Not “Stoopid Guvmunt” and I Lost It

Madame Depressiva© Speaks:

Today, I applied for “Government Assistance.”  Yes, money.  But…no money.

I awoke extremely depressed…I guess my post from yesterday may have been right.  Doing this has caused me to sink?

And speaking of said post, apparently my brain didn’t pick up its voicemail that I left it:

*PA dials number to her brain*

“Bugger off, go take a long walk off a short pier, dig your own stupid grave and not mine, Depression.  Thank you.  I would appreciate that very much.  No need to return my call and I hope you’re having a great day! Oh, yes.  One more thing? Would you mind passing the same message on to Bipolar and ADD? Again, thank you very much and have a great day.”


*PA hangs up receiver*

Well, at least I got a message recording and not just a busy signal.

I’m trying to decide if I can type up everything that needs to be said.  Or that I want to say.  Or that, again, “needs to be said?” I have to back date the post anyway so who cares? I should sleep though.

I don’t know.

Point Form?

I feel like I’ll just be leaving you all hanging.  Okay, let me try and do all of this.  I’m tired so it will be a bit short? Maybe? I am verbose so hey, I might even get going!

I went to the office to apply for the “Guvmunt” Assistance/Lack of Money,” today and fought back tears all the way.  When there, I “applied” via computer and didn’t speak to anyone.  I wondered if I could have done it at home but I was such a wreck (and had a lot of questions because of that fact), it was probably better to do there.

And it was.  I did have a lot of questions.  And they were so nice.  They were young.  Well, younger than PA but so eager to help!

I thought I would speak to someone after filling out everything on the computer but no.  At that point, I became more confused than I already was.  I “just lost it” as my Post Title says.  I just started bawling in the middle of their office.  I started meandering off about my situation…rambling on…

…fucking pathetic…

Yes.  No.  Depressed.  Stressed.

I could barely make it home on transit.  I was still fighting back tears and my legs were shaking.  People were staring at me so it must have looked like there was something wrong with me (i.e. some kind of disability or just who the hell knows what?)

I won’t even go on to the rest of my night.  Just say two seizures but I’m okay.  I wouldn’t be typing this if I wasn’t, right?

Yes, Madame Seizurella© waltzed, and danced, and flopped and shook.  It’s alright, no one noticed.

I’ve got Merlin #1 tomorrow.  That is probably good.  No, definitely good? I can tell him how much I feel like a piece of shit?

I’ll end now.  I’ll post proper and have some food, yes, and then go to bed?


  1. t

    Oh PA hugs to you my dear.


  2. Bed, food, sounds good. *hugs*


  3. Talk to your psychiatrist about helping you start the process to get on disability… it can take a few (six) months, but at least the option will be there if nothing else happens.


  4. Hi t, thanks hon.

    Hi Immi, thanks for the hugs. Yes, I did just that and crashed. I slept late, no interruptions re: job calls and such. I am a post-ictal pice of poo though and I need to get some things done for tomorrow when I have to meet with the “new” Headhunter.

    Beyond that? I really haven’t done much today.

    I don’t have a printer so I need to either burn my resume on a disk or toss it on a thumb drive. You know, those little tiny ones. I bought some recently. Then, I’ll have to go to a print shop before the appointment. Maybe I’ll do both just to make sure!

    Why? Never go off to any interview without bringing a copy of your resume! For example, when I was on the phone with the woman before, she said she couldn’t find it! There is a place down here that should be able to do it so I’ll leave extra early.

    Hi Gabriel…, thanks for the suggestion. Yes, I’m not quite sure how all of this works as I have never been in this situation! And it’s not like I “can’t” work. No, actively applying…dammit! Please let something come!

    I’ll need to check out whatever the hell I did yesterday and then…? Yes, what may be options for afterward. However, hopefully I won’t need them? I have a friend that works in that sort of field so he can help me out and already has with what I did yesterday.


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