A Couple Of Quick Funnies?


Oh, wow.

I was making Shepherd’s Pie last night and crap. Everything was all ready to pop into the oven and I had a little mishap. I’d fried up my ground beef, added my spices and layered my veggies in my Pyrex glass dish. All that was left to do was mash my potatoes, put them on top and let it bake for a bit.

Now, I thought just to add some flavour beforehand, I’d throw some pepper into the mash. The lid on the pepper jar became loose! Loads and loads of pepper in and on my mash!

Goodbye Shepherd’s Pie as I only had enough potatoes for the dish itself–not a whopping, several pound bag. It was too late to prepare anything else so just grab something out of the freezer, throw it in the microwave, clean up the mess while awaiting the beep.

The whole thing reminded me of silly adolescents unscrewing the tops of salt and pepper shakers in greasy spoons or cafeterias so patrons can destroy their meals as well. Did a bunch of rotten kids sneak into my apartment and play a dirty trick on me? Did I in some bizarre, somnambulistic state decide to play a dirty trick on myself?

So, ready for number two? This might be more amusing?

Now, a lot of times things just fall out of my mouth. I mean, really ridiculous and embarrassing things. I’m not even sure how or why this happens as I am an intelligent person? Yes?

There is a cute girl that works at the Security Desk in the lobby of my building. When we pass each other, “Hello, how are you…” I was heading outside for a cigarette just a few moments ago and she asked me how I was. I told her that I was tired today and really just wanted to go back home and go to bed. As a follow up, this is what almost “fell out of my mouth.”

“…care to join me?”

Oh.my.god.

In my mind, what I meant was: Don’t you agree, feel the same way etc… Yes, something along those lines, right?

Oh, wow. (Part II)

Had I said that, it would have sounded like the most blatant and unbelievably outrageous come on. Or maybe it would have sounded rather smooth and sexy *laughing* I don’t know. I’ve never been very good at “picking up women.” Regardless, I am so glad those words somehow didn’t manage to escape my lips.

Oh, yes. And another reason that it was good I didn’t say that! There is a different woman that works on the desk and she is gay as well. I’m out at work–I don’t care who knows. I’ve actually met her partner during Gay Pride “celebrations” and she met ex-partner as well. So if she had heard me say that, I would have never lived it down!

She probably would have accused me of running around trying to pick up all the other women in the building too like some kind of sex-crazed maniac. HA! Well, unfortunately I’m not really a sex-crazed maniac anymore *sigh* My (hypo)manic days seem to be over… *wink*


  1. “Did I in some bizarre, somnambulistic state decide to play a dirty trick on myself?”

    If this is indeed true, be wary of future episodes! (and be sure to share them) :D

    Like

  2. Hi only4now, yes…crazy sleepwalking!

    Now, how to be wary…well, just be wary? But more importantly: How to prevent! Well, I could just not sleep. That wouldn’t be very healthy, though. I could somehow tie myself to the bed at night *evil grin* But really, you can do all sorts of funky stuff in your sleep anyway. I’d untie myself. I’ve done funky stuff in my sleep. I know I’d untie myself *laughing*

    So, I don’t suppose there are really any ways to prevent future somnambulistic situations where I might play silly pranks on myself. Or do anything else?

    I’ve actually only been a “somnambulist” (I just love that word!) once–that I know of anyway. I was about seven or eight and I was home alone with my older sister. We were watching television and I fell asleep on the couch. I guess I got up and went upstairs to my bedroom to go to bed…or at least this is what my sister thought I was doing.

    I woke up, sitting completely erect like someone had shoved a ruler down my shirt, right at the very end of my bed. It was the most bizarre thing ever. It was like…how did I get here…?

    I’ve apparently talked in my sleep as well. Not just rolling around, sleeping and mumbling a few words. This one time, I sat up in bed and carried on a full conversation for a few minutes. This was with my very first girlfriend. I even lied to her when she asked me of my sleep state! I was completely asleep as I had no memory of any of this and yes, when she asked if I was awake, I said that I was!

    HAHA! PA lies when she talks in her sleep! That might be a good thing, actually. Don’t want any secrets getting out, right? *wink*

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  3. Nicole

    Haha, PA! I had the same pepper thing happen on Christmas Eve. We had some family over for lunch and I had taken the special pepper shaker n’ sprinkled some on my food. I kinda heard a lil chime, but didn’t really think much of it as it’s a fancy crystal thing. Figured it was part of it’s charm, it plays a lil chime while shaking. Well then, my cousin’s wife asked for him to pass the pepper (she hadn’t seen I used it) and started to sprinkle it on her food with her baby sitting on her lap. Next thing you know, all the pepper is on her plate and immediately the lil chime came to mind n’ I thought “OH $#!+ !!!”. She looked at my cousin like he did it on purpose, while everyone was giggling and making jokes. My mom walks into the dining room and was apologizing because she had realized it was loose, but hadn’t fixed it.
    Luckily it was in a heaping pile and was able to be spooned off because it was on the side of the plate.

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  4. amy

    i have two comments:
    1. i feel completely ashamed that i can’t cook and/or won’t cook. haha it seems like everyone can make something. anyway you can make shephard’s pie next year? heh.
    2. you have the funniest stories. that’s what’s so great about your blog. you can bring out the humor out of things that might drive a bipolar over the top. good work!

    Like

  5. Hey Nicole, good to see you! Glad you’re still out there. That’s really funny that you and someone in your family had a similar experience. I don’t feel so alone now! Not long ago, I had another experience when I ran out of honey so I had to use plain, white sugar for my tea. I grabbed the wrong “substance” and it turned out to be salt.

    Now, I’m not into chemistry so I really don’t know the different properties–well, I do…but in terms of chemical reactions between sugar, salt, Earl Grey tea and a small amount of milk? But it did make a slight “fizzy” sound. However, (as usual?) I wasn’t really paying attention. So give it a little stir, take a sip and EWWW!

    I looked at what I had grabbed and OMG… Okay, dump it and start again… Oh, silly PA!

    Hi amy, oh don’t worry about cooking. I used to do more of it but I don’t anymore. I think because of our mentalness, sometimes it can be hard. Or maybe it’s still hard for people who aren’t mental? I’ve heard lots of people say as well, it’s harder to cook for one. I don’t know if you live alone.

    It’s also, at least for me, easier to eat with someone else. Someone pointed this out to me after all of my gastro problems and I never thought of it. Now, I think this person was right.

    Also, after starting Topamax/Topiramate many years ago, it completely knocked out my appetite so I would actually “forget” to eat. I can still do this quite a bit when I hyperfocus on things and become completely engrossed. Also, my appetite is small anyway…I can really let food disappear from my life. I am bad.

    Thank you for appreciating my funny stories and blog. I do try and inject humour whenever possible–especially when it’s something I feel utterly ridiculous that happens in my life.

    Like

  1. 1 Another Reason For My Stupid Gut Pain? « Patient Anonymous: Just Another Head Case

    […] black, looks-like-you-just-ingested-a-blended-up-igneous-rock-charcoal-and-slate-meal.  After your goddamned pepper spilled all over it.  Once you’re done and you look at your shit (and you’ve surprisingly not lost your […]

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