Archive for April 9th, 2008


I suspect you will be receiving daily dispatches about how messed up I continue to be for quite some time? At least I am keeping up with Blog365! Can you believe? You are all of such support to me that I will not stop blogging. However, yes, I am not feeling well. Also, what is not helping me is another view from work.

PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU. WHOEVER YOU ARE…BE KIND TO ME AND SHOW SOME COMPASSION AND CARE.

PLEASE STOP READING MY BLOG.

AS ONE COMMENTER SAID, I HAVE HELPED MANY PEOPLE BY EDUCATING THEM AND SUPPORTING THEM REGARDING MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES.

I DO NOT WISH TO STOP DOING SO.

THIS IS ALSO A CREATIVE OUTLET AND THIS MAY ENCOURAGE YOU TO KEEP READING, NONETHELESS, PLEASE ALLOW ME MY PRIVACY.

I will no longer write about my former workplace anymore. It is starting to upset me too much, especially by seeing someone read me from there. This entire event has been and is too stressful already. I loved where I work and still do. It is breaking my heart to leave.

So, on with simply my life as it currently stands–or lies (lays?) for that is all I really want to do. I just want to lie/lay (even my grammar is shot right now) in bed all day and not move. Can you smell my depression emanating from your computer right now? Indeed.

However, I am moving for here I type. I got up, took my meds and had a bit of breakfast. I feel like I am running my own little hospital with room for only one, little patient. In my fitful state of sleep (oh…bad dreams, bad dreams…) I hear a nurse screaming in my ear: “Breakfast! Breakfast! Time to get up!”

Followed by me not wanting to move…”PA? PA? Are you alright?”

In PA’s head: Oh, silly nurse! Do you think I’m alright? I’m in a bloody psych ward!

Followed by a coaxing nurse: “Come on PA, time for your medication and some breakfast…”

By this time I can’t get back to sleep anyway so what the hell. I need my meds regardless of food so who cares? I can always go back to bed later. Oh, and by the way folks…I am wearing hospital bottoms as pyjamas today so this whole “hospital for one” thing just gets even better and better.

Cognitively? Who knows? BWAH-HA-HA!!! Good one, eh? Did you catch that? Cognitive impairment…“who knows?” Oh…PA…even when life is going down the tubes you can still find a sense of humour? Even for a nanosecond?

Sure. Now I’m depressed again.

I have to see gastro man tomorrow. I was tempted to call and cancel this morning but his card says they require 48 hours notice. I see. Does that mean I get a charge if I don’t call within that time frame? Some doctors here (at least in my area) do that and for some other things (script call-ins to pharmacies etc…) Well, I’d rather avoid that. So, maybe I should try really hard to go. It’s really far away from my home, though. It would take a long time. It would get me out of my flat, at least. If so, nicer weather? It is very dismal today. Good god, like I even care about the weather! I only care about my bed! And tea. I always care about my tea…

I’m also supposed to pick up new baby MacBook tomorrow. I was so looking forward to that, even though the whole ordeal cost me so much money. I am not happy about my new computer at all. In fact, I don’t even care. I love baby MacBook–both in old and new forms. Now? Don’t care.

I’m just so scared. One day at a time, right? So easy to say but not easy to do.

Wow, I do feel like going to hospital. Not because I’m at risk but just because it’s “safe.” I felt that way when I was there a year ago. Just like everything was alright…it was like this little haven where I didn’t have to worry–about anything at all.

*PA crying*