Archive for November 15th, 2008

Yep.  Here we go with another fun filled Saturday! And it’s pissing down rain for my travelling all over the place.  And I have to refill a script that I didn’t know about so I’ll have to leave early.  And I haven’t had enough tea.  ARGH! At least “I don’t have to do my hair…” *laughing*

I actually managed to mess around with Dreamweaver last night and kind of got a bit self-absorbed in it.  Well, no.  Self-absorbed isn’t quite right.  How about ADD Hyperfocused??? Yes, once I got started, I was stuck in it for hours.  Which is kind of a good thing but a bad thing at the same time.

Yes, a very good idea to just grab the guy’s code who wrote “stylin'” which makes life a hell of a lot easier but then I started to muck with the CSS (I’ve already created my fancy fugly design don’t you know.)  However, I think because I got so ADD Hyperfocused I forgot a shitload of what I learned and it dawned on me this morning just why the hell I couldn’t get something to work.  Oh…right…that was in another chapter…  And wait.  Something else? Instead of trying to do my edits for a wee thing on every…single…page… I can maybe do it on one? And my hyperlinks.  I think I know how to do those?

So.  As you can see, I am getting a little bit obssessive about this.  Even if I still don’t know what I’m doing.  Which again, is kind of a good thing because it needs to be completed tout de suite! The bad part? Good lord I have so many other things to do!

Which brings me to J.

J.(esus) Christ! He called me last night and was going on about dinner and what not.  Now, for some reason, he had it in his head that I was coming over on Sunday night.  I thought or recalled (but I can barely recall anything these days), we were going to discuss it and see how it goes.  This is my standard response of late.  It’s not because I don’t want to; it’s just because I am so freakin’ busy! Ideally, if I had the choice and my course this afternoon doesn’t actually blow my brain into smithereens, I would rather come home and work on my project.  I feel like I am getting a bit of a handle on it so there is some momentum going on here.

But no.  Sunday night is a wash as I have made plans to see an old friend whom I met all those years back from the workplace that screwed me over for being a mental case.  I can scarcely believe we are still friends as we met when I started there.  That was in 1990!

He has a job on the side that he does mostly on the weekends and sometimes in the evenings so it is virtually impossible for us to get together.  We make the plans but he always ends up having to cancel due to his side work.  Which is fine.  I completely understand!

I told J. this last night over the phone and he went dead silent.  Oh, fuck me.

I appreciate J.’s mental state is not good.  I explained all of the above but it just wasn’t good enough.  Still dead silence.  Oh, fuck me again.  I kept trying to tell him not to be upset and again, I completely understand that he too is going through hell trying to relive being a mental case over all of these years so he’s triggery as all crap. *sigh*

He finally started talking and told me what was upsetting him was that I wasn’t suggesting an alternate date.  Now, he knows how busy I am trying to do shit.  At least he’s employed, can work from home, has the luxury of even dicking around at home unless he is needed (kind of like being “on call.”)  I’m sorry.  I do not have those luxuries! I am busy all the time–until I fucking fall apart and start to lose it!!!

I told him that weekends were probably the best because should the sky part wide open, turn iridescent green and I get a job interview during the week, I may have to cancel or postpone and I “wouldn’t want him to get upset.”  So we’re getting together tonight after my class.  Well, holy shit! His mood turned right around, he was talking like a little kid at Christmas.  *PA shakes head*

He also told me he has a “pressie” for me.  Please don’t let him turn into another Escher.  I don’t think so but still.  I know he needs comfort and I am the only one he can talk to about his mentalness but when I heard (or didn’t hear…dead silence!) that I couldn’t be available.  Good god.