Archive for May 1st, 2008


It took me two whole days but I guess the “funeral” is over.  I finished cleaning up my computer and then packed away all of my personal items and…well, that was that.  That is that.

Yesterday’s post was “Knackered Or Numb.”  Well, I am still definitely knackered.  Numb? Maybe a bit but no…the pain of the grieving process is coming back.  Bad.  I am so grateful and happy I will be seeing Merlin #1 on Monday.  I hope my Valium/Diazepam lasts until then.  A refill should be at my pharmacy by now? I should call.

Bloody hell.  If not, I shall use them sparingly and go back to my “All Time Saviour” OTC Gravol/Dimenhydrinate.

When I finished everything up, I didn’t know if I wanted to pass out, throw up, cry or all three.  Instead, after I took my taxi ride home, I went to Grocery Man’s place and G. stopped by.  We all had a visit and dinner.  I thought it might be a good distraction instead of sitting alone here all by myself and completely wallowing in depression.

So…a few whiskys and some pizza later…

I walked home in some damn cold temperatures and a bit of rain.  Oh, even the weather is being me!!! I am still a bit sick too.  The first opportunity to see a doctor at this new Walk In Clinic in my neighbourhood would have been tomorrow because all of the work stuff but I am soooo tired.  I feel like I just want to sleep for 40 years.

I guess I’ll see how I feel when  wake up? Maybe a good, full weekend of rest will finally put this beast down? Wow…this is crazy sick! That is why I am rather concerned if it is bacterial but it’s up and down like this, perhaps, viral? Because I am so stressed and out of it…maybe I just can’t fight it? I mean, I think today was the first time I actually ate in…what…two days?

I know.  That’s not good but I have just been so upset and having a hard time dealing with things.  When things get like this, self care (like eating?) goes out the bloody window!

So I think I need to rest now.  Yes.  Try? And…well, I was going to say not to cry but no…I should cry my eyes out until they just stop if I want to, yes?

I have your comments–yes–and will get back to you…as soon as I can.  Promise.