Archive for March, 2008


I couldn’t post yesterday but Blog365 lets you do it “oldschool” (i.e. pen and paper or whatever) if you don’t have access to technology and backdate.

Baby MacBook got into an accident last night. Not by my doing.

Well…wrong place, wrong time? Can’t help that though.

Just pray…

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…I think my blog is going down the shitter…

I don’t think I have made an intelligent (or pseudo-intelligent?) post in a while.

Nonetheless, thanks for stopping by?

Fuck.

I shall endeavor to do something better…soon…I hope.

I think I’ve been swept up into a vortex…or several.

No excuse.

See? Even this post sucks.

Bah.

At least I had some decent pasta and am now enjoying some good jazz. But you can’t hear it. So that just means that this post sucks even more?

So at least there is one thing in my head–an aural reverberation that is giving me pleasure? I just can’t write about anything else right now. But PA loves her jazz.

Oh, and the last track was John Coltrane…while I was writing this…can’t remember the song though…the radio station just seems to be rockin’ and rippin’ through the tracks.

Okay…time is 00:08

I deadlined it so I can be “dead” until my next post…


Actually, I’m fucking great!

*laughing*

Here’s a Blogthing. I’m still a bit brain dead from the weekend. I do have a couple of things I would like to post but later–when the gray and white matter has had a bit more of a chance to recover.


You Are an Intense Kisser


When you kiss, it’s deep and powerful

You don’t take kissing lightly

Your kisses always have meaning

And they always make your head spin


However, maybe it was a little too much fun? PA=tired. Maybe even a bit…hungover.  I don’t get hangovers. Yikes. I’d like to nap a bit as I’m so wiped but I just can’t sleep.

So, here’s another great song and YouTube from The New Pornographers. “The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism.” Although, I think our descent was pretty damn fast. Ugh.

You are fucking deplorable, PA. Fucking deplorable *sigh*


I have to skedaddle and get my own little bunny tail in motion for my dinner tonight. I’ve still got some stuff to do around my place as well.

I saw this and just loved it. From the 1950s and a jazzy version of “Here Comes Peter Cottontail” that I can pretty much guarantee you have never heard before!


PA always takes requests for MP Of The Moment but well…she never gets them.

But Gabriel… from …salted lithium (check sidebar running out of battery…sorry…can’t hyperlink…part of problem!)

I have done a few things remotely with crazy free wifi (i.e. not in a “hotspot.”)

Right now, I am in a pub and I have responded to some emails and yes, I have done some blogging and things like that (before) but I have never tried to FTP or stream a song.

Uh huh.

Indeed. Yes…how would that work from some signal floating through the air to my cyber-lovey that gives me free space on his server so far away to keep playing my music that you either hate, love or are totally are indifferent to…?

Well, in typical scientific PA fashion…let’s give a go. It was, fucking hilarious. I kept looking at this little blue inchworm. Okay. So who is competing? The FTP inchworm of a song or my battery? Or the internet signal for that matter? Bloody hell. And the time is hysterical too. It does lie. It kept saying…two hours to download. Good grief.

No, it didn’t two hours *laughing* Cyberduck pulled through and so did my lovey’s server and so the bloody hell did my floaty free internet in my neighbourhood.

They have a band coming into the pub now. That doesn’t please me as I’m listening to my iPod, tying this up and it’s going to get LOUD! One of my favourite servers here (bless) took me into a nice corner nook that might(?) provide me a bit of a space? Or less space (better…nice to hide away?)

Nonetheless, I’ve got to get wee Gabriel’s song up that means some widgetry… So draft this to make sure…power still okay, so I think I can do it…

Three…two…one…LET’S, GO!

Love you Gabe and my unbelievable server (fanboy) *laughing* for keeping my “amateur DJ dreams” going and just being so generous.

You guys are the best. And if you don’t already know it; I’m telling you.

Kisses,

PA

EDIT: Oh yes…I’d just like to add that Macs rock. I really don’t think I could have accomplished this on a PC. Granted, I’m pretty tech dumb… But methinks me Mac compensates? That’s what makes them so good. There’s a flip side though! I’ve been working on PCs for so long and they require so many ins and outs–because of trying to deal with PCs like that–I don’t “get” Macs! They’re too “easy!” Everything is so “simple!”

Oh…but pretty…pretty…

PA likes shiny objects…

And you know? My battery should have been dead by now on MacBook.

*PA checks time*

Hey, just under an hour remaining! And I was shitting my pants about FINALLY streaming that song, writing this and now I’m adding more…

MacBook…I love you.

