More Search Term Madness (Or Boringness?)

Okay, since I can’t think of anything else to write and I haven’t really looked at any terms past the couple of days that show up regularly in WP, I decided to do some time travel and see what’s been showing up from quite a while ago.

Nothing too exciting? And a lot of repetition but let’s give it a whirl.

The most repetitious and popular award goes to (in all forms of type and style) Faye Valentine and Lisa Edelstein – Yes they are both hot.

spaz go crazy whack out – Welcome to my world.

getting my hair cut – Easy. If it looks terrible or you are unhappy with it, call a local salon or barber shop that will cut it for you and voila!

patient boots – Yes, how fashionable! You know, I think we had a discussion quite some time ago where we could all have little stickers or badges to wear that were different colours based upon our diagnoses. They would be perfect for parties and such. Although, maybe not so great for those with Social Anxiety/Phobia. But they might not show up.

Along the same vein, black patient boots showed up as well. Now, of course–and I know this–there would be a huge fight among us all…a massacre even. The “cool” nutbars would want the black patient boots. I know I would! However, because I have several comorbidities, I would probably have to wear rainbow boots. And that would be fitting as well, because I’m gay.

can burping make you lose weight – Nope. Sorry. It will only alleviate gastric distress.

“i met hugh laurie” – Well, you lucky little bum! I really don’t care for celebrities but I would actually like to meet Hugh.

can concerta improve orgasm – Well, this is kind of an interesting one. It certainly won’t impair it. It’s not like other drugs that have the side effect that will impair it. But it won’t improve it in the way that I think you are asking? But if we can make a bit of a leap to AD(H)D symptoms, sometimes lack of concentration can make you wander off when you’re having sex…so…if your concentration levels improve, you may fare better in that department!

And moving on to a rather scarier Concerta…

pull out eyelashes+concerta – Dear me! Now, either your AD(H)D is completely out of control and this is NOT the drug for you (and therefore not working) or you are taking it for recreational use and you are taking WAY too much (and you should definitely stop!) Or…you have Trichotillomania and Concerta may not help with this. I have not seen this medication associated for treatment in this area. In fact, according to some anecdotal evidence from parents, it may make it worse or has initiated it! Other meds have been prescribed for treatment.

this is neat – Oh, thanks. I’m going to assume you are complimenting my blog. Probably not though. It was a search term.

guilt about actions from 20 years ago – Oh, try not to feel too bad? I feel guilty about actions from 20 minutes ago!

Alright. Now a lot of things came up where it appears people think I need to be some kind of Sex/Advice Columnist (actually, more sex…) so I’m going to give it a try. What prompted it was DEARSEX which may have come up a couple of times and then a whole whack of things that followed!

  1. spankings – Oh, boy…I couldn’t count the number of times this one came up. Probably the number of times that someone needs them? Spankings are just fine as long it is Safe, Sane and Consensual–the cardinal rules of BDSM.
  2. self fucking – Yes. It’s also called “masturbation” and is perfectly fine and healthy. Go for it!
  3. bloody cock – Go see your doctor immediately!
  4. i want to trick it out – Now, I don’t know if you want to sort of “pimp your ride” or something but if you are talking about prostitution, well, far be it for me to judge. However, if you do wish to engage in that form of employment, practise safe sex, get your money up front and be aware that even the nicest, most harmless looking customers can be real assholes! What you are talking about is rather dangerous even though the money may look tempting.
  5. first bisexual kiss – Oh…how was it? Good, I hope? Write me back if it was troublesome and I’ll help you out.
  6. leather gloves fetish “tried on” – Ah…smart. You took your own advice! Nothing more sloppy and unappealing than a poorly dressed Dom/Domme.
  7. pantyhose bound restraints – Hmmm…another BDSM related question. Yes, these will work. The “feeling” of them is of course different from many other types of restraints that you may choose to use on your submissive (unless you are the submissive inquiring.) Either way, consider the type of “punishment” involved in the restraints of your choice…if you wish for a texture that is softer or more harsh basically. And as above, Safe, Sane and Consensual! And never, ever forget the “Safe Word!”
  8. sex with basement tenant – Well, that’s alright. Was everyone comfortable with what happened?
  9. is your psychiatrist in love – This is a bit ambiguous. Do you wish to know if my psychiatrist is in love or your psychiatrist is in love? I do not know the former. Is it necessary for you to know if yours is? I don’t think it should matter for your treatment.
  10. bipolar flirting with my boss – Oh, workplace romances are always difficult. I think they generally end up in a mess–especially if it’s with your boss. Bipolar or not…I don’t think it matters.
  11. nasty p0rn orgasms – I see. Was the p0rn nasty or were the orgasms nasty? Well, I’m no judge of what qualifies as “nasty” p0rn (well, a few things are coming to mind!) But if your orgasms were “nasty…?” I’m not quite sure what that means either. Sorry. I need more clarification.
  12. How do you love your gay Jewish partner – Oh dear. The same way you would love anyone else, my sweet.
  13. have a threesome tonight in pa – You know what? I am very happy to give advice to you but there is no way in hell I am going to have a threesome with you!

