Archive for December, 2007

I was going to add this to my last post but it would have been just too incongruous. Talk about ADD.

I went to see Merlin #2 yesterday. I’m making a med swap. I am currently on 36mg of Concerta/extended release Methylphenidate. I wasn’t sure how I was doing. It has been helping, there is no doubt about that but I’m still struggling in the motivation, concentration and yes, the impulse control department.

Now, the stupid thing (I find) about Concerta is the titration schedule. It runs up in 9mg dosages from 18mg to my 36mg and then it doubles to 54mg. There is no 45mg! It doesn’t make sense to me from either a pharmacokinetic or a pharmacologic perspective–why you’d need to skip the next 9mg level. You’ll see why momentarily.

Merlin #2 was hesitant to go the distance to the maximum dose of 54mg. That’s fair. It is possible that it might be too much even though I haven’t had any problems with taking the Concerta. So what am I moving on to? Adderall XR? Nope. Dexedrine? Nope. Ritalin? Nope…I just shortformed it to Ritalin as that is basically immediate release Methylphenidate. It wouldn’t really make sense to switch me to the same drug I’m on would it?

Sure it would.

I’m going to start taking Biphentin. Haven’t heard of it? Well, maybe you have but I hadn’t. Oh, for shame PA! You didn’t know of it??? I’m just kidding. It’s not like I am so brilliant that I know everything about every med out there.

Alright, so here’s the deal with Biphentin. Why you may have never heard of it is because it’s only available in Canada and it was introduced in, as far as I can tell, late 2006. Biphentin is exactly the same as Concerta. Yes, I can hear you all saying, “What? PA, why are you now going to take Biphentin?” Well, there are some advantages to the drug.

It comes in capsule form with little balls so you can break it apart and sprinkle it all over your ice cream to make a little Biphentin/AD(H)D Sundae! That’s better for the kiddies or perhaps, people who can’t take or don’t like taking pills. Or you can be evil and dose someone without them knowing? I’m joking… However, I’m fine with taking pills so this doesn’t matter for me. The benefit for me is…as I was heading…the titration schedule. It is much more flexible and has way more wiggle room.

I’m starting at 40mg and can move up to the maximum dosage of 80mg in 10mg increments. That’s a lot better than sitting at 36mg of Concerta and being “stuck.” And there you go: No skipping incrementally.

Beyond that in terms of no benefits, I’ve read a bit of differing information but some small things conflict. Some of the literature states that Biphentin and Concerta work basically the same, some say that Biphentin releases more of the Methlyphenidate faster but only lasts about eight to 10 hours as opposed to Concerta’s 12 hours. Alright, does it really matter? Probably not that much. And again, with regular daily dosing…eh.

But it’s the same molecular structure–exactly! So, I am assuming that what is perhaps happening is the outer shell of the Biphentin capsule is breaking down faster than that of the Concerta’s and the wee balls are being absorbed faster than the formulation of the Methylphenidate in the Concerta. Again…whatever.

And hey, my starting dose of 40mg pills are pink! Right now, all of my pills are of only two colours. It will be nice to add some variety? And oh…whoops! Good thing I just called my pharmacy…it’s so new that they have to put in an order for it! They’re not carrying it regularly? I should have it by tomorrow. Not that I’m all hepped up to start it…I’m just not sure how much Concerta I have left and with all of the holiday stuff coming up, stores will be closed, I will be off work and not as close to my preferred and much better pharmacy…ugh. I just don’t need the hassle of chasing down a script.

So there’s some ADD med news that you might find somewhat interesting…a new drug on the scene.

In my post about Sartre and Cycling, amy mentioned that it must be very frightening to be an Ultradian Cycler. I replied that it wasn’t so much as a) I have learned to monitor my cycling patterns well over the years, b) sometimes it can be so fast that it is over within a day–yes, one day and c) I am on meds so I am doing better than I would be off them! I also said that something else is more “frightening” to me these days.