I’m sorry Gabriel… (and lovey server boy) this has nothing to do with the original post content… I’m just amazed that I still have power.


Oh, I just found this but no doubt all the media pundits/bloggers have been all over it since it happened.

Prologue: “Dr.” Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is more of a fucking whackjob than I could EVER be!

This may not be news to any of you out there.

Whoo boy.

Here we have the first lovely clip that ran on the Today show where our…I don’t even know what to call her…gets into a bit of a “theory” about perhaps why Spitzer/Shitzer went astray. You see, it was all Silda’s fault…well, so some people are interpreting it *PA rolls eyes* Regardless, whenever a man does go astray: it is the woman’s fault.

Oh, fuck. Make that that WIFE’S fault. I’ve got to find a name for her…okay…”Useless Tit.” Useless Tit would never approve of anything other than a God-Sanctioned-Hetero-Union. I should have said, “Wife.”

But the above clip gets kind of funky and it turns into a weird sort of clusterfuck (now Useless Tit would never approve of that!) There is this other panel of “experts” (including Jim McGreevey’s ex-wife Dina Matos…) and well, you’ll just have to watch it yourself. Not to mention, Useless Tit gets a little Freudian on you re: men learning their first connections to heterosexual relationships from Mommy…thus, if Wifey doesn’t nurture them, everything goes to hell in a brothel, right?

And you know? I thought I heard in a clip that Useless Tit had some advice for the Spitzer daughters (I won’t call them Shitzers.) Did Useless Tit say the same thing about them with Daddy? That they, and all other little girls, develop their heterosexual learnings from their fathers? I may have been hallucinating after listening to this shit for so long, however.

Either way, good fucking lord. Oops. Useless Tit wouldn’t want me taking “The Lord (Hallelujah!)’s” name in vain now, would she?

In the second clip here that ran on Fox, Useless Tit tries to do some weird ass back pedalling garbage like she’s getting all Freudian on herself and trying to masturbate her id, super-ego and ego all at the same time. Useless Tit tried to pull the same useless (tit) stunt later on Today but look out! In this clip, Useless Tit starts whipping out actual diagnoses for philanderers! No. I am not kidding. And how that all factors into the fucking around, the relationships and “Wifey’s” role.

Still, if I ever do become a man, I guess I’ve got my excuse all rolled up tightly thanks to Useless Tit. I just have to get married and say my wife is a complete dud, won’t fuck me like I want or do anything like I want! Then I’ll be off the hook and be able to screw as many other women as I’d like!

Unreal.

Now, I really think I need a drink. Or several.

Ah…and obviously the question that needs to be asked here is, what if the husband is not fulfilling his “dutiful” role? Can his “wife” go out and find some guy and bang his brains out senseless? Or even better, Useless Tit? Can she go find a woman and do it with her!!!


It’s good that it’s a short week work wise. Yes, it’s Good Friday tomorrow. A few other “good” things? I actually cooked last night–sort of. Nothing fancy. I can’t recall when I’ve made anything really special in years. Still, I had taken out some fish to defrost so I needed to do something with it.

It is good that I seem to be doing a decent job of beating off this virus with a relatively large stick? With as much strength as I can muster? After my dinner last night, I watched a bit of television, took my meds and then promptly went beddy bye and passed out.

I want to feel better by Saturday as I have a date with the Easter Bunny *laughing* No, it’s just another “do” with the woman at the end of the street. She invited a gang of us over for Thanksgiving and Christmas last year and it’s time to do it all over again for this holiday! I can not believe how generous she is! It’s a lot of fun and even though it’s a small group, it usually becomes a royal piss up as the night carries on…oh, dear.

Burn the virus out of my system with alcohol? And no, I’m not categorizing this one under self medication!

Anything “bad?” I woke up in pain this morning! Not that significant, but enough to remind me of the “good” days before I saw gastro-man when things didn’t bother me so much. Taking my morning dose of Nexium/Esomeprazole would usually help on those “good” days. Now? I’m still kind of in pain.

Are my hormones still keeping me in gastro grief? Has the pain symptom come back?

I feel like the cat running away from my gastro problems that are masquerading as Pepe Le Pew: “Le sigh…le…sigh…le pant…le pant…”

Oh, some of these really were so funny: “…eh..I am a creamy puff, no…?”

