Archive for January 24th, 2009

So many people say things like: “People come into your life for a certain reason.”  Or here’s another one: “(Certain) People come into your life to teach you things.”  For some “reason,” these phrases bother me.

Perhaps it’s an interpretive thing I have with them (which sort of, maybe, kinda ties into another post I was thinking about writing today.)  My mind has been contemplating buying a ticket to get on the Asperger’s Train again but to write that post…it may be too long.  Perhaps for another time.  When I have more time.  I don’t today.  Not right now.

So my interpretation of those sentences and the ideas behind them.  Well, it is not that I don’t “understand” them verbally.  In a way.  Sure, someone can tell you about…well…okay, here’s a good example.  They practise a certain religion, faith or belief system that you know nothing about.  You can learn from that.  Alright.  Or, perhaps you share a common interest and they tell you something about that, you didn’t already know.

Those are very concrete examples.

Beyond that? I’ve had problems identifying other, maybe, deeper things “taught” to me.  Well…very negative things? Things that have left me in a complete, quagmire of confusion?

That may also be because of another “interpretive” factor.  When I hear what is spoken above, to me it means the people come in and out of your life for that very, express purpose.  That is all they are here to do.  And for me, that not only leaves me in a complete, quagmire of confusion but one that sucks me quickly and violently into a hole full of my abandonment issues.  Oh, yes.

These issues run oozing, deep and dark, fully throughout my entire body like all of my arteries, veins; even my tiny capillaries.  So, it’s some kind of what? Lesson and Leave? What have you really bestowed upon me that I should now take away and add to my arsenal of wisdom?

I’ll tell you what it is.  Pain.  More Confusion.  More Abandonment.

I will not disagree that there is much to learn in life.  I will not disagree that I make constant mistakes and sometimes the most ultimate faux pas that you would not believe! In so doing, when people leave my life, is the lesson I am to learn that…I should not make that mistake again? Not make that ultimate faux pas?

That’s kind of hard when you don’t realize that you’ve made it.  Even if you keep on making it.  And you still don’t realize that you’re making it.

Maybe this is taking me somewhat back to jumping on the Aspie Train after all?

I am trying to “learn” from people that are coming into my life.  And even should they leave? Well, I can’t say I won’t be left confused, still being sucked down into probably the worst, psychically, painful place for me ever.

Something did occur to me the other day.  Even if it came through a song.  It is derived from someone I knew in the past.  Maybe there are a couple of points here.  I don’t know.  Maybe it takes time for you to “learn” what others have “taught” you? After they leave?

Or maybe you have to “teach yourself.”

Song: “Nervous Breakthrough” by Luscious Jackson