I am seeing things. No, I am not hallucinating. I am seeing things in my life. About my life. I would like to say that I am learning? That this is an opportunity? But that is a hard thing for me to say at this moment…for it is causing me to feel uncomfortable. It is causing me to feel pain.

I am simultaneously seeing events from my past, present and future collide. Alright, the part about the future makes me sound like I am psychic or have some kind of magical, crystal ball or something but it is true. I can see (to a degree at least) where some things are headed.

I mentioned in a previous post how I can have a mind that is like a freight train where some things are concerned (well…probably a lot of things, really.) It runs at great speed down a straight ahead track. There are no curves and even if there were, no one is around to turn the switch.

Well, guess what? The track has changed. It now twists and turns and the trainman has shown up early for his shift! The train is climbing a route that is now on its way up a craggy, mountainous hill. At the very end, there is a steep cliff. If PA doesn’t put on the brakes, there’s going to be one hell of a train wreck.

All of these thoughts and feelings are disturbing. This task ahead seems daunting. I would much rather ignore everything, just shut it all out but I simply can not. Do I simply bury my head in the sand when I keep receiving bitchslap after bitchslap?

This may be a point, the point(?) where I have to do the most amount of personal work, soul searching…I don’t know…in my life. I know that logically, things need to be done in steps. You start with one issue or item and then once that is tackled you move on. But when you are bombarded with so much emotion and internal turmoil, it is both hard to know where to start and if you can get there, how do you stay there. How do you stay focused.

You know, if anyone wants to go a few rounds on the wrestling mat fighting over who loathes PA the most, I’ll tell you who will win. The vast majority of you are most definitely much larger than tiny PA but she’s wily, wiry and can outmanoeuvre you in any contest there. So failures, backslides, more bitchslaps… *sigh* Again, looking ahead to my future, this is going to be fucking hard.

So I’m really not sure what else I can say about all of this. On to my ADD med news?

I was thinking about Sartre’s novel ‘Nausea’ the other day. If you are unfamiliar with it, it is a work about Existentialist Philosophy. The protagonist, Antoine Roquentin suffers from an increasingly disturbing sickness that he refers to as “nausea” that threatens to drive him mad. He experiences these bouts of nausea from looking at simple objects that he sees and can not understand why. What is the meaning? As time goes on, he learns that what sickens him so much are not the objects themselves and their existence but existence in general.

It seems I have been feeling like Roquentin for a while now.

Over the last several months, I have been gagging when… Like Roquentin, I have questioned. Under what circumstances? When presented with something specific that upsets me? But what if nothing is upsetting me? Or maybe if something is upsetting me, I am not conscious of it. Or perhaps it is life that is making my stomach churn and making me have these “gagging attacks.”

I am completely mental, however and indeed, someone looking at Roquentin might make the same observation of him?

*PA ponders*

And speaking of pondering, I’ve been trying to ponder my way out of…well, another situation in life. Boy, have I been appealing to all of the great thinkers and philosophers out there. However, being completely mental as said above, sometimes you can only ponder for so long and then you pop?

I think I rode the Ultradian Cycling roller coaster yesterday. My morning started out with Depression and then later, some happiness. The bulk of the afternoon seemed to straddle the worlds of Mixed States and Dysphoric Mania and then a bit of happiness got tossed in again. On the way home a hell of a lot more Mixed State and Dysphoric Mania. I don’t even know where I was by the time I went to bed but it was pretty much on a downward slide into Depression?

Where am I today? Exhausted. Depressed. But don’t worry…not at risk of doing anything…

So, enough about all of the jargon used and symptomology above. My prose may not be as beautiful as Sartre’s but here’s a wee piece about Ultradian Cycling.

WARNING: Some sexual content.

You’re sitting quietly in a bar, reading a newspaper. It’s time to go home so you leave. As you meander through the darkened streets, a woman approaches. Her face is partly shielded by her hat and the scarf she is wearing and since the street is dimly lit, you can’t really see her. But she looks familiar somehow. You don’t think you’ve ever met her! Perhaps she simply bears a resemblance to someone?