Actually, instead of a cat I think I’d rather be a man. Operating under the assumption that all of this is hormonally influenced, this would be the perfect solution. Yes, let us dispense with all of this menstruation business! I have never been happy with it–even since day one! I’m not talking about gender reassignment, either. No, that is too complicated, it takes too much time, too much money and it wouldn’t turn out how I would like it to be. I want it to happen just like that *PA snaps fingers*

Apart from the obvious physical modifications, there would need to be more. I would need to be taller. I’m just barely 5’2″ so what woman would want to be with someone that short? Well, perhaps some wouldn’t mind but most might? And yes, definitely more weight gain if I was taller! Let us also dispense with my head maladies? Sure, why not! I could still be a mental case but if we’re going for a full makeover–let’s do it! And of course attractive but that is relative. Nonetheless, I want to be good looking.

Ah, women. No, I wouldn’t want to be a gay man. I would still vehemently lust after women. Plus, the fact that I was a woman previously would mean that I’d be awesome in bed. Oh, I’d be a killer!

And all the best women are straight *laughing* That’s kind of a joke about women and gay men…oh, it’s shame all the best ones are gay and all of that…

Oh well. No chance of PA becoming a man, I suppose. Just keep on monitoring my tummy.

“Le sigh.”


So, I was a little out of my mind by the end of the day at work yesterday. The pain just kept on and on and on… First order of business when I got out the door: buy Gravol/Dimenhydrinate. I didn’t have any left at home. Not that it would do anything for the pain but it would at least transport me to a place where I didn’t give a fuck–about anything.

I joked somewhere on this blog about “Gravol Addiction” because it’s just sooo lovely. Or at least I think it is. Until it makes me pass out. But what absolute bliss until that point.

I’ve never tried any Opiates like Vicodin, any “Percs” and all of that. I’ve never had them prescribed and I’ve never taken them otherwise or “illicitly.” I wonder what they’d be like compared to my Gravol? Huh. I was also thinking that if you didn’t have a script for them and a drug/benefit plan to pay for them (and a very benevolent doctor to keep prescribing them…) if you wanted to keep using them, a cost comparison?

I bought my generic Dimenhydrinate (same thing as the brand–just read the labels people to save yourself the money on the OTC stuff!) for just over $6CDN. It was for a pack of 30 50mg tablets. I take 100mgs. That’s to knock me out. Would 50mgs just make me kind of dopey and happy? Probably? Still, to go the distance let’s keep it at 100mg. That pack would last me two weeks so for a month, $13CDN say.

Depending upon where you are, use a currency converter, whatever… What’s the market of street drugs like these days? I’ve never known ever, really! Could you get a daily supply of Opiates for a month for $13CDN?

Alright, this is silly talk. My head is a mess.

Second order of business? Straight to the pub! No, not because I was so out of my mind. When I moved out after breaking up with ex-partner, I was drinking more and still in a lot of gastrointestinal pain. I oddly discovered that drinking helped ease the pain. No, it helped stop my tummy from hurting–at least to a degree? I could never figure out why this was. I looked and researched. A muscle relaxant, perhaps but enough to take away any type of spasmodic behaviour that much? You would think with ingesting it–directly into my gut–it would make me feel sicker!

*PA shakes head*

Gee, with all this talk of “Gravol Addiction,” buying Opiates off the street and drinking for my gastric pain should I categorize this under “Self Medication?”

So, go chug some beer, go home and pass out.

I had decided that if I experienced any more break through pain, or if it was as bad again today as it was yesterday, I would actually go to the Emergency Department. Yes. Although my pain threshold is very high, this pain was intense. I have only had to go to the hospital once before when the pain was bad and this was back quite a while ago when I was still with ex-partner. And really, there is/was nothing they could do but my goal was at least something similar as last time to perhaps get me through a day.

When I went before, they gave me some IV Toradol/Ketorolac or Ketorolac Tromethamine. It’s a NSAID. It may have helped but if I went in again, I probably would have asked if they had anything better. No, I’m not a drug seeker, really! They gave me a script for the Toradol orally but it didn’t do a thing! What is this?! A slightly stronger version of Advil/Ibuprophen? They also gave me a shot of IV Gravol. WHEE! Now if you think Gravol via the oral route is good–try it by IV!

However, I’m feeling a bit better today. Not nearly in as much pain! And going to Emergency is a pain! Triage…waiting to get admitted…waiting to get to the exam room…waiting to be seen…repeating everything you told the Triage Nurse but in more detail…waiting to see what they’ll to do you…if there are tests required waiting for the results…

With my lovely “Don’t Know How To Rate Myself On The Pain Scale” issue, I probably would have put myself at an eight yesterday. And this is for someone with a high pain threshold–thus necessitating me even thinking of going to the hospital! Today? Oh, maybe a one? It’s starting to hurt a bit more though now. Maybe it’s because I’m kind hungry so I’m having something to eat. Just some soup. The cafeteria offerings looked wretched and I haven’t been cooking lately (or anything that even remotely resembles that.)

