Why Am I Not Surprised?

I’m not feeling well at all today.  This can happen as a result of something else that happens.  No one knows why and no one ever has but everyone is placing their money on stress as they’ve increased.  Yep, I seized last night.  Boy, you guys are smart!

My left arm started to completely spaz out, I think I went into a rather immediate post-“ick”tal© sort of spaz out myself as I started yelling or something.  Pain? I think so too.  Hard to remember as I have been having some post-“ick”tal© amnesia, I believe.

I recall a commenter who visited a while ago with some symptoms and responded to a question I posed about pain with Simple Partial Seizures.  All I could find was a study done regarding the Parietal Lobe.  The results yielded for pain occurring were very close to what he described (I believe it was a male commenter.)  I laughed and said it was too bad I couldn’t find anything to do with my Simple Partial Motor Seizures.

It is not like me to make such vocal outbursts.  Although I do recall that after I wrote that post asking about pain, I had one that affected my legs and I was sort of lying on the floor crying out.  I think last night it was more to due with anger than anguish.  Perhaps not, though.

These stupid, annoying things.

So I got up today, took my meds, had something to eat and felt not so bad.  Now, here I sit feeling like crap.  I know my post-“ick”tal© patterns well enough when they occur (and for those reading that don’t know, yes, there is being immediately post-“ick”tal© after the seizure but then sometimes you can experience different things for possibly days in a post-“ick”tal© state.)

My eyes are a mess, photophobic and can not focus well.  My head hurts.  My tummy is upset and of course I have no Gravol/Dimenhydrinate in the house.  Stupid PA.  That is and always should be a staple around here! The last time shopping they didn’t have the proper form.  Should have gone out elsewhere.  I am tired.  My mood? Not so hot in that department but I think the fact that I can’t concentrate very well is overriding any problems there.  I don’t know.  I’m too bloody out of it to tell.  Still, probably my typical combination of Depression and Anxiety.  All of the above are “my standards.”

*PA pads off to take pre-emptive strike Valium/Diazepam as this post-“ick”tal© state hit rather quickly*

There, that may keep the lions at bay should they be released from their cages?

“Why Am I Not Surprised Part II?” Guess who shot me a brief email and then called twice today? Yes, J.  Wow, there’s no fooling you folks.

The email was brief.  He was drinking and a mess and…  I wasn’t going to call him as I am a mess.  However, I felt I should.  Reason being, the last thing he said was, “…a cry for help…”  You do not ignore such messages when someone says that.

He was all over the map.  He said he felt so out of place and a “nobody” at the Christmas Dinner Party.  He accused me of “monopolizing” the new guest R.  ‘Geez, we were only talking about her music for a bit and what we thought we should play! I mean, I was the one that “ran away” because I was so upset after dinner! I couldn’t deal with “the stress!”

Also, I had called him yesterday as I thought I saw his number on my call display.  He said it wasn’t! It was an older one! Well, I was just trying to be polite! So, that really wasn’t warranted either.

I tried to say whatever I could but explained that I seized, was post-“ick”tal,© so not so hot, myself.  We ended the call and I told him not to do anything stupid.  Self-harm isn’t his thing but even still.  Well, alcohol as self-harm, right? I made him promise to call me if things got bad (even though I’m fairly useless at the moment) or 911/Emergency Services.  He said he would do so and further, not “do anything stupid.”


My friend R. is home from London, England for Christmas, too.  I didn’t even know he was coming.  I just got the message the other day.  I need to call him so we can meet.  Don’t know if I’m up for it tonight, though.  Tomorrow, I guess?

*sighs again*


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