Archive for April 16th, 2008


Bless. Bless, bless. I have the most amazing medical team in the world. Well, sans neuro but you can’t have it all, right? I was thinking of them all, my appt. with Merlin #1 on the way home and almost crying–but what doesn’t make me want to cry these days?

So did PA wave some magic wand she has over Merlin #1? She got everything she wanted. She stated her case, all of her med suggestions and they were discussed and agreed upon. I can not believe how lucky I am to have a team that respects me and cares for me so much. And I have a YouTube that I am dedicating to them at the end of this post that is also making me cry.

So, up the Seroquel/Quetiapine from 50mg to 100mg to get me to sleep? We all know how important sleep is for Bipoles who are cycling like crazy (no pun intended.)

The benzo conversation was interesting. I mentioned before that my ancient Serax/Oxazepam…well, I haven’t taken it in years and I actually had a brief memory flash: there were times when it didn’t work so well when my anxiety levels were really high. Maybe not a good choice right now. Also off the list: Klonopin/Clonazepam due to the side effect of Depression with extended use and Ativan/Lorazepam as it doesn’t work. Okay. Do we go with Valium/Diazepam or Xanax/Alprazolam? We decided to go the Valium route.

I also got my Topamax/Topiramate increase. Up from 200mg to 300mg. It’s hard to say which is the most important: managing the anxiety, sleep or trying to somehow get the Bipolar managed with the AC increase as they are all tied together. But playing with the AC is the one that’s a little more complicated. I again reiterated that that Lamictal/Lamotrigine was just too slow of a titration and it’s too “prissy” of an AC. It was added as an adjunct for me anyway. My Topamax and I have had a beautiful relationship for years and I can handle a faster titration.

Erm…titration? No titration. Spare no expense…we’re going straight up to that 100mg.

Now everyone! *PA claps hands* May I have your attention please!

I would never tell you how to manage your treatment with your physician/s but this isn’t really… *sigh* …”irresponsible?” It’s not…”unsafe.” Necessarily? It’s perhaps…”unorthodox?!” “A bit risky?!”

Slower titrations are always best. Especially if you have NEVER been on the med before. Especially if…wow, so many reasons why you really should not make a huge jump like this. I thought about not doing it but I know the med, I know what could happen? I am under a medical care. It’s not like I’m just doing this myself. We both agreed since I was deteriorating so quickly, unravelling to such a degree…go for it. I need help now.

This could be interesting? Also, I said to him I think I shall do it in a divided dose! Oh, yes we surely agreed on that one. Let’s not blast my brain with it all in one shot!

With any increase in an AC I could have some silly seizure activity reoccur. However, I’m already cranked on seizure prophylaxis whereas I wasn’t before and I don’t give a shit. I need to get stable. The loss of appetite and…loss of weight! I’m already fucking tiny enough! My appetite is still fine and my stim didn’t cause me problems there so we’ll see. Nonetheless…just like now anyway: Eat PA! Eat!

So, holy fucking Med Head PA! The Seroquel is no big deal as I just need a sledgehammer to knock me out as I am not getting enough sleep. The benzo? Let’s see if Valium can work well enough for me. The fucking “jump right up” Topamax? Again, that might be kind of interesting. I might be pretty much in La-La-Land until my brain gets used to that. God, taking benzos too during the day?

Well…thank goodness my doctors have faith in me and I have faith in them. I’ll be picking up all the scripts tomorrow but I think I might wait until the weekend to give them all a go. Except maybe the Seroquel as I have enough on hand at home to increase.

You know, I hope this will help. I really bloody well need it…help! I even feel maybe just a tiny bit better…just knowing that we’re going to try? That someone is willing to listen?

Okay, here’s the Tube dedicated to my medical team…they and it…oh, tears…