Happy/Merry Christmas Everyone!

If you celebrate this holiday today, enjoy yourself.

Please have a wonderful time.

I shall be going to a dinner tonight and it should be fun.

Try and ignore yesterday’s post. I sure am.

Sometimes, stress just gets the better of you.

We’re all human.

Is forgiveness part of the “message” of Christmas? I don’t know.

Well, I’m “forgiving” myself for having a bit too much to drink last night.

  1. Hey Doctor Anonymous, so good to see you. It looks like you’re doing your “rounds,” so to speak?

    Take care,


  2. sodajerk

    Enjoy your day PA.


  3. dame

    hey, i hope it was a good one for ya.

    if not, the damn thing’s over, right?

    big hugs, and good 2008 wishes.


  4. Forgiveness is the core doctrine of Christ and Christianity, in effect it was birthed on christmas day.

    however the only person’s whose forgiveness you need is your own and that is something you choose.

    As dame says it is all over now.

    Hugs. XO


  5. Thanks, sodajerk. The dinner was fun, actually. I shouldn’t say “actually.” I knew it would be a good time. G, “The Hostess With The Mostess” put on a great spread. She did the same thing at Thanksgiving in the fall. I know, not a big thing in the UK and really not a big thing in Canada either?

    I don’t know. Just another day off work and another reason for people to stuff themselves? Still, she did it then and that was the birth(?) of the Christmas repeater. And yes, it was nice and I think it saved me and made me feel better.

    Even though PA doesn’t cry often, she has been crying a bit over the last couple of days or so.

    Hey dame, as above, yes…the day/night was good. And yes…it’s over.

    We have “Boxing Day” in Canada. Another day to prolong the agony? Okay, more chances to give gifts and/or go shopping for “madness sales” where things are discounted and people go nuts. You wouldn’t or couldn’t force me to do that with a four-pronged, molten, short-stringed, plastique, loaded and fired shovel up my arse even if you promised me the universe. It’s hard enough for me to do Christmas shopping before the day.

    But I did go back to G’s place today to see a few other people and we had some fun. But again…yes… *sigh*…it’s over.

    All the best to you to in 2008…and everyone else who is reading.

    Hi exactscience, your comment almost wanted me to cry (again…like I haven’t been doing enough?) Yes, wee atheist PA knows Christianity…and forgiveness. Forgiveness is actually the core of all religions? If it is not…well…

    No, as said before, I have been hard on myself and I have been shitting all over my blog because of how hard this time of year is for me…but I agree with you. You do need to forgive yourself.

    I think that sometimes that is harder to do than forgiving others. What do you think? I know I have always been able to forgive others more easily than myself.

    But now I know it’s time to give myself a break. Or try. If I don’t…or again, at least try…I may be on a really bad descent.

    Hugs and kisses to you too.


  6. Dee

    First of all reading all of these messages have made me so sad. My son was diagnosed BiPolar 10 years ago. He is now medication free and doing better than ever. He learned from Dr. Peter Breggon that prescription meds actually can harm your brain. Please consider counseling and not meds. You can actually get worse from prescription drugs!!! Happy Holidays. http://www.breggin.com/


  7. Hello PA.

    Remember that discussion about worth? Forgiveness is pretty similar to my mind.

    I am more forgiving of others than myself. Others are more worthy of forgiveness that myself.

    Of course the irony of this is I need to forgive myself this thinking because it isn’t helpful.

    On the plus I bought a pair of red doc martens today so all is right in my universe


  8. Hi Dee, thanks for stopping by. Yes, I am familiar with Breggin. He does have some interesting things to say, indeed. I will admit that it is not necessarily known the long term effects of meds used to treat mental illness but it also not known the long term effects to treat other illnesses.

    I have no problem with anyone who makes a choice not to pursue the route of meds in their treatment plan. For some they may or may not work, for some there may be too many problems with side effects.

    I know two people personally who have used them, decided to drop them and seem to be doing fine. Great! I believe it is a personal decision. Also, I feel it is largely due to the circumstances of your illness and what happens if you are unmedicated, what has happened when you have not been etc…

    I do also believe that therapy can be a very valuable tool for anyone–not just those that are mentally ill or who have been diagnosed as such.

    One reason that I definitely should stay on Anticonvulsants is the fact that I have a Seizure Disorder. And recently, I may have had a Complex Partial Seizure that is more serious than the Simple Partial Seizures that I have had in the past. I lost consciousness. And it could lead to more serious Tonic-Clonic Seizures?

    Now, a Seizure Disorder or Epilepsy doesn’t actually qualify as a “mental illness” even though no one still may necessarily know its aetiology per se–they can only guess. Ditto for the aetiology of mental illnesses and disorders.

    Breggin doesn’t really have much to say about Anticonvulsants being dangerous. For how could he? I think it would be rather a bad thing for all of the people with Epilepsy to say that it would be more dangerous to have to live with that than not take their medication.

    Now, the interesting thing about Anticonvulsants for me is that they do “triple duty,” if you will for my head–they work for my Bipolar, Seizures and Migraines. The only “problem” that Breggin might have with me is that I take an extremely small dose of a Benzodiazepine (again used to treat my Seizures–not for psychiatric reasons) and I am on a stimulant for ADD.

    When I was not suitably medicated I was a mess. Very ill. I behaved in ways that were very dangerous; not to others but to myself. I wouldn’t hurt a fly. That was the higher side of Bipolar. When low…well, again…very ill and not able to even function.

    For me, my life…I’m willing to stick with my meds. They keep me alive. Without them, I might have been dead already. I’m willing to take Breggin’s proposed risk.

    And from my last few posts…the sadness? It’s not from my meds or my illness–it’s from family trauma. Going off my medication will never repair that. And I am working on counselling with my current psychiatrist.


  9. Hi exactscience, yes, I completely understand what you are saying. I have issues with, I guess you could say, “self-worth,” as well. Perhaps, some people might say “self-esteem?” I don’t know.

    But yes, I see the entire sort of circular…well, sort of argument, basically.

    I’m a real doormat too *laughing* I mean, all my life there have people that have pulled some serious shit with me and because I care for them, it’s alright…I forgive.

    But in a way, it is also because I understand that everyone is human and capable of mistakes–sometimes really huge ones! I mean, I know I’ve made some real disasters…crap. And looking back on some of those disasters, yes, I have forgiven myself. I mean, if you don’t forgive and stay all angry and pissy…well, how do you move on and grow? If you stay all mired in negative hell…well, it will suck you down.

    Granted, it can still be tough to forgive yourself when you do feel like a total loser!

    But sure, I guess I’ll forgive anyone I care about for their foibles. Again, we’re all human and have an infinite capacity to fuck up.

    However, I do find that because I am so forgiving with people I care about, when they don’t forgive me when I screw up…that hurts. But I guess we’re all different? I don’t know! It confuses the hell out of me! I’d like to think that with friends and people you care about you can always work things out but well…? Again…a lot of the time (most?) people really confuse me.


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