Archive for May 22nd, 2008


Don’t worry, my two other responders…the posts…I have you, I hear you… Anyone else–I’ll catch you too? Or if anyone takes a look at PA? I’ll get you. No problem. I always respond.

I’m not sure what to say. Merlin #1 was okay today. I mean, how could he not be? He’s a love. I’m…me? My sleep sucks so we’re upping the Seroquel/Quetiapine to 150mg for a bit.

He also said he was looking at my ADD “files” (that I supplied to him) and said, “Well, this isn’t really going to help you with all of the mood stuff too. Your ADD is just adding to it.”

PA Comedy Aside: ADDing to it…groan…

I was, like: ‘No, shit Sherlock.’

But, really. Merlin #1 knows my Bipolar and my ADD and yes, as I told him today–it’s a double-barreled shotgun loaded to my head right now. He didn’t disagree.

I said to him that I still had some of the 25mg tabs so we could use them for the 1,000mg dose that we just prescribed. It took me a minute to realise what I said 1,000MG of Seroquel!

I laughed and said, “Oh, did I say that? Should we get the horse tranquilizers out?!”

He laughed too.

The big question is, why am I sitting listening to my iPod with my headphones on when I have my iTunes collection on my MacBook

Despite technology and PAs body (and you all know it is falling apart–that is PAs body, not technology–if you’ve been reading for long enough anyway) she’s becoming paralytic. Basically?

EDIT: This song could not have hit at a better (or worse?) time for me or a few other bloggers I know and…maybe a post on my mind.

Weird how Shuffle works?

Do you want to know what it is?

Here’s the damn song that I was talking about that made me feel… Well, you’ll just have to wait as all the little boys and girls have their feelings about this one, eh?

You’ll just have to ask PA…maybe she’ll she’ll tell you…?…this time…this moment…and the last time…?


I doubt that I will be able to read any (?) comments that may come in before my appt. tomorrow. It is around midday? Lunchtime?

I spoke with P., my friend whom I met while in hospital in spring of last year. I told him about the cuttings I had done after I had lost my job. He asked me if I had told Merlin #1. I said that I didn’t. P. told me that I should, no matter how awkward, painful and how difficult it may be as it was important to “our” treatment. He said that there were many things that he was reticent to speak to his doctors and psychiatrists about but eventually did because he felt it was necessary for his own health and healing.

I am still hesitant.

I don’t want to tell Merlin #1 about my two cuttings (or attempts or whatever) and furthermore my alcohol consumption since my job loss. There are a couple of reasons for this.

The first is that everything goes on record, in file and I do not like that!

The second is that… Well, after everything went down, my doctors never asked about any of it. That is not to say they are not bad doctors. I love my medical team! However, I did find it strange after such a crisis that such questions were not asked.

However, I did tell my GP about the one cutting due to the wacky (what I believe migraine-drive-me-over-the-edge-possibly-WTF-mood-destabilsation-bullshit.) She just said, “Erm…talk to neuro…? See what he says!” And that’s fair. He is my specialist.

But the other cuttings? *sigh*

The drinking? Oh, come on! When you have a self medication hx with alcohol that goes back 18 years, do you think that losing your job, might just…oh, I don’t know…make you want to drink?

And I know, I know…

I hear you all: “PA STOP DRINKING! STOP DRINKING!”

Yes. I know.

I’m not getting down on my knees and saying, “Please, can you blame me?” It’s (perhaps) just a simple (point of) fact. And I do applaud each and every one of you who has stopped drinking and who has become sober, regardless of whether you have a mental illness or not. Excellent.

Where I live, someone who has a mental illness and a substance abuse problem, it is called: “A Concurrent Disorder.” Good Bloody God. The last thing I need is to be thrown into some rehab program/hospital (Cue: Amy Winehouse) while I am trying to find a job!

As for meds to “make” me stop drinking? Like my cocktail isn’t pretty enough?

Well, we’ve got Antabuse/Disulfiram. The idea behind this drug is that if you take it and you drink, it should produce some sickly effects, make you feel hungover…blech.

Now if you click on the link and read a bit…oh, my! It acts on Dopamine in a serious way! If you are on stims, you can not take this drug! Oh, yeah. PA on her stims, drinking away and taking Antabuse. Let’s just call the Ambulance right quick!

Then we can move on to Naltrexone. It’s different. It deals with Opiod Receptors that are…whoo! Sorry, kids. A lot more to do with alcohol in terms or substance abuse.

But to keep it short, Antabuse will (or should) make you feel like shit when you’re sitting a pub drinking down your first pint and Naltrexone should keep you from wanting to drink at all.

As far as my interactions with Naltrexone? Probably fine (I’m not doing an interaction checker–piss off…) I’m not going on it anyway. Fer bloody sakes! My meds plus the booze are probably more than enough without adding another synthetic chemical, eh?

And I still hear you…

I told you CheddER come and get me…