I’m also completely wiped because…

…I now have a cold or some icky virus!

Yep. That’s it. Three strikes and PA is out!

If you haven’t been following along, that would mean over the last three days it has been: migraine, tummy/gastro flare up and now a virus.


Where shall I begin? From top down? Chronologically?

I never really wrote about my migraine yesterday as I was very out of it. I’m just a tad more coherent today, however. So let’s start with the migraine.

I am not particularly pleased that I seem to be getting these more frequently. Although they are not as severe or debilitating as ones prior, I am at least pleased that I am blogging about them. This is providing me with a record, more or less. I wrote, I believe, the last time that I may have to start charting them–or charting something! It was a joke that I made about charting my cycles and not for pregnancy reasons!

You see, with all of this, there were two “theories” that I was sort of proposing. My only trigger is weather. Over last fall (when things seemed to really get going in this department) and this winter, there has been a bit of a discrepancy–or a “theory competition.” Weather changes vs. my hormonal changes.

I have mentioned catamenial seizures and catamenial migraines before. Now, these typically mean they happen during menses or your period. I am not so sure about ovulation as your hormones are kind of working in another direction. Now, I know I am ovulating right now (but I’ll get to that.) Actually, most women know if their cycles are regular but there are other (or can be) physical indicators.

Yesterday, the weather did drop a bit in temperature but it really wasn’t that significant. Shit. So what do I do now? Wait a couple of weeks or so and see if my head goes ‘crash, crash, bang, bang,’ again? See if I feel all pukey or who knows what?

Tummy. Oh.my.god. This is the clincher that I am ovulating. The one thing that gastro-man and I couldn’t “solve” was that the pain portion of all of my symptoms wouldn’t completely go away when I would ovulate or get my period. We, or rather he, made a stupid joke and just said: “Hey, stop ovulating!” I did have to laugh. I mean, I guess if he didn’t have a solution then…what? And since I was feeling a lot better, it wasn’t as bad as before.

Well, welcome to ovulation in March! How does it feel? How did it feel last night when my sleep was constantly interrupted by it? How did it feel when I woke up and thought about calling in sick but then realized, would being at home sick take away the pain? No. Just kicking my hormones in gear and telling them to move along would be the only way!

I’ve never actually been stabbed before but it feels like someone is taking a knife (obviously a fairly large one) and jamming it right into my gut, all the way through my body and then outside my back.) Maybe it’s not a knife but one of these nasty guys or anything else they have available for sale. Yes. nin-JAH PA is getting sloppy and someone is attacking her in her sleep. It actually has nothing to do with her hormones at all.

I honestly can’t remember it hurting this much before during this whole ovulation/period business. I was saying to myself, ‘did you live in this much pain for a year or so back then?’ Well, I know this level of pain wasn’t constant but it was sometimes to this degree. It’s funny how you can forget how bad off you were either mentally or physically when you become well–or at least better to a point.

I’m seeing gastro-man in a month. I don’t know if there are any other issues that have come back (well, this is an outstanding one.) I’m not quite sure. Maybe? But here’s one that is kind of new. And here’s a link that is kind of coincidental as it’s about me ovulating again and stomach pain (I know…is this getting repetitive yet?) It’s also about the possible new symptom as mentioned above.

Also, if you don’t recall it or didn’t read it, there’s some information about the behaviour and it being tied Atypical Depression. I am not depressed.

Also…there is a fun anime YouTube clip from my all time favourite series “Cowboy Bebop” where three of the main characters eat magic mushrooms! I find it hysterical. You may too–even if you don’t like anime–I mean, beautifully drawn “cartoons,” if you will where they end up on hallucinogens in an episode?! No way on Saturday morning North American cartoons. And you’ll get to see my lovely avatar…Faye Valentine.

So here’s the post about all of that. Yes, it’s kind of all over the place. And I still don’t quite know why I’m waking up in the middle of the night craving food–yes, that is the potential “new symptom.”

It’s not every night. However, I’m not depressed. I’m not pregnant. I’m not taking Zyprexa/Olanzapine (an Atypical that makes you want to eat anything and everything that isn’t nailed down at any time, all the time.)

Both my body and my brain…I swear…