Archive for January, 2009

The deadline for my newspaper article (and photo) was for today.  I was commenting with Margo or rather responding to her “congratulations” on me beating it. Heh. As the title of this post indicates, more work to be done!

Not on my article though. That was all neatly wrapped up with a nice bow on it from before.

I needed a cutline for my photo.  I had just woken up and taken my meds when I read the email.  Erm…best not to reply right away.  Go make your tea, PA.  I came up with a decent cutline.

My article is actually two words(!) over limit but let’s not split hairs (or words?) I needed those two extra words to have correct grammar.  Regardless, judging by the paper, it’s going to occupy a fair amount of space? Including photo? Then again, there are some larger articles there.  With photos.  I don’t care.  I’m done.

I was still given basically “free reign” to write whatever the hell I wanted and even my own cutline? And the style of my own photo cred? Yes, PA has a preference to her photo creds.

Ahhh…photographs.  This had been a discussion from the very beginning.  Meaning, do I give them one of me for my wee bio at the end? There also was the whole issue of using my real name.  However, my writer’s ego ultimately won.  I want my own name on the piece, dammit! No pseudonym!

This entire endeavor caused me a lot of thought as it deals with one of my head maladies and since my name was on it, should a prospective employer read it…? You see, it is illegal to ask about several things during an interview, health issues being one of them.  Thinking more about it, if they were such shitheads that they actually read it and wouldn’t give me a job (and it’s a nice piece–so the Publisher said) would I want to work for them anyway? Granted, I am desperate for a job!

Oh, and it’s published on the Internet so they could Google me and find it anyway! Employers may Google anyone they are thinking of hiring these days, you know.  No, I’m not kidding! So, they could find me there. *sigh*

Well, I thought I’d just go for it! Let’s just balloon out the layout some more and add a picture of wee PA, too! Thankfully I had a decent one that I took of myself not long ago so I didn’t have to go crazy and try and take one today! Definitely not in the mood for that.  It would have looked like it was some kind of article written years ago, simply change the tense of my bio and then it would have become “posthumous?”

So, sure enough.  Right down to the deadline.  Isn’t that how it works for all writers? *rolls eyes*

I’m sitting in the pub where I had the awful, awful, awful…(I know, could I say it any more?) seizure (well, two of them–Atonic and Complex Partial) on New Year’s Eve. If you want to read all the gory details, you can find out what happened here. However, I will warn you that PA got into major geek mode as there is a fair amount of Neurology jazz in it. That is basically because something very “different” and “scary” happened for me. Also, besides the research I wanted to do, it was so traumatic, I couldn’t really write about it for a bit after New Year’s Eve.  I did a little bit though so you can look at the rollovers on the dates for the month of January 2009.

So, I’m here for two reasons.  The bartender whose eye I just about took out…well, I wanted to give him at least a Thank You Card but I also bought him a gift certificate for a book store.  I also need a photo of the staff as the story that I am writing for the local rag is about people helping others.  That may blow some anonymity but who gives a shit.

Oh, I also wrote in the above link about being “banned” from the pub but I am not.  However…there is a grand debate as to whether I may be served alcohol here again! *laughing*

Actually, I walked in tonight and one of the servers came up to me and asked me if I wanted my regular pint of choice these days.  I was honest and told her the score.  Apparently she didn’t know?

I spoke to the owner as it’s his wife that is making the uproar and he said he wanted to speak to her about it all.  Fine. *shrug* He’s a real sweetheart, though.  Maybe he’ll manage to get me back off the wagon here.  Whoa! That’s a pretty funky sentence isn’t it? *laughing pretty hard*

So, sitting with my Diet Coke and lime waiting for this damn photo op.  The owner said everyone is “pretty busy.”  Are kidding me? It’s dead in here! It’s only going to take me what? A minute or two? Surely the patrons can live without the staff for that long… *rolls eyes*

Oh, and speaking of not being served: a) I think maybe a couple of regulars heard so fuck me, let’s hope some bloody gossip mill doesn’t start churning and b) Oh, the irony! This is the only place that I’ve had the goddamn “Spastic Elastic/Atonic/Kiss the Pavement/Complex Partial/Completely Lose It Seizures!”

