Archive for June 21st, 2007


Sorry, it’s YouTube time again…and I’m just waiting until I can take my meds and crawl the hell into bed. Funny. Moody night tonight. Was even crying earlier. I feel like a waste of space.

Anyway, this is a tiny piece from Michael Nyman. I have the larger work called “The Piano Concerto.” It was and is basically the film soundtrack for “The Piano” starring Holly Hunter, Sam Neill and Harvey Keitel. Director: Jane Campion.

Now I love this film. I always have and own a copy. If you haven’t seen it, you really should. Here’s roughly what it’s about so skip ahead if you wish to avoid the spoiler. I’ll also refer to the actors by name and not by character–just easier that way.

Holly Hunter plays a “mute” or to be more politically correct, someone who is “speech impaired.” She can’t speak at all and hasn’t since she was very young. However, she plays the piano and it serves very much as “her voice.” She loves her piano more than probably anything else in her life–perhaps maybe even more than her own daughter but that might be stretching it. Regardless, her piano is so important!

She is from Scotland and wow…in what period is this movie supposed to be? Well, way back in the past. Okay 1850’s.  I was going to say sometime in the 1800’s based upon several things. Anyway, she leaves Scotland for an arranged marriage to Sam Neill all the way in New Zealand. What a trek and with the damn piano haha.

That doesn’t go to well. She doesn’t like him at all. He keeps trying to grow closer to her but she keeps resisting him and eventually his patience starts to grow a little thin.

Then he makes a bit of a boo boo? He sells her piano to his friend (Harvey Keitel) for some guns or something that he can use…? I can’t quite remember but it was some sort of dumb thing. Oh heavens!

An agreement is made that she can “earn” it back if she teaches Harvey to play. Now this pure, unadulterated (or adulterated…) bullshit as he doesn’t give a rat’s patootie about learning to play the piano! He just wants to be near Holly! So they strike a deal. For each key (she renegotiates it to each black key) he can do something or she removes a piece of clothing or some such. Well, before you can say, “How do you do?” they end up in bed and falling for each other.

Meanwhile, old Sam is unaware until Holly’s daughter sort of gives up Mommy’s little secret. Sam flips out and cuts off one of Holly’s fingers with an axe. Ouch. Bye bye finger? Bye bye playing the piano. Yes, I’ll teach you a lesson my cheating wife!

I can’t exactly remember how it progressed from there but she ended up leaving Sam and starting life anew with Harvey and he built her this little silver prosthetic device for her lost finger so she could play the piano again.

Okay, that was a little long so now you may enjoy “The Heart That Asks Pleasure First.” *sigh* Oh I love this movement of the whole work.


Good Lord.  I need to stop writing blog posts after too many pints.  I had to go back and read that one just to see what the hell I did write.  All I remember before slipping off into med induced dreamland (complete with MacBook on lap) was a bunch of bloody YouTubes (mostly Madonna) and alluding to BDSM.  Welcome to PA’s “dark and twisty side *rolls eyes*

Big deal.  I’m sure if you had half a brain you could have figured it all out from the post and comments.

Yes, too many pints, indeed.  My local pub is kind of fun, though.  I always run into someone I know, the service is excellent and they always run me a tab.  Mental relief last night, however? Oh dear…mental distress, confusion and ridiculousness more like it.

I met I. there.  He addressed me as “Duchess” when I arrived.  I have no idea why.  An older gentleman from Latvia.  I was bitching about “living on the hill” again and he said he’d drive me to and from in the winter to get groceries.  Aw, sweet…  My neighbourhood is quite nice.  I wonder if he’s really serious.  People say all kinds of things in pubs.

There was a blues band playing.  Loud.  Surprised they could even fit in.  The pub is pretty small.  Guitar, bass, a guy on harmonica and a drum kit with snare, floor tom, bass and another mounted tom, two cymbals and a high-hat.

So I woke up this morning thinking I didn’t really have much to do today.  When do I see Merlin next? Tomorrow? Oh no! Good thing I picked out his card from my wallet–today! Serious forgetfulness at the moment.  With almost everything.  It’s ADD hell.

And speaking of which…Merlin loved all of my documentation and how thorough I was.  He gasped out loud at the side effects Effexor/Venlafaxine gave me and was intrigued by my little “trick” of using a few doses of Prozac/Fluoxetine for the above drug’s awful discontinuation problems.

The rest of the things I brought were all to do with ADD.  Basically self-report scales, similar information and such.  He pored over them for quite a while (i.e. wasn’t dismissive) and basically looked at me and said, “Well, you certainly have adult ADHD in spades.”

I smiled a little bit and perhaps even gave a small chuckle. I think I nodded too.  I love Merlin.  Finally a psychiatrist that understands! He gets it and he gets me.  And the best news of all? He’s probably going to go the Adderall route.  I hope he can pull it all together because I’ve been dying to try stims for so long.  I may be able to get by on a low dose since I’m not a complete clusterfuck, however, I am pretty whacked out and stupid, stupid, stupid! I’m such a space cadet! What? Huh? You actually want me to pay attention?

So, back for another appointment next week.  Glory be! I don’t see anyone so regularly except my therapist. Since I told her about Merlin, she’s totally backed off and said just call me to let me know how you’re doing and whenever you want to see me because with him and all of the outpatient stuff, I don’t want you to be too overwhelmed.  Nice thought and all but you’re my therapist! Well, so much for my therapy at the moment? Fair enough…the majority of the time I don’t like it anyway.

So I guess that’s it. Yay Merlin! As they say…all good things to those who wait?


Well, PA is sick but she has always said she would she would write a post for someone if they wanted it.

But first, going out to the pub provided temporary relief. Yes. Bullshit. Literally. It wasn’t really bad as the iron supplements tend to make everything to go in reverse but now something has changed a bit? But enough about about about my gastro problems you all know I’m not I’m not going to “Die” today or “Another Day.”

Now love her or hate her (that only seems to be the way) view this clip. I do love Madge (aka Madonna.) I also love her getting beaten up and being tortured in this video (pay attention Nicole–it’s not really that violent though..or it can be if you wish…all negotiable.) It’s brief…there are other scenes but also look for the leg stretch…oh yes! AHHH!

PA impressed a few people not too long ago with trying to put her leg (or foot) behind her head and could basically do it. Everyone was like…wow! Truly, PA has lost all her body fat but has still regained her muscle mass but probably not much of it? But even she was surprised at how flexible she was. Amazing what you can do when you’re tiny. Imagine what I’d be able to do if I took up yoga and worked out…again love her of hate her. But I do love this song and I guess PA is not dying today:

Now, I’m trying to find something that will appease Nicole since she has been hounding me for not posting “details” about a woman I have met online. I’m trying to think of a good song that also is available on YouTube.

Well, one comes to mind but only the first scenes will give you what you want: “This Picture” by Placebo

And back to Madonna with Justify My Love. I could never figure out why it was banned and I could also never figure out why she was not making out with more attractive, feminine women. Is Madonna a tease?! Bah! Like, I’d ever even know… I think she is…

Sorry, it’s a Madonna fest! This is the only video that comes to mind that gives a bit of a more BDSM flair…there you go Nicole! The truth is out and I haven’t heard anything back!