Last night I had a bit of a flip out.  I seemed to sink into a pit of Depression, felt like cutting…oh my frickin’…

No, I didn’t.

I slept.  I woke up.  Felt semi-human but then?

Later on something very strange happened.  A somewhat “newer” form of dissociation? I just lost any manner of focus or thinking…  Stop.   Stare.  Everything comes to a halt.  Can’t move.

Different from the DP/DR experienced with my seizures.

I went out with P. for dinner.  I didn’t know if I could make it or not.  I thought it would prove a good distraction and it did.  But now that I am alone again, I have slipped back into that place where I was earlier.

My brain is fucked.

Too much “stress?”

Thank you folks for the lovely comments recently.  I will respond as soon as I can.  Hopefully tomorrow as I need–fuck, again NEED–to get going.


  1. Wulfgar

    Love ya kiddo!

    Like

  2. Hi Wulfgar, thanks buddy…right back at ya!

    Like

  3. Arkay

    (((((((((((platonic hug))))))))))))).

    Wishing you some clear focus, and good distractions to get you through the next couple of days. (please stay strong on the not hurting yourself)

    Like

  4. Hi Arkay, thanks honey. Hugs always appreciated! I think my focus has started…is starting to come back? Erm…still struggling with what day it is, as having a job and such has always given me the structure I need.

    Not to mention that beautiful “Researcher” is far away so the zones are screwing me up *laughing*

    Regardless…

    *PA checks what day it is*

    Yes, Monday, August 25…

    The whole brain craziness was somewhere around…? Well, yes…around the weekend so for whatever reason…just give it some time? That’s what my “Researcher” said. She knew what was going on with me, even though I couldn’t express it to her at the time…I am so lucky for her.

    I did have some distractions over the weekend too–way to read my mind! I went for dinner with P. and then as I wrote, I met with J. to review his bio that I wrote and shoot his photo. So, indeed…that got me out of the house and gave me something else to focus upon even though I was still pretty fuzzed.

    And NO. No, hurting myself. I have to hang on for getting a job. And my readers as you and everyone else…and my “Researcher…”

    Strength?

    Like




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