Archive for November, 2008

Blessed be, my course is done! We talked about some rather useless things and if you can believe it PA, the obsessive note taker, only scratched down a few lines! Well, maybe more than a few but only out of sheer boredom.  So, Hallelujah!

However.  The final assignment is actually due in two weeks or less and can be emailed to the instructor.  You know what that means.  Little Miss “Dog-on-a-Bone” when she’s trying to fix something…you just know I’ll be back touching the damn thing within the next two weeks! Trying to tweak stuff…fix the things I couldn’t before.

And I said I was done with it and I didn’t care anymore! *PA shakes fist in air*

My friend J. and I went out for dinner to “celebrate” everything being over and me being able to reclaim my Saturdays.  True, I do need to focus all of my time on finding a bloody job!

It’s funny.  J. has just started taking Citalopram/Celexa and his appetite has increased exponentially.  To what exponent I have no clue but I swear, if I didn’t know any better, I would have thought he was on the dreaded Zyprexa/Olanzapine! As the joke goes, you gain n pounds just by filling the script.

Oh, my god.  I was starving constantly no matter how much I ate and gained about 20lbs.  Compared to a lot of people, that’s getting off easy.  Although, it gave me the best sleep ever! Well, my Seroquel/Quetiapine is pretty awesome too! Just no insane, uncontrollable hunger and no weight gain (at least for me.)

I was only supposed to be on the Zyprexa for a brief period anyway so I marched right in to Dr. Asshole’s office (I was seeing him at the time) and said, “NO MORE!” It had gotten to the point where I needed an entirely new wardrobe.  Screw that.

So immediately after J. scarfed down his dinner (and I was about to explode after barely managing to finish mine) he says he needed dessert! I told him there was a place just a couple of blocks away that should satisfy him.  Monstrous portions of the sweetest things ever.  He just about died when he saw the slice of chocolate cake he ordered.  He begged me to help him.  I grabbed another fork and tried–although my tummy felt like a massive Helium balloon.  However, loaded with rocks so I couldn’t float away.

After that, off to another pub up the street that actually has little television screens in the booths.  The music was rather loud so it was hard to hear but we changed the channel and as the two geeks we both are, became engrossed (or I did anyway) in a Star Wars marathon that was running. *laughing*

We finally decided to call it a night.  I was so, so tired.  I came home, made my quick (almost forgotten) post and then just crashed.

So, this is all rather boring, indeed.  My posts tend to be these days.  My life tends be.  No.  My life is stressfull, hellish, depressing, panicky, full of anxiety and fear…at least my meds are holding and I don’t seem to be cracking up too much these days.  No, it’s true.  I’ve been having “moments” where I have not been so well at all.  They have not been prolonged so I guess that is good? Still, my moods are shifting as time continues to march along here.  I can feel it.  And I don’t like it.

I’m exhausted (obvioustly.) It’s late (obviously–sorry…backdating…)

I really couldn’t care if the world ended right now.

No, really.  Would it matter? Ask yourself? You’d just be blown away to bits and you wouldn’t even know it?

Fine by me at this point.

Oh, yeah.  Done like a burnt piece of steak? I feel like I need to take a thousand showers.  But the what-the-fuck-ever-pseudo-piece-of-web-something-thing is: DONE! At last as far as I’m concerned.

We still have another class tomorrow so some more “tutelage?” Well, as far as I’m concerned the instructor can just “toot right off!” I shouldn’t be so mean spirited.  No.  It’s just that it’s been another all day, all night, “joy of joys” time of trying to get this done.  And again.  It’s done.  I don’t care anymore.

Seriously, though? I think the content is the “shining” point as I do like to write.  However, there’s not much of that there either as even less CSS or (X)HTML…BWAH-HAH-HAH!!!

Immi was curious to see what I had done. What kind of bloody masochist is she? Well, I guess I can at least provide a wee bit here? All of the pages have the same layout (a two-column liquid layout–oooh, listen to me!) The entire font is red. And the background is all black. Except for one part due to the layout where the nav shows white space. I made a certain portion of the font above that white as well, stating that I had angelic qualities as wasn’t really the devil. Or at least I didn’t think so…erm…or…

Okay, fuck. I’m trying to do this quickly as WP ate my earlier post that I wrote! Again! Technology Fucking Sucks!

So, let me go and grab everything again…

Welcome to Hell


So, what do you think of that, everyone? Also, you’ll note that the Giger has the rollovers that taught me how to do it.  Something about title= or alt= or alt is an IE shit bug or I don’t fucking know.

Oh my god.  I can’t believe I’m still talking about this.  I think it’s because I’ve been so overloaded.

I mentioned in a comment that Gimp totally wha??? I must confess that I couldn’t and didn’t use it to resize good ol’ Giger up there and another photo I used elsewhere.  Do you know what I actually used? Fucking “Preview” on my Mac.  No, seriously.  If you need to quickly “downsize” (shudder…I’ve lost my job…) it’s awesome and you don’t lose any quality!

