Archive for February, 2008

Blogging On My Day Off

No, I’m at work. And it’s been one wild day, let me tell you that!

What I am actually talking about (writing?…oh, whatever…I’m tired) is our Blog365 “Day Off.” Yes, they so benevolently gave us February 29 off because it is a Leap Year! I wonder how many of us out there are not taking the day off. An email was even sent out to us all to not blog.

Well, why stop? We’re all bonkers for taking on this task, anyway? Ah, yes…we were also told not to blog about not blogging. Well, you know damn well that everyone (or at least the majority of us boneheads) are going to be blogging about “not blogging on our day off!”

Again, we’re all idiots for doing this in the first place!

Okay, enough of putting down the Blog365’ers. We’re a good bunch.

You can join these groups on the site, you can “friend” people on your own page (although it’s not as crazy as Facebook… ) However, I know nothing really of Facebook as I don’t like it, will never use it…pah! Not that I’m self-righteous or anything. And you know I’m not some kind of Luddite! I blog, I love my Mac toys etc… I just have no use for Facebook.

However, if you want to see something entertaining about it, check out this on fishwithoutbicycle’s blog. *smirk*

I guess that’s it then. I’m blogging when I needn’t be. Facebook is something I don’t give a toss about. My back is killing me and I need a massage as I just commented back to tracy in my last post.

Oh, I didn’t mention that last part before but it’s true.

Until the morrow, then.

I awoke to bright sunshine streaming through one of my windows this morning. How lovely you are all thinking? Perhaps on another day.

After I sort of became a little more aware from my cloudy headed, muddled state of mind, I paid a bit more attention to the sunlight. Oooh! That’s really bright! Less than a minute passed and as I started to become more mobile…oooh…I feel kind of nauseous.

Oh, no. Mood check? No, I don’t really feel irritable at all which is my “norm.” Well, not my norm! PA is not irritable, either in her normal state of “life” or when she wakes up in the morning! If you haven’t figured this out yet or are not familiar with prior posts regarding my wacky, bloody bean: migraine.

After a bit more time had passed and I could try and think a bit more clearly, how was my head doing–the most important part! I have a terrible time gauging pain levels. I have a very high tolerance for pain. I find it awful when you go to the Emergency Departments and they ask you to rate what is wrong with you on a “pain scale” between one and 10. I am reasonably sure I always rate myself lower than I really should. Perhaps I should always say “10” to push me to the front of the queue unless someone comes in with a limb falling off to make me wait a bit longer.

Anyway, some unilateral business on the right side. Okay, better pop a Maxalt/Rizatriptan. No way I could take any Gravol/Dimenhydrinate! Not with going to work! *laughing* I’d be nodding off at my desk. Well, I kind of feel like doing that if I could but…I’m really not that sleepy. Just physically tired. And I look like a total zombie.

I just went down to the cafeteria as I thought I should have something to eat even though my tummy is still off (well, no kidding…no anti-emetic/nauseant!) Just looking at the menu of the “Daily Specials” made me feel worse. Hmmm. Some kind of short order comfort food? I went with a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich, some chocolate milk and a piece of carrot cake. I haven’t gotten to my carrot cake yet. Let’s just go slowly…

My head is still hurting too. Should I take another triptan? Ah, why not.

*PA pops melty, pseudo-minty, kind of chalk-like pill into mouth*

It’s melty for rapid action. The 10mg dosages (that I have) are supposedly (as directed) to be taken within two hours of each other if needed. But you can not exceed more than two in 24 hours. It’s now been about five and a half hours since I took the first. (Edit: at time of writing, not posting.) This should be interesting. I’ve only ever taken two…hmmm…maybe twice?

Thank goodness I have a drug plan as well! These are expensive meds! From what I could just quickly find, they are $12.95CDN per pill! Now, could you imagine if I had to take these daily like all of my other meds? The total would be almost $400CDN a month.

I just tried to do a quick tally of all of my head meds (I don’t know how accurate it is–and I didn’t look at crazy, online, shady “dealers.”) I think I’m paying around $300CDN a month? That’s minus the Clobazam/Frisium but it’s pretty cheap. And my Nexium/Esomeprazole. I don’t know if that’s right, though. Well, perhaps. $3600CDN+ on meds a year? That’s a pretty decent figure?

I get them in 90 day portions as well as I have a tiny co-pay. Even though it’s really tiny, why pay it every 30 days with all of the drugs I’m on? It would add up. So maybe the figure seems small if I’m getting huge portions all at once. I still have no idea as it goes through my insurance. Whatever.