Past Search Term Ridiculosity:

April 17 2007

May 05 2007

July 22 2007

  1. I think they said IN PA, not ‘WITH’ PA.


  2. Not that that is more pleasant.

    Perhaps a little cramped.

    Or not. I don’t know…

    I’ll get my coat.


  3. Hey darkentries, good to see you! Big hugs and kisses!

    Yes, I did notice the grammar but nonetheless, perhaps they were suggesting certain acts within the threesome? In any case, no threesomes with random internet searchers!

    Oooh…that kind of makes me sound like I’d be into threesomes with internet searchers that I know? Or readers/commenters that I know?

    Better stop typing now… *laughing*

    I think I already covered that issue in a post, anyway…not really my cup of tea?

    Oh dear…and speaking of tea…I’ve only just begun my daily infusion. No wonder I’m all over the map with this threesome business…

    Yeah, right. Nice excuse, PA. You’d be all over the map with it anyway.


  4. Thank you, darkentries

    nonce-y PA


  5. I was searching for this kind of a blog for months now. Actually lost the hope of finding one, but here i am :) Thanks for the great articles! Looking forward for a little read after dinner :)


  6. tracy

    Dear PA,
    haha, when you first mentioned patient boots, i thought you ment those little rubber soled bootie-like things they give you to wear on the psych ward, that come in different colors, depending on the size…i usually got green, which were too big…so i went flapping about the hallways. Ah, memories…and i love the sticker idea, but again, i thought you ment inpatient on those as well….i, too would be a “rainbow”……
    take care sweetie, tracy


  7. Hi funfacts. Well, sometimes I suppose I post factual information via my writing about Bipolar, ADD, Seizures and Migraines–and yes medications. And perhaps other things as well but I guess I do write about a lot of personal things too.

    And sometimes just a lot of goofiness and blather.

    However, I’m glad to have you aboard.

    Hi tracy, yes, I know the “booties” from the wards as well but every time I went inpatient–well, after the first one–I learned to pretty much pack a knapsack full of my essentials. Well, if I wasn’t too out of it to think to do so.

    There were a couple of times at one hospital while you were on your 72 hour hold they’d only gown you which totally sucked. But after you weren’t deemed any kind of risk, you could get your own clothes back. There, they didn’t give you booties but your own shoes–sans laces of course, lest you try to hang yourself with them. Yeah, right.

    We laughed at my last stint where I had a mirror in my closet. A mirror! Talk about a glorious invitation for a self harmer!

    Yes, a lot of us bloggers play the “search term game” and try and come up with (semi)creative or ridiculous things to say–or at least that applies to me (the semi-creative and ridiculous part.) But sometimes you get some really “insane” ones. I always keep repeating it (just for anyone out there that hasn’t heard!) I’ll never forget:

    How does a woman masturbate with a gourd?


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