You nod politely as you try to pass by but she stops you. Suddenly she grabs your hand and turns you around and takes you back in the direction from where you were coming. Is she taking you back to the bar? She makes a sharp turn and leads you down a side street. You see a cheap hotel up ahead. She’s holding your hand and squeezing it tighter and dragging you along behind her at a faster pace. She is almost forcing you to run.

You walk inside the hotel and you can not tell if she takes you up the stairs or down the stairs. You only know that you are now sitting in a room on a bed. She strips you of your clothes and you lie naked before her. Your heart is pounding, you close your eyes… What is she doing to you?

You open your eyes and you are back on the street. But it’s not the same street. You are all the way across town. It’s still late and dark. How did you get here? Perhaps the woman threw you in a cab and dumped you on the street where you are now? You check your watch. Only five minutes have passed.

You have to get home. You need to find the cab that you thought you might have taken? You reach for your wallet but it’s not there. Did you leave it at the bar? You can’t call them. It’s too late and they’re closed. Maybe you can hitchhike, catch a ride with a sympathetic stranger…but there aren’t any cars in sight.

“How do I get home..?” you repeat endlessly standing on the street corner, “how do I get home…?

Gimme a medal.

I’m a good tenant.

I’m knackered and wet.

Time for more tea.

This is such a stupid post.

I hate winter.

Well, then.

It’s a bloody blizzard here.  Lovely to wake up to and see? Ironically, there was an article in one of the newspapers the other day about having a “Green Christmas” as opposed to a “White Christmas.” Yes, it’s always a great topic of discussion here in Canada.  Or my part of it.  Will we get snow for Christmas? Who fucking cares?!

The article said no…it will be “Green.”  Well, guess what? White as all hell. Wait.  Isn’t hell, supposed to be all red and full of flames with the devil, his minions, all pointy horned, tails and all? And pitchforks–can’t forget those.  What were the pitchforks for, though? Toasting marshmallows when there were no sinners to bring down? Nevermind.

I hate Christmas.  I’ve said this before.  I might just be ranting and raving about it up until December 25th.  I’ll try not to subject you to that too much.  And this snow! Oh crap.  We had a bit yesterday but my, my.  I just went out with my tea and to have a cigarette and I had to dig out my ashtray.  Where’s my ashtray? We have drifts about a foot to a foot and a half high.

I found it.  It was frozen to the ground after I dug it out.  I had to retrieve one of my metal spatulas/flippers to pry it off.  I didn’t even know what to do with it.  I just threw it in the sink! I know…that is so disgusting but really.  What would you do with a frozen-filled-to-the-brim-with-snow-ashtray? *sigh*

We (all of us tenants in the building) are supposed to be responsible for shovelling our various areas.  I really don’t see the point.  It’s not going to let up all day? In fact, it’s not going to let up all week–so they are saying.  And it’s all over the news! That is all they are talking about! Oh, come on! I mean…it’s snow! We live in Canada! Is this really news?

They’re telling everyone to stay home, don’t go out and drive unless you absolutely have to, there are a bajillion accidents all over the place, they are giving the most obvious tips about vehicular maintenance (i.e. put windshield washer fluid in your car!) *sigh* (again…)

I was planning on doing some grocery shopping (with someone I know who has a car!!!) I mean, the larder is bare! Alright, I don’t have a larder but I really like that expression…  He said he was going to call if “the weather wasn’t too bad.”  I suspect we won’t be going out? And Escher called and said he would come over in a taxi to set up my stereo.  A taxi?! Oh…you’ll have lots of luck getting one of those! When will you arrive? Midnight???

So yes…it looks like winter has finally hit. I do have a decent anorak (look that one up if you’re not from the UK–double meaning and the second suits me just fine) and the fleece long underwear was the absolute best investment I could have made.

Ah yes…and the Charlie Brown reference? Another for Christmas.  Do you recall the wee Christmas tree he tried to make…all tiny and pathetic looking? That’s me for the holiday season.

I’ve lost a lot of people throughout my life. Not through a biological death. Actually, not really a significant number–my Nana, my Grandmother and Grandad. But considering our fractured family, I didn’t really feel much when those events happened. I guess you could say I’m referring to a more “social” death. I’m talking about friends.