Speaking of meds, migraines and nausea, my neuro gave me a script when I saw him last month for Domperidone/Motilium for nausea with these pain in the ass (I mean head) things. I guess I’ll get it filled as well as it doesn’t make you sleepy and helps with your stomach, apparently. *sigh*

I really don’t know what to say about this. I’m expecting my period any moment now, I guess, and I have mentioned the whole business about Catamenial Migraines and Catamenial Seizures. I’m thinking about my other recent ones and my cycle.

However, we’ve been plunged into yet another unbelievable deep freeze over the past 48 hours and are due to rise back up tomorrow to where we were before–about 10-15 °C! This February has been one of the worst in years. As I’ve said before, weather is my only known trigger. The weather was weird back when I had the others too. The weather? Hormones?

No. I refuse to believe it is my hormones! Well, that might be better as at least I know when they are changing! I do not know when the weather is changing, as the meteorologists’ reports are certainly less predictable or accurate than my body. I think. Yes, usually. Yes.

At least these migraines seem to be less debilitating than the ones from years before. Perhaps it is because I am now taking Lamictal/Lamotrigine and it, as another Anticonvulsant now added to my cocktail, is giving me some more prophylaxis. Still, this is rather unpleasant. I am not feeling well at all. My mood seems have dropped a bit as the day has gone on too. I’m feeling a bit down. One of the latter migraines really made me go low so some minor irritability may not be so much of a signal either!

*PA stares at carrot cake*

*PA stares at empty tea mug and knows that caffeine can help ward off migraines although today it hasn’t*

Oh, time for more tea anyway. It tastes so great and is comforting too.

Come on clock. Speed up so I can go home.

Sorry, kids.  I’m dusted.

I’ll try and post what I had planned from work tomorrow–or tomorrow night.

PA needs some rest.

She’s fine, not to worry.

Again…just pooped.

Note: this is really about my blog. However, since I write it, by extension is it a reflection upon me? Therefore, do I need to take it upon my variably strong or weak shoulders, dependent upon the weather, what day it is, what time it is, “why the fuck did I run out of honey for my tea” kind of day it is!

You get it.

I have noticed that I have not been receiving comments on my blog lately–well, one yesterday? Okay. People do have lives. Probably much more interesting ones than mine? Something to ponder but not for too long. My stats? A small decline but I have said before that I am not a Stats Whore. I don’t care! It’s fun to look at the numbers as they increase but really.

This piqued my interest when I came home and promised (yet again) to have a relaxing night and stay away from my MacBook, do something else as a diversion for a change!

So in looking at my stats…oh, and why the bloody hell won’t WordPress allow you to see all of the Referrers? Sure, not on the main page but why not let you look them all up in a list? Unless I’m stupid or I’m just on the .com domain and not the .org and they have a fancy trick where you can do it there.

Anyway, back to the the stats. I found that I had been picked up by this curious animal called GlobalComment. I am under the blogs page. I don’t quite know what this means but if you read their “About” page (I won’t do anymore linkage except for one!) well…they kind of make you sound…well, certainly more important than I think I am!

Another blogger I know that I just haven’t had enough damn time to invest in reading, and trying to get to know is Natalia Antonova! She is apparently the editor of GlobalComment? I just sent her a message as to how/why/wtf/don’t you think it’s embarrassing/I do…that I ended up there!

Anyway, I’m not due for another post yet but this was pretty funny. With me talking so much about writing lately and I show up on basically a “Writer’s Blog!”

Okay…I need to go lie down. Actually, I’m hungry. I need to go have something to eat and then lie down. And sleep.

And dream of writing *laughing*

It’s funny the things you forget over the years. Well, not really if you’re PA. Bad memory all around and it doesn’t have to necessarily do with years!

While on vacation I looked up some ideas and sample bios for unpublished writers for my next submission. They’re asking for one up front. I mentioned before that I basically only knew what to put in the first sentence (and then completely degraded myself for not being published and having terrible writing.)

Well, the first thing I had forgotten was that I co-led a writing group several years ago and I am basically still a member of it–even if it’s now only in virtual form. I could still go back to attend the group sessions at any time but I once saw my ex-partner before ex-partner (that latter I always talk about) respond. Not good. Ex-partner before ex-partner became a bit “stalkerish” so obviously I want nothing to do with her. I do not know if she attends the groups but I’m not taking any chances.

Alright. Something good to mention there.

Now the friend. Heh. I met her many years ago. 12 years? She’s a filmmaker. Was? Regardless, she is no longer working as one. Still, when I met her she was in the industry working on a film. I “helped” her. To what degree exactly I’m not sure, but she did give me a film credit in the closing under “Research.” That’s pretty cool. Let’s toss that in.

