The Devil in the Bottle Part II


PA, YOU STUPID FUCK.

Oh, I’m paying for it now.

Mood =

I’ve even been contemplating cutting! Oh, for joy!

I’m trying to ascertain if I had a bit of mood cycling, winginess over the last 24 hours but does it really matter? For here is where I sit. Stuck. Last night is over. Still, I was either pretty ADD hyper or Bipolar hypomanic. My energy levels just seemed way out of range. Hell, I could have been both! I’m not kidding. Let’s hear it for the fun of comorbidities. However, now that I’ve plummeted…? Ugh.

I’ve just taken my sleep meds and it’s ridiculously early. Don’t know what to do with myself (except keep screaming in my head what an absolute asshole I am.) I know, I know…maybe a lot of you reading out there might be joining in as the chorus?

I’ve also got good old “Mercyfuck” by Mary Prankster ringing away as a non-stop earworm as well. It’s a great one when you feel you’ve completely screwed everything all to hell and the world totally blows. It must surely hold the world’s record for someone singing/saying, “Fuck” the most times in any single song. No…Mary says, “Fuck” a lot in it. It’s a great song, though. I’d actually listen to it but it would just make me more depressed.

There’s no point. I mean, “fuck,” I’ve got it memorised anyway!

I could write more but it’s all rather muddled and pointless at the moment. And yes…comments pending. One of Anna’s is a bit longer so I would like to be clear for that.


  1. titaniumrose

    Just found your site, sort of via Greybeard, and wanted to say hello and I hope that whether it’s just the booze or if it is the bipolar/ADD thing I hope you kick it’s ass quickly and get to feeling better soon.

    Like

  2. I’m trying to stay away from the wine tonight, but a couple of trazodone will help me get to sleep. I just updated my blog. It’s emotionally raw.

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  3. i’m sorry things are so crappy. i understand. *hug*

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  4. Hi titaniumrose, welcome. Thank you for stopping by. I went to see Merlin #1 (number one of my psychiatrists) yesterday and had a good vent about it all. That seemed to help. As I said to him…just have to get back up on the horse.

    Feel free to come back anytime and join the hijinks!

    Hi mom, good to see you. I popped by and think I caught what you wrote and are/were referring to? Take care…

    Hi unfitting. Thank you for your understanding and always being there…here? *PA rolls eyes at loss of words today*

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  5. ): Feel better my lovely. I’m not doing so well either. Only good thing about bipolar is you know that no matter how down you go… back up you’ll go, too… *sigh*

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  6. Hi Brigitte, thanks sweetheart. True enough. I can’t remember–you and I speaking–well, I’ve discussed it with enough people here (and written about it) being an Utradian Cycler.

    It’s not exactly a “gift” to cycle but since I ended up Ultradian and cycling so bloody fast, it may be more of a “gift” in that sense.

    It’s like a tornado that whips through within 24-48 hours, basically. For me, that is. I am on the extremely far end of the Ultradian spectrum. So all you (I?) have to hope for is that the damn “tornado” doesn’t tear down your house and take everything with it when it leaves. Hopefully everything is in tact when it’s all over.

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