I’ve never been able to figure out why this is. Have I been needy? Has it been because of my mentalness? Both? I don’t think I’ve ever meant or tried to be needy. Would such a thing be a form of manipulation? I don’t even know if someone could consciously or actively be needy. I can’t comprehend that. And my being mental? I can’t really help that. If my moods flare up and I start going out of my mind…well, I don’t really have control over that.

So, if I’ve ever been needy, I think I can trace that back to my family upbringing. I may have been constantly looking for some kind of love, affection or attention that I never received and required. Was I desperately crying out,”Please like me! Oh, won’t you please…?!” And then, if someone did, was I so needy that I clung to them like a life raft after feeling like jumping from a sinking ship?

Oh, wow. If so, does that ever make me feel like jumping back on that sinking ship because boy, I can not count the number of friends that I have lost!

Friends are very important to me. I’ve often said, “Lovers come and go; friends are forever.” I really believe that. Romantic partners seem to demand more of you. Their “needs” are different. Friends should have less “needs” of you. When I think of what a friend is, they should be more understanding of your foibles, they should truly accept you for who you are and support you until the bitter end. They should love you in a different way. Almost in an “unconditional” way. Sure, there may be some conflicts, some disagreements but they should not reach the levels of those that may happen in romantic partnerships.

So, what the hell has gone wrong all of my life in this area?

Someone said to me recently that I seem to be the kind of person that makes friends easily. Alright, that may be true. But I don’t seem to be able to hang on to them! And if I was so “needy” before, I really don’t think I am now. I am more independent as an adult and I have grown more stubborn. I don’t like to receive help from people. I try very hard to manage on my own. And because of the way I grew up, taking care of my parents’ “needs,” I actually spend more time helping others and put myself last. Or at least I think I do?

‘Geez, if I had more friends, you could ask them?

And as far as being mental, well did that push a whole whack of them away? Being nuts can scare the hell out of people that don’t understand. And when you can be consistently crazy because of Bipolar’s cyclical nature (or any other thing that makes you bonkers) it takes a very special person to deal with it if they have no experience of it themselves. And even if another person is messed up in the head as well, they may get pushed to the brink because they’re just as unstable as you are and they need to balance their own issues. When everybody starts going over the edge, does that dissolve the friendship? I would like to say, no. At least not as far as I’m concerned.

I know in my younger days, I was certainly quite loony but this is only hindsight talking. As an adult, well, I definitely know it now. I probably did and have put people through a lot, both when younger and older as I am today. So, perhaps combining both the neediness and instability was a double barreled shotgun to all of the relationships that fell apart.

Good grief.

However, it takes two to tango? But if so, how come I’m the one that’s still here and they’re not? Granted, there are some of them that are gone that I have no wish at all to be friends with. The ones that were very mean and tortured me–these were back in younger days, I suppose. But there was at least one I can think of as an adult. And to top it all off, I fell in love with her *rolls eyes* Still, if she ever contacted me, I’d be there. Again, I’m ridiculously loyal. Even though she’s never been diagnosed with any kind of psych disorder, I think she’s crazier than me? Or maybe just a different kind of crazy.

Ah, well. The past is the past, I suppose. I still have some present day ersatz “friends” where I work to keep in contact with but they never follow through. I get tired of making the overtures. I have some acquaintances. Those relationships are different, however.

I am going to stream some songs now. I’m not quite sure what. This post is rather maudlin? I’ve got some real doozies about people giving you the boot. I might save those for another time. Let me stroll through my iTunes library and see what I can come up with that might not be too bad. I’ll throw up a couple since my blog has been a bit neglected for a while.

Hard Day At The Office?

Yes, I have an office job.

I was printing off some reports and the printer ran out of paper.  Okay, let’s open a fresh pack, load it up and keep going.  Now, we’ve all had paper cuts, right? I got one.

Ouch! I looked at my wee pinky and wow! Blood was actually dripping!

I don’t know if anyone else has had a paper cut that bad but I haven’t.