I called her today just to ask her if I could mention it. I mean, it’s the polite thing to do, right? Almost like asking if you can use someone as a reference on a job resume–not that they’ll be confirming my bio? I haven’t spoken to her in a few years but she called me right back today!


*PA reflects upon the entire history of relationship*

Don’t worry. She’s getting there–to a degree anyway–12 years is a lot to cover.

Another thing I wanted to ask about that might be semi-bogus (but pad that bio!) is that one night (perhaps after a bottle of wine and maybe some pot) she whipped out a portion of her script and asked me to have a look. She was always very supportive of my writing and said that it was not her strong suit at all, being more visually inclined. I think I may have reviewed some continuity issues, maybe a bit of dialogue but definitely grammar, basic structure etc…!

I also tore apart her website both in terms of design (even though I’m not great in that area) but, again, definitely all of the writing. I went through it with a fine-toothed comb! Of course, this was much to the chagrin of her website creator/designer. I had met him prior to that and when I saw him again after the suggestions I had made, I received quite a chilly reception.

However, my filmmaker friend absolutely loved the work I did. He was getting paid and I wasn’t, though. Because of that, there may have been some disagreement and I don’t know if any of the changes I suggested were ever implemented. Again, I can’t remember! Perhaps some were.

Anyway, we spoke on the phone today and she was all for it! Say whatever the hell I wanted to about my involvement in the film *laughing* She also was happy to hear that I was writing again and sending out submissions–and she again told me that I was such a great writer. We caught up a bit and I made the offer for her to call me if she wanted to get together in the (near) future.

Okay, now for the personal stuff. I don’t know if this “helped” her film or not (doubtful–it’s a joke, people) but we sort of became a bit *sigh*…romantically, emotionally, sexually entangled? Well, at least I sure did! Oh god, I fell in love with her. And she’s not gay. I guess you could say that she was somewhat bisexual…well…”briefly?” And with me? And only with me. And very briefly.

I’m such a dope, too. I mean, I really don’t know when women are interested in me. They practically have to walk across the room and start making out with me! No, really! For all the flirting that PA does, she really can not perceive it when it is directed back at her unless it is extremely, blatantly obvious.

And speaking of poor perception, PA found out about this several years later from a mutual friend of both hers and this woman’s. She was absolutely stunned! Hats off to her filmmaker friend! Little PA was seduced and she didn’t even know it! Oh, I told you…I can be very dimwitted in the romance department!

I was invited to a party she was having and yes, of course, I was attracted to her. I’m quite sure she knew that. Well, obviously she did! I stayed until the very end after everyone left because I was completely entranced, also in the midst of Bipolar (hypo)mania land and well…all of the sudden…how did I end up in her bed?! And it wasn’t like I hadn’t slept with women before or hadn’t had any relationships with them!

So yes. Years later PA was told from their mutual friend that crazy filmmaker friend had actually asked him: “Do you think if I invite PA to the party she’d sleep with me?”

BWAH-HA-HA! I laughed so hard. He was like, “I don’t know!” And yes, they both knew I was gay.

However, it really wasn’t all fun and games. No, unrequited love is never fun. On the contrary, it is quite painful. She also had a very…how shall I say it? Let’s just leave it at “a harsh side?” My love for her carried on for a long time as well. She is extremely beautiful and charismatic. Ugh. Those days were sheer torture!

Ah well, PA never shuts a door, burns a bridge and all of that. After speaking to her today (and such a rapid response!) I am quite sure we will be back in touch. Another odd thing that might ensure that: she always wanted to stay in contact with me and spend time together when I was single or in between relationships. When I was with someone, she’d disappear. She knows that PA and ex-partner broke up…

*PA shakes head*

No, I’m not.  Really.  But I sure want to–and have wanted to all day.  I’m just wrapping things up now and getting ready to go home.  I’m typing this post here as I am tempted to crawl straight into bed when I…crawl back home.

I can not believe how busy I was today.  I am completely exhausted too as I stupidly continued my “vacation routine” of staying up too late.  That made getting up early for my first day back to work utterly excruciating (well, more so than it already is.)

I have worked solidly, non-stop on my computer all day long.  I do not normally do this as I have other tasks, plus I am not always this busy.  I had to dig out my wrist support from some RSI problems I had a few years ago for all of my day long mousing! I probably should not even by typing anymore either but I need to make a post.  Ah, yes! Blog365!

