Archive for March 13th, 2009


How do you find the words when the world, your world, is so overwhelming. And yet you can not even find the words to explain: “overwhelming.”

Feelings?

Words for those?

Pain. Panic. Wanting to cry. You get shaky. You feel like you are going to completely, mentally fall apart. And even physically? Like you might fall to the floor or ground?

Fear. For now. Right now. Something in “my world” isn’t right. Has my world changed or have I changed? Both? Or maybe…Words.

Before I said a diagnosis of Asperger’s wouldn’t matter. I was so casual and “Laissez-faire.” Well, a dx may not mean shit but living with it certainly does. As I may be finding out?

I was going to post something that I wrote earlier. Just pen to paper so just type it. Can do later? I’m trying hard now to “find my words.”

I went to the “job disability place” today and it took everything. Right outside the door when I left I thought I was going to totally lose it.

Get me home. Get me some beer. In fact, writing this now with a pint to calm myself down a bit? Pen to paper.

Okay, maybe getting some words out. And the MP3 post didn’t require many.

Someone else’s words maybe? Embrace the pain? Your pain? I don’t think I’m ready now. No. Asperger’s Assault?

Geek words? Immersed myself in research but as an adult, you know. If you know…you know. All the “kid/adolescent” stuff too. I Know. It fits. I’ve always known.

Another layer. My mistakes. Misunderstandings.

Me, adult, functioning but can be triggered. Found some good papers. Displays/supports varied presentations/arguments.

Okay, getting tired and more upset now.

If I’m not too responsive this is why. I’m not being rude or ignoring anyone.


This is for Gabriel…

It’s called “Haunted” by The Pogues. Two versions. This is the first from the Sid & Nancy Soundtrack.