I want to sue our paper supplier.

Alright, I’ll try and start writing more intelligible posts soon.

So I popped a piece of chewing gum into my mouth this morning as it was a little dry. I rarely chew gum. With the problems I experienced many years ago with my TMJ, that became a big no no. And my TMJ problems have come back to haunt me still in the recent past.

It’s one of those types of packets where you pop out the piece from the back and just like everything else these days, it has the “nutritional information” label on it. Sure. “Nutritional information” in chewing gum.

I got a little chuckle when I found that there were three calories in my one little piece. But nothing else. How fascinating! It also listed:

  1. Fats = 0
  2. Carbohydrates = 0
  3. Protein = 0

And then at the bottom: “Not a significant source of other nutrients.” Well, that hardly came as a surprise.

Now, it’s sugarless (let’s all save our teeth, everyone–they have to last you a lifetime!) So the source of the calories came from the Aspartame, right? Or maybe the Maltitol? There are calories in both. But Maltitol is a carbohydrate and the “nutritional information” said there were no carbs in my gum. So, it really must be the Aspartame.

But there’s also some Mannitol in it. That has just a wee bit of calories and is suggested as a sweetening alternative for people with Diabetes. It’s slowly absorbed in the digestive tract so your rise in blood glucose levels needing more insulin isn’t as compromised. And it’s also used so the chewing gum doesn’t get so “sticky.”

Well, then.

Hang on. There’s Sorbitol. There are calories in that too. It’s also slowly absorbed and good for people with Diabetes as stated above. And as far as my chewing gum, it keeps it from losing its moisture. Okay, it keeps my gum lasting a bit longer? More bang for my buck?

I give up. I have no idea where on earth the three calories are coming from. And even though I do need to keep trying to gain weight, I don’t think chewing gum is really my answer.

I do have one question, though. How long do I have to chew it to absorb my three calories? I mean, you don’t eat chewing gum…you…well, you chew it!

Oh, yes…and it was Spearmint.

I went to see Escher the other night as he wanted to give me his Christmas presents he bought for me. Did I neglect to tell you that I loathe Christmas? Nothing but unpleasant memories.

I knew he went overboard so I suppose that wasn’t too much of a “surprise.” The first gift was a footie jersey. Yes, PA likes footie. Fine. The second? A bloody stereo with a USB port for my iPod! Oh, god! Now, that is way too much!

He’s pretty much a luddite (although he does have a cellphone) but he likes audio equipment. This system isn’t extremely high end (thank goodness!) but it is quite nice in appearance. It’s a micro system (i.e. not full rack–thank goodness, again.) My flat is ridiculously small, he knows this and a full rack system with all the components would never have fit and would have been beyond obscene in price! It’s all black and silver which suits me as I like simple design and really, not wood grain speakers. And the USB port! He knows that I am basically permanently attached to my iPod. That is so awesome.

I don’t own a proper stereo which is kind of ironic since I am pretty much an audiophile, as well. I’ve managed along with a portable stereo that’s lasted for 15 years! It’s made by Panasonic which has been my staple brand ever since I’ve had it. Excluding the Sennheiser headphones I bought a while back. Panasonic also manufactures Technics products if you didn’t know.

I didn’t think I ever needed anything larger as a stereo since I’ve always lived in flats and it has provided me with enough sound. So yes, I expected him going overboard but not with that much gift giving! *sigh* And he had been being a good boy lately. He had been giving me some space and not calling as much. I’m still not quite sure what to do with him. He is a good friend and we do have fun together but he can still be so draining. And I do quite question his mental stability a lot of the time.

Now here’s the really unexpected–the “shocking” part if you can excuse that, perhaps, terrible reference…

I seized when I was there. And yes, I’m climbing the seizure ladder; I’ve moved up a rung. I think. That’s why it has taken me so long to write this–and post this. I have been researching and researching to try and figure out what happened that night for hours. I’m not sure at this point. Probably up to about four or five hours of research? And I’m still looking at/for things to provide me with something. Do you know what I’ve found in terms of an answer?