My elbow then became really sore so I was trying to find something “cushy” to put under it.  Oh, pointy little elbow! You match my pointy head *laughing* I have some funny, stuffed “toys” on my desk but no! Don’t squish my toys! I grabbed my mittens and somehow tried to fold or place them into a ridiculous, makeshift pillow.  This became an even more ridiculous solution had I actually needed to move to do any other work.

Am I simply tired or is my body falling apart? I am turning 38 in roughly a week.  Am I actually turning 88?

You should see my desk *laughing more* It is completely shambolic all the time anyway but now? Oh, I think it’s the best I’ve ever done at displaying complete chaos! I’m rather proud, actually *grin* I wish I had my digital camera here to capture it for all of you.  However, that would indicate where I work due to certain things so…no photo.  Gee, that’s really too bad.

They used to send out emails about keeping our workspaces tidy and all of that.  I haven’t seen one in ages.  Could it be because of me? After my managers constantly twitching for too long when looking at the disastrous state of affairs every time they walked by my workstation, maybe they just gave up all hope.  By comparison, everyone else’s workstations are quite fine.

They know I’m a great, big mental case too.  Perhaps they are letting it all go to treat me gently and not “throw me over the edge.”  If so, that is very kind and I do appreciate their thoughts and efforts to try and help me maintain my sanity in the workplace.

Admittedly, my desk status has worsened over time.  Hmmm.  And I did become quite mental last spring, went into hospital and was away from work for a significant period of time.  Truly out of my tree, I was! Maybe they are seeing some kind of parallel between my mental decline and my desk decline.  Hey, maybe there is a parallel!

Well, if that is the case…wow, after a day like today they really are lucky I didn’t set my desk on fire!

The Biggest Blog Honour?

I don’t want to sound like a real pompous ass here but this really knocked me flat when I was reading this person’s blog last night. It’s not that I don’t love you all–I do. A lot of things have happened to me over the…one year and three months now that I have been writing this blog.

Mostly, it has been comments and emails that have really affected me. In a more bloggy fashion (and this is where this post is going) I have been blogrolled–even with “prime real estate” where my latest posts show up in the blogger’s sidebar–which is so flattering.

I’ve been mentioned in posts. I’ve been linked to in posts. I’ve received Ping Backs. I’ve been “Favourited”–well once or twice–in Technoratty. I’ve received “awards” in posts where you can place badges in your sidebar. Am I missing anything? Oh, a dedication that I got once from exactscience. I don’t know if anyone else has done that out there!

But this one takes the cake.

Nightworrier made “me” a Tag in one of her posts. I’m not in her Cloud (OMG…that is probably a good thing! I joked in my second comment back that people might think she was talking about her father anyway as it was “PA!”) Gee…I feel so…all goofy and shit. Very..again…flattered, for sure.

Thank you again,


All links to prior entries can be accessed at the end of this post.

Day Two 98/03/17 1730hrs

– Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

We went into St. John’s today. Lots to see. The markets were fairly crowded but no “pressure sales” which was quite a relief. The shuttle was taken, yet again, to Nelson’s Dockyard and then a “bus” to St. John’s. The vehicle was a large, new van-type that seated app. 20-30 people with fold down aisle seats. The drivers here are crazy!

They have one new highway which is paved nicely but some of the other roads are dirt (reddish brown) and very bumpy! I wanted to take some pictures of the landscape but it was just too crowded.

The woman who cashed my Traveller’s Cheque may be coming to Canada in November. She wanted to know where (Edit: location) was. I gladly told her as much as I could in a scant few minutes across a bank counter.

They make some rum here and in Barbados called Mount Gay…too funny…going to have to pick some up for sure. (Edit: now either I wasn’t much of a rum consumer then and didn’t know it was already available in Canada or it wasn’t back then? Probably the former?)

Speaking of which, everyone seems to like the Freedom Rings, especially the kids (Edit: also known as “Pride Rings.” Rainbow colours on a chain that you wear around your neck if you do not already know. Why the hell I was wearing them in Antigua, I have no idea! I guess I was feeling especially gay! Also, I was still in my seven year long stint of non-stop (hypo)mania so I was Living Pretty Large! *laughing*)

Even in one of the more expensive jewellery stores¹ one of the ladies thought they were just so great.

¹ – I’ll just mention this straight up if you’ve never been to Antigua. One word for any ex-pats living there (or some people travelling there?) Rich. A strange pre-arrangement for me to meet a Canadian ex-pat while I was there…wow. It’s coming…

The Antigua Diaries – Part One

Not only does PA find him really cute–and that may help her find more women–but she also finds him a really great actor too.

I love “Walk the Line.” I really do. Because.of.him. I have it on DVD. I could watch it over and over.

