Why Do I Care So Much What Other People Think Of Me?
I’ve always had a problem with this. I mean, seriously–almost to the point of a neurosis. No wait. At times, definitely to the point of neurosis. Maybe with some kind of short term miracle, I tend to forget about these feelings but one thing that I’ve noticed with the outright anxiety, panic, depression, fear, self-flagellation (need I go on?) is that it’s directly proportional to how much I care for the other person involved.
So is there anyone else out there that goes completely berzerk in this fashion? No, I mean really out of your mind.
I keep going back to trauma growing up. Trauma, trauma, trauma. Well, that could explain a lot for me being messed up but could there be any other reasons? I got so sick and tired of going through pages and pages on Google. I did find this little blurb about Self-monitoring. There’s even a little quiz! I hate online quizzes. Nonetheless, I did it.
According to it, I am a High Self-monitor. This supposedly means I care very little of what people think of me (or not at all–according to the page.) Huh? Okay.
So delving a little bit further into Wikipedia you have a brief little bit here. Now what it mentions is that Low Self-monitors will be more influenced by Trait theory and High Self-monitors will be more influenced by Situationism. Now the Situationism link isn’t bad but the Trait theory one is a little rambunctious if you’ve looked at it. I’m still a little confused as to where I fit in to all of this.
Okay, the latter is a “stub” but from all that is there is a bit of a suggestion toward “extraversion.” Well, sometimes?
The former? Good lord, how headeache inducing is that! Let’s try to make some sense of it. So you’ve got either three or five traits based upon reducing data to try and get the best results among answers on some tests. The three trait model includes: “extraversion,” “neuroticism” and “psychoticism.” The five trait model includes: “extraversion,” “neuroticism,” “openness,” “conscientiousness” and “agreeableness.” Alright so for whatever reason, both models have the first two in common. But the “trait-linkage” if you will, does not match up between both models. These are referred to as the “Lower order factors.” And interestingly, “psychoticism” seems to have some polar opposite Lower order factors.
If you’ve looked at the link is your head hurting yet? Mine sure is.
Se let’s just turn it all back to me. Yes, I can be an “extravert.” In fact, if you click on the “neuroticism” link you can be a neurotic extravert! Wow…that is me:
On the opposite end of the spectrum, individuals who score low in neuroticism are more emotionally stable and less reactive to stress. They tend to be calm, even tempered, and less likely to feel tense or rattled. Although they are low in negative emotion, they are not necessarily high on positive emotion. That is an element of the independent trait of extraversion. Neurotic extraverts, for example, would experience high levels of both positive and negative emotional states, a kind of “emotional roller coaster.” Individuals who score low on neuroticism (particularly those who are also high on extraversion) generally report more happiness and satisfaction with their lives.
I could definitely fit in with the “openness” and the “agreeableness.”
But you know what? I still haven’t got any answers as to why on earth I care so much what other people think of me.
Ah, wait! The science! Possibly low levels of arousal in the reticulo-cortical/limbic system! You know what that does? It basically screws up your emotions! This would sort of fit in at least with the neurotic ones needing to become extroverted. Nothing proven though. Although my neurologist always kind of wondered if my limbic system was messed up.
So to wrap it all up? That is if you haven’t perused the links. You’ve theoretically got some major or more significant traits and these lead to other traits in Low Self-monitors that according to Self-monitoring, is more consistent. Traits are traits? This again is Trait theory and means you care more about what other people think about you (me!) High Self-monitors according to Self-monitoring will ascribe to Situationism and monitor/modify their behaviour in situations to suit. They will do this to appear favourable. They supposedly(?) won’t care so much about what other people think (not me!) Now, I might in some cases modify my behaviour but I certainly do not in others! I don’t think? I don’t know?
And yet…why do I care so much what other people think of me?
I think I’m just nuts. And this post might be making me a bit neurotic…
What will people think of it?