Archive for August 18th, 2008

Well, I certainly hope that I am not “Post-Postictal?” I am certainly bloody exhausted. It took me a while to get a taxi home and a bit of walking as the hospital is kind of in an odd place and even more odd was the fact that they didn’t have any hanging around the entrances. I’ve always seen that for people that aren’t well and need transport home. Or even to other facilities.

Okay, I’ve just awoken from some sleep (thank $DEITY!) I think last night was one of the worst nights of my life.

I’m really tired and will maybe have another lie down after this. I’m trying to get some food into me but I am still feeling nauseous. Maybe I’ll work on that.

So, here’s the basic rundown. I had some variable eye opening while trying to keep them closed all the while. The idea is to maintain a relaxed state and even try to fall asleep. Are you kidding me? I found it impossible to relax as I felt like such utter hell. My head was still pounding too. And of course I told my EEG buddy J. (this is my third with him now) all about my last seizure, the 72 Postictal state then, the one I had the other night with my right leg–probably important for contralateral electrode placment–and the fact that I was still Postictal and my symptoms of that. OMG, I must have sounded like a total junkie on the cheapest (or maybe even the most expensive) street drugs!

Again, bear in mind that this of course may mean nothing but it certainly was a hell of a lot more exciting than my two prior EEGs! Also, all the while my eyes were open and that is basically the telltale sign to differentiate Epileptic Seizures vs. Psychogenic Seizures.

Still…? EEG waves? Oh, screw you EEGs! You suck and you are not reliable!

Event Number One: I got some kind of rush of emotion where I felt “upset.” It’s hard to describe. Maybe a feeling of sadness? Then, I just completely burst into tears! No. I mean, I was really bawling. Well…not all sobbing and falling apart but it was a damn good boo hoo session! Some minor(?) twitching in my upper body and head a bit…but legs, don’t think so.

J. asked me if I was okay but I couldn’t or just didn’t answer. I don’t know if I was thinking, let’s just go on with this and do this or if I couldn’t answer at all…didn’t have the capability. I think it was more the latter because he came over and wiped my tears away with a tissue and then gave me one and put it in my right hand. My hands and kind of my whole body just felt sort of limp. I felt the tissue but it was like it was just “resting” there. Like I couldn’t hold onto it and if it fell–so be it.

Event Number Two: I felt some serious Epigastric Rising. This is a standard type of Simple Partial Seizure. But it was like…holy…I feel really sick. More, twitching all over re: upper body and head–maybe more to my upper legs and I just started making these, “…ugh..ugh…” sounds. I mean, WTF??? I don’t think J. even bothered to ask me if I was okay at this point. Ah, am I seizing or just being Ms. Ultra Spaz?

EDIT: I forgot that at this time I also felt like I had to go to the bathroom too–that was weird.

Event Number Three: Oh, the hallmark strobe! With only the third increase in frequency, my eyes shot wide open and it was a fun and delightful twitchfest! I can’t remember but the same…a bit of head, maybe eyes–probably–upper body and maybe legs too?

Now, at that point, again J. didn’t bother to ask if I was alright and just stopped the whole bloody procedure! I thought…okay. The strobes I’ve had in the past have gone on for around six times with increased frequency in their flashing!

I basically asked him with that one, “So, you got what you wanted with that one? The strobe? Is that why you stopped?”

He just said, “Yep.”

Alrighty, then.

Hmmm…I still have no fucking clue what to say about this. Although, considering last time when I told him that the strobe made my eyelids flicker a lot more than my first one, we looked at the amplitude of the changing frequency of the light and my beta waves. This time around–no peeking at my EEG! He just said my neuro will tell me! Eye flickering is pretty normal with a strobe. What’s more the issue is if you actually seize!

Again, not reading into anything. Maybe I was just being ridiculous and what not but I didn’t feel like I was “faking it” or anything! I mean, I didn’t feel like I was trying to “make myself” cry or feel a weird, disgusting rise in my stomach, have a light freak me out and then start shaking with all of these things.

However…maybe the EEG will still show nothing. I may have just been wiped out, overtired and somehow shit did manifest itself in a Psychogenic manner. Psychogenic Seizures do exist–people aren’t “faking” them. It is just that they are not Epileptic by nature and those that have them do not respond to ACs. However, the conundrum is, quite a few people with Epilepsy can have Psychogenic Seizures too!

Therein lies the rub?

We talked afterward and he asked me what I thought. Yes, he knows that “Dr. PA” is Geekus Maximus. I mentoned all of the business of the Psychogenic jazz, my eyes were in fact open (and just as an aside, they always have been for every seizure I’ve had) I explained how the others felt, the study I read about residual Ictal behaviour (EEG wise and maybe even seizure wise) within 48 hours of being Postictal. Things like that…

Then we bid each other adieu and I came home. I passed out for a few hours. I’m still exhausted and need more rest. Probably more sleep too! If I did seize then now more Postictal bullshit? Or it’s the same from the last? I don’t know…I just am so tired and I feel like crud.

I have to meet with a Headhunter tomorrow afternoon. My darling “Researcher” said I should maybe call in sick but fuck… I already had to cancel once! “Researcher” always seems to know what’s best for me though! I do not take good care of myself for sure! So maybe I can get up tomorrow and see how I feel.

What to eat that’s not too barfy…rice? Soup? Wow…too tired (and nauseous) to even care.