Archive for April 4th, 2008

First, thank you to everyone who has read, commented, been available for email…it’s really meant a lot.

Second, I can not stand the last word in my title. What on earth is “normal?”

So back to work today. I was afraid I was going to catch serious hell for being totally shitfaced and plastered when calling from hospital! I didn’t even know what time I called but I had a record on my mobile that said it was just past 0330hrs. WTF? What time did I get home? When did I cut? How long did it take me to shower and get all cleaned up? I know it took a bit to get through triage… And the upstairs tenant! I made a huge ruckus and was falling all over and she helped me inside to my flat. I should fucking buy her some flowers! Her father is with a woman who has Bipolar so she knows mentalness. And she knows I have Bipolar (amongst other things.)

But no work problems? No one said boo?

My paranoia stemmed from catching serious hell before for being “caught” re: drinking many years ago. I believe I blogged about it before and it’s categorized under Self Medication.

I am feeling still sort of…blah today but, again, I suspect that should be “normal.” I imagine it will take me a bit to get back to the level of wellness that I was feeling before this happened. It has been fairly busy today and that has helped keep my mind occupied somewhat. Somewhat. However, as the day has been moving on I do seem to be…”moving on,” as well? Time. That is what is needed, I suppose.

My next appointment with Merlin #1 is in less than two weeks. Fuck. I am reluctant to discuss all of this *sigh* At hospital when in triage, they only confirmed my GP and really, I don’t recall ER records being sent to GPs. No. They never asked for neuro’s name when I went into all of the migraine and seizure talk. Nor did they ask for Merlin #1’s name with all of obvious mental crap and the automatic psych eval ordered! Here, you usually have to sign a release to have records transferred? Unless those are the ones with your primaries? Well, I know I’ve had to do it when going inpatient.

Oh, hell! I don’t know. It’s not like my GP will call to check on me anyway. Well, she might. She is that nice? Doubtful, though. If I wanted to talk to her myself I’d have to go and see her.

I could very well keep this to myself. Would it serve a purpose to get into it all? I’m still at odds and confused as to how it really came about! I have been quite stable for a while and the only mood changes seem to occur with the migraines. Any other weird triggers? Stressors?

Well, baby MacBook got destroyed and that ticked me off but, really? Then the news of my colleague’s friend who died. That did upset me perhaps more than… Well, some folks might just take it as “terrible news” and move on. But it really got to me. However, the migraine hit around that and the moodiness can last as a prodrome symptom for a while. In the past with me, it hit ridiculously quickly and my “prodrome” was basically the migraine itself! And way back the moodiness hasn’t been this bad!!!

And the fucking alcohol. How does that factor in? The tipping point? I’m sure had I not been drunk I wouldn’t have done it. However, had my moods not been so messed up, I don’t think I would have done it either! No! I would have just bloody gone to bed!

I feel I have rather a strange conundrum on my hands.

I was going to go out and buy new baby MacBook yesterday after work but everything went to hell so I couldn’t. I toyed with the idea of going out to do it anyway but I was too exhausted. I stayed up for a bit but eventually decided to order up some Gravol/Dimenhydrinate as an appetizer and then my Seroquel/Quetiapine as a main course. Nighty night.

I need to pick up some Polysporin/antibiotic cream for the mess I’ve made of myself and some other things from the pharmacy on the way home. I was thinking of the scissors to remove the sutures too but I’ll wait for those to see how I heal and how everything looks when I need to pull them out. I might need more than 10 days as I question how well my body heals these days. I don’t believe it is doing as well as it has in the past because of the gastro stuff.. I am probably (possibly?) somewhat nutrient deficient and not so healthy? I do not know.

So I called the tech yesterday and cancelled. I guess I will go in today and drop my load of cash. He won’t be in but I can leave it for him and he will do the data dump. I then will have to wait until Thursday because of the shop’s hours to pick it up. I can’t get there in time after leaving work. Whatever. I also confirmed with Apple (although the AppleCare service person seemed a bit daft about it–let’s hope I get a better one when I have to do it) that I can transfer my existing warranty to the new machine. That is good as I have about two years left.

So I’m going to keep working on trying to get my shit together over the weekend.