Archive for November 3rd, 2008


Okay.  Things are not at all well in PA Land.

Wake up, another (like yesterday), depressed, hide under the duvet and never face the world morning.  Not an option.  Too much to do.  Drag myself out of bed! Meds, tea…all of that to try and get moving.

Listen to the messages on the phone.  A few I have been avoiding and one at least that I left for myself after realising that, ‘Oh, shit! The beginning of the month! Rent!’ Also, time for me to start doing whatever I have to for government assistance. *sigh* I didn’t do it though.  All online and I am avoiding it like everything else.

A response from a Recruiter that I had lost touch with (the one who got me my last job, ironically.)  Appointment with her tomorrow morning–thus necessitating early beddy time?

I emailed ex-partner.  We haven’t talked in months so I told her a “bit” of what’s going on which turned out to be an goddamned epic novel, anyway.

I spent too much time fucking around on the computer doing basically nothing.  I was all fritzy.  I took a Valium/Diazepam but I am finding that they are making me sleepy–not really reducing my anxiety? At least over the last couple of days.  That is not the desired effect, my wee pills.  I need to fucking calm down to work.  Not drift off and be more useless.

Errands.  Mail the bloody rent cheque! My landlords have offered me a reduction in rent until I can get a job? Then some sort of installment plan to pay things back? I thanked them very much.  However, I said I wanted to see how the government assistance worked out and even in the mean time, I may actually get a job?

I also mailed a cover letter and resume to some place that actually published an ad in a newspaper with no email…just an address.  And it’s a company (and not some bogus one–a law firm.)  Weird.  Anyway.  A bunch of other stuff too but I was all…well, some mild, almost paranoia…just all freaked out, I was shaking…  I am still feeling really like I’m just going to lose it and have taken another Valium.

I am PMS-y (PMessy?) However, I am not one of those women whose emotions really go wild with their hormonal changes.  Or I never have been!

Stress?

OMG…I feel like I just can’t take this anymore.

I heard back from my other Recruiter not long ago too about the interview and their “feedback.”  Apparently it had something to do with my interest in “Research,” and that wasn’t part of the job.

What.The.Fuck.

???

Excuse me.  That is one thing I am interested in and there is more in what I can and want to do.  More that I can offer to you.

Again, maybe a blessing in disguise if they are that dense? Still…I am getting poorer and poorer (both psychologically and financially…?) with every moment that passes.

I hope to god I am not cycling or beginning to right now.  That is the last thing I need to happen.