Anyway, fucking Gimp! I couldn’t get anything to go so I just closed it.  Oh, holy hell! All of my files and folders on my desktop and my fonts and shit were HUGE! And yet my dock had shrunken like a wool sweater tossed in the washer and dryer! WTF?!?!

I changed everything on baby MacBook’s Settings but I’m still looking at everything and wondering…I think my eyes have just been glued to it for way too many hours.  Fucking Gimp! What the hell?!


Oh yes.  Mumsy was pretty good tonight.  I told her about trying to get this damn project done, I sounded like death warmed over.  She was actually pretty supportive. *shrug* Eh, whatever about that.  Too tired to even think about family shit.

I’m the sort of person who likes to hear the bad news first and then the good news.

The ugly? It’s my mother’s birthday tomorrow.  I have to call her.  No, you don’t understand.  She elevates self-absorption to High Art.  She natters on and on and on where I can, in no way, get a word in edgewise–plus she is completely mental which makes it all the more fun.  Plus…I need to call her as I have to get some more information for the stoopid guvmunt. *sigh*

The bad? Dreamweaver has still been kicking my ass.  I came home tonight, determined to keep fighting and I actually threw a couple of punches back at the son of a bitch.  The bad is that I couldn’t really format (not that I even tried, nor cared) to place an H.R. Giger shot on my header.  I just plopped it there after I downloaded it.  If you don’t know know Giger, he did all of the art and creation and such for the Alien films.  Yes, creepy indeed.  Now you get a bit of the “look and feel” of my project? Look and feel.  Gimme a break.

The good? In “plopping” it into my header, I noticed it had a rollover.  Huh.  I just dropped it into the markup as any image you would normally.  How’d that get there? I fiddled a bit and hey! I have my rollovers for my nav items!

I mean, Cheese and Rice! I’d spent hours trying to figure out how to do it and it is dead fucking simple.  Yet, it’s not in the goddamn textbook!!!

It’s late.  Well, relatively? Baby PA is dusted and needs to go beddy bye.  I’ll get back to everyone’s comments tomorrow.  Thank you.  And more job applications as they were completely ignored between my project and going to see Merlin#1 today.

I should maybe try and eat something too but again…just dusted.

So, yes, I’ll be back tomorrow, kiddies.

Yes! The ones who thought I would be good at web design.  And yes.  You can tell I am stressed, pissed off, upset…whatever, when I start getting the goddamn profanity out.  Or maybe not.  I’ve got a decent enough fucking trashmouth as it is?

I’ve been working all day and all night on my school project and I finally decided to give up at about 2200hrs when I was basically reduced to tears? And then I started bloody twitching? Not to worry, not a stupid bitch-ass of a seizure again! But no…I tried to keep going with the ADD Hyperfocus.  Then I just about started crying again.

Time to stop.

Fuck, you know? It’s now like I’m being some lackadaisical slut! I am trying!

I have managed to get reciprocal links to pages, written my Home Page and my About Page but Jesus Christly Son of a Bitch (apologies Catholics…) I can’t get other shit to work.  I don’t know fucking how! I’ve downloaded code but it makes no fucking sense! I can’t do it!

Fuck me, I tried to move on to pictures tonight and that is what finally broke me.  And broke the stupid piece of shit page too.

Jobs? Oh, you silly jokers out there! You should all waltz into the stupid, fucking nuthouse with me right now! I looked at some briefly today but they were not suitable.  No, alternating between job applications and getting my ugly, fucking, intarweb, line-your-birdcage-if-it-was-hardcopy, “thing” done.

I can feel my stress starting to rise to epic proportions as I type this.  Gee, can it rise further? Merlin #1 tomorrow so the day blown pretty much there…well, evening time I’ll have. But no doubt I’ll be so deep in a hole of depression (already there!) what the hell will I get accomplished?

Fuck my life.

I’ve had this in my inbox for a bit.  It’s dated November 06 but it’s still online.

Thank you to the©

Now, I’ve felt pretty “flat” in my life before.  It’s called Depression.  However, I don’t think I’d really say “two-dimensional?”  As in…feeling like a cartoon character? Even though my life has been rather bizarre and felt like a cartoon at times–many, many times!!!


Okay, that is definitely something to ponder.  My “cartoonish” life’s existence and myself in its midst.  Yet that is for another day.  Most assuredly, indeed!

Another thing to note is that I also have an anime character as my avatar.  Hmmm…  Still, I don’t think I can relate to this guy….

I applied for a couple of jobs today (or at least inquired about one but actually applied for another.)  The rest of my day was consumed by my lovely friend Dreamweaver and my other pals (X)HTML and CSS.  Yes, I put in several hours and then…escaped to the pub!

However, I only ordered a Diet Coke with lime.  But then…this is kind of cute.

I met another fellow Geekster.  A very nice guy who (after a while) pretty much came galloping over when he saw my CSS textbook.  We both agreed to shut down out laptops and chatted for a while, geeked out totally and he bought me a drink.  I decided to buy myself another one as a reward for all of my hard work? Well, at least my “getting things to work?”