Now there is Method Acting and then there is Method Acting. Like, I am going to “reincarnate” you and bring you back from the grave! And to think that he had to learn to sing like Johnny Cash (obviously he could already sing) and play the guitar like him (he could not play the guitar at all.) Well, golly gee, fuck me. Maybe no one else out there thinks that’s quite an accomplishment but I certainly do!

Speaking of no one thinking it is much of an accomplishment, he only received two awards for his performance. A whole whack of them went to Reese Witherspoon (who I thought was excellent as well–she did all of her own singing too) but he carried the film. He was nominated for many but only won a Golden Globe for his role and a Grammy for the soundtrack (shared with the Producer.) I read an interview with him and he said he didn’t give a toss about awards. Oh, you’ve got to love him even more.

I don’t give a toss about awards either. Well, receiving them is nice–but all of the Hollywood (or otherwise produced, famous crap?) Watching them all march down the “red carpet,” completely dolled up, listening to the television announcers prattle on about what they are wearing. Also, watching the television “personalities” tripping each over, not getting there fast enough, wishing they were as famous as the stars they are trying to talk to for a scant 60 seconds or less! Well, there might be some amusement in that but it wears thin after a very brief time.

The show itself? Gah. Painful. The same speeches, the boring hosts making tiresome jokes and thus sending their careers further down the toilet… The only time I did hear anyone say anything remotely entertaining was from the wonderful mouth of the wonderful Hugh Laurie when he won something. No doubt another man who cares very little about these statuettes. Oh, I once heard that Jodie Foster kept (one of) her Oscars in her bathroom years ago. That’s kind of funny.

I haven’t streamed anything for a long time so here’s some Walk the Line stuff. Yay.

Well, after that rather long one from yesterday time to give my readers a break? It didn’t get any comments and so far only three views! *laughing*

EDIT: I just got a response *PA almost falls off bed, laughing even more at her timing and the irony or life*

Blogging (well, writing one) kills me sometimes regarding what you post and the subsequent responses you receive.  This has always been the case for me: I write a post that I think is just mahhhvelous (or I just really enjoy it) and no responses.  Also, possibly very few views as well.  Now, don’t think this is some pitiful cry to go read it, make a comment, whatever.  I don’t care.  A fellow blogger once told me who has me RSS’ed that he will look at my posts, and if they are either too long and/or they don’t appeal to him…pfft.

That’s okay.  I can handle that.

Speaking of writing, I’ve spent pretty much all of my afternoon drinking tea and working on my next submission.  All I’ve really done is put it into digital form as I wrote it longhand.  It hit word length (I wasn’t worried–it was between 1,000 and 2,000–that’s a large target!) but it still needs to be edited, proofed etc…  And I still need to figure out how the hell to write my “bio!”  That will be harder than writing the piece itself!

I wonder about “submissions.”  I’ve never been published before so I think about how “stringent” the publishers really are.  I mean, if your grammar isn’t spot on are you given the heave ho? Like something as simple as a misplaced comma?

Of course if you’re completely all over the place with run on sentences and it’s all garbbled and and a reallypiece of trash, totally incomprehsensible and you’ve got speling mistaks and noone can understand what you’re saying, plus you’ve got continuity issues and it just gives everyone a headache all around, well that is totally understandable in my books, I mean, I wouldn’t publish a sub,ission if I got one like that even if it was just a tiny little thing and I was a nobody indepandant publisher that no one had ever heard of and there was no honnorrarium given out because I really wasn’t making any money off my product, it was just an oporrtunity for first time writers to get published and a way for me to get my nam out as a publisher, do you see what I mean about writing, it’s a really tought thing to try and do really we,, right?

I can’t decide if I shall keep hacking away at it.  Once I get going I can really get going sometimes.  One of the upsides of AD(H)D hyperfocusing.  I need to cook dinner, though.  One of the downsides of AD(H)D hyperfocusing.  I forget things like eating.

Laundry…yes, I know.  How thrilling to hear that I am doing my laundry.  Why do I have so much laundry to do? I could have sworn I did it last weekend! And there is no way I wore that many clothes in one week! It’s not like I went to work every day and then had some (semi-)formal gala to attend in the evening each night.  And it’s not like I’m laundering (semi-)formal clothing *PA laughs outrageously*

All of the clothes are done and next up are my bed linens.  I’m tired of doing laundry! I’m tired, period. Bed linens tomorrow?

*PA frowns*

Well really, being on vacation for a week is just like one huge long weekend anyway.  I need to do more cleaning around my flat, though.  It looks like a bomb hit it.  Uh…PA? When does it not?

Alright, boring post over.  See you tomorrow.