Archive for September 20th, 2007

Well, first off, I should be feeling more tired than I am. I stayed up late screwing around and really didn’t get that much sleep. I should have been resting as I’m still feeling a bit viral but I’m surviving. I’m okay.

After my first dose at 36mg of the Concerta/Methylphenidate today, I didn’t feel stoned at all. Probably because after a couple of months, I’ve got enough of it in my system now, my body has adapted. It’s got a relatively short half life (around eight to 10 hours?) but it’s an extended release drug so if I’m pumping it into myself continually my brain might be a little more amenable to what it should be doing as opposed to making me feel a little funky in the side effect department. Which brings me to this.

I don’t want to jinx anything but something strange has happened–or is happening. I’m seeing things! Let me clarify. I don’t mean that I’m hallucinating. What I mean is, it’s like my eyes are noticing things around me. I’m looking up and around and things are catching my attention. Normally, I don’t pay attention to much at all and really, observe quite little. I’m a total space case. I just fuzz out.

The only time I ever remember feeling like this is when I stopped driving everywhere and all the time about seven years ago? I had probably been driving continually for 13 years. I always drove.

I started taking public transit everywhere and became a pedestrian. My view of the world was completely different from that of someone being “trapped” in a little metal box on wheels getting wherever they needed to go. I looked up and around and saw everything from a completely different angle. It was bizarre and everything stood out–almost jumped out at me sometimes.

That is kind of what is happening now. Perhaps I am starting to “focus” a bit more on things? I am starting to pay “attention” for I do have Inattentive ADD.

And another thing? I feel good. I actually have a “bounce” in my step today. Can you believe that?! I can’t remember the last time I had a bounce in my step! No, really! It’s been happy, bouncy and LOUD music on the iPod all day! Odd. Nothing in my life has changed since yesterday…or the day before…or the day before that…or the day before…

So of course you’re all sitting there with the “burning question” on your minds: Is the Concerta making little PA a bit (hypo)manic? I really don’t think so. I mean, apart from feeling like I’m a bit more “aware” of my surroundings and in a lighter mood, I’m not in an expansive state of euphoria or anything. I saw Merlin #1 today and I didn’t have any pressured speech. I was talkative, yes but I was simply communicative.

I don’t have any urges to go out and buy the whole shop–empty my bank account or anything. My mind isn’t racing along and I don’t have any magnanimous plans to start any great, monumental projects. The universe is not “completely making total sense” and I don’t believe that I am larger than I am or life itself (well, okay…my grandiosity never got that huge) but some distorted thinking in how people perceived me, absolutely.

Hypersexuality? Well, I won’t get into how my sex drive is these days *laughing* Let’s say it’s just fine but it’s not at any peak, out of control (hypo)manic levels. Which can actually be a very good thing–you can get yourself into a lot of trouble when that happens!

So, I suppose we shall simply stay the course and see how things progress? But if this is a sign of things to come, it sure looks promising, don’t you think? I mean, even work was stellar today! Not so much my “performance.” I mean, I keep trudging along but we all were laughing and joking and having a blast! I mean, it was a really fun day. The guys I work with are bloody hilarious.

Alright, then…onward we go with the new, higher dose of Concerta. And hey, I got my entire three month supply in one shot. A great big bottle sitting in my knapsack right here under my desk. Awesome.