In fact, I don’t seize every time I go for a drink anyway!!! Nobody knows why the hell I seize! I’ve gotten completely plastered about a 1,000 times and haven’t seized! Well, I don’t know exactly about that figure but you get it.  Anyway, I told them I understood about not serving me and if I feel like a beer I can always go somewhere else.  Well, I didn’t tell them that last part!

*sigh* I can not stand waiting…well, for something like this.  Taking a few pics.  I wanted to make sure I got the one bartender in the shot as again, I just about caused him “one-eye-blindness.”  This is the only night he works.  Plus, it’s quiet.  I may get less staff in the shot but to come in tomorrow or the next night (Friday or Saturday?) Yes, more staff but more busy??? Oh, owner! Where are you? *PA looks up frowning for 57th time*

They’re going to think I’m crazier than I already am! Well, I have a fucking deadline! That makes all writers/photographers crazy!

You know… No, you don’t.  Neither do I.  Well, I do.  Sort of.  Or not?

I’ve been poring over stoopid guvmunt documentation, applying for jobs until eventually falling over, then deciding how to shuffle off this mortal coil.

I am playing “Profession Ping Pong.”  Or better put: “Potential Profession Ping Pong?” The stoopid guvmunt program to go back to school…  You would not believe the work I have to do simply to apply! Not to mention applying for jobs.  I still need to do that so I don’t look like I’m just sitting around looking like I’m waiting to sponge off the stoopid guvmunt.

There are other factors at play.  The program really isn’t as great as it sounds as I have now learned.  I will, indeed, be living as a pauper.  I will, indeed, need to support myself in some other areas… *sigh* I need to look at…do some kind of personal number crunching? Not that there is much “crunching” to do!

Another thing? Speaking of money…there will be a definite time lag between when(ever?) I begin studying.  It is unavoidable.  Therefore, more money to support myself, more “crunching” as above…  Also, I really don’t feel like getting into actual figures with my stoopid guvmunt counsellor.  I feel that is my private business.

At first, I was really excited about this program.  J. noticed it.  I thought it would be a really great avenue as no activity was happening with my applications in my job search.  Now, I am…not so excited.

Now, I am…well, despite how much of a “great” Nurse I may end up becoming…is this worth it?

So considering I still need to apply for jobs, basically I’m playing one against the other.  Am I back to where I started? If I get a good offer, just take it?

They say go with your gut.  My gut is actually hurting right now.  A lot.  Regardless of the pain, it’s telling me, should a good job offer come my way–take it!

Last night, I collapsed in a heap at 2000hrs! I just turned off baby MacBook, laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling.  A little while later I looked at the clock.  It said 2018hrs.  I see.  Does that mean time is passing slowly or quickly? At that point I just said to hell with everything and took my meds.

Speaking of meds, I won’t even bother to tell you about the stoopid guvmunt plan to cover those.  I’ve got that to deal with as well.

My brain just can’t take all of this.  It’s overwhelming.  Concentration…juggling…emotion…

Hence, take the job offer? If it comes my way? *sigh*


Wow, deadlines and revisions and… *laughing again* Well, I did get that one paying gig so I suppose I am a bona fide “Professional” now? *PA laughs for third time*

No, I have been doing my own “Backing and Forthing” with the Publisher of the NfP paper and my submission.  I’m not making any money but still…it’s published work! I also have to shoot a photo (which I did before for the “paying gig.”) *laughing so hard again at how much I suck*

So…based upon that, I am now a grand: “Freelance Writer and Photographer!”

OMG.  I have to stop laughing at how much I suck. *laughing again*

*PA goes off to make more tea as she has more work to do and should stop procrastining*

*PA starts laughing again because she is sucking so hard by procrastinating*

In keeping with the music theme of late (erm…or well, today) here is another TouYube for raginggenius.

Now you listen up there Mr. insanities, if you don’t feel like listening to Portishead as you said before…just skip on by this post, alright?

Now a bit of explanation for you girliegenius. You’re probably going to watch it after seeing the other and say, WTF??? Who the hell is that kid and just why on earth is she “singing” this and what are they doing and…???

Indeed, “Artistic Expression” but…huh?

There is a reason they used the little girl. She was on the cover of the album where this single lives. So, I give you this next one. And by the way…love it It’s in the “Archives” on this blog but I’ll post it again for you.  A total favourite of mine.

Heh…I said “mine.”  I’m so silly.

