Archive for October 6th, 2008

Only this time I had to go back to the store? Meaning, it didn’t happen twice in one night.

And note: A special thank you to Arkay who is encouraging me to keep writing about my seizures.

That’s right.  I had another seizure last night.  At least I was at home so I could go lie down in bed, just in case anything freakishly weird happened.  And as mentioned before…why the hell was I so bloody angry in the post I wrote beforehand? Well, prior to seizures, a flood of emotion can occur.  Once before with one, I had the most intense surge of panic, it almost seemed to border on terror.  Almost.

I was very upset after this happened.  I am still upset.

My seizures have never “upset” me.  That may have been because all of my prior Simple Partials were very predictable in nature and they were stopped with a medication change.

Now? The increased frequency? I mean, three in one weekend?

I am on my period.  I have previously mentioned Catamenial Seizures and Migraines.  Basically, that means what I have just written–they occur when you are on your period.  The others of late? At least I have a record of everything here.

And same drill basically as the last ones on Friday? Or similar? I was lying down though so a bit hard to tell.

I also know that when you do some Anticonvulsant med tweaking, it can cause some seizure changes but we made the med changes because of the change in seizures.  Not to mention, I made the med change a while ago.  Any changes after a tweak are brief.  At least as far as I know.  They were when we increased my Topamax/Topiramate years ago.

I am still upset.  Am I frightened?

Well, no.  I don’t think so.  I mean, it’s uncontrollable.  It’s like me being Bipolar.  I could be triggered at any time so what do I do? Lock myself away in my flat and never communicate with the rest of the world? Toss baby MacBook in the trash along with my mobile, landline phone, television, DVD player (…you get it.)

Or, still going outside as the most often example given, be afraid to cross the street for being hit by a car?

Nonetheless.  I’m still very upset.  I’ve never felt this way about my seizures before.  Even in “Two for One Special,” I was being very cavalier about it all.  Not so much now.

Even my favourite, fucking Cowboy Bebop couldn’t make me feel good when I came home and had some dinner…

Fuck me.

And you haven’t even seen the post I started to write before this.

I’d better bloody well log off now.

And yes…I’ve taken my meds. *rolls eyes*

Now I just have to sit around and wait for something to fucking happen.

Hopefully soon because I can’t stand feeling like…whatever.

We’re all mental, we all get it or we don’t or we do or we each have our own.