Archive for April 30th, 2008

My battery is starting (was? HAHAHAHA!) to go but wait? I had no flippy, floppy, freaky, whippy, dippy clue what was going to happen today so I packed my laptop bag with a bunch of stuff.  I mean, I even brought a few anime DVDs in case I was going to be stuck doing nothing.

But that just goes to show how PAs thinking is working (or not) these days.  Because she obviously had lots to do.  Still.  So, I just yanked out my three anime DVDs to dig out my POWER CORD!!! And for some odd reason, I’m sitting beside a power bar.  Okay, baby MacBook is now charging.  Shit, PA could now spend all night in the pub because the floaty wifi is still kickin’!

But staying here all night would not be good.  No.

What else is also funny is that because I packed my DVDs, I also tucked in my remote.  Okay, because I would have nothing to do at work I could use it to watch movies! PA you are so stupid.

Actually, one “unstupid” thought was to go across the street to a bar/restaurant where they do have “free” internet access (like I’m not getting it already because Macs are smart–at least where I live?) so maybe take a break, fuck around?

This is hilarious.  I mean, it’s a pub.  I’m not in some fancy pants internet cafe! But I’m a regular.  I can do whatever the fuck I want here.  I’ve sprawled out, all over the chairs with my iPod on and just baked out.  At times, my drink has been on the table before I’ve even sat down.

The only question now is…what do I do if I have to go to the bathroom? Or if I want to have a smoke? Undo everything? Pack it all back up, put baby MacBook to sleep and then haul everything out again? HA!

Okay, it’s the bladder vs. nicotine challenge!

Well, I made it through today.  Day one of “the funeral” as I called it in my analogy? I didn’t freak out or cry or anything. *PA bows/kneels to her Valium*  Not to mention I was just so busy! I mean…wow, the things that you can accumulate on a computer over time! And let’s not forget that for several years I did not have one at home.  So that meant I had to use my one at work for everything!

I tried to get through it all as best I could but by late in the afternoon I think I was starting to go blind.  And now here I sit typing up this? And guess where? HA! I’m out in a pub having a pint! Oooooohhhhh Nnnnnooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let’s not destroy new baby MacBook all over again!

It’s alright.  I’ve got it all set up properly.  I am as cocooned as I can possibly be.  NO ONE IS GETTING NEAR ME!!! And I’m certainly not going to spill my own drink on it.  I don’t care if I was so exhausted since I’d been up with no sleep for a month straight.  No way in hell.

So there is still more to do as far as my computer but one of my bosses took pity on me and just sent me home.  Come back tomorrow as I need to anyway and pack away all of my personal items.  Ugh.  That’s going to take a while too.  Throw everything in boxes and I will certainly have to take a taxi home.  There will be no way I will be able to take public transit home! Good lord.

I took a bit of a break here and there and popped down to one floor and said some “goodbyes.”  Again, Bless You Valium.  Weird.  Some people were shocked, some were sad, some seemed…oh, really…kind of like “ersatz friend.” Oh well.  Maybe they were having a bad day.  At least polite, little PA said goodbye as she liked them.  There are still so many more I’d like to say goodbye to.

So, I have to go back to hack away at things tomorrow.  I am kind of wondering if I won’t feel so “numb” then.  Yes, I have decided that numb is winning over knackered, although I am both.  When it is all completed…well…then I might feel…who knows what?

Hence my appt. with Merlin #1 on Monday.

And speaking of “feeling?” Or not feeling…? Or erm…? Hacking away at things? Oh, maybe that last one was too much…

A change in cutting patterns.  Yes, I’m just slipping this in at the end.  Things got a bit too stressy and out of control last night and so did I.  Ran a bath, grabbed “my knife” and did some small lacerations on my left thigh.  Nothing serious (I mean in “damage” but it’s a fucking cutting.)  Then I just laid back in the hot water…

This time was different, though.  After sitting and thinking, drinking (I can hear you Greybeard…) I actually planned it all out.  And it was my leg.  The body part? Well, maybe that is not such a big deal but this is the first time I have ever planned to cut.  It was not impulsive as they all have been before.  It was like, ‘okay…let’s finish my beer, go run the bath and do the cutting.  Let’s not make it that serious, of course.  I have to go into work to take care of things tomorrow!’


Okay, PA.  Try to keep it together…try to keep it together…