Oh, and if you didn’t know, it is not necessarily out of order for me to write posts and “dedicate” them to people.  Sometimes it happens. *grin*

All Mine by Portishead


As noted (while it’s still there) I’ve been meaning to put this one up for a long time.  I find it really odd as it’s all about sadness and emptiness, however it kind of rocks and has a very danceable beat.  It’s not a remix either.

“Sorrow” by Levinhurst.

I’ve checked but I can’t find anything else done by them other than the EP where this song can be found.  Too bad.  I like them–or this song at least.  It’s the only one I have.

Yes, Dr. PA dx’d herself. I have been sick for way too long.  I’ve been coughing so hard I think I may have pulled a muscle in my back. *laughing* No, really.  I think I’ve blown my right Trapezius–maybe the left, too? I am completely knackered also which is a good thing.  Well, sort of.  It means my body is fighting this but it also means I can’t really do too much.  And I need to do too much.

Grocery Man was kind enough to pick me up and take me to a Walk-In Clinic where I saw Dr. Cranky.  I know you need to rattle (as my chest was) off all of your meds and dosages which I can easily do but as I started, he stopped me immediately and demanded I have them faxed to the Clinic.  Excuse me? Fuck off and give me my Antibiotics.  And so he did.

Grocery Man was busy so I got the script for my Biaxin/Clarithromycin (and some nasal spray) filled and walked up my beloved hill.  I wasn’t sure if we were going to go over some stoopid guvmunt crap so I had that and baby MacBook plus a boatload of other scripts in my bag.  I was just about ready to sit down on the icy and snowy sidewalk and Google how I could get an Oxygen Tank delivered to my flat.

So, home…pop the Biaxin and…? *sigh* At least Antibiotics tend to work fairly quickly and I am to take two of these horse pills daily.  Good grief, more pills!

And thankfully I don’t get yeast infections when I take Antibiotics.  Talk about insult to injury.

Oh.My.God. *PA hangs head in shame* This really is pitiful.  Pathetic.  No, beyond.  I was given a whack of blog awards so long ago and…ahhhhhh! When I just went to grab all of the .jpgs I couldn’t even look at the dates.  Well, except for one because I couldn’t find it–no search box or anything on the blog.

Now, this is the weird thing too.  Is our wee community a bit incestuous? Or was there just a lot of PA Lovin’ going on a while back.  No, it’s kind of funny as there are two people that gave me the same award once and two different people gave me another award and one person gave me two awards.  And one person gave me one award.  Confused yet? Me too.

Lordy.  I hope I got them all! If someone else out there gave me one, puh-leeze let me know! I have been so completely ungracious and rude to these people already!

So, apologies again as I can’t remember what order they all came in but this is the lowdown:

Both Catatonic Kid and Immi gave me the “Brilliante Weblog” for 2008. It’s funky and has a nice prism on it. CK called me her Samurai too and I like that. *grin*

Both Beartwinsmom and TitaniumRose gave me the Arte y pico award.  According to TitaniumRose it means: “The Best, Over the Top, Wow!” Beartwinsmom described it as something that displays: “Creativity, Design, Interesting Material and Overall Contribution to the Blogging Community.”

Whoa.  Can you feel the PA Lovin’ yet? Good grief!

Pessimistic Idealist gave me the “Kick Ass Blogger” title. I don’t think that requires any further explanation?

Which now takes us back to Immi up there! She also gave me the “Marie Antoinette!” This is given to someone who is supposedly “real.” I would suspect that means someone who is down to earth, sincere, honest, things like that. Not some kind of apparition?

Now, I don’t think with all of these I can start handing them out to a bunch of other bloggers! There are four of them! However, I think I will give all of them to darkentries. He needs more colour on his blog. Yes.

So I’ll try and get these up on my sidebar…erm…well, a bit quicker than it took me to actually blog about receiving them? So come back in a few months? *laughing*

I wrote this post on January 07, 2009.

I wrote this post on August 28, 2008.

I wrote this post on June 28, 2008.

I think that’s all of them.  And I was pretty sure after I wrote the most recent one you were all thinking I was insane!

Now what do they all have in common? Me wondering just what the hell is/was going on and if I was having Auditory Hallucinations?! Well… I did some poking around as I was wondering (as per the most recent post) if my Tinnitus had anything to do with it.  I believe I was having some Tinnitus issues with the other two even though I didn’t mention it.  I’ve had Tinnitus ever since I was a child as I spoke of in the January post so it’s nothing new to me.