I don’t know if that’s a good idea with my finances but it’s only a few dollars.

I am constantly hitting “Save” with everything I do! No, it’s been crazy with every attempt up until tonight! Well, did something “break” tonight, too? Yes, I think so.  The only solution? Trash it all and start again.

Either way, I’m going to have to do backups for my backups, I think! So far, everything is managing to “stick.”  The damn code that I’ve downloaded…well, my template for my layout is very basic and the entire thing is…well, either ridiculously stupid in terms of content or…mildly funny?

The colours? Oh, the colours! No, there are only two.  Well, I’ve made a modification for only one.  If you are on WP, have a look at “dark9” and you’ll get it.  My header is: “Welcome to Hell.”  Yes, as you can tell, I am not taking my final assignment too seriously at all.  In all honestly, I just want to get the fucking thing done! At least my rollovers are fine (I learned that a while ago W00t!) Next?

Erm…  Well, content for the “Happy Nav Links!” I’m going to try some Breadcrumb shit.  That will probably look like my kitchen floor that hasn’t been swept in who knows how long.  I want some groovy “Pop Outs” too so I can be even more ridiculous.  I’ve downloaded all of the code for that and I think with all of it, it may just be a matter of nuking the guy’s butt-ugly colours! Because mine are all the same! EVIL! See next paragraph…

Too be fair, I did use the happy * for my “evil” text.  Because you are in hell.  If you aren’t on WP and can’t view dark9…take a guess what colour all of my text is.

So yes…my readers will be in hell.  Because I am too.

I’m deciding if I should try and work some more on it but it’s getting late.  Both my Geekster pal that I met and I agreed that you get to a point where you just have to give your brain a break.  So maybe more tomorrow.

Plus everything else.

Yes, on this day two years ago, “Patient Anonymous: Just Another Headcase” was born.  Actually, I think I can partially remember somehow in my own head but also due to the fact that Gabriel… at …salted lithium’s anniversary is so close to mine.  He writes some awesome anniversary posts. Mine simply can not compare.

This is all I that I wrote last year. Nothing special. Quite simple, indeed.

This post may follow along in that manner? Another blanket thank you? Well, as that previous post did say, there are too many people to thank and I would surely leave out someone! A lot of the content still fits as well–in fact, probably all of it.

My blog has changed quite a bit over the last year. Certainly not on purpose. I think it is probably more because my life has changed? Well, maybe not “changed” but the circumstances of it have. Is it the same thing? Does it matter?

Does it matter that my blog has changed? Perhaps only to a certain degree has it changed. And in thinking, it probably doesn’t matter if my blog has changed so much to that degree (to explain, that degree meaning taking on more of a psych/mental illness focus.)

Maybe all that matters is that it’s managed to survive for two years now! From we wee girl who never even thought she’d have one, much less one that anybody would care to read!

Thank you to everyone who does read, takes the time to comment…anyone out there who pays attention to wee PA.

Let’s take it to year three shall we?

EDIT: I tend to notice that these “post”-“ick”tal© posts are rather brief and pointless? I’m not sure.  Again, good for the record (my record.)  However, I think I may be a bit out of it sometimes after they happen when I am out and get home later.  I always say “I’ll tell you later” when I get home and write.  I don’t write about them then (usually) as my state of mind might be messed up.  Not uncommon in post-“ick”tal© states.

Just thinking about that today…otherwise, not thinking of much.  Pretty out of it (very tired) and a bit depressed.  A bit sick too but I ate.  Not uncommon for post-“ick”tal© behaviour.  I’m not liking it one bloody bit! Nor the seizures! Plus, some more post-“ick”tal,© odd dreaming? A very vivid one and I hardly ever remember my dreams.


Busy.  And happy seizure stuff?

But that was yesterday, so my clock says…I will tell you later.

Now I must eat something? And sort of hobble a bit (that tells you at least a hint…Simple Partial Motor…legs…)

See you later.

Again, it’s been a long time since I’ve done one of these.  It does follow on the heels of “How Did I Forget About These Guys?!” like The Mission UK that I last streamed.

This is Inspiral Carpets! Indeed…ringing bells from “The Manchester Scene?” Now riddle me this? Why the hell did only The Stone Roses stick in my memory? Nonetheless.

I’m thinking I should add a new Category for MP3otM so people will know what I’ve streamed but to go back and find all the posts? GAH! I’ve had MP3otM running ever since I’ve had my blog set up for two years now! Just to think of going back and finding everything (because I am just that precise that I couldn’t start from this post forward!)

Some of you may know all (or some) of these.  They were singles.  Some of you may not.

So here we have:

“This Is How It Feels”

“Two Worlds Collide”

“Commercial Reign”

I laugh so hard when people call the latter “Commercial Rain.”  Yes, it is “raining” advertisements…

Okay, to hell with it.  I’m making a Category for MP3 of the Moment from this post forward.  It deserves it.

EDIT: Alright, I think I managed to capture most if not all of the relevant MP3 of the Moment posts? At least going back to December of 2006? That should be decent enough to more forward, I guess.