I. Have. No. Clue.

At first, I thought it was just another one of my Simple Partials, albeit a different and rather strange one. But Simple Partials are weird. I have had incredible ones. And I guess am still capable of having such an array of them–even though my meds have been controlling them? A lot of “sensory weirdness,” basically. You can read about my Simple Partial history here. You do not have to read this post but if you haven’t already, I suggest that you do as it may help you differentiate between what I normally experience and what happened the other night.

The term “partial,” means that basically the electrical misfiring in your brain is localized or happening in only certain parts of it. This is in opposition to “generalized” seizures where the neuronal misfiring is everywhere and you will always lose total consciousness (e.g. a tonic-clonic seizure.)

Even having had Simple Partials all of my life, I didn’t even know what they were. It wasn’t until I started to take Anticonvulsants for Bipolar and when I read how they were used to treat Epilepsy that I realized…wow! I was shocked (oh dear…I’m using that word again…) When I read about SPs, it was like a total laundry list of signs and symptoms for me. Now, with all seizure activity, there are chances of them getting worse (hence my mention of moving up a rung on the ladder) but since mine never did all of my life, I never cared about having them looked into. It was ex-partner that was really insistent about it.

So Escher and I were just sitting and talking (and having some beer but I wasn’t drunk and alcohol has never made me seize, bar with evil Effexor and that was unconfirmed but presumed.) Anyway, all of the sudden, I stop. And then a few seconds later, Escher hands me a paper towel to wipe the drool from my mouth. If you didn’t read the link above, I have a bit of a “drooling history” with a couple of my seizures. The two gelastic ones I have had and the time when I believed I had epilepsia partialis continua. That is basically one long ass Simple Partial or “going status” or “status epilepticus.” If you read about “epc” that I mentioned above, it sounds more serious but it can happen for other reasons. If you go status with a Generalized Seizure of even a Complex Partial–you pretty much need emergency medical intervention as your consciousness is more impaired if not gone altogether (i.e. a Complex Partial.) I did go to hospital for this but rotted away until someone saw me. It was hours later and had pretty much resolved itself–about six to seven hours it took in total.

Now, for what really happened with Escher. Since I thought it rather odd as it wasn’t like my previous Simple Partials where my mind and consciousness is always in tact, something didn’t seem right with this one. There was a brief “blackout” of sorts. My neurologist always told me it was extremely valuable that if someone ever witnessed me having a seizure, get their account because if your consciousness is impaired in any way, you may not be able to or can not provide an accurate description of what occurred.

I called Escher and asked him what went on. Whoa. Not at all as I “remembered?” And after this, I worked my brain hard to go over it…is there…was there anything else I can remember about it?

Apparently, I only remembered the beginning and the ending of it and even that is very vague and fuzzy. When it started (and this I had to work to recall later) my vision changed. This is very difficult to describe but I found a near perfect description on an Epilepsy website. Everything went kind of “swirly” and became distorted. Things darkened and then blackness. My vision was just gone. And so was I.

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. My eyes were blank and I was just staring off into space. And yes, I was drooling. Escher was speaking to me but I was non-responsive. He said he gently touched my legs just above the knee but I was non-responsive to tactile stimuli as well. I asked him if I was doing any “automatisms.” These are basically, any repetitive movements that generally don’t serve any purpose and some can be downright bizarre. They are very common with Complex Partial Seizures. He said that I wasn’t. Alright. So, apparently when it was “all over,” I asked him for something to wipe my mouth with. I do not remember this. Again, all I remember is him giving it to me and saying, “Here.” I also don’t remember any kind of a post-“ick”tal© state (your ictal state being the seizure itself.) I’ve looked into that and memory loss can happen there too.

And here’s the kicker. It lasted, he said, about two to three minutes. That’s spot on for a Complex Partial.

During a Simple Partial Seizure, you can always talk to me and I can always talk back to you. My consciousness may be just the tiniest bit altered but not even so much that I have tried to time my seizures. In my estimation, they have never lasted past 45 seconds.