As always, there is a great deal of debating and near fist fighting and perhaps even bar room brawling in the medicine world.  What seems to be going on is the same question that got me rooting around: Tinnitus vs. Auditory Hallucinations (and that would be of the Non-Psychiatric variety–because that is what it is–by nature of the sounds being so vague to me.)  You’ll have to trust me on that one.  It’s in “The Literature.”  However, some of the Professionals say they can be quite clear–unlike “The Literature?”

Some people are making a clear distinction in saying that Tinnitus is not a Non-Psychiatric Auditory Hallucination.  Other folks are saying that it is–just a simpler form.  I’m voting with the latter, guys.  To a degree.  Again, especially because I’ve had Tinnitus all of my life, they’ve happened in conjunction etc…

I even found some more work that gets into some interesting possibilities re: the Neurology of it.  These guys have also postulated that the entire thing has been bounced around for so long between the Psychiatrists and the Otolaryngologists that it’s become completely out of control.  No one can understand it or define it or properly classify it…

So back to my Tinnitus and going with how that falls into a form of an Auditory Hallucination (I’m dropping the Non-Psych now.)  Unfortunately the Neuro. information was from a Google Book Search and they take away pages so I didn’t get to read what might have been some good stuff.  The book is: ‘Tinnitus Retraining Therapy by Pawel J. Jastreboff, Jonathan W. P. Hazell

Anyway, they took things one step further and didn’t just say that Tinnitus was a single form of Auditory Hallucination and the mildest, they said, “Hey! Tinnitus can play a role in it all!” Again, I’m digging these guys! That’s why I said upstairs there: “…To a degree…”

Now what causes Tinnitus? Oh, here we go with no one getting along in terms of medical opinion again! However, of what I found ever since wee PA had Tinnitus from when she was wee…

Chronic Ear Infections, Extensive Exposure to Antibiotics (for the former and Upper Respiratory Infections as a child) Excessive Cerumin or Ear Wax (went along with my Ear Infections and small Eustachian Tubes–Infections…)  Epilepsy/Seizures (of all things–again, had since I was a kid!) TMJ (struggles with that…) being tired, stressed or anxious can make Tinnitus worse.  I think that covers all that I found and can remember.

So I’ve found my answer/s, perhaps? It’s not a Psychiatric issue–unless we toss in the latter about Anxiety.

I’ve got an all genre radio station going on across the room right now but at least it’s pretty quiet.  I also know it’s not the upstairs tenant as she would not be up at this hour.  I am also experiencing Tinnitus as well so there may be a correlation but not necessarily–too tired to look it up right now.

Yes..crazy radio station! Rock, Cheesy Commercials, R&B, Blues…so far not any 80s, stuff I grew up with.  Bummer.

I don’t hallucinate.  But you know? This is kind of weird.  I thought for just a nanosecond of the Tinnitus, this and childhood.  Something seemed a bit too familiar.  Egad! Tinnitus…ear infections…psych problems…? Who knows?

No, all of this seems or seemed somehow very familiar.  Eerily.  Very spooky.  But I can’t REMEMBER my childhood! This may be a VERY good clue, though.  It may fit in with the seizures too? Who knows.

I guess I should speak to Merlin #1 about this? And yes, I’ve had Tinnitus all my life.  It’s not a med thing for me.  Perhaps that may mean that is physiological.  Or the stress is making me mental.  Or the stress is making my body screwed and me mental–both!

What are we playing now? I should just grab my headphones but I’m too tired.  Oh, it’s a live concert but I can’t tell you who the artist is.

Wow…I keep posting and not responding! I swear, nobody’s been forgotten! None of you!

I just thought this one was really important to post as it was happening in the moment and for content as well.  Maybe I could have written it better later but as it was here and now? I don’t know.  These things are so hard to understand if you havent’t experienced them, don’t you think? Again, I don’t know as I don’t hallucinate.

EDIT: Now there is a pub (thankfully not busy) across the room.  Still, music on and getting louder, competition with the sports volume on the televisions.

FURTHER EDIT: Now there’s a huge footy game just behind me.

I think I am going to have to  force myself to watch some television just to battle sounds and get them out of my head.