Archive for February 26th, 2009

So, yes.  My last post.  These types of posts I refer to as “drive-bys” on my blog.  They can be written for usually a couple of reasons: I’m either pissed out of my gourd, drunk or I’m cycling in some manner (or both?) Even my rants on my blog pale by comparison, I would say.  I would also say that this really isn’t or wasn’t one of my worst (or best!) drive-bys to date.

I rarely receive comments on them because I figure that people either don’t have a clue what to say or they just say: “Yep, PA’s gone off the rails again!” I do have to laugh at my drive-bys though.  I mean, come on! Nothing displays my mentalness in full bloom like they do!

I am so tired.  Brain and body moving like treacle, molasses, whatever…  I was just going to leave things basically as above but I may as well tell you what I believe pretty much precipitated it?

This is going to take me forever to write, edit, make coherent and you to read? I don’t know how late I was up writing the first post and then the “drive-by.”  Then with whatever sleep I got, I had to get up in what felt like five minutes to go see Merlin #2 first thing this morning.  A long commute via transit there and back, some things to do on the way home, no caffeine (just getting that into me now.)

Okay. I think my email from my sister *PA now checks for response being the masochist she is* Whew! Nothing there although that ratchets up the anxiety factor? Anyway, I think it upset me so much that–trigger!

I read it and responded right before I left for my appt. at the “job disability place.”  Which again, I love them, they are awesome, however–job stress.  Still, a great appointment.  Now, can we see big low…big high…some more low…more high…

Then, I had to meet J. as my shower head is broken.  We had previously agreed to go “shopping” for another one and hang out for a bit afterward.  My mood totally sucked and I just did not feel like being with him.  However, we did end up having an alright time.

I got home and all of the sudden…ouch…my head! I had called Brad Pitt and he called back and I was like, is this a tension headache or a migraine? We both thought, better play it safe.  I popped one of my Maxalt/Rizatriptan.  Speaking of…my head is killing me right now. *PA pads off to take some Ibuprophen* And make more tea due to funky Adenosine receptor business and caffeine acting as a vasoconstrictor–which will hopefully help with her headache too.  Or at least get her moving a bit.

So, the plan was to meet Brad the next day.  I saw how I felt, if it was “Migraine Hangover Day” and I did feel kind of crappy but maybe getting out would help.  We met for a couple of pints and chatted.  I do really like him.

He’s a wreck physically due to the car accident and more.  I told him I wanted to x-ray his entire body, hang all the films on my wall and bow down in front of them in awe, being so thankful he’s my friend! We went head to toe and I covered everything, I think? The only thing that’s been saved is his pelvis? I know.  Med Geek PA never shuts up about her favourite and such narrowed topic of interest? *PA pauses and reviews Aspie traits for the nth time*

He’s one tough son of a gun mentally, too–and a bit screwy there as well! Hey, join the club.  But there is a wee tender spot in there.  Perhaps more than wee.  And it seems like it’s there for wee PA.  Well, it’s good to have friends and PA doesn’t have many.

After he had to go, I still had a bit of beer left and then I suddenly found myself in the middle of a weekly Euchre Tourney at my local.  Huh? I didn’t even know it existed.  Okay.  I also “suddenly” started acting more “gregarious” than I usually do.  In fact, I was rather “speedily” talking Brad’s ear off and then…? And no, I hadn’t had a lot to drink.

Anyone detecting any kind of, I don’t know…Bipolar Yo-Yo activity going on?

But then.  OMG.  Just before the Euchre Tourney was done…another game or two to go and I got struck with Complete Social Anxiety! Total Overload! Too Much Stimulation!

It was all I could do to hang on and finish up with these total strangers and not run screaming from the pub!!! I felt like a total fucktard even though they all seemed nice? Well, I couldn’t read the social cues of a few of the men very well… (Aspie girl?!) No, seriously.  I couldn’t “get” them and their behaviour toward me.

So I finally got outta there as fast as I could, sat and just tried to stop everything from spinning and I picked up something I shouldn’t have read.  Well, not shouldn’t have. I just did and WHAM! Another trigger.

Then I came home and got all spastic on baby MacBook.

So, I guess that’s it? *PA sighs*

I don’t even know where the hell I am now.  It certainly doesn’t feel like Earth.  If I don’t get back to folks for a bit…I’ll get back ASAP for sure.

I could probably write volumes upon volumes on this but have you ever written posts at insane speeds, typing away…edit later…edit later…

Then you go back and realize (that is, if you’re even half in your mind) that everything you wrote is complete and total shite?

So. “To be or not to be?” Delete or not Delete? Save or not to Save?

Well, I know I just wrote a massive post that I think is complete and total shite and a real mess.  It’s tying in a couple of things tonight…well, I could throw in another one.  Also, streaming an MP3.  What the backstory of the MP3 is about and a specific tie-in (or as specific as I can get) to the song regarding a story from my past.

Gee, what else did I write about? What the hell else did I shove in there? Well, if I left anything out, do you think that’s enough to make it one terribly, convoluted, ugly, bloody mess on its own?

Oh, yes.  Of course there was the banal (or sometimes exciting or titillating!) “plot” of my evening.  Although, when you’re mental, far too many times (and I am…no…ARGH!!!)


Again, that “down the rabbit hole” business.  Yes, we’re mental and we get into a sitch so things get weird.  Fine.

I’m never going to write the “Alice Down the Rabbit Hole” thing on my blog again.

Fuck, it’s everywhere now and it’s just been done too much.

Why can’t we all be as original in our writing as our mentalness makes us???

Whoa, PA! You’re one motherfuckin’ pompous ass for sayin’ that!

Sorry, folks.  PA’s writing isn’t that original and…well, feel free to call her a pompous ass at your choosing.