So basically, the impaired/loss of consciousness, the inability to respond to any stimuli, the complete memory loss and the time duration all fit for a Complex Partial.

A lot of the literature out there really pushes the automatisms of which I had none. However, I did find a study where several of the research participants had none. Plus they had decreased postural tone so they may have gotten a bit floppy or couldn’t move like me. Also, many of them reported having no “aura” as is what a Simple Partial can be or is also know as. It can serve as a warning sign that a “bigger” seizure is coming. I do not know if the visual changes I experienced was an aura or part of the seizure itself. It could have been one or the other?

Good grief, I even found a study where photic seizures (seizures induced by light/s) can induce a vegetative Simple Partial! But it didn’t go into detail. How long? And photic seizures have never been confirmed with me. During the strobe with my EEG–nothing. But EEGs are notoriously unreliable. They can be consistently negative even in people with intractable Epilepsy.

Another thing that I looked into is if this could be a “Psychogenic Seizure.” Some people refer to these as “Pseudoseizures.” Most people do not like this term as it sounds like they are not “real” or that they may be faking them. The “pseudo” part probably comes from the fact that they do not occur due to electrical discharges in the brain. They are caused by stress and psychological factors. Did Escher stress me out so much I had a seizure?

Well, I suppose I can’t rule anything out at this point. However, some problems with this? It is estimated that between 10-50 per cent of people with Epilepsy can have Psychogenic Seizures as well. I see. They can resemble just about any type of seizure (considering anyone with Epilepsy can have them) but they are generally known to have very specific types of characteristics–none of which I exhibited. However, again…I think it’s safe to say at this point, there are no absolutes in the brain department?

Let’s move on to Migraines! It has long been thought that there are connections between Migraines and seizures. They can look like them, possibly cause them? I looked into that as well and nope. Nothing fit. And I wasn’t even near Migraine territory that night. In fact, daily painy-head seems to be getting better? I don’t feel as bad as before. Either that or I’m just getting used to having small headaches all the time? I think it might be the former? I’m not sure but I’m still monitoring. Maybe I just needed a good Complex Partial to shake my brain up to get rid of the headaches *laughing*

So, I guess I need to talk to my neuro about this. I don’t want to. I have very good reason for that. I don’t want to blog about the reason. I have very good reason for that as well. If it was just another transient, isolated Simple Partial, I wouldn’t bother. But since this is something different, I feel I would be remiss if I didn’t say something.

Complex Partials are really something you shouldn’t play around with. Just because I was sitting down and immobile doesn’t mean if I have another one, it would be the same. When other people have them, they can be walking around, doing all sorts of things… If you lose consciousness, you are in danger. It is also very much believed that once you start having Complex Partials, that is now your course. They will re-occur if you continue to seize. It may not mean that you will not have (or I will not have) Simple Partials but they may be auras to the Complex or they may be “stand alones” as they were before. Or like that study–you may not get an aura and–bang! Plus, Complex Partials of course can then take you on to tonic-clonic Seizures.

Indeed, the aim would be to control it all with medication and I have been seizure free for quite a while. I’m still just wondering what on earth happened. And I’m still researching. I should just stop. But in a lot of cases I have a one track mind and that track is long and straight. The freighter just keeps barreling along at top speed and even if the track curved there would be no one there to work the switch.

The majority of the things above I already knew…I was just (and still am?) looking for something that described exactly what I went through. But one thing I didn’t know that really surprised me was this. I found it in published research and on a lot of Epilepsy websites as well. The way to distinguish an Epileptic Seizure from a Psychogenic Seizure is if the person’s eyes are open. If they’re not; it’s Psychogenic.

Mine were open the other night and always have been with each and every Simple Partial.

Well, congratulations if you got through all of this. I’ll be sure to let everyone know how it goes when I see my neuro at the end of January…or if I seize again?

You know, maybe just thanking …Gabriel at …salted lithium. wasn’t enough for funkifying me in his sidebar. And I should also thank damewiggy as she did that before for me too.

So here’s MC 900 Ft. Jesus – If I Only Had A Brain…