Archive for June 4th, 2008

Apart from my bloody Kuntitude, I am going berserk and mad as “Fix Me Up” mentioned a place where I can get free business cards.  That is a very good thing.  Especially since I believe I will be attending a rather…well VERY large, publicity…no, it’s a huge media related event.  Hey…it’s fucking on television.  I still have to check with the person who got the tix/passes but I’m sure we’re going.  We talked about it and yes…great “Networking” opportunity? So, I’m trying to get these damn business cards designed but they’re all fucked because they have a traditional “design.”

Erm…  Hi, I’m unemployed.  So…well, I need to come up with something for the “white space.”  Along with everything else that I need to do.

At least tomorrow’s session is in the afternoon? It doesn’t mean that I still can’t show up in the morning.  So I’m trying to be all wordsmithy and wordcrafty to do something to…catch peoples’ attention? But not make me sound like a total, fucking dork.

I’m out and at 6% battery.  Sorry to the lovely commenter that came in to the post from waaaay back.  I’ll get back to you as soon as possible.  I really liked your comment and yes…will definitely respond.  For sure, I have some things to say.

I just have to get this out right now as my brain is…argh…

I don’t want to keep complaining.  All I am writing about is my fucking job search bullshit.

I should link to one blogger in one of the most recent comments but another site run by M.D.s wants to link to me as a blogger!

Whee! Gee, if I could only make a living like this, eh? So far, this is number three…that I know of?

Yes, “Kuntitude.” sodajerk gets credit for that one. I have to admit, I do like the term. He also came up with…what was it? “Social Retardicus?” Yes, I think that was it. We joked that it was a poke/silly turn of phrase on Spartacus.  It was.  We went even further and wondered if Spartacus had issues dealing with people and social situations.  I suppose “Social Retardicus” could fit as well for what I did last night, as I certainly lost my social graces completely!

I have apologised on my blog before. To others? Well, for offending them but definitely unintentionally if I did so. I have definitely apologised to myself countless times on this blog before!

Last night. I am not proud. I sent someone an email and it was terrible. It was the most Passive-Aggressive piece of shit. I knew it was the most awful communique I could have sent to someone the exact second I hit the “Send” button. However, you can’t recall emails after they are gone. Well, sometimes you can with certain applications but not gmail!

I apologised to the person as soon as I could this morning. Fuck. I still feel unhappy about it and myself as well, although all is resolved and fine?

PA doesn’t do Passive-Aggressive. In fact, she can’t deal with it very well at all. When someone pulls it on her…it’s just…it blows her away. Granted, PA is full of forgiveness so she will accept the behaviour. I suppose it will just wear her out when it becomes an ongoing form of interaction with someone. However, PA does not act like that.  She isn’t Passive-Aggressive at all. *sigh*

aikaterine gave PA some choice advice when she (or anyone else) screws up. This was back when PA was screwing up royal. Perhaps she still is?

The advice was to treat yourself as a child. Be gentle with yourself and take on the role of a mother and sort of say, “It’s alright. You made a mistake. It’s okay.” That’s sort of the gist of it. A way of not being so hard on yourself and being like a young and naive child, you can still grow and learn? You can be forgiven? It’s not like saying you’re a wee, infantile thing with an underdeveloped brain! It’s not like saying you are completely stupid or clueless in any way.

Sorry, aikaterine if you’re reading this and I am misquoting you; getting it all wrong. I hate to pass along “advice” and screw it all up!

So in my forgiveness that I was given by this person for being such an asinine piece of lower humanity, it made me wonder if other people are capable of doing this with people–even if they are unaware of it?

One thing I do know is this: some people are a lot more forgiving than others.

I still feel like I fucked up. However, that is me: “The Queen of Guilt.” I suppose I haven’t, nonetheless? I can not change what happened. I can not turn back the clock. Whether it be this instance or all of the other things that I have done that I wish that I had not. The thing is, the majority (if not all) of the things I would like to be able to undo are things that I have done to myself. I do not treat other people in ways such as I did last night.

I always like to say “I have no regrets.” True, you can learn from everything but I do not like to say that you can learn from hurting others. I have no regrets about hurting myself. That I can learn from and I did hurt myself over this. But it involved another person–and in a really shitty way–that I do regret and what can I possibly learn from that?

Oh well…this might give us all a wee laugh to get through the day.  I’m actually wearing a lavender top and a skirt today! I know.  The skirt…black.  And it’s not so bad to actually be wearing a skirt after all of these years.  But lavender! Holy crap! When have I ever worn lavender???