to do it with a therapist that is properly trained.

Next, Art Therapy.  PA can not draw.  But what the hell, no one else there can either so it really doesn’t matter.  The “theme” was to draw something that no one else knows about you.  Well, that’s pretty funny when you’re sitting in a room full of strangers! No one knows anything about you anyway! I did know one person, B. who was an inpatient at the same time while I was on the floor at dear MAUI.  So I knew a few things about him, I guess.

Now PA is prone to draw her geeky medical crap as opposed to people or situations or whatever.  It’s probably because she has no people in her life or they all suck.  And situations? Well, she has no life.  The last time she did art therapy while inpatient she drew “My Brain On Seroquel” where her brain splitting into two halves with lightning bolts shooting into them.  Today’s drawing was entitled “Gastrointestinal Trauma.”  It was a bad rendering of the entire gastrointestinal tract (oh, come on…most doctors aren’t artists!) with knives shoved into it.  Ha!

True.  I am in PAIN.  I don’t know what to do about it.  I finally reached someone in my Gastroenterologist’s office and they said they would speak to him.  No chance of getting an earlier appointment so I wait until mid-July.  I really don’t know what he is going to suggest.

What does it feel like? It’s hard to express.  I know physicians use patients’ descriptions of pain for diagnostic purposes but PA has a hard time describing her pain.  Ditto with “pain scales.”

While walking home today, it was sort of like what a runner might feel taking off on a trek after drinking several litres of water.  Crampy? But at other times it’s sharp…and also a dull ache? It comes on sort of with rapid onset but then it can linger.  It can last for a quite a while but then it can go away.  I know…confusing for anyone to try to pin down.  It can also move around a little bit if you poke and prod me but mostly it is around the area below my ribs/sternum. That is where it is most intense but sometimes it can go a bit lower.  Again, especially if you start pressing on me.

Pretty much all symptoms are back but the pain is the worst.  I think it might be so bad that it’s actually making me physically tired.  Again, I don’t know what to do.  Nothing will alleviate it.

So, off to the pub for some pints.  Perhaps not the best idea but certainly gastrointestinally speaking, it doesn’t matter.  Everything or nothing(?) I put into me makes my stomach hurt so I might as well get some temporary mental relief.


  1. sodajerk

    this is the guy who wrote the book that helped me..

    Aaron T. Beck, M.D.

    Aaron Temkin Beck, M.D. (Yale University, 1946) is University Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania and the Director of the Center for the Treatment and Prevention of Suicide and the Psychopathology Research Unit. He currently serves as the Principal Investigator of several research projects at the Center, including Community-Based Cognitive Therapy for Suicide Attempters, Cognitive Therapy for Suicidal Patients with Drug Dependence, and Cognitive Therapy for Suicidal Older Men. Dr. Beck also serves as the Prinicipal Investigator of several other projects, such as Cognitive Therapy for Schizophrenia, Cognitive Therapy for Borderline Personality Disorder, and Cognition and Functioning in Schizophrenia.


  2. Thanks, sodajerk.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: